Scenario: The gay bar. What do you do?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 09, 2008 10:04 PM GMT
    If you don't go to one, let's assume we've already said that, "I don't do anything because I don't go to the gay bar/am not in the scene/etc," is a terribly witty comment.

    You're in a bar. You're single. You see a guy who you're interested in. Normally, you'd go up to him and say, "Hi," but he's in a group. Possibly on the dance floor. No idea of his relationship status (there isn't someone clinging off him, nor does he appear to be clinging off anyone; no ring), and he doesn't appear to be looking at anyone, never mind you (i.e. the eye contact cue isn't really there, but it's not there for anyone really.) He never seems to be alone, but with someone in the cluster (e.g. if part of the cluster goes to dance, he's still not alone on the sidelines)

    Your goal, if you choose to accept it, is to meet this guy and get a phone number.

    What do you do?
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    Aug 09, 2008 10:31 PM GMT
    ok so first things first you need to start making some serious eye contact, then hell get the picture and if he is confident enough and interested then he might come over and strike up a conversation

    if he is on the dancefloor with his buddies then you need to head to the dancefloor with you friends and try to get his attention with eye contact there, this always works for me, what usually happens is that you make eye contact that obviously suggests you like the guy and you gradually start moving your way towards each other and then you should have the opportunity to talk to him, dance with him etc.

    or something along those lines!
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    Aug 09, 2008 10:38 PM GMT
    He's seemingly involved with his group of friends, and not really looking around that much.
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    Aug 09, 2008 10:46 PM GMT
    hmmmm...ill have to think about that one...



    maybe you could see if he goes to the bathroom, then you could smile and say hi when u pass him in there and then when ye're both back out in the club you could try to make eye contact again
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    Aug 10, 2008 3:10 AM GMT
    Go up to him, tap him on the shoulder, apologize for interrupting, say you noticed him across the room, ask him if you could steal him away briefly and/or convince him to go out for coffee some time, and take it from there...

    You wont get anywhere if you don't start walking!
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    Aug 10, 2008 2:19 PM GMT
    looknrnd saidGo up to him, tap him on the shoulder, apologize for interrupting, say you noticed him across the room, ask him if you could steal him away briefly and/or convince him to go out for coffee some time, and take it from there...

    You wont get anywhere if you don't start walking!


    And what if he gives you a ball-shriveling cold glare, turn back to his friends, and laugh maniacally?

    I'd hope there was a backup plan, like a hole in the floor swallowing you up, or a handsome prince suddenly dashing in and claiming you for his erm... lover.
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    Aug 10, 2008 2:38 PM GMT
    If the target (I mean guy!) is out on the dance floor with his friends, I'd go out there with a few of my own friends, so I could get a better look at him - and to let him see me. When we see each other up close, we can see if we're into each other that much. When we look at or gaze at each other, I would hold the gaze, smile, move over so I'm dancing with him and say hi. Depending on how he responded, I'd decide if I want to go out with him, and if so, I'd either ask if he'd like to go somewhere quieter right then - or get his number for a different night.

    Good luck! Remember, nothing ventured, nothing gained!
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    Aug 10, 2008 7:49 PM GMT
    If I ever I see a hot guy in a group, and I'm alone, I'll just walk up and strike up a conversation with someone in the group (preferably a female), who'll then usually introduce me to my target, and then, we'll usually start talking and dancing, and sometimes, we all end up at some kind of after party.

    And sometimes, that after party just includes myself and my original target. icon_cool.gif
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    Aug 10, 2008 8:05 PM GMT
    I think most of the "elder statesmen" would agree that nothing ventured, nothing gained. Carpe diem.icon_wink.gif
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    Aug 10, 2008 8:32 PM GMT
    I'd keep an eye on the target, watch his moves on the floor, see how he interacts with the group. And depending on how those interactions go asses my approach off that. However, typically I would go to the bar and get him a bottle of water, walk up to him and say something like "You caught my eye and saw your moves and you seem like you needed a refresher to keep going, so here you go. And if you'd like I'll be right over there enjoying myself and the show."

  • MuslDrew

    Posts: 463

    Aug 11, 2008 12:37 AM GMT
    a1972guy saidI'd keep an eye on the target, watch his moves on the floor, see how he interacts with the group. And depending on how those interactions go asses my approach off that. However, typically I would go to the bar and get him a bottle of water, walk up to him and say something like "You caught my eye and saw your moves and you seem like you needed a refresher to keep going, so here you go. And if you'd like I'll be right over there enjoying myself and the show."

