being deaf

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    Jul 25, 2012 12:52 AM GMT
    so i am deaf, 70% loss in both ears due to inner ear trauma.

    i will probably go completely deaf over the next 10 years or so, but at the moment i can hear with my hearing aids.
    i am a confident person, but the worse my hearing gets it seems the worse my social skills/ability to relax around new people gets.

    it is obvious why, but i wonder and be honest!!!

    would any of you guys feel intimidated or turned off or whatever by arranging to meet a guy, for mates,dates or anything else, if you found out in advance that he was deaf?

    dont try to be polite and say "oh no it wouldnt bother me in the least" if it would i would love you to be honest, im sure that is not a problem judging by some of te things i have read on here icon_eek.gif lol

    thanks

    luke x
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Jul 25, 2012 12:54 AM GMT
    Wouldn't bother me at all.
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    Jul 25, 2012 12:56 AM GMT
    Timbales saidWouldn't bother me at all.
    +1.
  • HottJoe

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    Jul 25, 2012 12:56 AM GMT
    Wouldn't bother me, either.
  • Just_Tim

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    Jul 25, 2012 1:01 AM GMT
    I'd hate to be the 4th guy to say it wouldn't bother me, seeing as you seem to have trouble believing that, but... It wouldn't bother me...
  • Profire

    Posts: 224

    Jul 25, 2012 1:04 AM GMT
    Count me as the 5th that wouldn't be bothered by it.
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    Jul 25, 2012 1:08 AM GMT
    Hanging out/friendly stuff, no I wouldnt be bothered.

    Long term is a different story, it would mean I would have to learn sign language, and I am not too sure what other things are involved when it comes to hearing loss. I'd probably have to get used to texting instead of talking on the phone (and I really dont do the whole text thing). Assuming that you were totally deaf, going to the movies would probably be out of the question unless it was subtitled. I listen to and play a lot of music so that might be an issue. Hmm I'd probably have to think about things.
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    Jul 25, 2012 1:09 AM GMT
    I dated a deaf guy for a while. I tried to meet him half way by learning Sign English. ASL is too hard.

    I sucked at it when he fingerspelled. I couldnt keep the letters straight in my head long enough. So I always told him to try the sign first before fingerspelling, in hopes that I would know the sign. Between signing and writing notes, we did just fine.

    I always like the signs for "nice ass" icon_lol.gif
  • Timbales

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    Jul 25, 2012 1:10 AM GMT
    I've actually got a mini-crush on a guy I know from a music forum who lives in NYC, is a nurse and uses hearing aids. He's soooo cute and smart.
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    Jul 25, 2012 1:19 AM GMT
    this is cool.

    i kind of think guys that are good looking or confident, think,why would i bother with that when i can just find someone who is normal, guess lol.

    its cool that some of you wouldnt mind though, and the music thing is a biggy for me too, i listen to and write ALOT of music...
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    Jul 25, 2012 1:34 AM GMT
    lucky_sevn saidthis is cool.

    i kind of think guys that are good looking or confident, think,why would i bother with that when i can just find someone who is normal, guess lol.

    its cool that some of you wouldnt mind though, and the music thing is a biggy for me too, i listen to and write ALOT of music...

    Living with a deaf guy cuts both ways. You dont have to be quiet...not like you're gonna wake him. My guy was stone deaf. I could crash cymbals over his head and, as long as he didnt see them, it was cool.

    But on the other hand, deaf people are noisy. They cant hear all the noise they are making. He'd blast the TV and be totally clueless, while he was reading CC.

    He would slam cabinet doors. He needed to feel them shut cuz he couldnt hear the little click of the latch.

    He made endless noise with his mouth and breathing....just little noises, but he didnt know. He made a lot of clicking sounds when signing....from the facial expressions. Again, noises with his mouth that he didnt know he was making.

    He didnt try to speak much because he was never encouraged to as a child. He would keep forgetting what sounds letters had. The sound for T was hard for him to remember, I recall.

    A room full of people talking was a funny sight for him. All those mouths moving looked funny to him.

    We used a TTY to talk on the telephone back then....otherwise, we would have had to use an telephone operator to relay messages. AWKWARD!
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    Jul 25, 2012 1:48 AM GMT
    Caslon20000 said
    lucky_sevn saidthis is cool.

    i kind of think guys that are good looking or confident, think,why would i bother with that when i can just find someone who is normal, guess lol.

    its cool that some of you wouldnt mind though, and the music thing is a biggy for me too, i listen to and write ALOT of music...

