feel like he's losing interest.....long one

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    Jul 24, 2012 10:07 PM GMT
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    me and my partner have been together 3 years in sept. it has been amazing so far, we met,clicked and moved in really fast. no idea why just made sense at the time, not the sort of thing i would normally do.

    the problem is we had this chat the other night, and i kind of came to the conclusion that we have almost noting in common. i know this sounds like a no brainer already, but , we function really well as a couple, ie we live and earn well, we absolutely care about each others well being first and foremost. we love each other, but it seems we have zero common interest.

    for example, i spend most nights writing fingerstyle compositions for accoustic guitar, i love it, and have been playing for 17 years. he really likes my playing, but seems not to take any other interest. this is obviously something that is important in my life, and yet he has no desire to get involved at all, never asks me what they are about (most about him lol), ie themes, i have no idea which one is his favourite etc.

    i have alot of tattoos, i have no idea which ones he likes.

    i have gained 150lbs in the last 4 and a half years edit:deliberately through weightlifting lol, all he says is that he likes that i am happier now...

    the list just goes on and it is exactly the same the other way around. i love that he loves the things that he does, and i only care that they make him happy, i just simply have no interest in those things, although he doesnt really "do" things, just enjoys different peoples company i think.

    please share your opinions guys, i am really getting stressed about this, and have absolutely no friends with whom i can openly talk without grossing them out, or getting, man up dude. or some other emotional barrier enforcing nonsense.

    i am really upset about this right now and feeling really isolated.what do you think am i just overeacting????
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    Jul 24, 2012 11:09 PM GMT
    If it works it works... don't stress too much. If you guys are in love, and are independent of each other then that is great. Start looking for things you two can do together now. That will help bridge the gap

    But dude... 150 lbs in the past 4 years? Thats insane. 150 lbs?!
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    Jul 24, 2012 11:13 PM GMT
    thanks, thats a really nice way to look at it.

    and yea i was a 97lb aneorexic 4 years ago so i started really working out and learning how to eat and supplement. fuckin horrible journey at first but well worth it in the end.

    x
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    Jul 24, 2012 11:19 PM GMT
    Ok cool- glad to hear you are healthy. I just had to make sure it wasn't a depression thing causing you eat unhealthy or something. 150 lbs is a lot.

    What I can say is: if you have a great man, and you guys love each other, and it's working, don't give up on it. Relationships go through cycles- where you love them, but sometimes you doubt or don't like them. Good gay guys hardly ever come around and you are lucky to have a man who sounds supportive.

    Brainstorm things you two can do together- you will find something I promise. Make date nights on Sundays or in the middle of the week- anything to keep the communication open. It will all work itself out icon_smile.gif

    Good luck and much love.
  • hdurdinr

    Posts: 699

    Jul 24, 2012 11:21 PM GMT
    I agree with running 11 - you should do things together now - there's no time like the present! My boyfriend and I have very independent lives and not always a whole lot in common but a great area to 'bond' as it were is with stuff both of you find funny - be it a film or a good comedy night. The other thing is to take little trips together that are out of your normal routine - go to a part of town you never normally go to - there are generally so many things on our doorstep that we never visit or see. create memories together and enjoy the fact that you have different interests and accept that they may never take more than a superficial interest in some of the things you like. Best of luck to you!
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    Jul 24, 2012 11:28 PM GMT
    Dude..150??..
    Come on...that is toxic to your health...pleaze take care of that..hugzicon_neutral.gif
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    Jul 24, 2012 11:37 PM GMT
    Anocxu saidDude..150??..
    Come on...that is toxic to your health...pleaze take care of that..hugzicon_neutral.gif


    you misunderstand i deliberately gained through training and high calorie but good macro dieting, and supplementation. i went from dangerously underweight to overwieght yes. but my bodyfat is not too high and i am extemely strong. was originaly going to compete in bodybuilding, but injuries got in my way x
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    Jul 24, 2012 11:41 PM GMT
    Has he told you he finds that 150 pounds attractive? You mentioned he says he's glad you're happier now, but to me that sounds like there are some underlying issues with that statement.
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    Jul 24, 2012 11:43 PM GMT
    Gaydar saidHas he told you he finds that 150 pounds attractive? You mentioned he says he's glad you're happier now, but to me that sounds like there are some underlying issues with that statement.


    urgh BODYDUILDING....HE LIKES BODYBUILDERS, I LIKE BODYBUILDING
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    Jul 24, 2012 11:46 PM GMT
    Get angry all you want, but just because you put on weight intentionally doesn't mean it's all muscle. You do know the difference between fat and muscle, right?
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    Jul 24, 2012 11:49 PM GMT
    no i dont have a clue. icon_rolleyes.gif

    personal trainers arent taught that kind of thing, we just learn about how to tuck our laces in so we look super cool in spinning classes.

    oh and how to do that roll up the cuff on a polo shirt sleeve thing so our arms look bigger

    icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jul 24, 2012 11:52 PM GMT
    is it possible that you guys are the best of friends instead of being an actual couple?

