I almost CAME OUT today....plz need advice.

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    Jul 26, 2012 6:47 AM GMT
    Ok so I went over to my uncles house today for the weekly family get together (it a Latin thing). So my cousin (she) has been giving me the " I know" look and side comments for a week now and I haven't really paid much attention but today she did the worst this she could have done, as I was walking out the front door I playfully lapped her ass and all of a sudden she yell out "oh no, not until you come out of the closet " in front of everybody.

    I swear those 5 seconds felt like hours, I had a few feelings inside my gut.
    1. An intense feeling of "oh shit what the FUCK did just happend"
    2."Oh well I might as well get it out"
    3." This isn't how I wanted it to happend"
    4." Intense fear of what would happend next"
    But I just acted like I didn't here her and just walk out. Mind you all of it happend in a matter of seconds. After I called her cell and confronted her outside " that you just said is none of your business, you shouldnt have said that" I said.
    "It was a joke no one even noticed" she said. The funny thing is that I never told her it wasn't true so I guess she knows now.

    I have always know I was different, plus my dad is gay (he lives in another country). I just didn't want it to happend yet or maybe never. I haven't had a gf ever, nor did I want one but the thought of my deepest secret been throw out like that really terrified me.

    The funny thing is that I was almost free but not really because even in my family would be mostly ok with it, it wouldn't be the same anymore. I'd be the odd ball out. I just think that acting straight would fix the problem but I don't want to be misserable for the rest of my life. I want love with whom I'm sexually atraccted to NOT whom people tell me to be with. Any advice :'(
  • Just_Tim

    Posts: 1723

    Jul 26, 2012 6:57 AM GMT
    I understand the "holy shit not yet! Not like this!" attitude, but maybe it's a sign. Just go for it man. If your cousin already knows, that most likely means other members of your family have a good idea. Just get it over with, on your own terms, and enjoy how much better you'll feel afterwards... It's not the end of the world.
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    Jul 26, 2012 7:06 AM GMT
    I'm about to jump but I don't want to look down. Let's see what's gonna happen.
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    Jul 26, 2012 7:08 AM GMT
    Just be yourself....if u want them to know then blow them out of the water....it will do wanders for proving whether or not your family is indeed your family.....if you dont want them to know, just be yourself....im pretty sure that you have accumulated enough jokes to mask any shame, fear, embarrassment or discomfort you might have...so use the tools ya got and keep chuggin along...either way, dont feel pressured into a reaction for anything other than life or death (or for the sake of not burning bridges, which ever comes first)
  • Pyre85

    Posts: 213

    Jul 26, 2012 7:27 AM GMT
    My parents are Jehovahs Witnesses and they had me so conditioned against gay people I hated myself more thoroughly than anyone else could.
    When I moved in with my brother who I knew for a FACT wouldn't care, I still couldn't tell him. I thought that they'd be mad at me for lying to them all this time, or that he didn't care about gay people, but I'm his brother, so that would be different.
    When it finally happened I was terrified, and even tried to pretend It didn't happen the next day ( they only got it out of me cuz I was REALLY drunk, so It kind of was plausible.)
    But in the brief moments that I surrendered my secret the world was a brighter place. The weight I didn't realize I'd been carrying slipped off my shoulders, and it felt dizzyingly good to be free of the burden of keeping the secret. When I thouht of taking that back on... I just couldn't bear it.
    My brother couldn't be more supportive, and while the rest of the family has written me off to various degrees, I couldn't be happier about being out. It's liberating and makes the world a brighter, more beautiful place. Anyone who can't accept you being true to your self and Loving who you were meant to, and most of all YOURSELF, doesn't belong in your life, family or no.
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    Jul 26, 2012 11:37 AM GMT
    Like Italians... Latins are all pretty much gay. They will fuck anything at some point.

    I mean look at me? icon_wink.gif
  • urhereurthere

    Posts: 185

    Jul 26, 2012 11:47 AM GMT
    Kalifornication saidLike Italians... Latins are all pretty much gay. They will fuck anything at some point.

    I mean look at me? icon_wink.gif


    You serious? -.-
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    Jul 26, 2012 11:58 AM GMT
    Kalifornication saidLike Italians... Latins are all pretty much gay. They will fuck anything at some point.

