Are you Misunderstood? How? Why? Justified?

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    Aug 08, 2008 8:01 PM GMT
    I was looking at misunderstood lyrics on youtube where the poster puts lyrics up "as he hears them" to different songs. I have to say, some of the misunderstanding is justified .. really. But what about us as people?

    Are you frequently misunderstood? Is it how you talk? Is it how you say things? Maybe you think really different? Are you just weird? DO people just misinterpret your actions even though they understand what you say? Maybe you try to be misunderstood on purpose. Whats the problem?

    How does this affect your relationships and day to day life? Have you come to just accept being misunderstood or are you trying to change it?



    I will 'fess up after sufficient posts from others icon_smile.gif
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    Aug 08, 2008 8:18 PM GMT
    Frequently? No I don't think so. Mind you I am polite but straightforward (I did not get the nickname of WYSIWYG at work for nothing). It is very easy to be misunderstood if you are a passive-aggressive personality type.
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    Aug 08, 2008 8:35 PM GMT
    SurrealLife saidIt is very easy to be misunderstood if you are a passive-aggressive personality type.
    I am not sure I understand what your are saying ... lol icon_lol.gif
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    Aug 08, 2008 8:41 PM GMT
    A dear friend of mine, who used to own a company I worked for, told me one day (when I was still in her employ),
    "I can never tell whether you're kidding or not."

    I took it as a compliment.
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    Aug 08, 2008 8:45 PM GMT
    comedy-tragedy-mask.jpg
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    Aug 08, 2008 8:51 PM GMT
    I'll generally say when I first meet people that I am, and prefer to be, generally honest and straightforward. Blunt but with discretion.
    I am always misunderstood by those that don't believe or comprehend that, and rarely misunderstood by those that do.
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    Aug 08, 2008 9:22 PM GMT
    Before i moved to Germany, I was described as cryptic. Now the same people tell me I'm too literal.

    I think nothing has changed.
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    Aug 08, 2008 9:25 PM GMT
    A lot of people, even my friends, tend to place me in some sort of category as to what kind of gay man i am; they're surprised when i say or do things that contradict their perception of me. Here's a rundown; i run,lift weights, rockclimb, i go out camping in the woods, was scout leader back in high school,almost went to the navy, have a lot of straight guy friends who think i act gay so i could get girls...really?! On the flipside; i love fashion, can walk on heels like naomi campbell(not on a regular basis,mind you!), love shopping, and sometimes wear women's fragrance if im feeling very girly that day! So, what i conclude is that i appreciate my masculine and feminine sides. i could be butch or fem, but i dont consider myself either or. Im not a trannie or twinkie, but im not alpha male either. Im being me, true to myself, and if people dont get me, then thats their issue not mine. In our community we tend to categorize each other; you're either butch or fem-and i dont see the logic behind it. If you're comfortable with yourself, that great. at this point in my life and age, i dont care if people misunderstand me-i answer to myself, and thats all that matters.
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    Aug 08, 2008 9:52 PM GMT
    JustJohn saidBefore i moved to Germany, I was described as cryptic. Now the same people tell me I'm too literal.

    I think nothing has changed.
    So you are having international misunderstanding?icon_smile.gif
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    Aug 08, 2008 10:48 PM GMT
    ActiveAndFit said
    JustJohn saidBefore i moved to Germany, I was described as cryptic. Now the same people tell me I'm too literal.

    I think nothing has changed.
    So you are having international misunderstanding?icon_smile.gif

    Every day I do. Now that I'm involved in more trans-atlantic meetings, I see the misunderstandings due to simple cultural differences and translation errors is astounding. Now I know what they sent me here to learn.
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    Aug 08, 2008 11:01 PM GMT
    JustJohn saidNow that I'm involved in more trans-atlantic meetings, I see the misunderstandings due to simple cultural differences and translation errors is astounding. Now I know what they sent me here to learn.
    Well this is an interesting addition to the topic of speech and personality misunderstandings.

