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Are you Misunderstood? How? Why? Justified?
ActiveAndFit Posts: 2815	Aug 08, 2008 8:01 PM GMT Quote I was looking at misunderstood lyrics on youtube where the poster puts lyrics up "as he hears them" to different songs. I have to say, some of the misunderstanding is justified .. really. But what about us as people? Are you frequently misunderstood? Is it how you talk? Is it how you say things? Maybe you think really different? Are you just weird? DO people just misinterpret your actions even though they understand what you say? Maybe you try to be misunderstood on purpose. Whats the problem? How does this affect your relationships and day to day life? Have you come to just accept being misunderstood or are you trying to change it? I will 'fess up after sufficient posts from others

SurrealLife Posts: 4400	Aug 08, 2008 8:18 PM GMT Quote Frequently? No I don't think so. Mind you I am polite but straightforward (I did not get the nickname of WYSIWYG at work for nothing). It is very easy to be misunderstood if you are a passive-aggressive personality type.
ActiveAndFit Posts: 2815	Aug 08, 2008 8:35 PM GMT Quote SurrealLife saidIt is very easy to be misunderstood if you are a passive-aggressive personality type. I am not sure I understand what your are saying ... lol
Hidden/Deleted Member	Aug 08, 2008 8:41 PM GMT Quote A dear friend of mine, who used to own a company I worked for, told me one day (when I was still in her employ), "I can never tell whether you're kidding or not." I took it as a compliment.
ActiveAndFit Posts: 2815	Aug 08, 2008 8:45 PM GMT Quote
bgcat57 Posts: 997	Aug 08, 2008 8:51 PM GMT Quote I'll generally say when I first meet people that I am, and prefer to be, generally honest and straightforward. Blunt but with discretion. I am always misunderstood by those that don't believe or comprehend that, and rarely misunderstood by those that do.
Justjohn Posts: 383	Aug 08, 2008 9:22 PM GMT Quote Before i moved to Germany, I was described as cryptic. Now the same people tell me I'm too literal. I think nothing has changed.
GigoloAssassi... Posts: 242	Aug 08, 2008 9:25 PM GMT Quote A lot of people, even my friends, tend to place me in some sort of category as to what kind of gay man i am; they're surprised when i say or do things that contradict their perception of me. Here's a rundown; i run,lift weights, rockclimb, i go out camping in the woods, was scout leader back in high school,almost went to the navy, have a lot of straight guy friends who think i act gay so i could get girls...really?! On the flipside; i love fashion, can walk on heels like naomi campbell(not on a regular basis,mind you!), love shopping, and sometimes wear women's fragrance if im feeling very girly that day! So, what i conclude is that i appreciate my masculine and feminine sides. i could be butch or fem, but i dont consider myself either or. Im not a trannie or twinkie, but im not alpha male either. Im being me, true to myself, and if people dont get me, then thats their issue not mine. In our community we tend to categorize each other; you're either butch or fem-and i dont see the logic behind it. If you're comfortable with yourself, that great. at this point in my life and age, i dont care if people misunderstand me-i answer to myself, and thats all that matters.
ActiveAndFit Posts: 2815	Aug 08, 2008 9:52 PM GMT Quote JustJohn saidBefore i moved to Germany, I was described as cryptic. Now the same people tell me I'm too literal. I think nothing has changed. So you are having international misunderstanding?
Justjohn Posts: 383	Aug 08, 2008 10:48 PM GMT Quote ActiveAndFit said JustJohn saidBefore i moved to Germany, I was described as cryptic. Now the same people tell me I'm too literal. I think nothing has changed. So you are having international misunderstanding? Every day I do. Now that I'm involved in more trans-atlantic meetings, I see the misunderstandings due to simple cultural differences and translation errors is astounding. Now I know what they sent me here to learn.
ActiveAndFit Posts: 2815	Aug 08, 2008 11:01 PM GMT Quote JustJohn saidNow that I'm involved in more trans-atlantic meetings, I see the misunderstandings due to simple cultural differences and translation errors is astounding. Now I know what they sent me here to learn. Well this is an interesting addition to the topic of speech and personality misunderstandings. In these forums I see misunderstandings all the time. And seeing that there are different nationalities here I suppose that can amplify it.
docmarvy Posts: 96	Aug 08, 2008 11:05 PM GMT Quote I'm initially misunderstood pretty frequently. It's not a cognitive barrier so much as it's my intonation. I come across pretty snarky and it can be off-putting. I have to know people for a while before they figure out that it's just sort of the way I communicate. Unfortunately, I can be just off-putting enough that some people don't come back for seconds. Also I'm misunderstood when I'm speaking in tongues, but that's only when handling snakes at church. just a joke. no flame war necessary.
