Lose its meaning?

  • comical44

    Posts: 723

    Jul 31, 2012 2:55 AM GMT
    So Ive already made several posts about needing advice when it comes to many topics, more so lately about advice rearding mentoring.

    Ive been mentoring Two 16 yr old brothers since last year. Not only do I mentor them but I also help out their family with things here and there because they have no other family in this state and their family doesnt have anyone else to turn to.

    The last 3 weeks specifically Ihave been helping their family out with things such as going to the food pantry, market and sometimes riding a parent to work. Thei car has been off the road for 3 weeks and will be off the road one more week and everything will be back to normal. So I wanted to be a nice person and help them out through this rough time.

    Even though I only signed up to be the brothers mentor I am semi close with their parents and dont mind helping them from time to time.

    Both brothers would get so mad and jealous if they saw me riding their mother somewhere and would actually tell off their mom and say "Stop Hogging Him" or "Hes not your big brothers". But at the same time they understand I care for them and I think they respect me for looking out and caring for their family. She calls me a lot and sometimes I find myself talking to her more than her sons..She calls me "her oldest son".

    The last couple of weeks though the brothers havnt asked me to hang out as much or arnt communicating with me as much as they use to. Im wondering if its because Im with their mom (more than them lately)?? It just seems ironic that the last couple of weeks they have kind of been distant and it is the same time period I started helping out their mom with errands and running around due to their lack of transportation.

    Do you think that if Im with their mom it might make them not wanna be around me? Is it blurring the role of who I am to them?

    Im not usually around their mother this much only at the moment but what do you think??

    I know Im not trying to bore you guys but PLEASE , different perspectives and Advice and opinions really help me with things

    Thank you
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 31, 2012 3:03 AM GMT
    Do what your heart craves. That is the best advice I can give. Worry about the reprecussions of it later because at least you will have your morals still intact to work with. By simply abandoning your heart for your morals right now, you might regret good morals you once had and lose your heart altogether. Best of luck.
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    Jul 31, 2012 3:12 AM GMT
    Maybe you are reading to much into things and their lack of communication is due to summer-vacay.
  • comical44

    Posts: 723

    Jul 31, 2012 3:13 AM GMT
    Thank Sustenance. I knwo what you mean.

    But at the end of the day, I did sign up to do this for those 2 and I dont wanna have that treat me differently if Im doing stuff for their mom or think that I like their mom more ect ect lol. Which I have no proff really that thats why they have been distant the last couple of weeks.

    What im wondering is if it will blur the line of what I really am to them? I mean Their whole family looks at me like another family member but I also WILL NOT lose closeness with them over being around or talking to their mom too much. She just calls me a lot the last couple of weeks due to the situation.

    I dont know if I should bring it up to her?
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    Jul 31, 2012 3:14 AM GMT
    I remember you..
    Man... if they don't understand that you helping their parents is benificial to them..you have to sit them down and explain this...
    So they think you violated the Bro Code..
    How about having the parents giving them the list..and you go with the boys to get groceries or whatever..then dropping the boys off with the stuff..and parting ways..?
    ..They want their own big bro..not another parent..that's how they see it..
    BTW..I truly admire your efforts..!
    Take care



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    Jul 31, 2012 3:18 AM GMT
    comical44 saidThank Sustenance. I knwo what you mean.

    But at the end of the day, I did sign up to do this for those 2 and I dont wanna have that treat me differently if Im doing stuff for their mom or think that I like their mom more ect ect lol. Which I have no proff really that thats why they have been distant the last couple of weeks.

    What im wondering is if it will blur the line of what I really am to them? I mean Their whole family looks at me like another family member but I also WILL NOT lose closeness with them over being around or talking to their mom too much. She just calls me a lot the last couple of weeks due to the situation.

    I dont know if I should bring it up to her?


    I'm just an outsider, but it does seem the Mother would probably already be aware that she leans on you... That is obviously why she agrees with the whole relationship with her sons. Like I said, you have to do what is in your heart because she has obviously stolen your heart as well it sounds like. You might have to be the one to put your foot down before she does adopt you. Actually, I really think you ought to ask the kids directly what they think because you are suppose to be their mentor, not the mother's son.
  • comical44

    Posts: 723

    Jul 31, 2012 3:18 AM GMT
    Anocxu saidI remember you..
    Man... if they don't understand that you helping their parents is benificial to them..you have to sit them down and explain this...
    So they think you violated the Bro Code..
    How about having the parents giving them the list..and you go with the boys to get groceries or whatever..then dropping the boys off with the stuff..and parting ways..?
    ..They want their own big bro..not another parent..that's how they see it..
    BTW..I truly admire your efforts..!
    Take care





    Thankyou for you kind words. The thing is their mom has to be the one to go, they would NOT know how to grocery shop on their budget ya know what I mean? Lol.

