When does does discipling a child become abuse?

  • KarlosSuave

    Posts: 66

    Jul 28, 2012 4:56 AM GMT
    Title.

    Do you think spanking your child is uncalled for ?
    Do you think having consequences is enough for a child/teen.
    How were you brought up & has either effected you?
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    Jul 28, 2012 1:22 PM GMT
    When the spanking is so hard that it causes physical damage, or intense, searing pain. It should be a short, sharp, shock to the system, that's all.

    Also, when physical reprimands are without pre-emptive warnings and an explanation of why a certain behaviour was 'wrong' in the first instance.

    I think a spank on the back of a hand or the bottom is reasonable if the child wilfully refuses to respect reasonable rules and or is purposely and repeatedly doing something that will endanger his/herself or another.

    I think that physical reprimands should always be a last resort though. If Supernanny has taught us anything, it is that a naughty child is the result of an impatient and ignorant parent, who has not consistently enforced and rewarded good behaviour.

    There are highly effective non physical techniques, such as time-out, removal of favourite items, grounding, reasoning, rewards, and other even more creative methods, that, unless in an emergency or urgent context, should be used before striking a child.

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    Jul 28, 2012 1:25 PM GMT
    Anything beyond spanking a child with your hand is abuse. If it causes daily fear or leaves a mark on your child, you are doing it wrong.
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    Jul 28, 2012 1:28 PM GMT
    KarlosRhode saidTitle.

    Do you think spanking your child is uncalled for ?
    Do you think having consequences is enough for a child/teen.
    How were you brought up & has either effected you?


    1. No I do not think discipLINing your child by spanking is uncalled for.
    2. Not sure I understand your second question. In addition to logical, rational consequences, what else did you want to do to them?
    3. My mom kept a paddle at home. It was on top of the refrigerator and it was there to scare us. My parents would use it and we knew it. We knew we'd have to deal with the paddle if we did something wrong. Sometimes I'd screw up and get it. But it was a true teacher.

    The paddle helped us behave when we needed to in front of other people. I just wish it would've helped me with all the other hard lessons I learned in my 20's and 30's.icon_neutral.gif
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    Jul 28, 2012 1:34 PM GMT
    When you overuse a belt, hit them more than once or twice for being bad; use fists, verbal abuses, and cut downs... to name a few. There a difference between discipline, and abuse. I don't care how vast or narrow you think that difference is, but you have to be able to acknowledge it, and yourself before you can be an affective parent. IMHO*
  • d694485

    Posts: 222

    Jul 28, 2012 1:52 PM GMT
    Judging from these responses, I think I may have been abused as a child. I do think that getting spanked and perhaps abused has affected my personality (not as outgoing as I wish I could be). I suppose that's asian parental disciplining for you...icon_neutral.gif
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    Jul 28, 2012 1:53 PM GMT
    When has violence ever created understanding, vs shame?
    When has it ever expressed love, vs loss of control in the more powerful?
    Being tired, frustrated, annoyed, angry, etc., are signs of being uncentred and are adult responsibilities. They aren't excuses for using power over others to control. A child's brain is developing and not fully capable of rationality. The adult's violence is an act of misplaced expectation. A child's fear or anguish puts focus on emotional resentment, not understanding.

    If a parent can't take responsibility for their own impatience then how does acting from that loss of self integration teach a child anything other than the erronious belief that two wrongs make a right.

  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Jul 28, 2012 3:24 PM GMT
    Darius30The paddle helped us behave when we needed to in front of other people. I just wish it would've helped me with all the other hard lessons I learned in my 20's and 30's.


    Oh my, someone likes to get spanked! icon_biggrin.gif

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    Jul 28, 2012 4:12 PM GMT
    METAMORPH saidWhen the spanking is so hard that it causes physical damage, or intense, searing pain. It should be a short, sharp, shock to the system, that's all.

    Also, when physical reprimands are without pre-emptive warnings and an explanation of why a certain behaviour was 'wrong' in the first instance.

    I think a spank on the back of a hand or the bottom is reasonable if the child wilfully refuses to respect reasonable rules and or is purposely and repeatedly doing something that will endanger his/herself or another.

    I think that physical reprimands should always be a last resort though. If Supernanny has taught us anything, it is that a naughty child is the result of an impatient and ignorant parent, who has not consistently enforced and rewarded good behaviour.

    There are highly effective non physical techniques, such as time-out, removal of favourite items, grounding, reasoning, rewards, and other even more creative methods, that, unless in an emergency or urgent context, should be used before striking a child.



    + 100
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    Jul 28, 2012 5:16 PM GMT
    Sometimes I think it is wrong to tell a child to stop crying because crying is considered somewhat healthy when you are an adult. I wouldn't call it abuse but still I call it wrong.