    Living with a deaf guy cuts both ways. You dont have to be quiet...not like you're gonna wake him. My guy was stone deaf. I could crash cymbals over his head and, as long as he didnt see them, it was cool.

    But on the other hand, deaf people are noisy. They cant hear all the noise they are making. He'd blast the TV and be totally clueless, while he was reading CC.

    He would slam cabinet doors. He needed to feel them shut cuz he couldnt hear the little click of the latch.



    this i can relate to, i have only been deaf a few years so my speech is fine and i can hear a little, and converse pretty well with aids. but im always getting told off for the tv and the cupboards haha, ive never heard anyone else say it lol. that really made me chuckle



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    Jul 25, 2012 1:58 AM GMT
    Wouldn't bother me......at all.
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    Jul 25, 2012 2:26 AM GMT
    MuchoMasQueMusculo saidI think the only thing that would bother me is that there is so much beauty that can be heard. For example, I expressed in a previous thread how I really loved attending a couple of outdoor concerts at Chicago's Millennium Park. The orchestra played on key and beautiful music makes my soul ecstatic. It wouldn't bother me for "me", but it would bother me in the sense that someone I'm dating and care a lot about (who happened to be deaf) could not enjoy that as well. I'm not saying it would be a deal breaker.

    That's the only real rub. Sharing musical events...and ventriloquists. Hahaha

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    Jul 25, 2012 2:33 AM GMT
    lucky_sevn saidBut on the other hand, deaf people are noisy. They cant hear all the noise they are making. He'd blast the TV and be totally clueless, while he was reading CC.

    He would slam cabinet doors. He needed to feel them shut cuz he couldnt hear the little click of the latch.



    this i can relate to, i have only been deaf a few years so my speech is fine and i can hear a little, and converse pretty well with aids. but im always getting told off for the tv and the cupboards haha, ive never heard anyone else say it lol. that really made me chuckle

    On the positive side, I never had to wonder where he was in the house. I could usually hear him.

    smiley-laughing025.gif
  • demasi

    Posts: 76

    Jul 25, 2012 9:54 AM GMT
    I have a crush on a deaf guy...he's straight but 'considering'
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    Jul 25, 2012 3:01 PM GMT
    I call bullshit on all of the "wouldn't bother me at all"s. Just like the last time we had a thread like this about some other thing a miraculous percentage of members wouldn't be bothered by at all.

    It is only reasonable that a person hears about someone who has some kind of health problem or disability and think "there would be challenges that come with this" and be given pause at the thought of taking that on.

    That's not to say that the guys here wouldn't be with the one they loved if they were deaf/blind/whatever. There's a relationship there which makes the challenge worthwhile. But being offered a blind date, I don't believe the gung-ho-ness would be there.

    We've seen it with poor guys under the excuse of wanting someone 'ambitious'. HIV+ guys can tell you it's something that will scare off lots of people before meeting. Most people like Perfect (not that it exists), and easy (no financial troubles, no extra care or work needed). They can get behind people who have it tough, as long as those people overcome their obstacles on their own.

    I'm guessing it takes some life experience finding an awesome person who would normally get overlooked, for them to realize Perfect & Easy isn't the only place to find an important connection to another human. These are the people you want around you anyway, so it's sort of a good way to filter out the rest.

    Your best bet is to have people get to know you so that when the time comes to judge you, they'll have more information to decide on than just the challenge. I know you're in a relationship now, so you're not asking about your own situation in dating, but I figured that's what you were curious about. I also think it's a huge benefit that you can & have heard so that you can speak knowing how you sound. That would set guys more at ease knowing you are able to speak to them.

    You asked for honesty, that's my honesty. Hope it is helpful as that was how it was intended.
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    Jul 25, 2012 4:54 PM GMT
    ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^
    Go skinny Go !!
    Today....I love you !! icon_redface.gif
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    Jul 25, 2012 6:33 PM GMT
    SkinnyBitch saidI call bullshit on all of the "wouldn't bother me at all"s. Just like the last time we had a thread like this about some other thing a miraculous percentage of members wouldn't be bothered by at all.

    It is only reasonable that a person hears about someone who has some kind of health problem or disability and think "there would be challenges that come with this" and be given pause at the thought of taking that on.

    That's not to say that the guys here wouldn't be with the one they loved if they were deaf/blind/whatever. There's a relationship there which makes the challenge worthwhile. But being offered a blind date, I don't believe the gung-ho-ness would be there.