ActiveAndFit Posts: 2815	Aug 08, 2008 11:50 PM GMT Quote docmarvy saidAlso I'm misunderstood when I'm speaking in tongues, but that's only when handling snakes at church*. Just to understand, are you using snake handling as a metaphor? Have you ever been bit or had venom spit at you?
ActiveAndFit Posts: 2815	Aug 09, 2008 2:16 AM GMT Quote I thought for sure there would be more misunderstood people here
blink777 Posts: 499	Aug 09, 2008 2:44 AM GMT Quote I speak rather quietly (I have terrible gauge on my volume)... But that's more people just hardly hearing me at all, rather than misunderstanding.
ActiveAndFit Posts: 2815	Aug 09, 2008 2:48 AM GMT Quote blink777 saidI speak rather quietly is included "Is it how you talk?" well at least you don't talk like eddie vedder sings in my video clip
docmarvy Posts: 96	Aug 09, 2008 4:45 AM GMT Quote ActiveAndFit saidJust to understand, are you using snake handling as a metaphor? Have you ever been bit or had venom spit at you? Yes and yes. I think.
ActiveAndFit Posts: 2815	Aug 09, 2008 7:34 AM GMT Quote
Hidden/Deleted Member	Aug 09, 2008 8:01 AM GMT Quote Sometimes I feel only the voices in my head truly understand me. They are always very encouraging and have some really great ideas......
ActiveAndFit Posts: 2815	Aug 09, 2008 8:11 AM GMT Quote RBY71 saidSometimes I feel only the voices in my head truly understand me. They are always very encouraging and have some really great ideas...... I understand you!
Hidden/Deleted Member	Aug 09, 2008 8:30 AM GMT Quote ActiveAndFit said RBY71 saidSometimes I feel only the voices in my head truly understand me. They are always very encouraging and have some really great ideas...... I understand you! yay! Does that just mean you're one of the voices then?
ActiveAndFit Posts: 2815	Aug 09, 2008 8:37 AM GMT Quote uh huh!
GQjock Posts: 3691	Aug 09, 2008 11:21 AM GMT Quote If people are misunderstanding you You're not giving them the right information You might be giving them the wrong or conflicting information and this might be because you're not comfortable with the information yourself ... conversely and more likely You're not giving them ENOUGH information so then people have to fill in the blacks and make things up about you and most of the time the information they make up is going to be negative Be honest.. and give people the information You want them to know before they can make it up for themselves
Sedative Posts: 5407	Aug 09, 2008 3:48 PM GMT Quote No one really gets me. I mean, hay gan thou kud mo? Thou gand ofun untel zdant yad aum zo wunk. Ud loru ulo doudz mo hay nei yan kudz mo. Er au yand uz raf. De pu raft, uz thad di maj deazg? Uz thad nad zam thungg au tozolf? Au am a hweman! Ruf Plotnu arein! See?
ActiveAndFit Posts: 2815	Aug 10, 2008 12:39 AM GMT Quote GQjock saidIf people are misunderstanding you You're not giving them the right information But what about all the other cases, like international customs mentioned above? This can also be U.S. interstate cultural differences too. This boils down to the fact that we perceive others through our own biases or knowledge. It could also be due to physical mechanisms. Having A.D.D. I have run into this problem: if I zone out people may think I am rude or impolite that I don't interact when in actuality my brain has filtered them out due to the way it works. It's not that I didn't give them information, it is that I am not behaving according to some pattern they hold as "normal"
ActiveAndFit Posts: 2815	Aug 10, 2008 12:42 AM GMT Quote Sedative saidNo one really gets me. Maybe you should get a translator, they always aid in understanding ..
gettoknowit Posts: 1042	Aug 10, 2008 12:49 AM GMT Quote Well, in the past with my poetry I've written random things, not really having myself in it at all, I believe. Know I'm starting to focus more on what I want and therefor my writing may be different. And I am almost certain I would have put "j/k" in close proximity of the subject I might have told a little white lie about in any of the posts on this sites.
