Opinions Please--Huge Age-Disparate Relationships...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 24, 2012 6:10 AM GMT
    Just curious, and absolutely NO controversy intended: What's everyone's opinion on age relationships with a huge age disparity, gay or straight? I'm talking Anna Nicole territory here, like, a difference of 30 years or more.

    Is it possible that a true loving relationship can exist between such partners? Or is there always ulterior motives, mostly money?

    Also, why are there--mostly men--who constantly pine for younger men/women? And is that unhealthy?

    Curious what people have` to say....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 24, 2012 6:31 AM GMT
    I'm dating someone who is close to the 30 year age gap. We've been at it for about 5 months now and things have been fantastic. Most people's reactions are going to be "WHOA! That is fucking nasty" or "He's just after that old guys money."

    When people don't understand things they let their minds fill in the blanks to try to rationalize it. For me, personally, I love an older guy from 30, 40's, and 50's. I don't think there is anything wrong with it as long as I'm not hurting someone else in the process. Do what makes you happy because tomorrow is never promised.

    Older men usually seek out younger men because they value a youthful look (I think).

    I hope that helps. In my opinion there is nothing wrong with it, but other people's opinions will make you feel like shit sometimes. Feel free to PM me if you would like to talk more or ask any questions directly here.
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    Jul 24, 2012 9:43 AM GMT
    I don't care what age someone's attracted to older or younger. I feel like it's more common with straight couples (older men, younger girls).

    Healthy? Well not for the younger one necessarily, as there's a power imbalance even with the nicest partner. The older one only has to worry about going to jail if s/he messed with a minor. And with "barely legal" porn, you know all that's stopping them is that law.
  • TheBizMan

    Posts: 4091

    Jul 24, 2012 10:11 AM GMT
    I'm starting to like older men less even though I generally find them more attractive than my age group.
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    Jul 24, 2012 10:56 AM GMT
    I'd feel a bit weirded out if someone 30+ years younger than me tried to hit on me. icon_eek.gif
  • Neurons

    Posts: 537

    Jul 24, 2012 1:47 PM GMT
    Of course it could work. I think the two would be in different places but I think it would work without a doubt.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 24, 2012 1:57 PM GMT
    If you are not a party to the relationship, you are not affected by it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 24, 2012 2:32 PM GMT
    LIEV saidIf you are not a party to the relationship, you are not affected by it.
    +1
  • mybud

    Posts: 11819

    Jul 24, 2012 2:48 PM GMT
    If love exists and dwells there...Age differences doesn't mean shit...All the best
  • Hothouse

    Posts: 2204

    Jul 24, 2012 6:26 PM GMT
    Yes, ideally, if two people love each other, age shouldn't matter.

    However, when there is a big age difference you know people wonder what the attraction is between the two, and I suspect that when there is a 20+ age difference often there is more to it than just two people in love.

    Money is one reason for sure. Position is another. How many times do you see older celebrities or influential or weathy guys with younger women/men - it's because they can get them - and that's due to their celebrity, wealth or power.

    If they were just average guys, they wouldn't get the attention from the younger guys, but they do because of their status.

    Nothing wrong with that, but we're being naive to think it's just love or physical attraction.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 24, 2012 7:02 PM GMT
    I believe love can exist in relationships with large age gaps.

    Speaking from experience, someone I love very much is twice my age. I love him because he is nurturing, caring, funny, wise, and has taught (and continues to teach) me a lot about life, and life lessons. He has seen me at my absolute worst: crying, bruised, cut up, broken down- the lowest of lows... he has seen me high as a kite, beyond fucked up, and sober and clean as a whistle (all of this being during a very hard time in my life). He has not once judged me, he has not once told me I am wrong. What he has done is hold me, console me, and treat me with genuine love and affection... something I was desperately searching for and could not find during this time in my life. He knows how to make love to me; he know hows to have crazy sex. He makes me feel sexy and confident, and above all things, I have never once doubted him because he has never lied to me.

    He loves me because I am a fresh spirit. I keep him young, I keep him on his toes, and I make him laugh. I work hard at what I do with the goal that one day I will be there with him completely and take care of him. He loves me for me, flaws and all, and I the same.