    I mean look at me? icon_wink.gif


    HA! casual racism,

    what an awful thing to say.

    quite funny though.
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    Jul 26, 2012 12:02 PM GMT
    Pyre85 saidMy parents are Jehovahs Witnesses and they had me so conditioned against gay people I hated myself more thoroughly than anyone else could.
    When I moved in with my brother who I knew for a FACT wouldn't care, I still couldn't tell him. I thought that they'd be mad at me for lying to them all this time, or that he didn't care about gay people, but I'm his brother, so that would be different.
    When it finally happened I was terrified, and even tried to pretend It didn't happen the next day ( they only got it out of me cuz I was REALLY drunk, so It kind of was plausible.)
    But in the brief moments that I surrendered my secret the world was a brighter place. The weight I didn't realize I'd been carrying slipped off my shoulders, and it felt dizzyingly good to be free of the burden of keeping the secret. When I thouht of taking that back on... I just couldn't bear it.
    My brother couldn't be more supportive, and while the rest of the family has written me off to various degrees, I couldn't be happier about being out. It's liberating and makes the world a brighter, more beautiful place. Anyone who can't accept you being true to your self and Loving who you were meant to, and most of all YOURSELF, doesn't belong in your life, family or no.


    Good for you, man. A perfect example of how we can blow things completely out of proportion in our own minds. I felt the same sense of relief when I finally came out, and I'm happier than I've ever been. Now if I could only find a boyfriend, lol....

    OP, just do it. You'll feel much better once you get it off your chest. The other stuff will just begin to fall in place after that. Good luck!
  • Darkjeono

    Posts: 12

    Jul 26, 2012 12:13 PM GMT
    LatinAmericans have the "SoapOpera" Chip, they want their children to be Macho, and to have babies and a lot of women. if your dad is gay, which confirms to me that gay is a genetic thing. You have one more xcuse to say it. plus, a lot of people don't come out of the closet just for the AFTER fear. and sometimes what is after is a HUGE FREEDOM. cause once they say you're gay and you admit it, noone can hurt you anymore (even relatives that don't aprove the gay thing) Mi advice, come out, after then you'll live a life without fear (ok ok that doesn't free you from being hurt, but at least you don't have to pretend to live someone's elses life)
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    Jul 26, 2012 12:19 PM GMT
    Your cousin sounds fun, sounds like she really doesn't care, so maybe you should come out to her officially.
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    Jul 26, 2012 12:49 PM GMT
    Agreed, come out to your cousin. Go slap her on the ass and say, "there, it's official now."

    Since you are on this site, you clearly know who you are and who you want to be. Find the courage to join all us out men. You won't regret it.
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    Jul 26, 2012 12:51 PM GMT
    Stuttershock saidYour cousin sounds fun, sounds like she really doesn't care, so maybe you should come out to her officially.


    Exactly
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    Jul 26, 2012 1:42 PM GMT
    Everyone has given you something encouraging thus far...well, maybe not Kalifornication...;-) so you should try to come to terms with it yourself first. Your very first sentence should guide you, "weekly family thing" means you choose to be the ones you love & they enjoy being with you. By not telling them when they already seem to know like your cousin, is lying to them. It makes them wonder why you don't trust them to be who you really are.

    Realize that you may not get 100% acceptance but those family members will either come around or agree to disagree & ultimately respect you for being honest. But not being honest will never serve you well.
  • gwuinsf

    Posts: 525

    Jul 26, 2012 3:51 PM GMT
    The grass IS greener on this side. All support to you, man. Just do it.
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    Jul 26, 2012 4:15 PM GMT
    mcblue92 saidmy dad is gay ...Any advice


    Talk to your father.
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    Jul 26, 2012 4:22 PM GMT
    If your family thinks it's ok to be "lapping" each other's asses, I don't think being gay is really going to bother them.
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    Jul 26, 2012 6:12 PM GMT
    Thanks for the thoughts....
    Everyday I feel more and more comfortable in my one skin, even if I have denied myself the truth the first step is knowing who I really am. The funny is that all my aunts ask be about clothe and stuff because I have "good taste and my mom tells me to rearrange the drapes. I think to my self " really" how can they not know, but then they ask me when I'm going to get a girlfriend. But I do look and I am masculine, 6 ' tall and broad shoulders, I look manly. I always wear basketball shorts and a t-shit I'm really not into fashion but Im not blind to bad taste. But that only means that not all gay guys have to be flaming or girly. I just don't want to deal with what might happen. I love my family and I don't want to be the butt of every joke( I can handle them but it still hurt my feelings) or be in akward moments just because I can't relate to the guys. But I also want to be happy.
  • Pyre85

    Posts: 213

    Jul 26, 2012 6:28 PM GMT
    Its a trade off to be sure. I didn't do it til I was out of my parents house for sure, But even if its awkward at first, sooner or later they'll realize that you're still the same person they knew and loved before you told them. And while they may not approve of your lifestyle, hopefully they can look past that and love the person.
    In my experience it's pretty rare for a parent to stay mad forever, no matter what the "crime". They'll always be a spot in their heart for their little by. Especially mothers.
    Do what feels right and don't rush into anything, and I hope you'll be pleasantly surprised by how many people will accept you as is. (may take em a minute to wrap their head around it but still.)