    In these forums I see misunderstandings all the time. And seeing that there are different nationalities here I suppose that can amplify it.
  • docmarvy

    Posts: 122

    Aug 08, 2008 11:05 PM GMT
    I'm initially misunderstood pretty frequently. It's not a cognitive barrier so much as it's my intonation. I come across pretty snarky and it can be off-putting. I have to know people for a while before they figure out that it's just sort of the way I communicate.

    Unfortunately, I can be just off-putting enough that some people don't come back for seconds.

    Also I'm misunderstood when I'm speaking in tongues, but that's only when handling snakes at church*.









    *just a joke. no flame war necessary.
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    Aug 08, 2008 11:50 PM GMT
    docmarvy saidAlso I'm misunderstood when I'm speaking in tongues, but that's only when handling snakes at church*.
    icon_eek.gifJust to understand, are you using snake handling as a metaphor? Have you ever been bit or had venom spit at you?icon_redface.gif
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    Aug 09, 2008 2:16 AM GMT
    I thought for sure there would be more misunderstood people here icon_eek.gif
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    Aug 09, 2008 2:44 AM GMT
    I speak rather quietly (I have terrible gauge on my volume)... But that's more people just hardly hearing me at all, rather than misunderstanding.
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    Aug 09, 2008 2:48 AM GMT
    blink777 saidI speak rather quietly
    is included "Is it how you talk?" icon_eek.gif well at least you don't talk like eddie vedder sings in my video clip
  • docmarvy

    Posts: 122

    Aug 09, 2008 4:45 AM GMT
    ActiveAndFit saidJust to understand, are you using snake handling as a metaphor? Have you ever been bit or had venom spit at you?icon_redface.gif


    Yes and yes. I think.
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    Aug 09, 2008 7:34 AM GMT
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    Aug 09, 2008 8:01 AM GMT
    Sometimes I feel only the voices in my head truly understand me. They are always very encouraging and have some really great ideas......
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    Aug 09, 2008 8:11 AM GMT
    RBY71 saidSometimes I feel only the voices in my head truly understand me. They are always very encouraging and have some really great ideas......
    I understand you!icon_biggrin.gif
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    Aug 09, 2008 8:30 AM GMT
    ActiveAndFit said
    RBY71 saidSometimes I feel only the voices in my head truly understand me. They are always very encouraging and have some really great ideas......
    I understand you!icon_biggrin.gif


    yay! Does that just mean you're one of the voices then?
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    Aug 09, 2008 8:37 AM GMT
    uh huh!icon_biggrin.gif
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Aug 09, 2008 11:21 AM GMT
    If people are misunderstanding you
    You're not giving them the right information

    You might be giving them the wrong or conflicting information
    and this might be because you're not comfortable with the information yourself

    ... conversely and more likely
    You're not giving them ENOUGH information
    so then people have to fill in the blacks and make things up about you
    and most of the time the information they make up is going to be negative

    Be honest..
    and give people the information You want them to know before they can make it up for themselves
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    Aug 09, 2008 3:48 PM GMT
    No one really gets me.

    I mean, hay gan thou kud mo? Thou gand ofun untel zdant yad aum zo wunk. Ud loru ulo doudz mo hay nei yan kudz mo. Er au yand uz raf. De pu raft, uz thad di maj deazg? Uz thad nad zam thungg au tozolf? Au am a hweman! Ruf Plotnu arein!

    See?

    icon_cry.gif
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    Aug 10, 2008 12:39 AM GMT
    GQjock saidIf people are misunderstanding you
    You're not giving them the right information
    But what about all the other cases, like international customs mentioned above? This can also be U.S. interstate cultural differences too. This boils down to the fact that we perceive others through our own biases or knowledge. It could also be due to physical mechanisms. Having A.D.D. I have run into this problem: if I zone out people may think I am rude or impolite that I don't interact when in actuality my brain has filtered them out due to the way it works.

    It's not that I didn't give them information, it is that I am not behaving according to some pattern they hold as "normal"