Why does being gay have to be a big deal?

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    Jul 31, 2012 8:38 PM GMT
    I recently have come to terms with my own sexuality but one thing I can't really understand is what is the need to define and label such things? When I was younger I would fool around with any gender without guilt or remorse because I liked the individual. Not only till I got older and throughout middle to high school did I strictly go for the heterosexual lifestyle. Once in college though I again started to become attracted to the same sex. Sometimes I think its not a matter of what gender the person your attracted to is, initially probably, but after a deeper connection is made between two individuals one way to strengthen that connection is by a physical relationship which expresses emotions that words cannot satisfy.

    I do not understand the hate or disgust some people have for people just living out their lives. How does it truly affect you if someone loves some one of the same sex? if someone chooses to worship a specific religion (or none), or wear the clothes they want or even listen to the music they like. I don't understand why as humans we need to label things and try to organize life when the very existence of life is due to chaos and randomness. Some things I think should just be and need not to be defined. This for me anyway has caused a internal struggle for myself which I have become to realize is a waste of my time and energy that society has convinced me I should worry about.

    Sometimes I think if those who strongly hate other people for strictly the reason of being different not because of the actual content of their character sat down and had a emotionless discussion about where these emotions stem from. They would realize it just doesn't make any sense to put forth that much negative energy which is just causing them to experience needless misery and therefore stripping them of happiness.
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    Jul 31, 2012 9:03 PM GMT
    Whitey89 saidWhy does being gay have to be a big deal?
    I recently have come to terms with my own sexuality but one thing I can't really understand is what is the need to define and label such things?
    [...] throughout middle to high school did I strictly go for the heterosexual lifestyle.
    [...]
    I do not understand the hate or disgust some people have for people just living out their lives. How does it truly affect you if someone loves some one of the same sex?
    [...] This for me anyway has caused a internal struggle for myself which I have become to realize is a waste of my time and energy that society has convinced me I should worry about.
    [...] it just doesn't make any sense to put forth that much negative energy which is just causing them to experience needless misery and therefore stripping them of happiness.


    Being gay shouldn't be a big deal, just as being hetero isn't.
    Defining and labeling is important and helpful. Just like it's important to know that a friend likes a certain kind of ice cream or beer so you'll have it for him when he visits. Real friends will also know enough to be able to set you up with for a hook-up or date (common likes, interests, etc.).
    Aside from that, haters are gonna hate (if not this then that). Some people are miserable hate mongers and constantly need outlets. When you have a candle, respect it, don't add fuel to it, and let it burn out. Otherwise you'll have a serious conflagration. Better to have just ash to vacuum away leaving no traces.

    BTW, I think you meant (heterosexual) orientation above, not lifestyle.
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    Jul 31, 2012 9:11 PM GMT
    I have been thinking this since April when I finally did come out. After 27 years of constant fear when I finally got it over with and the heavy secret lifted from my shoulders I began to wonder why the hell anyone gives a shit about who consenting adults are attracted to.

    I often wonder how different life would have turned out had society did not care or hate gay people how different my life probably would be today.

    It actually pisses me off when I think how stupid hating someone for being attracted to the same sex is. Love is love and this world is hateful and crazy enough that I can't wrap my brain around why anyone would want to stop anyone from loving anyone else just because they are the same sex. As long as they are the same age and consenting what is the big deal?


    I hope I live long enough to see a generation where gay people are out right away and it is no big deal. I doubt I will see it. But my hope is at the very least my one year old niece will see it hopefully in her life time.

    I just do not get the controversy in the first place.

    I regret so badly those wasted years I worried about what others thought of me instead of living my life the way I wanted and not giving a shit. Since I have come out life has been so much better for me. I think secrets and lies kill people and living life honestly and living your truth sets you free.
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    Jul 31, 2012 9:13 PM GMT
    Have you experienced the divine pleasure of being dicked down by a handsome, well built man with a great piece and then returning the favor?

    Beyond labels lies freedom.
  • TroyAthlete

    Posts: 4269

    Jul 31, 2012 9:15 PM GMT
    BuddyinNYC said
    Being gay shouldn't be a big deal, just as being hetero isn't.


    When you think about it, being hetero is a big deal to heteros, especially heterosexual men. Their sexuality tends to be front and center, driving almost everything they do. Straight guys are very vocal about their sexuality and unashamed in their constant displays of it. Moreover, the world rewards them for it.

    The real question is why can't gays make as big a deal about being gay -- without being shamed for it or feeling embarrassed about it -- as heteros do about peacocking their heterosexuality?
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    Jul 31, 2012 9:20 PM GMT
    I think it's a big deal to some people because they don't understand it. It's fear of the unknown and ignorance.

    Also religion still has it's claws in value systems unfortunately so a lot of negativity stems from that.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Jul 31, 2012 9:28 PM GMT
    TroyAthleteWhen you think about it, being hetero is a big deal to heteros, especially heterosexual men. Their sexuality tends to be front and center, driving almost everything they do. Straight guys are very vocal about their sexuality and unashamed in their constant displays of it. Moreover, the world rewards them for it.

    The real question is why can't gays make as big a deal about being gay -- without being shamed for it or feeling embarrassed about it -- as heteros do about peacocking their heterosexuality?




    Spot on!
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    Jul 31, 2012 9:43 PM GMT
    OP if you read your post a few times you canvas several issues....