    I was gonna suggest buying him a drink, but I like your idea even more!
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    Aug 11, 2008 5:13 AM GMT
    I wouldn't make a move on someone in that situation, but stand somewhere between him and the bathroom/backroom, and see if he responded to a smile on his way to relieve his bladder.
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    Aug 11, 2008 6:32 AM GMT
    Whip out my pistol and demand the barkeep empty his till into my Santa hat, now!
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    Aug 11, 2008 7:21 AM GMT
    At a club in S.F. last week a guy took my hat and put it on my buddies head. That was his move. He got my attention and kinda scoped out my relationship to the guy i was with. Smart dude..He had balls..he was also 6'-4" . The point is you got to do something or anything that comes into your head that uses the context to make a connection. At a bar this week. .A guy came up and commented on my shirt. I told him i wore it just for him etc...etc.
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    Aug 11, 2008 9:22 AM GMT
    don't stare too much, that creeps anyone out no matter how cute or how slick you are. icon_confused.gif

    I wait til him and his buddies stand in line for a drink and then like that eagle scoping the helpless deer I walk over and start talking to him "Hey what's up, my name is... , thought that ...., what's your name?"

    At that point common sense should tell you if he's interested or not; if the latter, go on with your life, the lingering is a no no.

    and from experience, this only works in the early part of the night, before everyone's shitfaced icon_redface.gif.


    tried and true,
    x
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    Aug 13, 2008 4:13 PM GMT
    Alpha13 saidAt a club in S.F. last week a guy took my hat and put it on my buddies head. That was his move. He got my attention and kinda scoped out my relationship to the guy i was with. Smart dude..He had balls..he was also 6'-4" . The point is you got to do something or anything that comes into your head that uses the context to make a connection. At a bar this week. .A guy came up and commented on my shirt. I told him i wore it just for him etc...etc.


    Yeah, but were you surrounded by a herd is the question. If they're not physically accessible (leaning against the bar/wall/table) on the other side the circle so to speak...
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    Aug 13, 2008 4:24 PM GMT
    The bar where I hang out the most does karaoke a couple nights a week, and it always gets packed (OK, not always....but for argument's sake). If a cute guy comes in, or a group of cute guys, I always walk over and say something like, "So, who's gonna be singing tonight? If I sing...one of you has to." This always gets a response, maybe a few laughs and breaks the ice.

    I've gotten several dates this way and 2 LTRs.icon_wink.gif
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19138

    Aug 13, 2008 4:34 PM GMT
    I'm going to L.A. for the weekend and I will be out and about with friends. I rarely meet new people out for that reason. Sometimes you have to break away from your group in order to meet new people or you become unapproachable.
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    Aug 13, 2008 4:40 PM GMT
    wait until he leaves his friends to go to the bathroom then go up to his freinds, start a conversation and stay with his friends until your guy comes back from the bathroom.....then focus your attention on him.
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    Aug 13, 2008 4:55 PM GMT
    muchmorethanmuscle saidI first would need some assurance that the person seems interested by sharing some eye contact and then a smile. I would never go up to someone that was oblivious to my being in the same room.

    If he's in a group I would probably avoid him. To me that sends me the signal that he's out simply to be with his friends. I know that some people are scared to go out alone but that is how I would interpret someone being with a lot of friends.


    I agree. Also, if the group appears to be on surveillance mode (i.e. looking around and checking people out), then that might be a cue that he's a willing target. icon_smile.gif
  • kinetic

    Posts: 1125

    Aug 13, 2008 5:05 PM GMT
    Yea, if you catch him or anyone in the group more than just glancing at you, its safe to assume that someone there is interested in you.
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    Aug 13, 2008 5:14 PM GMT
    call for a medic... icon_eek.gif



    or follow him in to the bathroom and then say:
    "hey, when your hands are free, how bout give me your phone number? icon_biggrin.gif
  • kinetic

    Posts: 1125

    Aug 13, 2008 5:44 PM GMT
    Or better yet say, 'You must be a parking ticket....-Cuz you got FINE written all over you!'.

    icon_lol.gif

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    Aug 13, 2008 5:52 PM GMT
    kinetic saidOr better yet say, 'You must be a parking ticket....-Cuz you got FINE written all over you!'.

    icon_lol.gif



    GROAN! icon_rolleyes.gif

    If he is in a group and is absorbed with them, try and find someone else! There are a lot of queer fish in the ocean so to speak.

    If you are lucky he may go back to the same bar the next weekend and then you might be able to get some time alone. If he is with the same group of friends then chances are one of them is his bf. Usually friends do not stick together like glue in gay bars. There are times you talk and there are times you cruise (I spent many a night in gay bars so I know from experience).

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    Aug 14, 2008 8:50 PM GMT
    Heh, I don't go to the bar every week--for one thing, I'm on call some weekends, lol. I'm just curious what people would do. I have found myself in that exact situation before and I've never really puzzled a way around it. I sometimes wonder if I'm on the other side of the situation sometimes, but now that I'm in a different city, it's not really a problem, since I don't know many people here still.

    I see being really aggressive (breaking into the circle forcibly) as being a very two-edged sword. The payoff if you "win" is possibly gigantic, but the penalty for loss is also fairly large. The community is small here and I don't think I want the reputation of being "that inappropriate guy". I have occasionally waited to see if the other guy looks my way--and yes, have tried that dancing close by within eyeshot, but it doesn't seem to pan out in the end. AND I have a horrible habit of dancing with my eyes closed, so it's hard to keep an eye on the other guy lol.

    I guess sometimes you just have to lay it on the line.