    While this is not my "boyfriend" this is someone with potential, and someone who I speak to everyday. Whether something comes of it or not, the love is there and the love has grown because there's been good and bad and not one of us has judged the other for it.

    Love is love. it knows no boundaries.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 24, 2012 7:03 PM GMT
    30 years? I don't know about that.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Jul 24, 2012 7:12 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidI'd feel a bit weirded out if someone 30+ years younger than me tried to hit on me. icon_eek.gif


    Yes, because that would make him 11.icon_eek.gif

    But how would you feel if a HOT 71 year old hit on you?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 24, 2012 7:35 PM GMT
    I couldn't date a guy significantly older or younger than me.

    I need someone who is going to get all my irrelevant pop culture references and quips about growing up in the 80's and 90's
    I'm not clever enough to make jokes that will stand the test of time.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 24, 2012 9:03 PM GMT
    Hothouse saidYes, ideally, if two people love each other, age shouldn't matter.

    However, when there is a big age difference you know people wonder what the attraction is between the two, and I suspect that when there is a 20+ age difference often there is more to it than just two people in love.

    Money is one reason for sure. Position is another. How many times do you see older celebrities or influential or weathy guys with younger women/men - it's because they can get them - and that's due to their celebrity, wealth or power.

    If they were just average guys, they wouldn't get the attention from the younger guys, but they do because of their status.

    Nothing wrong with that, but we're being naive to think it's just love or physical attraction.



    i dont think i agree. i really would have if i hadnt met my ex (23 years my senior), we were together about a year, he earned more than me, but i never took anything from him financially as i earned enough, we had a fantastic time, tought me alot had a holiday or two, which we both payed for equally!!! i used to think the same but i try to be less judgemental about a situation of which i have little or no insight.

    not being snarky, just that it was an amazing relationship, i loved his responsable side and his confidence and he tought me to be open and that being affectionate in public wont immediately get me lynched lol. and he loved my energy and enthusiasm, my naivity, my interest. we had similair careers, similair interests.

    so yea in short not always but probably sometimes. icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 24, 2012 9:14 PM GMT
    Age disparity; WTF, you date, love and fuck whomever you want. Sounds like you are just passing judgement on folks that don't date within some faux standard which you live by. Don't hate, smile and appreciate the diversity. There is no dating, or love standard.

    This is a non issue unless you are a ageist bigot. Oh, fags can be bigots too.
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    Jul 24, 2012 9:15 PM GMT
    ayer2009 saidAge disparity; WTF, you date, love and fuck whomever you want. Sounds like you are just passing judgement on folks that don't date within some faux standard which you live by. Don't hate, smile and appreciate the diversity. There is no dating, or love standard.

    This is a non issue unless you are a ageist bigot. Oh, fags can be bigots too.


    i like you lol. good post!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 24, 2012 9:16 PM GMT
    ayer2009 saidAge disparity; WTF, you date, love and fuck whomever you want. Sounds like you are just passing judgement on folks that don't date within some faux standard which you live by. Don't hate, smile and appreciate the diversity. There is no dating, or love standard.

    This is a non issue unless you are a ageist bigot. Oh, fags can be bigots too.


    Having notions about age differences in a relationship does not make someone an ageist bigot.
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    Jul 24, 2012 9:31 PM GMT
    7Famark said
    ayer2009 saidAge disparity; WTF, you date, love and fuck whomever you want. Sounds like you are just passing judgement on folks that don't date within some faux standard which you live by. Don't hate, smile and appreciate the diversity. There is no dating, or love standard.

    This is a non issue unless you are a ageist bigot. Oh, fags can be bigots too.


    Having notions about age differences in a relationship does not make someone an ageist bigot.


    No, but it can make us hypocrites. The correct response to the question in this thread is that it IS / IS NOT for me, but to each his own. We, as gay men, so desperately want to keep others (read: the anti-gay zealots) out of our bedrooms, but then we're so quick to pass judgement on others that don't live their lives or have relationships that we "agree" with.

    People should date and/or love whomever they want. Anyone else's opinion doesn't matter.
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    Jul 24, 2012 9:32 PM GMT
    BornJuly4th said
    7Famark said
    ayer2009 saidAge disparity; WTF, you date, love and fuck whomever you want. Sounds like you are just passing judgement on folks that don't date within some faux standard which you live by. Don't hate, smile and appreciate the diversity. There is no dating, or love standard.

