I Hate Myself!

  • MattyC0709

    Posts: 1199

    Aug 09, 2008 8:06 PM GMT
    No, I'm not thinking of committing suicide, hehe. I just hate how shy I am. It's not only with guys I like, but also with my own friends that I'm unable to speak. I hate it so much when the guy I'm dating introduces me to his friends, and I end up barely saying anything. icon_sad.gif It's so embarrasing, for me and for him.

    I may just be rambling, but can anyone give me a few pointers on how I can try to get along with new people. I barely talk, and practically only answer when talked to. I wish I knew what to say in front of people, but my mind turns up blank with ideas. icon_confused.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 09, 2008 8:32 PM GMT
    Just an idea. Accept yourself. People who think you're dumb, uninteresting, etc., because you have nothing to offer up to the usual superficial garbage that passes for conversation these days aren't worth crying over.

    Others may see you as deep.
  • UncleverName

    Posts: 741

    Aug 09, 2008 8:45 PM GMT
    Keep in mind that everyone else has just as many hang ups as you do; just because you can't see them, doesn't mean they're not there.

    Picture them naked, with shriveled turtle penis's for guys, tits flapping for girls icon_smile.gif

    Try to complement people. If you can't think of anything to ask them about, ask them about what they're wearing, or mention something you like about their look.

    Maybe ask your bf to give you a heads up on something to ask the people he introduces. That helps me sometimes.

    Try talking to people you don't care about. Like the woman working at the coffee shop you go to all the time (they have those in Malta, don't they?), or the guy working at the grocery store, or wherever you go a lot but don't talk to people.

    Tell them something about yourself. That should be easier to remember/think of.

    Last but not least, although this is a really tough one, and probably not very useful... join a Toast Masters group icon_smile.gif Nothing solves your inability to speak on the spot like Toast Masters haha.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 09, 2008 8:46 PM GMT
    Hey muttskins, thats exactly how i am! I am always super quiet (and people always remind me...). Iv noticed with time iv gotten better but a big part is accepting that im just naturally a quiet person. Cut back on the stress from worrying if people think your quiet, because, its not like that isn't the case. A confident quiet person does come across as deep.

    As far as specific pointers... Well in my case i don't do well in large groups of folks, i become overwhelmed and tend to be just a spectator. So i try and just have small one on one conversations on the side with new folks, small talk and the like. So its also something that comes with practice. Even though I'm not good at those situations, i try to put myself in them so i can get comfortable.

    now i'm rambling....
    I Don't know if that helps but it keeps me from being the wall flower at parties.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 09, 2008 9:00 PM GMT
    Well muttskins I feel for you. I didn't start talking much until I was 3, and even then it was because I overheard my mom worrying about me to a friend. I thought "I guess should make an effort to talk". I just did not feel like it.

    It took me years to fell comfortable talking to others, and public speaking was pure torture. When I took my MBA I joined "Toastmasters International" to help me get over my fear of public speaking. It helped tremendously. I think it might help you someday to join a group or take a course that is similar. It will build your confidence in speaking.

    When mixing with others when with your bf, don't feel pressured to talk right away, try and relax listen a bit, and try and figure out what others are interested in, then pick out someone else that is also quiet and try and strike up a conversation. Social small talk for introverts is really a skill that needs to be acquired and practiced alot. Unlike extraverts, it does not come to us naturally or easily.

    Good luck.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 09, 2008 9:06 PM GMT
    Pretend you're talking on an internet bulletin board.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 09, 2008 9:18 PM GMT
    Hey, you can't be that shy if you're dating!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 09, 2008 9:39 PM GMT
    Mudflaps:

    I was going to make one of my jokes, but I'll be serious instead.

    ASK QUESTIONS.

    People love to talk about themselves. All you have to do is bat your eyes once in a while, murmur "and then what happened?" when there's a lull in the conversation, and everyone will say later what an interesting person you are.

    Guaranteed. I promise.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 09, 2008 9:44 PM GMT
    Monitor your own thinking.

    Are you talking to yourself in your head right now?

    Are you talking to yourself in your head when you are with friends?

    What are you thinking about when you get stressed about not talking?

    If you are like most people your mind is talking a million words a minute about everything.

    Next time tap into this stream and try to vocalize any part of it. You can even talk about not talking ..Get it?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 09, 2008 9:50 PM GMT
    jprichva saidMudflaps:

    I was going to make one of my jokes, but I'll be serious instead.

    ASK QUESTIONS.