ActiveAndFit Posts: 2815	Aug 10, 2008 1:59 AM GMT Quote gettoknowit saidAnd I am almost certain I would have put "j/k" in close proximity of the subject I might have told a little white lie about in any of the posts on this sites. Well I have to admit that sometimes I purposely "misunderstand" what someone has written so I can make a joke
ToTheEdge Posts: 4	Aug 10, 2008 5:54 AM GMT Quote Often. It's a little annoying, but it's been happening so long I think I've just accepted it as part of the deal in my life. I (apparently) come off to some people as somewhat abrasive and an egoist - we're not talking massive egoism, but enough that a few people have mentioned it over time. Of course, there just as many people who don't see me in this way, so, as they say, opinions are like assholes... It does have the benefit of separating out 95% of the people I wouldn't get along well with anyway, but there's that 5% that keeps me questioning myself and seeking a better approach. Anyway, aside from the fact that I can't please or be everything to everyone, I do own responsibility for some of the confusion. Such as: 1) I have no poker face, just like my mother. If someone says something I find idiotic or insulting (to me or someone else), the expression shoots across my face instantaneously. Message transmitted before I can say "filter". 2) I judge. It's my least attractive quality and feeds into point #1 - if someone irks me somehow, they know it whether I intend them to or not. In terms of character development, this is priority one right now. 3) I am honest, perhaps to a fault sometimes. I do know when to keep my mouth shut on some topics (weight, new babies, how-do-I-look stuff), but it gets gray for me outside that. I'm riding the short bus when it comes to knowing when to keep my opinion closed, even when asked. 4) I'm not fond of backing down when I am certain I'm correct on something related to personal business or ideas. This comes straight from Dad. He never met a disagreement he didn't like. I'm a vast improvement on his approach, but yeah, I could stand to take the high road a bit more often. I've gone way past the thread topic and crossed over into journaling at this point! I'll stop.
Sedative Posts: 5407	Aug 10, 2008 3:19 PM GMT Quote Ok seriously. I come off as the fool. Eternally happy, childish, unpredictable, irresponsible, with thoughts as shallow as the next fun thing to do. I'm the exact opposite inside. I adopted the joker persona early in high school when I started to realize that what I am inside (Gay) is not something that can be accepted by the people around me without consequences. Perfect mask, I don't think anyone even noticed anything even in the years of my deepest depression (late teens). Strangely enough... the symbolism of the fool (Le Mat) in Tarots fits almost perfectly. The Fool is the spirit in search of experience. He represents the mystical cleverness bereft of reason within us, the childlike ability to tune into the inner workings of the world. The sun shining behind him represents the divine nature of the Fool's wisdom and exuberance. On his back are all the possessions he might need. In his hand there is a flower, showing his appreciation of beauty. He is frequently accompanied by a dog, sometimes seen as his animal desires, sometimes as the call of the "real world", nipping at his heels and distracting him. He is seemingly unconcerned that he is standing on a precipice, apparently about to leap, engaged in the supremest act of idiocy or trust. The number 0 is a perfect significator for the Fool, which can become anything when he reaches his destination. Zero plus anything equals the same thing. Zero times anything equals zero.[5] Zero is nothing, a lack of hard substance, and as such it may reflect a non-issue or lack of cohesiveness for the subject at hand.
ActiveAndFit Posts: 2815	Aug 10, 2008 6:40 PM GMT Quote Good, Good! I am taking notes Yah! Tell me about your mother...
Sedative Posts: 5407	Aug 10, 2008 8:34 PM GMT Quote ActiveAndFit saidGood, Good! I am taking notes Yah! Tell me about your mother... My mom... This card is a card of deception and betrayal.This card indicates the difficulty in life of trying to "get away with something.the Seven of Swords in a reading, it is an indication that caution and wisdom are necessary in the face of a temptation to achieve gain by dubious means. This card sometimes represents the desire to run lone and free. investigates and solves every problem using only his own wits and resources. He's successful because he ignores the fumbling efforts of ordinary people. At times you feel that you will be more effective and comfortable on your own. This approach is useful when you need to bypass an ineffectual group or assert your independence, but it can also be troubling,if you feel inclined to act alone, be sure this isolation is really working for you. The Seven of Swords is a new beginning. You will have confidence in yourself and your abilities.Sometimes the Seven of Swords means that you are running from something - commitment, responsibility, hard work, love and it lets you know when you might be making things worse by running away.
