Maybe I'm just old fashioned... Or just old... (NOT!)

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 28, 2012 8:48 PM GMT
    Hey mates,

    I would like to get a general idea in the dating world. Of course I'm an old fashioned guy that likes to pick up the phone and call someone... Best friends, close friends, etc., but it seems like lately, the preferred method of communication is text messaging.

    I am currently dating this guy I met on one of the more popular dating sites out there. We went out last weekend on a nice date, and we had a BLAST! We were totally into each other, flirted, touched, smiled, etc. at the dinner table. Took him to a local dessert shoppe afterwards. We ended up spending about 4.5 hours with each other.

    Now I've taken a little bit of a backseat when it comes to initiating calls. Of course I called the day after our date to say what a great time I had, and since he was cleaning house, I mentioned that if he feels like getting out of the house for froyo, etc., just give me a ring. It didn't take him even two hours, and we were on a smoothie date.

    So the week comes. I say that I'll call him on Tuesday. (ok, call me a little structured... I come from a military family.) I got a nice text from him on Monday. I responded, and called on Tuesday as promised. We didn't talk for too long, but emailed him on Wednesday and didn't hear from him until about 8pm. I was in church at the time. I was in the process of responding once church was over, since he asked me in his response, "how my day was?", but decided to ring. We talked, laughed, I gave him some shit and he was blushing.

    In his defence, he is EXTREMELY shy. I like him and i can tell that he likes me too. When we go out though, he would like me to make the plans and he just goes along. (passive bottom) icon_smile.gif I'm ok with that, but have you guys experienced this type of behaviour? I said in my text to him last night, since we're going out tonight... (He's coming to my house at 1900.), "gimme a ring tomorrow (today) so we can arrange a time and so. I knew he had to meet up with friends. I don't wanna be the one to always be initiating the call.

    Any thoughts? Thanks much in advance.

    Cheers,

    Sean
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    Jul 29, 2012 4:33 AM GMT
    Not quite sure what you're asking, but to me it sounds like you're asking if it is good to have him start doing some of the calling/texting. Nothing wrong with that. I'd feel weird if I was doing all the calling and the other guy wasn't doing much of it. I'd feel an imbalance there, if that was happening. I think you're right in asking him to get back with you. Even if he's a true bottom - wanting you to initiate and plan each date - it is good to let him do some of the work communicating.
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    Jul 29, 2012 7:00 AM GMT
    He Can't Miss You If You Don't Go Away!!..For the love of God..Would you get off his ass just a little..!!
    ..You two just started out...!! Do you think the earth will crumble if you you don't hear from him for 2 or three days???...
    This guy sounds like he has a life..give him a break...
    Get a puppy or take up stamp collecting...Gawd !!
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    Jul 29, 2012 2:43 PM GMT
    Hello mates,

    Thanks so much for the replies. Jockbud, that's exactly where I was getting. Anoc, it's not exactly that I was on his ass, but he is extremely shy. I'm ok with not hearing from him for a couple of days, but I was a little confused. Dating a guy whom is very shy and introverted is different, which I'm realising. I think maybe you misunderstood, or I didn't convey my enquiry in a proper manner. My apologies.

    Cheers,

    Sean
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    Jul 29, 2012 2:49 PM GMT
    It all sounds fine, Sean, and really pretty wonderful, but I think you'd like to feel sought after, ( I also feel you may now be wanting a demonstration of how he feels about you) and this is all good.

    So...how do you feel about suggesting to him that next time he serves (like in tennis, lol) ?

    warmly,

    -Doug of meninlove
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jul 29, 2012 2:55 PM GMT
    Sean,
    Sounds great... I say, do what is most comfortable for both of you and make it happen. Congrats for a great start to (hopefully) a strong dating and long lasting relationship, if that is what you both want.

    Best wishes!
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    Jul 29, 2012 2:59 PM GMT
    From what it sounds like you are definitely coming from a good place, maybe to him it's just communicated different because he might not be used to something so "militant" as per your upbringing.

    If he's a naturally shy person, taking initiative is going to be a learning process for him because nice guys who are shy usually (but not always) don't want to be a 'hassle' so they leave social plans to suit everyone else and just follow suit.
    At least that's what I've noticed in my shy friends and they are really good guys/girls.

    I think this will just take time and patience. Be understanding, though not using that as justification, when you find you're annoyed or frustrated and be graceful if ever you get angry lol.

    I don't know what advice to give really lol but I thought I'd offer it and you can pick what you like from it and disregard the rest.
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    Jul 29, 2012 4:04 PM GMT
    Hey mates,
    Yes, everything is going well so far. Meninlove, yes, of course I'm used to dating guys whom are more expressive of their feelings, so yes, talk about a learning process! We hung out yesterday, and since he is so shy, i suggested bowling to bring us out of that awkward moment. I had him meet at my house, since I have a really fun bowling alley right near my house. I have to say I told him that he's going to kick my ass at it, and he did! 395 to 303! What was nice, we would egg each other on, with comments like, "you've got this babe," or "go get em..." I really have to say that I saw that he came out of his shell. We rented a movie afterwards, and just cuddled on the couch. We kissed, and I offered for him to spend the night if he'd like, me being a gentleman and respecting him, but he said he would take a raincheque. (another set of brownie points). In the car, he said that he really likes me, but it takes him a while, which I told him that I also really like him, and respect that. icon_smile.gif

    Hndsom, thanks mate! Yes, I had also mentioned that I am bad with texts and usually will pick up the phone if it gets to more than 3 texts being sent. He is ok with me calling him. I got from what he says that he feels a little awkward calling, maybe not wanting to run out of things to say, or not wanting to screw things up. I assured him that I like whom he is, and he can just be himself.

    BRoss, what's ironic, he's from a military family too. He was telling me about his organisation and structure, which sounded like a clone of me. He definitely scored some points. I am noticing exactly what you say... in being a hassle. I try to overcome that with him by involving him and having his input in everything. I am definitely learning a lot with him.
    Cheers,

    Sean