The FB Story of Brad... Scott.. and Chris....

  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jul 25, 2012 5:27 PM GMT
    So for the last several years I've offered many of our RJ brothers advice and comment on a variety of subjects, haven't asked for much back and I think this is an odd enough situation to where I should at least get comment.

    Facebook.. interesting social mechanism isn't it? You can actually get to know others merely by "friending" somebody while the two are still total strangers.
    Interesting what can happen as a result. Not really any drama here, which I'd avoid, but interesting events.. and they continue to play out at present.

    In the spring of 2010, I finally signed up on Facebook, really at the request of my partner, who did most of the initial work for me, then I uploaded some pics and started with the usual albums. Some of my childhood, college and law school friends found me almost immediately as did family members. I tend to
    be fairly accomodating and soon had "friends of friends" friending me, commenting on pics and status updates.. the usual.
    Lots of friendship requests, some pretty unusual, I have a photography studio in Argentina on my friend list.... people from all over and local guys, some of whom I knew and others that claimed "friends in common".

    It was during this period that I had had requests from a guy named "Brad X" and Scott Y" (real first names) along with others. I dont' even remember approving their requests, but just noticed that Brad was soon "liking" this and that and even started making occasional comments about my status updates.
    Didn't really know much about him, other than he was about 30, blond, cute,
    and sort of with a "Dennis the Menace" sort of look.

    Later in 2010 I remember another guy (Scott) instant messaging me and ask me,
    "How do you know Brad X"? I thought it odd, but I responded that we were just Facebook friends and that was all. He admitted to me that they were living in the same house and I ask a few questions and come to realize he and Brad
    were in fact a couple. It was a strange conversation. Scott expressed his concern, "I don't know why Brad is friending all these hot guys suddenly". I
    asked him questions and they've been involved for 10 years. His comment that stood out, "I've been living here 10 years and I don't want to leave". Of course I stressed that I had a partner of over 11 years myself and that Brad and I were just acquaintances really.

    Now as time has passed, I've come to know Brad.. and let me say, I've come to respect and appreciate him. He isn't college educated, but he has a good job at an employer he started with when he was in high school. I knew he has a really nice house, is an absolute Christmas decoration freak, is into some of the things I am like landscaping.... but more guys... he does electrical work, all kinds of home remodeling (like he remodeled his pool house from scratch), is
    gradually renovating his home. But more than any of that... he is a friendly guy with a great positive attitude. He isn't into the gay scene at all... he's kind of like the friendly neighborhood guy with a heart of gold and very trustworthy.
    The kind of guy you really want as a friend. Let me say, my partner has always been supportive of my finding "good quality friends", so he's been all for it.

    On Facebook, he routinely comments on my status and while not "flirty" we have a very friendly back and forth. 2 of our RJ members who note my status updates finally asked me a couple of months ago.. "Chris, who is Brad X" and whats up here"? Scott has noted it too and told me about 6 months ago that if I'm ever invited to their house, "I'm not to be there unless he (Scott) is there".
    Scott graduated from my high school, isn't happy with his current job, sort of overweight, has some real potential, but still grappling with some personal issues. I've actually never met Scott, but he has made it clear that he and Brad are a couple and doesn't particularly like my conversations with Brad.
    Scott has pictures of he and Brad on his Facebook profile and certainly doesn't hide the fact they are a gay couple. But his relationship status is marked "complicated" and Brad doesn't even mention anything on his Facebook page at all. Of course I'm curious about all this.


    So finally yesterday afternoon I was invited to Brad's house to swim. He had the day off and I took several house from my schedule to go see his place, I was
    really surprised to find that he has the same "rustic, lodge, cabin" sort of decorating interests that I do, but his family room is just amazing. We probably spent an hour just my touring his house and seeing all the improvements he added. We finally swim. You would never have known this wasn't a totally straight friendship. No cute comments, no long lingering "looks". It was just a great time.

    So finally I ask him point blank...... "are you and Scott a couple"? I can tell you I've never, ever heard this kind of answer before. Brad really never even acknowledged he is gay. "Our lesbian friends and others would probably think we are a couple", Brad said.....but he never said they were. "I love him as a good friend and would do anything for him (meaning Scott). "I have no problem with gay guys.. its all in the person". I kept wondering if he was bi..... I also never said anything about the fact they share one bedroom in the house.. Scott doesn't have his own... not that it matters. Brad kept telling me, "it will be great to have you come back.. you'll be invited to our parties, this will be great".