ActiveAndFit Posts: 2815	Aug 11, 2008 4:40 AM GMT Quote Sedative said ActiveAndFit saidGood, Good! I am taking notes Yah! Tell me about your mother... My mom... Maternal resentment, mother wielding swords, runs and makes son feel insecure and unstable .. son finds more security in creative world of his own making and turns inward .. very distrusting towards organizations meant to protect .. very interesting
Sedative Posts: 5407	Aug 11, 2008 4:45 PM GMT Quote ActiveAndFit said Sedative said ActiveAndFit saidGood, Good! I am taking notes Yah! Tell me about your mother... My mom... Maternal resentment, mother wielding swords, runs and makes son feel insecure and unstable .. son finds more security in creative world of his own making and turns inward .. very distrusting towards organizations meant to protect .. very interesting
dannyboy1101 Posts: 16	Aug 11, 2008 4:57 PM GMT Quote I seem to fit in as well as a square-shaped crayon, but I'm learning to deal with it. I have an off-beat sense of humor that has as much sex drive as my Scorpio personality (inherited from Dad). Meeting new people (especially friends of friends) is hard because certain friends are terrible at introducing people (or maybe it's just me haha) so oftentimes I have to step in and do it myself. Not worth changing I don't think. I hate censoring myself so if it's an issue, generally the people concerned aren't the people I'm going to have a blast being around.
ActiveAndFit Posts: 2815	Aug 11, 2008 5:09 PM GMT Quote Sedative said ActiveAndFit said Sedative said ActiveAndFit saidGood, Good! I am taking notes Yah! Tell me about your mother... My mom... Maternal resentment, mother wielding swords, runs and makes son feel insecure and unstable .. son finds more security in creative world of his own making and turns inward .. very distrusting towards organizations meant to protect .. very interesting I think I have been mooned!! BTW where did you get that tarot card stuff from, I like the artwork!
ActiveAndFit Posts: 2815	Aug 11, 2008 5:11 PM GMT Quote dannyboy1101 saidI seem to fit in as well as a square-shaped crayon, Square shaped crayons are great, they don't roll off the table so they are always there when you need them!
muchmorethanm... Posts: 2767	Aug 11, 2008 7:00 PM GMT Quote When I was younger and even in my early to mid 20's I think I was poorly understood. It was my fault. People interpreted what I was saying as being very snooty. It alienated people from me for the wrong reasons. I finally embraced it all and made a conscious effort to start fixing the problem in my late 20's and early to mid 30's. Oh well, better late than never. An example: Once at work, years ago, a few workers and myself were sitting down having a break and the topic of skin came up. One woman complained that she had black heads all over her face. And in my mind I said to myself, "she has skin like a porcelain doll, which implies beautiful skin." But I wound up saying "YOU have blackheads?" She, of course, didn't hear/understand what I had said in my head and that in my mind I was complimenting her. Her response was a very snide, "Well, yeah! Doesn't everybody!?" She thought I was being a snob and coming from her point of view I could completely understand. It happened so fast and I was dumbfounded by my own error that I didn't respond quickly with expressing how highly I thought of her physical appearance. That moment helped me understand a lot as to why I am/was misunderstood. This example is very trivial but it stands out in my head as one of the breaking points for me to make a concerted effort to communicate myself more clearly.
ActiveAndFit Posts: 2815	Aug 17, 2008 4:20 PM GMT Quote muchmorethanmuscle saidThat moment helped me understand a lot as to why I am/was misunderstood. This example is very trivial but it stands out in my head as one of the breaking points for me to make a concerted effort to communicate myself more clearly. I think some of the misunderstanding was on her part though. That was part of what I was suggesting also .. misunderstanding happens on both sides. Her misunderstanding had to do with her being self-conscious about her condition so what you said was magnified and distorted by the person hearing.
fluxu8 Posts: 360	Aug 17, 2008 4:28 PM GMT Quote I have found that what is written in email or forum text can be easily misunderstood or thinly communicated and lead to further misinterpretation. When people meet in person, the conversation has the benefit of people being "present" and the nuances, inflections, smiles, eyes, body language, "vibe" (if you will), etc. is all made available for a clearer understanding of the conversation. With text..the communication level is greatly diminished, is subject to any number of a wide variety of interpretations, and can escalate into some unnecessary and unfortunate outcomes. I know I have made a couple of mistakes in that "text world" vein, and have learned from them. So in the "real world" I get along with people great ! They understand me and I understand them. But in the "text world" I have made a few unfortunate misinterpretations. But again, I sure did learn from those errors. Ouch !