    Ive explained it to them many time...some times they are Mad and yell at their mom and say "Stop asking him to do all of this" and then in another conversation on says " I appreciate what you do for my family"

    I do feel like lately, im around the mother WAY too much. But a side of me has to remember they have NO one and Im helping them do things they usually do on their own when they HAVE a vehicle.

    I just dont want this to continue as much when they get their vehicle back because at the moment I see their Mom WAY more than I do them and it bothers me. I also understand its their summer break as well.

  • comical44

    Posts: 723

    Jul 31, 2012 3:20 AM GMT
    @ Sustenance- Its funny when I first started helping them a couple weeks ago the one brother told his mom off and Said " I signed up for this mom, for a big brother....This isnt a mother and son program its a big brother little brother program !" LOL
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    Jul 31, 2012 3:22 AM GMT
    comical44 said@ Sustenance- Its funny when I first started helping them a couple weeks ago the one brother told his mom off and Said " I signed up for this mom, for a big brother....This isnt a mother and son program its a big brother little brother program !" LOL


    I'd be pretty feisty about it too!icon_lol.gif

    That's pretty funny and the kid is absolutely right!
  • comical44

    Posts: 723

    Jul 31, 2012 12:00 PM GMT
    @ Sustenance-Yea I completely respected his thoughts but I could help but to laugh a little inside by the way he said it and his overall opinion of it all Lol
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    Jul 31, 2012 12:17 PM GMT
    comical44 said@ Sustenance-Yea I completely respected his thoughts but I could help but to laugh a little inside by the way he said it and his overall opinion of it all Lol


    I mentored a kid about 10 years younger than me back when I was 30 and got him really going down a right path. He came from a very rich family and was the studio rhythm guitarist for a very popular band called Blink182.

    I let him move into my apartment because his mother kept kicking him out for constantly doing heroine. I helped him find a good job and get off the stuff for about six months while I operated my own business. I was clean and sober at the time and I wanted him to see the brighter side of life.

    I can relate to what it feels like to truly love a kid like he was your own flesh and blood. He told me once I should join Big Brothers Big Sisters and I really took that to heart. His life got so much better and his Mother let him move back in with her in Laguna Beach California.

    We stayed in touch for awhile on and off and in 2008 I called to see how he was doing as it had been a few years since I talked with him. His Mother said he had overdosed and died two years earlier. I was in the hospital getting treated for cancer at the time.

    I can't describe what it is like knowing that in some way our spirits are connected still as though we really were born from the same set of parents. It's an eternal pain it seems until I remember all the love he gave and how that spark of light still burns within.

    I know how hard it is when you want to do God/Life's good deed and how you will sacrifice any discrepancies even in your own moral to do the right thing. Someday I will meet with him again and perhaps next time take better care of myself so I have more to offer him in his time of need.

    There was this quote that he said one day as we were driving down the ocean, "God to me is my Grandfather in heaven" is what he said. I once as a child had the same philosophy and little did I know how much it would still mean something to me today.

    I applaud your efforts and admire your dedication. Peace.
  • comical44

    Posts: 723

    Jul 31, 2012 3:28 PM GMT
    @ Sustenance- I really admire everything you just wrote. And im very sorry for the loss of someone that you loved so much. I almost teared up reading what you wrote. Im not sure what this childs situation was but maybe the best way to think of it is hes not in pain anymore. Im sure hes with you right now and you dont even know it.

    When it comes to these 2 brothers. I love them. I have a soft spot for them and im very protective over them. One specifically I have a little more of soft spot for. I see myself in them when I was their age and even myself now its os weird.They both have the world in their hands and are literally capabale of doing and having anything. The sad part is that they come from a family that is borderline poverty. I mean they get by but thats it. They go without when it comes to a lot because their parents financially just cant provide them with things they want or need. I wanna give them the world. Im not like this with anyone else but for some reason with these two I find my self acting very Selfless and it makes me reflect a lot. Ill go without for them.

    Its so weird too I met with a psychic 2 monhes ago and she said That their was a reason us 3 met. She said that we knew each other from a past life and that I was their father!!! My jaw dropped when she said that. She said that I didnt do a good job with them in our last life so im trying to make it up to them. Even though I do not look at them as "my children" and they dont look at me as "Their parent". They are the little BROTHERS I never had but this womans vision on it was so insane.
  • comical44

    Posts: 723

    Jul 31, 2012 7:40 PM GMT
    I just feel like they are acting a little differently towards me lately and its starting to bother me
  • comical44

    Posts: 723

    Aug 01, 2012 12:35 AM GMT
    More opinions are wanted. Please and Thank you Lol. seriously, whats your take guys?