    So at 4:00 Scott comes home....he never came out back. Brad went looking for him... his Jeep was in the driveway and his wallet was on their dresser, but he vanished. I can say, he knew I was there immediately upon driving up based on my car and my license plate. He just vanished, I never had a chance to meet him.... and I can tell you I was a little uneasy about that part of it.
    I can only imagine how the conversation went when Scott came home.

    So.. thats it. The present moment. Very pleased that Brad and I finally had some time to really get to know one another.

    Thoughts?




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    Jul 25, 2012 5:41 PM GMT
    HndsmKansan said I also never said anything about the fact they share one bedroom in the house.. Scott doesn't have his own... not that it matters. Brad kept telling me,

    I'm still trying to wrap my head around that part. Asking more questions about their sleeping arrangements would seem nosey.

    From the rest seems like Scott has built something in his head with Brad and is hoping for that to come to fruition. But Brad seems non-committal and is playing along for as long as the going is good.
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    Jul 25, 2012 5:43 PM GMT
    HndsmKansan saidNot really any drama here, which I'd avoid


    I think that qualifies as drama.

    You asked for thoughts. The whole thing is a bit odd to me, starting with the fact that I find it unusual to friend anyone on Facebook if you don't somehow know them at least as distant acquaintances.

    These two sound like they have some serious issues, that you are (pretty knowingly) putting yourself it the middle of. At the very least, it sounds like they have a serious disagreement about the extent of the commitment in their relationship. Are you quite sure there's not an unspoken dimension to your relationship with Brad that should give Scott a little pause? It kind of sounds like there might be.

    If not, well, the jealousy is Scott's problem (and therefore Brad's problem) but not really yours, other than the fact that you will have to deal with the fallout.



  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 25, 2012 5:54 PM GMT
    i have a headache!

    ask me later
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 25, 2012 6:05 PM GMT
    Sounds like Scott is a little cray-cray

    ...I think that's the first time I read a post that long.
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    Jul 25, 2012 6:12 PM GMT
    Sounds like your just barely escaped a serial killer.
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    Jul 25, 2012 6:19 PM GMT
    I'm definitely no relationship expert, nor an expert on these types of happenings, but these are just my thoughts after reading what you wrote. That being said, we can simply go off of what you told us....there may obviously be more to the story and other incidents we are not aware of which may render our current opinions irrelevant or incorrect.

    My initial thoughts are, which I am assuming you have already done so, but have you made it absolutely clear to both Brad and Scott....especially Scott, that you yourself are in a MONOGAMOUS committed relationship of over 11 years? Have you laid it out CLEARLY to both of them what exactly your intentions are?

    It seems that most of the issues lay with Scott and his own insecurities. It also appears pretty simple and clear to me that he really has nothing to worry about because you are not pursuing Brad with the intent to date him. I mean we are not entirely sure of his orientation anyways.

    Brad and Scott really need to sit down alone with each other and figure stuff out and outline the exact status of their relationship, what it is and where it stands. It may be wise to let both of them know that you are getting mixed and confusing signals and would prefer to step back from communication and put a hold on moving further until they get things sorted between the two of them as to not make the situation any worse and lose a potentially great friendship.

    I can see why you are taken aback by the events that have transpired. Hopefully you get some good insight here from your fellow RJ members that helps you sort things out with your unfortunate predicament. And as a veteran forum poster that you are, I trust and hope that you will disregard the inconsiderate posts you may get on here from guys who like to post things just to stir the pot. It is one thing to play the devil's advocate and it is another to just be rude and a jerk. Just let those comments roll off. The good reply's will stand out and strike a chord with you.

    Take care and hope to see a positive outcome if you choose to update us with how this plays out for ya!
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    Jul 25, 2012 6:22 PM GMT
    HndsmKansan said[...] Scott has noted it too and told me about 6 months ago that if I'm ever invited to their house, "I'm not to be there unless he (Scott) is there".

    Scott [...] has some real potential, but still grappling with some personal issues. I've actually never met Scott, but he has made it clear that he and Brad are a couple and doesn't particularly like my conversations with Brad.

    Scott has pictures of he and Brad on his Facebook profile and certainly doesn't hide the fact they are a gay couple. But his relationship status is marked "complicated" and Brad doesn't even mention anything on his Facebook page at all. Of course I'm curious about all this.