ActiveAndFit Posts: 2815	Aug 17, 2008 4:45 PM GMT Quote Perhaps we need to want to understand others as much as we want to be understood.
muchmorethanm... Posts: 2767	Aug 17, 2008 5:39 PM GMT Quote ActiveAndFit said muchmorethanmuscle saidThat moment helped me understand a lot as to why I am/was misunderstood. This example is very trivial but it stands out in my head as one of the breaking points for me to make a concerted effort to communicate myself more clearly. I think some of the misunderstanding was on her part though. That was part of what I was suggesting also .. misunderstanding happens on both sides. Her misunderstanding had to do with her being self-conscious about here condition so what you said was magnified and distorted by the person hearing. Thanks, appreciate that comment but I can honestly say that I did and can still use improvement in the art of communication.
meninlove Posts: 1170	Aug 17, 2008 5:51 PM GMT Quote Well ActiveAndFit, Interesting topic you have here. What Bill notices and what makes him occasionally a little hot is the way people behave like I've misunderstood THEM. He says this is because I'm a very clear thinker and speaker. He says this is also because I understand clearly to the point of a spooky intuitiveness. Man I love that man! What he observes is that being empathetic and a little too self deprecating, I tend to start second-guessing myself and doubting my own capabilities in this regard. Most of the time, the manners and politeness I conduct myself with prevent me from speaking out over what I detect in people behaviours, spoken and physical. Hah! He says he's building a bomb shelter should that barrier ever collapse. With age and experience, that barrier is, indeed, starting to crumble.. -Doug
ActiveAndFit Posts: 2815	Aug 18, 2008 1:02 AM GMT Quote Interesting. Reverse Pseudo misunderstanding.
Sedative Posts: 5407	Aug 18, 2008 4:57 PM GMT Quote I'm confused.
ActiveAndFit Posts: 2815	Aug 18, 2008 5:08 PM GMT Quote Sedative saidI'm confused. I know, I have always said that right? It can also contribute to misunderstanding.
AshLeon Posts: 148	Aug 18, 2008 7:52 PM GMT Quote I speak really fast sometimes so sometimes I need to repeat what I just said. Some people won't tell me they didn't understand me, so I have to tell them that I know it happens and that I won't get mad if they ask me to repeat what I just said at a sensible speed. I've been working on it, and now it doesn't happen as often. Also, I tend to do a lot of dumb or naive jokes. Like, if a guy says "x thing is as fake as santa claus" I'll do "Santa Claus is FAKE!?" Apparently I'm good enough of an actor to pull it off, but with new people sometimes it makes them think I'm really THAT naive.
Sedative Posts: 5407	Aug 18, 2008 9:54 PM GMT Quote Santa Claus is FAKE?!
AshLeon Posts: 148	Aug 18, 2008 10:15 PM GMT Quote Sedative saidSanta Claus is FAKE?! That's what he said, but if Santa's fake then who's the nice old guy who comes into my room and likes it when I sit on his lap? Some people rolls eyes srsly.
muchmorethanm... Posts: 2767	Aug 21, 2008 11:18 PM GMT Quote Das yo daddee! Das who!
brady527 Posts: 332	Aug 22, 2008 5:48 AM GMT Quote "?Quien es tu papi?" Or did I misunderstand that?
muchmorethanm... Posts: 2767	Aug 22, 2008 1:39 PM GMT Quote DAS YO DADEE DAS WHO... Translation.... That's your daddy, that's who.... Ebonics translation brought to you by.... For when you get that uncontrollable itch.
Sedative Posts: 5407	Aug 22, 2008 6:13 PM GMT Quote Dios mio! El papi ees el Papa Noel and he ees a pederasta?! Ay!
McGay Posts: 3179	Aug 22, 2008 6:36 PM GMT Quote I don't understand the question(s).

brady527 Posts: 332	Aug 23, 2008 12:57 AM GMT Quote McGay saidI don't understand the question(s). No need to understand, just go with the flow man.

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