    We've seen it with poor guys under the excuse of wanting someone 'ambitious'. HIV+ guys can tell you it's something that will scare off lots of people before meeting. Most people like Perfect (not that it exists), and easy (no financial troubles, no extra care or work needed). They can get behind people who have it tough, as long as those people overcome their obstacles on their own.

    I'm guessing it takes some life experience finding an awesome person who would normally get overlooked, for them to realize Perfect & Easy isn't the only place to find an important connection to another human. These are the people you want around you anyway, so it's sort of a good way to filter out the rest.

    Your best bet is to have people get to know you so that when the time comes to judge you, they'll have more information to decide on than just the challenge. I know you're in a relationship now, so you're not asking about your own situation in dating, but I figured that's what you were curious about. I also think it's a huge benefit that you can & have heard so that you can speak knowing how you sound. That would set guys more at ease knowing you are able to speak to them.

    You asked for honesty, that's my honesty. Hope it is helpful as that was how it was intended.

    ^^^^^
    appreciated. you strike me as a man who has thought about his answer icon_cool.gif
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    Jul 25, 2012 6:53 PM GMT
    lucky_sevn saidso i am deaf, 70% loss in both ears due to inner ear trauma.

    i will probably go completely deaf over the next 10 years or so, but at the moment i can hear with my hearing aids.
    i am a confident person, but the worse my hearing gets it seems the worse my social skills/ability to relax around new people gets.

    it is obvious why, but i wonder and be honest!!!

    would any of you guys feel intimidated or turned off or whatever by arranging to meet a guy, for mates,dates or anything else, if you found out in advance that he was deaf?

    dont try to be polite and say "oh no it wouldnt bother me in the least" if it would i would love you to be honest, im sure that is not a problem judging by some of te things i have read on here icon_eek.gif lol

    thanks

    luke x



    Luke, IMO the most important thing is for you to stay as active and confident as possible, and keep initiating interactions to keep your social skills kicking (staying happy).

    I've had lots of contacts with people with various progressing degrees of deafness (associated with war trauma and aging). Sometimes it becomes very disconcerting to have conversation with them, and sometimes I lose interest in having conversations with them since it becomes very taxing/stressful.

    Sometimes I don't hear/understand well if there is noise or if the person mumbles. I try to deal with these situations as best as possible.
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    Jul 25, 2012 7:28 PM GMT
    @skinny, I'm sure I am excused from your remarks since I have experienced life with a guy who had been totally deaf since birth.

    You are right it is an experience with revelations that one would not expect, like life with a deaf person is noisy, not silent. And you can't shout to get his attention. With the new text messaging technology, I'm sure it's a lot easier to be in touch when he's out of the house, than it used to be.

    We used to like to dance the 2 Step together. If the tempo was slow he could feel the beat thru the floor. But if the beat was fast, I had to sign the beat cuz his feet were off the floor to much to feel it.
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    Jul 25, 2012 9:31 PM GMT
    It would be kind of unsettling at first, honestly. I was deaf for a good 4 years of my life and I cannot imagine finding a mate at that state. It would severely dwindle the numbers down more than what they already are.

    However, I've begun re-learning ASL since one of my very good friends is completely deaf and has been all of her life. Now, I could maybe do it, but it would be a challenge. For sure.
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    Jul 25, 2012 9:37 PM GMT
    TrevorMark saidIt would be kind of unsettling at first, honestly. I was deaf for a good 4 years of my life and I cannot imagine finding a mate at that state. It would severely dwindle the numbers down more than what they already are.

    However, I've begun re-learning ASL since one of my very good friends is completely deaf and has been all of her life. Now, I could maybe do it, but it would be a challenge. For sure.


    ASL? wow one of your hands must be really dexterous! lol

    jkjk

    i am learning BSL(the two handed one lol) at the moment really helpful but i really dont need it yet, hearing aids are fine for now

    have you seen the ASL sign for madonna?

    x
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    Jul 30, 2012 7:38 PM GMT
    I dated a deaf guy for a while, it's no different then dating a hearing guy except your hands hurt when you talk a lot. He made my life richer by allowing me in. Thanks Dan! You were worth learning sign Lang.
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    Jul 30, 2012 8:17 PM GMT
    Completely agree with SkinnyBitch in his above post and the one in the other thread.

    There are 2 deaf guys that occasionally workout at my gym. They seem to have a good time working out together and signing a conversation between sets.