The "Rules" Of responding to messages on RJ or anywhere else.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 29, 2012 8:58 PM GMT
    Let's compile a list of Do's and Do not's.

    I got a message from a guy who was really awesome and complimentary... however i often don't reply when i get the message.. i will scan it... and 3 times out of 5, i will go back and respond in bulk unless it's super compelling..but usually when i am online.. i hop scotch between 5 different pages.

    Because you can see when someone visits your page and read your letter some can assume that a dude isn't into them if they do not get a message right away. Today i get a message from the same compliment guy, cursing me out:


    >>Im guessing ur a shallow person or judges someone easy. Thats to bad bro, ur loss my gain. I dont understand how people will browse another persons profile with no intention of writing back. some fucken rude shit. oh well ;)<<<


    What fucking kind of sense is in that? I hadn't even responded, so he can't be sure i am asshole. And if i respond to him, i will most definitely be an asshole because he just called me one and rushed to some judgements about me. So he doesn't get the guy or the guys sympathy... all connection is terminated because of his hasty assumpation based on what he thought i would do.

    Guys, do not do this. It makes absolutely no sense at all... wait a while before you assume someone isn't into you. But even if they don't respond to you and leave you hanging, oh the fuck well.. it's their perogative to not be attracted to you or send you a note back. Sure it speaks volumes of their character if they handle it with grace.. but what if they just don't have time to respond... it slips their mind or just don't want to.


    So RJ rules: Don't ASSUME motive for non-quick response hastily.

    and

    It's everyone's right to refuse.





    Please add your own...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 29, 2012 9:03 PM GMT
    One time a guy called me cute on adam4adam and then later he called me "dipshit"...lol....I don't care though...whatever.

    icon_rolleyes.gif

    No I don't have to reply if I'm not interested. I don't curse somebody out when they don't reply to me...those guys need to grow up.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Jul 29, 2012 9:10 PM GMT
    They probably made themselves more vulnerable than they were comfortable with when they sent the message, but it's not your fault. They are just over thinking it and letting the silence fill their insecurities. If you feel you need to convey your true intentions you can always drop them a line, but unless you're interested in a conversation it might be best to let sleeping dogs lie.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 29, 2012 9:55 PM GMT
    Obscure saidMembers here know if you read their messages or not.


    Sorry....wrong answer!! All you have to do is go to the sender's profile and click the little button on the left that says: View Message (or Mail) History. It brings up the message WITHOUT showing that you opened it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 29, 2012 9:56 PM GMT
    That looks like drunken typing to me.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 29, 2012 9:57 PM GMT

    To JackKash: Instead of relying on every one else's opinion on the Do's and Don'ts of replying to messages, ya might just wanna try one YOU already own.
    One word.....INTEGRITY.
    Use it, or lose it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 29, 2012 10:05 PM GMT
    FriendsOnly said
    To JackKash: Instead of relying on every one else's opinion on the Do's and Don'ts of replying to messages, ya might just wanna try one YOU already own.
    One word.....INTEGRITY.
    Use it, or lose it.



    A) Integrity does not exist in jumping to conclusions and attacking people because they do not do things the way that you expect them to do such.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 29, 2012 10:07 PM GMT
    i dunno, i think everyone is entitled to feel however they like about a situation, what they choose to then do is nothing more than an projection of their insecurities. if a guy curses you out, a guy you have no intention of contacting before or after he does so. what does it matter to you? it sounds like you get an awful lot of msgs, im sure no one who can see your pics would be at a loss as to why! you are clearly an incredibly attractive man, and im sure you are aware of this.

    obviously sending abusive and insulting msgs is both immature and hurtful, but it is nothing more than someone letting you know that they were hoping you liked them. and whethere or not you are offended they have every right to feel that way , or any other way that they in fact feel.

    i think we all lose a certain amount of both privacy, and right to non contact when we (myself included) post naked or half naked pictures of ourselves on an open community type forum. a forum that includes a "about guys i would like to meet" section as part of its basic information.

    just my opinion though, and its not really aimed at this particular thread, although it does apply in this case. but there are a few of these "dont msg me" type of threads, just seems kind of hypocritical to me.

    anyways like i said just my opinion.

    icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 29, 2012 10:19 PM GMT
    Ok the point of this thread was to list "rules" or idea that would help you better navigate Real Jock messages. I used what happened to me as a jump off of the first rule.. why do i have to explain that?