    People love to talk about themselves. All you have to do is bat your eyes once in a while, murmur "and then what happened?" when there's a lull in the conversation, and everyone will say later what an interesting person you are.

    Guaranteed. I promise.


    This is the stuff right here.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 09, 2008 9:55 PM GMT
    jp has it spot on! Ask questions and let the others do the talking. They will think you are the most interesting fellow.

    What I might add is for you to think about the conversations that you might have before you go out so that you will be prepared.

    Also, you can always have general questions, such as...

    How are you?

    How do you know [the person who introduced you two]?

    How you been to this [bar or whatever] before?

    Would you like to go find a dark corner and fuck me silly? ... icon_eek.gif

    Ok, maybe not the last one. ... icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 09, 2008 10:06 PM GMT
    Try mime.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 09, 2008 10:14 PM GMT
    Many, many, many light years ago. When One was still young like you. I was the same. If there was no such thing as a sexual predator. Not sure if One would of even of had sex either, as One never made the first move, it always come to me,

    But One is very confident now days, it comes with age, well and my work helped me along too. No One was always confident, my shyness just got in the way.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 10, 2008 12:57 AM GMT
    I have much the same problem. I've had friends tell me recently that my build combined with my shyness comes across as being intimidating. Knowing that has helped me make an effort, because for one I don't want anyone to feel intimidated by me (well maybe a few people), and two knowing that they feel less then confident allows me to see they have their own particular hang ups too.

    So I've been doing some research on how to get over this. The one most useful piece of information that I have found is this: When a conversation opportunity comes up give your entire attention to this one person, be completely in their moment, make them feel like they are the only person in the world. You do this by keeping eye contact if they are speaking, and asking questions about what they are saying. Even if you don't agree with what they say, you can simply ask "how did you come to see it that way?" The key to being liked by others is to tune into them completely and be completely with them for that brief moment in time. If you can succeed in making someone feel special you will have made a tremendous impression and quite possibly a new friend.


  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 10, 2008 1:04 AM GMT
    YngHungSFSD saidI have much the same problem. I've had friends tell me recently that my build combined with my shyness comes across as being intimidating.
    This is like some of the things I am trying to talk about in the "misunderstanding" thread .. http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/255170/

    As far as "I hate myself", I have a saying, "don't be in a hurry to hate yourself, there is usually someone else willing to do that for no good reason."
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Aug 10, 2008 1:48 AM GMT
    I hear ya Mutts...
    But there's a way to combat this

    Shyness is basically fear based
    You're afraid people will not like you, think your stupid or dumb or any number of other things
    What you have to do is desensitize yourself from that fear
    I was Painfully shy growing up
    and part of it was that I knew I was gay and didn't want anyone to guess
    For me going into college and having to do papers that had to be presented
    and teaching while I was there helped make it more bearable
    I'm definitely not an extrovert but I don't melt anymore in social situations

    Force yourself to mingle with people on a regular basis
    and if you can't do that
    sign up for a public speaking group like toastmasters
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 10, 2008 6:22 AM GMT
    jprichva saidMudflaps:

    I was going to make one of my jokes, but I'll be serious instead.

    ASK QUESTIONS.

    People love to talk about themselves. All you have to do is bat your eyes once in a while, murmur "and then what happened?" when there's a lull in the conversation, and everyone will say later what an interesting person you are.

    Guaranteed. I promise.



    I go on talk show mode with people.

    Yes, people like answering questions, expressing their thoughts and such. It takes some effort and imagination especially if you're the introverted type, but as jprichva says, it works!

    (You'd want, however, to watch out for those people who eventually want to be with you because you're such a great listener, but they never make an effort to learn more about you.)

    I used to hate being shy, but I realized that being shy can be an asset. Just don't allow your shyness to consume you.

    All the best! icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 10, 2008 7:27 AM GMT
    join the TOASTMASTERSicon_razz.gif

    it will not only help to teach you to speak well but also will surely help you get away with shyness, go ahead mate dont be afraid, i love to speak to everyone i meet icon_redface.gif
  • MattyC0709

    Posts: 1199

    Aug 10, 2008 8:49 AM GMT
    Thanks alot you guys! icon_smile.gif

    JP's advice is really good, questions do help alot in showing your interest to other people, and public speaking groups would probably help.

    So far, all I do is answer questions, or try to stike up conversation with some other shy guy. Hopefully I'll keep all your advice in mind next time I go out. icon_smile.gif