Any advice on How to get over resentment,anger, and bitterness without it consuming your life?

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    Jul 26, 2012 5:51 AM GMT
    So I have some past issues that have made me angry and resentful I dont know how to deal with these feelings Ive been to a counseler before Ive tried interinalizing my feelings and trying to find outlets to keep busy but things and events have held me back from being happy. Maybe I should go back to a counselor and consider antidepressants
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    Jul 26, 2012 12:44 PM GMT
    Definitely keep the counseling going (antideps only insofar as they're prescribed of course).

    Find ways to commit yourself to random acts of kindness, as the process of committing those selfless external acts can help counter and flood out any negative internal feelings.

    One set of examples:

    http://www.366randomacts.org/
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jul 26, 2012 12:53 PM GMT
    Well I think it's important to remember that we all have "goods" and "bads" in our life, but how we process each of them differs with each of us.

    My approach has always been to try and look for the "good side". I'm an optimist, a guy who always sees the glass full, not empty. I largely see myself as someone who needs to be grateful for what I have.. not what I don't.

    Sounds simple, but take stock of those things in your life that you should be grateful for and remember "life doesn't come to you", meaning, you have to "take it to life" meaning, that if you want something to change, you have to be proactive to change it. "Things coming to you" is a defeatist approach as is being bitter and negative about things that have happened.
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    Jul 26, 2012 1:07 PM GMT
    I think your idea of going back to a counselor is a good one to help you better understand the causes and work through them. From your profile, you have many things going for you and it would be a shame for you to be pulled down by something that can be treated. Best of luck.
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    Jul 26, 2012 1:33 PM GMT
    Seeing a counsellor is a great idea.

    Internalising feelings isn't the answer - at some point you will need to "deal with" them - the sooner the better, because even though you've internalised them, they will still shape the way you interact with the world and the people that live in it.

    Some things in life are good, some are bad and some just are what they are.

    How we move through life will depend largely on your perspective on it - which is shaped by our experiences - in order to move unencumbered by negatives, we need to deal with them, and put them to one side so we don't drag them along with us -

    A counsellor will help you to put your feelings of resentment, anger and bitterness by bringing them into perspective with the positives that are in your life, and those that could be.

    Wishing you many good days ahead.
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    Jul 26, 2012 1:39 PM GMT
    Move in the direction of owning your feelings, taking responsibility, mourning if you need to, and forgive--yourself and others. If you need a counselor to help you work thru these things, then by all means. Use drugs if last resort and if you can't function daily without any, but make all effort to work thru what is at the heart of the matter. If you're religious, seek God (and even if you're not, seek God. You'll learn alot about the power of forgiveness and love as you come to wholeness). Praying for the best in your journey to personal healing and wholeness.
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    Jul 26, 2012 2:06 PM GMT
    Thanks guys I have done nothing but try to give back and be postive keep my head up and fight through it all granted we all have shit we go through not trying to say woe is me but for the most part Ive made myself have to be strong for others but in doing so Ive put everyone else first but me. So looking for guidance and to find the right path in life to forgive but to never forget and to not let all my feelings defy who I am I just feel alone alot of the time and Ya I dont want to misdirect my feelings towards anyone else. I will use spirtuality to maybe help cope I was told maybe I need to cry I feel like these are the emotions that society says its wrong to feel that somehow crying being emotional is not demasculiating. Im trying to get back to working out getting out more and trying to find the pursuit of happeiness but I fear if I cant let go of my past then I'll never be able to move forward. Thanks for the encouragment
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    Jul 26, 2012 2:18 PM GMT
    Sorry to hear you are goin thru a rough patch buddy.I def cant give advice and how to get over bitterness and resentment because I have plenty.I will say that as corny as it may sound finding true love has made me see things in a different right.I hope sunnier days are right around the corner for you.Ryan and Ruben
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    Jul 26, 2012 2:29 PM GMT
    footballguy88 saidThanks guys I have done nothing but try to give back and be postive keep my head up and fight through it all granted we all have shit we go through not trying to say woe is me but for the most part Ive made myself have to be strong for others but in doing so Ive put everyone else first but me. So looking for guidance and to find the right path in life to forgive but to never forget and to not let all my feelings defy who I am I just feel alone alot of the time and Ya I dont want to misdirect my feelings towards anyone else. I will use spirtuality to maybe help cope I was told maybe I need to cry I feel like these are the emotions that society says its wrong to feel that somehow crying being emotional is not demasculiating. Im trying to get back to working out getting out more and trying to find the pursuit of happeiness but I fear if I cant let go of my past then I'll never be able to move forward. Thanks for the encouragment


    You'll get there by the sounds of it too - one thing I forgot to mention, is the effect that exercise has on the brain - it's great for giving you time to search your feelings too.

    Being positive and giving of yourself is a good start - but take time to be in the "now" and allow yourself to feel the things that are happening - don't make yourself so busy you're not living your life.

    As the other guys have mentioned, forgiveness is something that will help - forgive the things that were done to you; but also take time to forgive yourself - we're all human, all feel weak, angry and resentful at times.

    Take care.
  • DanOmatic

    Posts: 1155

    Jul 26, 2012 2:40 PM GMT
    I think the fact that you recognize this is HUGE, and it takes a lot of courage. Hats off to you! Most men would prefer to just stuff their anger and resentment down even further.

    It is said that depression is anger turned inward, so I think that you should find a counselor/therapist who deals with anger and depression issues and is also experienced in LGBQT matters. Growing up gay is still a struggle, and many men have internalized a negative image of themselves since childhood. I found it really helpful to talk with a gay therapist, since he can identify more closely with the experience of growing up gay.