    So finally yesterday afternoon I was invited to Brad's house to swim. He had the day off and I took several house from my schedule to go see his place, [...]
    So finally I ask him point blank...... "are you and Scott a couple"? I can tell you I've never, ever heard this kind of answer before. Brad really never even acknowledged he is gay. "Our lesbian friends and others would probably think we are a couple", Brad said.....but he never said they were.

    [...] I also never said anything about the fact they share one bedroom in the house.. Scott doesn't have his own... not that it matters. Brad kept telling me, "it will be great to have you come back.. you'll be invited to our parties, this will be great".

    So at 4:00 Scott comes home....he never came out back. Brad went looking for him... his Jeep was in the driveway and his wallet was on their dresser, but he vanished. I can say, he knew I was there immediately upon driving up based on my car and my license plate. He just vanished, I never had a chance to meet him.... and I can tell you I was a little uneasy about that part of it.
    I can only imagine how the conversation went when Scott came home.

    So.. thats it. The present moment. Very pleased that Brad and I finally had some time to really get to know one another.

    Thoughts?


    Closeted and its' various degrees of choking out life can make for a problematic and miserable existence, particularly in an region that's not known for gay friendliness.
    Also, I'm surprised that you seem a bit surprised at Scotts' lack of appearance during your visit, since he clearly said that you're "not to be there" without him.
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    Jul 25, 2012 6:23 PM GMT
    Scott is Brads problem not yours. Brad is a grown up and can decide on his own who he wants to befriend. Brad can also decide to listen to Scott.
    There's not really much you could do.
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    Jul 25, 2012 6:24 PM GMT
    I'm confused, I thought you weren't to be there unless he (Scott) was there but you were there with Brad alone? Seems like he made that stipulation in advance didn't he?
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jul 25, 2012 6:28 PM GMT
    eb925guy saidI'm confused, I thought you weren't to be there unless he (Scott) was there but you were there with Brad alone? Seems like he made that stipulation in advance didn't he?


    I figured someone would bring that up. I didn't state that about a week ago, I talked to Scott.. told him that Brad had invited me over, just didn't know when at that point. I did not... tell him when I was going to be there, however Brad put the event on his Facebook profile page (which carried to mine) that we were going swimming at the house yesterday afternoon. Still don't really know why he needed to tell people that, but he likes to talk, so no biggie.
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    Jul 25, 2012 6:32 PM GMT
    joelryn saidI'm definitely no relationship expert...

    It seems that most of the issues lay with Scott and his own insecurities. It also appears pretty simple and clear to me that he really has nothing to worry about because you are not pursuing Brad with the intent to date him. I mean we are not entirely sure of his orientation anyways....



    Absolutely agree. I'd be more worried for Brad, since he's obviously found himself living with a whack of crazy. Or more to the point hasn't YET found that he's doing so... Do you think he's actually oblivious to Scott's nature (the jealousy, and in Scott behaving like they're in a relationship)? To give Scott a LITTLE bit of the benefit of the doubt, perhaps his jealousy and insecurity stems in part from the fact that their relationship is so "complicated" and ill-defined.

    Seriously, though? TEN YEARS?

    In a way this story is reassuring, in that I'm not the only crazy-magnet on Facebook.
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    Jul 25, 2012 6:34 PM GMT
    Just a side not here that popped into my head, and this is just a statement in general. Nothing pertaining to this specific thread, but just an overall observation.

    This is one of the downsides to Facebook. It creates a whole new dimension to any relationship you form, whether it be purely friends or as more. It really can complicate things.

    Anyways, just had to get that out there.

    Good Luck HndsmKansan!!
  • DanOmatic

    Posts: 1155

    Jul 25, 2012 6:35 PM GMT
    It seems like this is a minefield you probably don't want to go wandering into. I'm not a big FB user, but I never accept friend requests of people who just kind of land on my profile without knowing me. I always find it a little strange that people send unsolicited friend requests like that and assume there's some weirdness going on.

    But aside from that, both Scott and Brad seem to have pretty deep-seated issues. Scott comes across in your description as jealous and possessive--and he may well be that. But Brad seems not much better in his dismissiveness of their relationship, and may be trying to manipulate you. I would be wary of his motives.

    My advice would be to steer clear of what looks to be a trainwreck waiting to happen (or is in the process of happening).
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    Jul 25, 2012 6:37 PM GMT
    HndsmKansan said

    .... Brad put the event on his Facebook profile page (which carried to mine) that we were going swimming at the house yesterday afternoon. Still don't really know why he needed to tell people that, but he likes to talk, so no biggie.