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    Jul 24, 2012 11:56 PM GMT
    I'm trying to help. Not sure why you're getting so defensive.
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    Jul 25, 2012 12:04 AM GMT
    no offense but it seems like u are looking for a reason to break up. if you both love each other that should be enough. just because he doesn't completely get into your interest as much as you do is just because they just aren't what he is most interested in. you should be happy that he enjoys to listen to your music even if he doesn't get extremely involved.
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    Jul 25, 2012 12:08 AM GMT
    Gaydar saidI'm trying to help. Not sure why you're getting so defensive.


    soory feeling moody

    im just at the very end of a bulking cycle and i always feel fat when ive bulked lol. god i sound like such a bitch icon_rolleyes.gif

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    Jul 25, 2012 12:10 AM GMT
    Boxer_Red saidis it possible that you guys are the best of friends instead of being an actual couple?



    this is the thing that i am worried about, do i love him? or am i in love with him?

    how the hell do i work that out???

    is there like a test or something???icon_confused.gif
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    Jul 25, 2012 12:11 AM GMT
    LuckyCharms saidno offense but it seems like u are looking for a reason to break up. if you both love each other that should be enough. just because he doesn't completely get into your interest as much as you do is just because they just aren't what he is most interested in. you should be happy that he enjoys to listen to your music even if he doesn't get extremely involved.


    i get what you mean, and i do feel a bit deflated about the relationship at the moment so thats probably coming across...

    its much more than just the music though, it is literally every single interest either one of us has....
  • slimnmuscly

    Posts: 541

    Jul 25, 2012 12:14 AM GMT
    Boxer_Red saidis it possible that you guys are the best of friends instead of being an actual couple?



    I doubt that. Best friends tend to get that way by having at least one interest in common. With couples, attraction can bring them together and chemistry can keep them together till they wake up and realize how little in common they have.

    My suggestion to the OP: keep up with your separate interests separately, but cultivate new shared interests together. It may take some trial and error and will certainly require good communication, but finding that new amazing thing neither of you knew about but both of you now love together will only deepen your bond.

    And work on getting some gay friends, not to mention better straight ones. Friends who are grossed out by legitimate relationship concerns aren't really friends.
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    Jul 25, 2012 12:17 AM GMT
    slimnmuscly said
    Boxer_Red saidis it possible that you guys are the best of friends instead of being an actual couple?



    I doubt that. Best friends tend to get that way by having at least one interest in common. With couples, attraction can bring them together and chemistry can keep them together till they wake up and realize how little in common they have.

    My suggestion to the OP: keep up with your separate interests separately, but cultivate new shared interests together. It may take some trial and error and will certainly require good communication, but finding that new amazing thing neither of you knew about but both of you now love together will only deepen your bond.

    And work on getting some gay friends, not to mention better straight ones. Friends who are grossed out by legitimate relationship concerns aren't really friends.


    thanks thats another awesome spin on it, i needed some people so suggest this,

    and the gay friends thing is impossible, i have a really hard time making gay friends, i work ALOt and train twice daily, so yea freindships have withered severely, but its all for the greater good (he says crying into a lovetub) lol
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    Jul 25, 2012 2:28 AM GMT
    Congrats on your 3 years together.

    I think you are over thinking things. My bf and I have been together for about 1 year and we have almost nothing in common (jobs or hobby wise) but yet we function very well as a couple.

    I just count my blessings and I think the best thing to do is to enjoy the time together and don't fuss about the small details.
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    Jul 26, 2012 7:45 PM GMT
    Approach it as an opportunity rather than a problem.

    Think of some things that you can do together, that neither of you are currently doing.

    Hiking, biking, knitting, cooking, etc. At the very least you might end up with a new hobby!
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    Jul 26, 2012 7:59 PM GMT
    Being in love isnt rational, its not supposed to be...no one can tell you your in it either, its either there or its not, its not supposed to make sense...if u have to think about it, your not in it...same thing with relationships, do u like being with the person? are u attracted? do u want to spend ur life with them? if so, then u should be in it, if not, u shouldn't be...its very simple, how do u feel?
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    Jul 26, 2012 8:14 PM GMT
    Maybe you started out in love with one another but now you two just have love for each other---meaning you're just best friends. Are you in love him? When you're not around him do you spend time thinking about being around him and what you two could do together?