    Also, forgiveness is a gift you can give not only others, but yourself. I think that we can harbor resentments towards others that are at their base, resentments towards ourselves. The first step is self-acceptance and forgiveness, and that makes room in our hearts for forgiving and accepting others.

    Lastly, I find that working out and being physically active is a great way to channel and release any negative feelings I may be having. Learning to use your anger for positive things is a healthy outlet.

    You are right: to not get to the bottom of these feelings will mean that you will never acheive your full potential for happiness in this life. Look at it as a long-term project for your own happiness, a journey to find your true self. It will not always be easy, but you will be enlightened in the end.
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    Jul 26, 2012 2:41 PM GMT
    All the advice guys have given sounds reasonable to me, especially seeing a counselor. The only thing that I'd add is forgiveness is nice and all but it doesn't mean forgetting. Life doesn't necessarily always turn out for the best like in the movies. That doesn't mean we shouldn't try our best but I do believe that "those who don't know history are doomed to repeat it."
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    Jul 26, 2012 3:14 PM GMT
    We all have things in the past that affect us in which we cannot change that; some may be affected worse than others. I'm saying this because it's nothing to be ashamed of. However, lingering and reliving the past over and over again is something that you can change. Just think of how much time and valuable energy you waste/spend on reliving whatever is troubling you. All this can be invested in improving your life and moving on from the past to make your life better. Think of it as you conquering something that will no longer have a hold on you in a negative way. Also, you will NEVER be able to be happy and live a fulfilled life if you continue letting the past interfere with your self-improvement. Moreover, you will drive others away which will be even worse because you will be a resentful, angry, unhappy, and lonely guy. I can't think of anything that's worse than that. Is holding on to your resentment and anger worth all of this? I apologize if the words I type seem harsh but the truth is inevitable. I hope after reading this that it will inspire you in some positive way to work harder on not letting the past control you and prevent you from reaching your full potential.
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    Jul 26, 2012 3:28 PM GMT
    No the truth will set you free not harsh at all just realstic and all of what you guys have said is something im putting into action but I needed some more advice and people to push me its tough to talk about stuff like that I have friends to talk to but my mom and others have there own issues so I try to figure out things on my own but its to te point that I have to make a change or things will never get better and I need to make myself happy and not expect others to do it for me thanks for the help keep the advice coming
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    Jul 26, 2012 3:30 PM GMT
    Remember that "Resentment is poison we take...in hopes that somebody else will die."

    Resentment kills us, not them.

    When you catch yourself feeling resentment, try to focus on one thing you like about the person no matter what that one thing is. Also, try to think about one thing that you are grateful for in the moment that you can attribute to that person.

    That "one thing" might even be, "I'm grateful that I'm not an asshat like that guy."
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    Jul 27, 2012 7:06 PM GMT
    like a few guys said... just being able to recognize it is huge. Time heals...(somewhat) so just be the best man you can be and be kind to yourself most of all..
    All the best. icon_wink.gif
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    Jul 27, 2012 7:32 PM GMT
    That was me a few months ago. I tried therapy and I was considering taking an anti-depressant, but I ended up getting through it myself. You have to work on accepting what happened in the past and you have to focus on the future. I know that that's easier said than done, but it worked for me. You also have to stop dwelling on things that are out of your control like stuff that already happened and focus on things that you can control. One of my friends gave me that advice and it helped me more than seeing a therapist. I do believe that therapy can help for some people though. It depends on what your issues are. Feel free to message me if you think I could help you with some of your issues.
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    Jul 27, 2012 7:35 PM GMT
    Prozac...But in all seriousness, my doctor's philosophy suggest a combo of exercise, meds, and talk therapy. I will attest to the fact that those endorphins that kick in after exercise may not help me conquer the world, but they DO make me conquer my day.
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    Jul 27, 2012 11:13 PM GMT
    Forgiveness is the best way to successfully handle resentment.
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    Jul 28, 2012 1:19 AM GMT
    garyinla saidProzac...But in all seriousness, my doctor's philosophy suggest a combo of exercise, meds, and talk therapy. I will attest to the fact that those endorphins that kick in after exercise may not help me conquer the world, but they DO make me conquer my day.


    Lexapro is another one. Helped for a while...until it stopped working.

    Drug made me stupid and despite weaning myself off in a way I thought was slow, I still had suicidal thoughts. It helped that my doctor warned me ahead of time and I just figured it was the withdrawl talking.

    I'm wired similarly. I understand.
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    Jul 28, 2012 1:21 AM GMT
    Mercy.
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    Jul 28, 2012 1:42 AM GMT
    I read it somewhere that you need to forgive others and yourself for whatever mistakes/wrong done in your past. That is only way to move on, talk to a therapist, focus more on enjoying/being more positive in life. Take things into different perspectives. There is a motto I try to live by. You can forgive and forget but when it's too great, you can forgive but can't forget, learn from that experience and move on to the future.
  • Trepeat

    Posts: 546

    Jul 30, 2012 5:53 PM GMT
    Im similar. Despite continuing efforts to get myself into a positive and grateful mindset, I still have this rage in me that I cant ever seem to get rid of. Tried antidepressants, they didn't help. It's really frustrating, because I don't want to be this angry, unhappy, frustrated person. What's helped me recently is murdering drifters. Whenever I get too frustrated or upset, I just go out and stab a homeless person. Nobody ever misses them and the cops don't care enough to launch a proper investigation. It's really an excellent outlet- I highly recommend it.

    icon_confused.gif
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    Jul 30, 2012 5:55 PM GMT
    xanax
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    Jul 30, 2012 6:02 PM GMT
    When all else fails, plotting revenge often helps me.