    It just doesn't serve you well to ASSUME how anyone feels about you through using the small little tools given to you such as the ability to see who looked at your profile and if they read your message you sent. It serves you no purpose if you are looking for friends and/or sex to hastily jump to a conclusion if someone doesnt respond to you right away.

    So I offer as a RULE... Just don't Assume.


    Now I ask other Real Jockers to come up with other "rules" on how to avoid mishaps on RJ and have a better time.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 29, 2012 10:21 PM GMT
    I have a bad habit of sometimes responding with a one worded response, kinda like if someone tells me something and my response is just wow, or that sucks or something like that they assume I am blowing them off. I got in soooooooo much trouble (not really trouble it just became an "issue")over that shit already lol. I'm trying to cut down on my interacting with people through messages now because of it
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 29, 2012 10:37 PM GMT
    FriendsOnly said
    Obscure saidMembers here know if you read their messages or not.


    Sorry....wrong answer!! All you have to do is go to the sender's profile and click the little button on the left that says: View Message (or Mail) History. It brings up the message WITHOUT showing that you opened it.


    If you go to your mail box.. and click sent.. you CAN see wether your message has been read or not.

    That is the easiest way to read your past exchanged messages rather than through a profile.

    Think before you jump on someones ass.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 29, 2012 10:54 PM GMT
    Claystation saidI have a bad habit of sometimes responding with a one worded response, kinda like if someone tells me something and my response is just wow, or that sucks or something like that they assume I am blowing them off.


    Sometimes it's really difficult to write a complete sentence. icon_cry.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 29, 2012 11:39 PM GMT
    when someone gives you a compliment, you thank them. It doesn't mean you want to fuck them or spend the rest of your life with them but it is still something you should do. When people compliment me online or irl, I say thanks at the very least. I wasn't raised in a barn. That whole manners thing.........it's important.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 29, 2012 11:42 PM GMT
    I am nice enough to literally respond back to every message that i get and just maybe let the person know that I am not interested...

    BUT... I DO NOT like getting messages from faceless/statless desperate profiles.. with no content.. and just saying "Skype?" or "Jerk off session".

    I think that is weird.. and I'm not desperate..


    icon_mad.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 29, 2012 11:44 PM GMT
    I think "be patient" should be an unspoken rule... some guys if you don't respond immediately get all riled up. Comes across as needy.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 29, 2012 11:45 PM GMT
    Claystation saidI have a bad habit of sometimes responding with a one worded response, kinda like if someone tells me something and my response is just wow, or that sucks or something like that they assume I am blowing them off. I got in soooooooo much trouble (not really trouble it just became an "issue")over that shit already lol. I'm trying to cut down on my interacting with people through messages now because of it
    You're a man of few words; that is all. icon_wink.gif

    On the bright side, you don't have to go back and edit out paragraphs and sentences of word vomit like I do... Your, 2 word messages could bring a short story's worth of words coming out... sigh*
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 29, 2012 11:47 PM GMT
    unfounded7 saidSometimes it's really difficult to write a complete sentence. icon_cry.gif
    I know you're not trolling... and this is just how you are... you could learn to say more, or you can just accept yourself for it.