    Are you kidding? Matey if I had someone as hot as you on their way over to hang out in my pool, I wouldn't just announce it, I'd be trying to set up a live web feed.icon_wink.gif
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    Jul 25, 2012 6:40 PM GMT
    What is the most diplomatic way to tell someone that what they are doing is creepy...hmmm..???

    What you are doing is fu*king creepy as shit !! icon_eek.gif

    Don't you think the awkward scenario on facebook was enough..??
    Now you are at this guys house..swimming...???
    The minute Scott sent you that message should have been a red flag !!
    Something is not right with these two!!!

    Please tell me your'e doing research for a book..??
    Is this a Nancy Drew thing??

    If your partner read this post...what would he say..??

    This is what's wrong..

    A) You Like Brad A Little More Than You Should..!!
    B) Or You Could Be An Attention Whore..!!
    C) A combination of A+B

    So in Scott's mind..the guy that Brad was hitting up on facebook is now in their home...In the pool..WHAT??
    You sir are lucky he didn't toss in an extention cord in that pool to fry you two..!! icon_twisted.gif

    You cannot be around these two...
    They have a a thousand issues and you just made it 1001...!!


    Butt out of these two lives and go focus on your own...

    BTW.. Reading your post the 4th time..your, grammar, meter, judgement..
    classic malignant narcissist ..

    STOP WHAT YOU ARE DOING !!...
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    Jul 25, 2012 6:40 PM GMT
    7Famark saidSounds like Scott is a little cray-cray
    E
    ...I think that's the first time I read a post that long.


    This. I love that you use cray cray. What is brad deal is he gay. You need to ask.
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    Jul 25, 2012 6:41 PM GMT
    Maybe Brad is trouble and isn't telling you everything
  • Jasonblue

    Posts: 287

    Jul 25, 2012 6:42 PM GMT
    7Famark saidMaybe Brad is trouble and isn't telling you everything


    That was my instinct, but who knows. Whole thing sounds fishy.
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    Jul 25, 2012 6:44 PM GMT
    And if Scott is a little crazy ..The OP's involvement makes it so much better!!..???
  • DanOmatic

    Posts: 1155

    Jul 25, 2012 6:47 PM GMT
    HndsmKansan said
    eb925guy saidI'm confused, I thought you weren't to be there unless he (Scott) was there but you were there with Brad alone? Seems like he made that stipulation in advance didn't he?


    I figured someone would bring that up. I didn't state that about a week ago, I talked to Scott.. told him that Brad had invited me over, just didn't know when at that point. I did not... tell him when I was going to be there, however Brad put the event on his Facebook profile page (which carried to mine) that we were going swimming at the house yesterday afternoon. Still don't really know why he needed to tell people that, but he likes to talk, so no biggie.


    This makes me wonder if Brad isn't using you to "get back" at Scott for some reason. It sounds like they have a toxic relationship and Brad might be using you to push Scott's buttons.

    I unwittingly stepped into something similar to this once; turns out the Brad-equivalent in my experience was doing just that--using me to get under someone else's skin. It sucked.
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    Jul 25, 2012 6:48 PM GMT
    Seems like the general consensus is that Scott is insane, and Brad isn't what he seems.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jul 25, 2012 6:48 PM GMT
    Anocxu saidWhat is the most diplomatic way to tell someone that what they are doing is creepy...hmmm..???

    Please tell me your'e doing research for a book..??
    Is this a Nancy Drew thing??

    BTW.. Reading your post the 4th time..

    STOP WHAT YOU ARE DOING !!...


    Hey, don't knock "The Three Investigators" type books.. I loved em as a kid.... otherwise *yawn* LOL

    icon_biggrin.gif
  • Hothouse

    Posts: 2204

    Jul 25, 2012 6:49 PM GMT
    Aside from the fact that I read the topic and hoped that FB stood for "fuck-bud" and finding out it's face book - I'd distance myself from these guys. There's way too much going on between them and you'll find youself in the middle of more than you bargained for. It's nice to think "I'll just hang out with a new friend" but sounds like it's gonna be way more complicated than that.
    And, now I have one more reason to avoid going on FB.
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    Jul 25, 2012 6:50 PM GMT
    i would leave that situation well alone personally.

    sounds like they far too many isues already, adding affair paranoia wont help.
    icon_rolleyes.gif