HOw do YOU behave when a guy has a crush on you? (and you DON'T feel the same way)

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 09, 2008 4:26 PM GMT

    This is a spin-off from the "should I ask him these things" thread by guy0680.

    Guys had crushes on me in the past. If they felt comfortable telling me, I encouraged it because unrequited love is already a drag. What usually happened was we talked it out whenever it came up (cough, haha), USED HUMOUR AND WARMTH and things gradually settled down. Eventually the guy'd get snapped up and I'd sometimes wistfully wonder why I didn't feel that special feeling for him, as he waltzed off into the sunset with his partner.

    In 0680's thread, he felt big feelings for a guy already dating someone, for starters. He wanted to ask the guy a few questions. The responses were basically DON'T. I suggested making humourous statements instead of questions. To avoid repetition, go look at his thread here..

    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/247853/

    ....so what do YOU do when a friend has a crush on you?


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 09, 2008 6:03 PM GMT
    I sometimes try to not bring up the subject of dating so i can avoid awkward moments
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    Aug 09, 2008 8:30 PM GMT
    Bill and I sat in our new livingroom and talked about this. We have both had guys have crushes on us. We both did, and do, treat it with respect. Heck those are real feelings. It's also a huge and vast compliment.


    Some guys take full advantage and get their jollies then dump the smitten one. Some back away like they've stepped on a snake and go "ewww, claustrophia"


  • UncleverName

    Posts: 741

    Aug 09, 2008 8:46 PM GMT
    This is a tough one to deal with. This has happened to me in the past, and I didn't find talking about it to be a big help.
    Dating someone else (for me and the other person) seemed to be the thing to do the trick, allowing us to still be friends.
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    Aug 09, 2008 9:09 PM GMT

    I sleep with him. I know, counter productive.icon_confused.gif
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    Aug 09, 2008 9:14 PM GMT
    guiltygearI sleep with him. I know, counter productive.


    Not for free, I hope.
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    Aug 09, 2008 9:14 PM GMT
    this happens to me with females... i just always find a way to interject "i love you so much... u are just like my sister" lol.

    they ususally tend to get the point.

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    Aug 09, 2008 9:16 PM GMT
    McGay said
    guiltygearI sleep with him. I know, counter productive.


    Not for free, I hope.


    You, fuckface!icon_razz.gif
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    Aug 09, 2008 9:17 PM GMT
    Exactly, Guiltygear, I mean really how much trouble is it to have sex with someone you don't really really fancy? Jeez, some people are so picky.
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    Aug 09, 2008 9:23 PM GMT
    Depends how "strong" the crush is.

    If it's there but the other guy is keeping his distance, then I make no mention of it. However, if his actions involve his going out of his way to hang-out with me, sacrificing his own compromises (i.e.: personal errands, responsibilities, etc.), phoning a lot, texting, etc., then it's time to sit down and talk opening, candidly, and express why I may not be into him as he is into me.

    But DON'T walk away from this rather serious conversation without pointing out any positive aspects of him which he can note in "bringing to the table" for the next guy who may reciprocate his sentiments. This may sound contradictory to not feeling the same way toward him, and it's not necessarily being charitable or polite in exchange, but truthful. However, if he has no positive points to highlight, then bring that up, too. Hopefully, he'll work toward correcting himself.

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    Aug 09, 2008 10:14 PM GMT
    GuiltyGear said
    McGay said
    guiltygearI sleep with him. I know, counter productive.


    Not for free, I hope.


    You, fuckface!icon_razz.gif


    Oh, yeah?!?!?!?

    Take this:

    guiltybride.jpg
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 09, 2008 10:26 PM GMT
    I wouldn't know. To my knowledge, no one has ever had a crush on me.
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    Aug 09, 2008 10:42 PM GMT

    I pretty much avoid them. Unless it's a friendship that turns into this situation, then I'll try to ignore it. However, depending on the intensity of said crush, I'd definitely bring it up and lay out how I felt to said person. I've learned that it's better than just ignoring it.

    (I hate this phenomenon X_X )
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    Aug 09, 2008 11:33 PM GMT


    jpritchva,

    I believe they'd just be too darn shy to tell you! icon_wink.gif
  • TallGWMvballe...

    Posts: 1925

    Aug 10, 2008 12:30 AM GMT
    This is a tough situation.
    When this happens, I know I know, you guys think "how could ANYone have a crush on an old guy like him?" hahaah

    I think the best thing to do is let the guy know that you are sorry but it just isn't a good match, show respect and be nice ... look for positive things like, "I am sure there are many guys that would like you for who you are."
    After all, there is a lid for every jar. Unlike so many guys that are mean to those who are not "hot" in their mind, I try hard to teat all people fairly, with respect and react to how they treat me not if they are attractive or not.
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    Aug 10, 2008 1:05 AM GMT
    I would take some time with him - and let him know how flattered I was, and I'd compliment him on his positive attributes - but I'd do a "however" and say, "But I'm just not that into you, and you deserve a great guy who is truly into you - just as you are, and you'll find him - I'm sure of it!"
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Aug 10, 2008 1:24 AM GMT
    Hmmm...
    I know this is bad
    But I usually feel bad telling someone
    that I don't feel the same
    so I act indifferent

    Bad Huh? icon_neutral.gif
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Aug 10, 2008 1:32 AM GMT
    I am very clear and talk up the friendship thing. Its sincere and honest... but I make sure he understands that the "crush" is a one way street and that while I value him, it needs to be friendship. I haven't had too many problems in the past once we have that talk.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 10, 2008 1:56 AM GMT
    McGay said
    Oh, yeah?!?!?!?

    Take this:

    .....................................guiltybride.jpg


    Photobucket

    OOOMMMMGGG!!! My dress is fabulous!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 10, 2008 3:43 AM GMT
    I tell someone. Because the sooner they know, the sooner they can get over it and on to someone who does feel the same way about them.

    But I let them down gently and try to stay friends. Having a crush ignore you is the worst thing to happen from what I've experienced...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 12, 2011 4:48 AM GMT
    When I find out someone has a crush on me and I don't like him?
    tumblr_le553hnMzD1qd8b6l.gif

    No just kidding. icon_lol.gif I don't treat them differently- I just am more cautious not to act in a way that can be seen as leading them on
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 12, 2011 5:44 PM GMT
    WHAT THE HELL DOES PHYSICAL ATTRACTION HAVE TO DO WITH LOVE? I still debate the genuine phrase "being in love". SO ASSUMING IT EXISTS, there is NO FUCKING REASON why you cannot love your neighbor as you love yourself.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Mar 12, 2011 6:07 PM GMT
    this is why i think you guys are so cool and great! please do not breakup nor stop being nice guys. if a guy has a crush on me. i usually put a little distance between us. i try not to hang around as often. i try to make sure i always have things to do which isn't that hard for me. i also let them know that i like them but i do not feel the same way. i feel being honest with them is always an important thing to do
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    Mar 12, 2011 8:21 PM GMT
    I try my best to ignore their unwanted crush when I don't feel the same way. The way I see it, it will pass when they realize I don't reciprocate.

    Of courses, when they outright say they like me and want to go on a data/make-out, then I tell them I'm not interested...and then I get awkward, even thought I try not to be.
  • sea_buddy

    Posts: 143

    Mar 12, 2011 8:49 PM GMT
    I get really awkward and clamp up emotionally when it's a legitimate friend who is interested in me. icon_neutral.gif