    I bet you go on dates and guys come back saying all kinds of stuff when you only say one word... icon_razz.gificon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 29, 2012 11:49 PM GMT
    I always make it a point to thank everyone who pays me a compliment. I've been on here for over 6 years, and I see less and less "thank you's "as time goes by.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 29, 2012 11:56 PM GMT
    DEKIRUMAN saidwhen someone gives you a compliment, you thank them. It doesn't mean you want to fuck them or spend the rest of your life with them but it is still something you should do. When people compliment me online or irl, I say thanks at the very least. I wasn't raised in a barn. That whole manners thing.........it's important.


    Deki is the last gentleman in America. icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 30, 2012 12:00 AM GMT
    unfounded7 said

    Sometimes it's really difficult to write a complete sentence. icon_cry.gif


    Inorite?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 30, 2012 12:05 AM GMT
    agree with the OP

    people seem to get very antsy if they are not responded back to right away

    sometimes I read the email but dont get back right away..sometimes it takes a week but eventually I get to.

    Back 10 years ago on another site, I received an email from this guy interested in me, I did not respond back right away, he kept sending emails, the more emails he sent the less I was interested in replying back because it seemed pretty stalkerish and desperate and then I decided to not respond at all...until his final email he lambasted me on what a bad person I was...excuse me I don't know you and you don't know me. Making assumptions about someone as to why they don't get back to you is pretty foolish.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 30, 2012 12:19 AM GMT
    Well, I think what we have to realize is that most guys in general are very irresponsible about answering/responding to messages whether it's e-mails or voice mails. Additionally, there's no written law that requires everyone to respond to messages. Responding to messages is purely a free will thing. If someone does not respond to a message you send them then just move on. I guarantee it won't be the last time it will happen.
  • d694485

    Posts: 222

    Jul 30, 2012 12:22 AM GMT
    JackKash said
    FriendsOnly said
    Obscure saidMembers here know if you read their messages or not.


    Sorry....wrong answer!! All you have to do is go to the sender's profile and click the little button on the left that says: View Message (or Mail) History. It brings up the message WITHOUT showing that you opened it.


    If you go to your mail box.. and click sent.. you CAN see wether your message has been read or not.

    That is the easiest way to read your past exchanged messages rather than through a profile.

    Think before you jump on someones ass.


    Maybe I'm blind, but i can't find the "sent" anywhere icon_confused.gif

    But I try to respond to all my messages... except on adam4adam where I get too many messages from people I am not interested in. And to be honest, I've thought of just deleting my A4A anyway because I like RealJock more for talking to others.

    edit: Ok, I just found the "sent." I am blind icon_redface.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 30, 2012 12:32 AM GMT
    jerseywoof saidagree with the OP

    people seem to get very antsy if they are not responded back to right away

    sometimes I read the email but dont get back right away..sometimes it takes a week but eventually I get to.

    Back 10 years ago on another site, I received an email from this guy interested in me, I did not respond back right away, he kept sending emails, the more emails he sent the less I was interested in replying back because it seemed pretty stalkerish and desperate and then I decided to not respond at all...until his final email he lambasted me on what a bad person I was...excuse me I don't know you and you don't know me. Making assumptions about someone as to why they don't get back to you is pretty foolish.


    Yeah if someone doesn't respond, I kinda get the message and just move on and don't "follow-up" since that would just be annoying and awkward. Sometimes I do forget to reply to someone though as I get a lot of messages and RJ doesn't organize the messages really well (they aren't like in an e-mail inbox, where you can search through them); you'd have to keep going back to find a particular message and that takes a lot of effort. This is why I now just respond right as I get the message, so I don't forget later.

    So I guess sometimes persistence pays off but sometimes it's annoying...I guess just play it by ear and use your judgment and never take it too far and give ppl some time to respond. It's just RJ...relax. Best thing is to turn off your PC and go out there and meet guys locally, I say.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 30, 2012 1:05 AM GMT
    Wow do people really get annoyed when you don't reply fast enough??
    Lol I must've pissed off alot of RJ'ers.. I sometimes open a mail read it and reply an hour later or so... especially now that I'm on holiday with my family I can't reply back without being disturbed by my lil bro and/or sis...