    This is a non issue unless you are a ageist bigot. Oh, fags can be bigots too.


    Having notions about age differences in a relationship does not make someone an ageist bigot.


    No, but it can make us hypocrites. The correct response to the question in this thread is that it IS / IS NOT for me, but to each his own. We, as gay men, so desperately want to keep others (read: the anti-gay zealots) out of our bedrooms, but then we're so quick to pass judgement on others that don't live their lives or have relationships that we "agree" with.

    People should date and/or love whomever they want. Anyone else's opinion doesn't matter.


    Except when someone asks about it on a public forum...
  • sloughwest

    Posts: 210

    Jul 24, 2012 9:33 PM GMT
    Nothing wrong with dating anyone of any legal age, it's the person you love not the body, not the image, not the money, not the stature but the person and their behaviour and soul that you fall for.

    PS. in most relationships the "hot sex" wears off fairly promptly and it's the other stuff that keeps a relationship alive.

    BTW... 29 years difference here (he's older) and 20 years together...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 24, 2012 9:36 PM GMT
    7Famark said
    BornJuly4th said
    7Famark said
    ayer2009 saidAge disparity; WTF, you date, love and fuck whomever you want. Sounds like you are just passing judgement on folks that don't date within some faux standard which you live by. Don't hate, smile and appreciate the diversity. There is no dating, or love standard.

    This is a non issue unless you are a ageist bigot. Oh, fags can be bigots too.


    Having notions about age differences in a relationship does not make someone an ageist bigot.


    No, but it can make us hypocrites. The correct response to the question in this thread is that it IS / IS NOT for me, but to each his own. We, as gay men, so desperately want to keep others (read: the anti-gay zealots) out of our bedrooms, but then we're so quick to pass judgement on others that don't live their lives or have relationships that we "agree" with.

    People should date and/or love whomever they want. Anyone else's opinion doesn't matter.


    Except when someone asks about it on a public forum...


    I agree. The whole topic is stupid.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Jul 24, 2012 9:39 PM GMT
    sloughwest saidNothing wrong with dating anyone of any legal age, it's the person you love not the body, not the image, not the money, not the stature but the person and their behaviour and soul that you fall for.

    PS. in most relationships the "hot sex" wears off fairly promptly and it's the other stuff that keeps a relationship alive.

    BTW... 29 years difference here (he's older) and 20 years together...


    So NOT true. Why do people think that??? Is it to make them feel better?

    My boyfriend and I have been together 8 years, and I've complained about not enough sex lol, but it's always HOT when we do have it, and we do it at least three times a week... so maybe I complain too much, lol.

    If anything, we're getting kinkier as we get older and also discussing other options we weren't interested in when we first met. We're only a year apart though, so maybe that makes a difference?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 24, 2012 9:46 PM GMT
    If a guy is more than 3 days older or younger than me, I think its fucking gross.. jk

    I thought I wouldn't ever like older guys, but guys my age are usually very inexperienced which isn't necessarily a bad thing, but not what I want right now. I talk to a lot of guys my age struggling through their thoughts and emotions multiple times a day. I wish I had someone like that when I felt the same way so I guess that's why I do it.

    Saying all that I like guys between the ages of 25-35 the most, they are the ones I can turn to in almost complete confidence that they have been through similar experiences in the past. They are the ones who aren't clingy but will be there when I need them. Basically, they have their shit together and know where their life is headed. I have no clue where I will be in 5 years, so having mature guys as role models, in my opinion, is the best way to go.
    Dating them is a whole different thing, but I would never rule it out if the situation arose and feelings were mutual.
    Age is more than a number, to me it signifies experience and a different view on life.
    My opinions will probably change in college when I meet more guys my age going through similar things lol.
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    Jul 24, 2012 10:02 PM GMT
    If you're both honest in your relationship, you both are getting what you want/need out of it, who cares what others say or think. Sometimes it's hard to get a good relationship going, screw the age, race, religon etc... differences and just be glad you have found someone that is good for you. Many guys would love to be in your position (no pun intended).
    Good Luck.