Awkward Family Doctor

  • jasons83

    Posts: 5

    Jul 26, 2012 4:23 AM GMT
    So Im brown and my family doctor is brown (Indian). I've been going to him since I can remember.
    Growing up, I would go often with some random sports related injury. Sometimes with my mom. yes at age 20.
    Stopped being so injury prone then just two years ago I went to him - and this was awkward enough- my penis hurting after I had sex. Turns out I pulled a muscle in my groin.
    And not to mention the countless times I ve seen him since high school, undergrad, and beyond to get out of exams and what not.
    Anyways, hooked up with a dude few months go, no sex, but he was a little to rough and I had concerns about what he did with his penis around my anus, dude almost tried to fist me, well maybe not but, damn his hands were massive.
    So this time my doctor chats a bit- I tell him about the problem- he examines me, dead silence ,i hear a sigh, and then a "hmmmm"
    I pull my pants back up.

    Looks off into space for a few seconds.
    "Okay so what happened.....well how did she...did she make contact..maybe theres a tear..well did ....HE?"
    Told me not to worry about it, didnt make eye contact for the next 30 seconds as we said our goodbyes. Looked off into the window.

    So good.
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    Jul 26, 2012 5:05 AM GMT
    Coming out late in life I first had this problem with US Veterans Administration (VA) doctors. I was concerned my treatment might suffer if I was identified as gay. And if I ever contracted HIV through their carelessness (and a number of notorious cases have happened, even right here at the Miami hospital where I've been treated), I didn't want them falsely claiming I became positive from gay sex, releasing them from liability.

    But once I started using civilian doctors, which I still mainly do, I chose only ones with a largely gay practice, some even gay themselves. You may not have that option, because of where you live, or if you can't select any doctor for yourself yet. But I wouldn't have it any other way, and you should consider switching if you find your doctor can't deal comfortably and sympathetically with gay patients.

    All our doctors, GP and specialists alike, call us both into the exam rooms. Questions are freely asked and answered, including sexual ones when relevant to a medical issue. You haven't lived until a doctor bends you over for a DRE (digital rectal exam) of your prostate, with your partner sitting right next to you in a small room. LOL!

    Sorry for the TMI, but I think it makes the point of how totally uninhibited with our doctors we both can be regarding our orientation. And that can be important to proper diagnosis & treatment, as you already seem to have learned. If I had a suspected rectal tear I wouldn't hesitate to tell my primary doctor the circumstances, just as nonchalantly as if I were discussing any other kind of injury. My proper healthcare and his requires a lot more than "awkwardness" with our doctors.
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    Jul 26, 2012 5:09 AM GMT
    Why didn't you just tell him you had an accident while riding your bike? icon_confused.gif
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    Jul 26, 2012 5:10 AM GMT
    Tell your doc to STFU and treat you or you'll find one who can handle treating gay men.

    In fact, don't say anything. Just go find another doc. Yours is clearly homophobic.
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    Jul 26, 2012 6:39 AM GMT
    it happens. some docs are surprisingly backwards about this stuff. once I had a substitute nurse practitioner (older male) who was running through a computer checklist of health issues and "Has sexual intercourse with..... men, women, both, neither" came up. and he gave me a knowing look and said "women right?" as if it was such a "duh" question. so I politely said.... no, men. and he almost knocked his keyboard off the stand, uncomfortably muttered "oh... oh" and clicked the "men" box frantically.
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    Jul 26, 2012 11:44 AM GMT
    I found a great gay doctor here in Los Angeles just for some of those reasons. I might have questions one day about something that went up my ass like a watermelon or hamster! icon_eek.gif

    No... All kidding, it does make it more comfortable to have a doc that I can trust and ask important questions.
  • Hothouse

    Posts: 2204

    Jul 26, 2012 2:31 PM GMT
    I think, for a gay man, finding a physician that is understanding and non-judemental about your sexual orientation is a real challenge.
    I would like to be able to see a gay doctor, just for the fact that I could be comfortable discussing certain issues.
    Recently changed docs since the previous one was a jerk. He was a long time friend of my partner, and yes, he knew our situation which was cool, but on every visit he'd bring up my partner's ex, and stuff like that and that was not cool with me.
    So, went to a new doc - filled out a four page form, and one of the questions was are you straight or gay. I'm thinking, this could be good, that he understands the need to be able to talk about certain issues - so I mark gay.
    When I first go in he asks what brings me to the office today (just a routine exam) and then asks if my wife is making me see a doctor. All I could think is what a dolt - obviously didn't read the form at all. I just said "no."
    People in the medical field certainly need to be more sensitive to the LBGT community.
    One more story - in college after I got fucked for the first time I ended up with the "clap." This was before HIV was even known about and no one used a condom to fuck. (And I was ignorant about other STDs.) I was scared as shit, so went to the doc who prescripted meds, then looked at me and said "Use your ass for it's intended purpose - it's an exit only." So, thanks for the meds, doc, and the condescending comments.
    For gay men, the intended purpose of the ass is fucking, along with other things, damn it.
    If anyone knows how to go about finding a gay friendly physician, please let me know.