    1) Coming Out
    2) Bisexuality
    3) Being a total slut
    4) Religeon
    5) Fashion
    6) Music
    7) labels
    8..Acceptance
    9) Hate
    10) Happiness

    I think you are trying to process so many issues that are not necessarily gay ...but human..!
    ....You just need to live a little more and so many of these things will make sense to you..
    BTW..You live in the year 2012..Stereotyping and labeling is the way of the world...!!.. Sad but true..!
    You have all the questions that a passionate 23 y/o male should have..
    Don't lose that fire...And take care of yourself....
    Anocxu

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    Jul 31, 2012 9:46 PM GMT
    Cuz different people are wired differently. I am totally gay. I have no heterosexual impulses and never had. For you, interacting intimately with either gender isnt a big deal. For me, it is. I dont dislike women, just like I dont dislike chairs. But I dont want to have sex with either one of them.
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    Jul 31, 2012 9:58 PM GMT
    OP - thank you. You just said what I've been saying ever since I came out.

    It shouldn't be. And because it shouldn't be, I don't understand why us gay guys make it a big deal ourselves. If we get over ourselves and stop labeling ourselves perhaps heterosexuals will too. The person who will make the biggest deal out of it is yourself. I'm a strong believer in if you don't make it a big deal - it won't be a big deal to anyone else.

    Hence no coming out party or surprise. Just a matter of fact. Meet someone - no "Hey I'm gay!". Just you talk and you learn something in conversation.

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    Jul 31, 2012 9:59 PM GMT
    ^ If you are honest about being gay, that IS coming out. No party or surprise required.
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    Jul 31, 2012 10:04 PM GMT
    Whitey89 saidI recently have come to terms with my own sexuality but one thing I can't really understand is what is the need to define and label such things? When I was younger I would fool around with any gender without guilt or remorse because I liked the individual. Not only till I got older and throughout middle to high school did I strictly go for the heterosexual lifestyle. Once in college though I again started to become attracted to the same sex. Sometimes I think its not a matter of what gender the person your attracted to is, initially probably, but after a deeper connection is made between two individuals one way to strengthen that connection is by a physical relationship which expresses emotions that words cannot satisfy.

    I do not understand the hate or disgust some people have for people just living out their lives. How does it truly affect you if someone loves some one of the same sex? if someone chooses to worship a specific religion (or none), or wear the clothes they want or even listen to the music they like. I don't understand why as humans we need to label things and try to organize life when the very existence of life is due to chaos and randomness. Some things I think should just be and need not to be defined. This for me anyway has caused a internal struggle for myself which I have become to realize is a waste of my time and energy that society has convinced me I should worry about.

    Sometimes I think if those who strongly hate other people for strictly the reason of being different not because of the actual content of their character sat down and had a emotionless discussion about where these emotions stem from. They would realize it just doesn't make any sense to put forth that much negative energy which is just causing them to experience needless misery and therefore stripping them of happiness.


    +1
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    Jul 31, 2012 10:05 PM GMT
    TroyAthlete said
    BuddyinNYC said
    Being gay shouldn't be a big deal, just as being hetero isn't.


    When you think about it, being hetero is a big deal to heteros, especially heterosexual men. Their sexuality tends to be front and center, driving almost everything they do. Straight guys are very vocal about their sexuality and unashamed in their constant displays of it. Moreover, the world rewards them for it.

    The real question is why can't gays make as big a deal about being gay -- without being shamed for it or feeling embarrassed about it -- as heteros do about peacocking their heterosexuality?


    Quoted for truth.
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    Jul 31, 2012 10:15 PM GMT
    Being gay would not be a big deal if it came with equality. Unfortunately, the only way equality was ever recognized was when the party being mistreated made a big deal about it. It's the rise up of the people that changes society and their views, not the timid and shy.

    We should all hope that one day being gay will be no 'big deal' just as being heterosexual is not big deal.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Jul 31, 2012 10:23 PM GMT
    Being gay is a big deal because it means you have special powers.

    You can tease up one bitchen' lookin' bee hive hair-do and build a tool shed on the same day.

    Your ass is both an exit and entry point

    You can kick a guys ass just as easy as you can fuck it

    Women's manipulative powers over men have no effect on you

  • jim_sf

    Posts: 2094

    Jul 31, 2012 10:36 PM GMT
    eb925guy saidBeing gay would not be a big deal if it came with equality. Unfortunately, the only way equality was ever recognized was when the party being mistreated made a big deal about it. It's the rise up of the people that changes society and their views, not the timid and shy.

    We should all hope that one day being gay will be no 'big deal' just as being heterosexual is not big deal.


    Repeating for epic truth.
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    Jul 31, 2012 10:43 PM GMT
    Caslon20000 saidCuz different people are wired differently. I am totally gay. I have no heterosexual impulses and never had. For you, interacting intimately with either gender isnt a big deal. For me, it is. I dont dislike women, just like a dont dislike chairs. But I dont want to have sex with either one of them.


    honestly its like shakespear lol
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jul 31, 2012 10:43 PM GMT
    AMoonHawk saidBeing gay is a big deal because it means you have special powers.

    You can tease up one bitchen' lookin' bee hive hair-do and build a tool shed on the same day.

    Your ass is both an exit and entry point

    You can kick a guys ass just as easy as you can fuck it

    Women's manipulative powers over men have no effect on you



    Truly the best gay super power of all.

    As for the debate about labels, I understand not wanting to be primarily defined by a single label (such as gay). But that doesn't mean we need to throw the whole definition out the window and say that sexuality is beyond labels, how else would we let other gay guys know that we have date potential, or in other cases deter unwanted female attention by simple saying 'Thanks, but I'm gay'
    Maybe I am misunderstanding what some of you guys think 'label' means.. icon_confused.gif
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    Jul 31, 2012 10:44 PM GMT
    I have green eyes. Does that statement "label" me? Of course it does, but I have no problem being labeled as a green-eyed person because it's who I am. Maybe you're problem is accepting who you are and not so much the label itself.
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    Jul 31, 2012 10:45 PM GMT
    Whitey89 saidI recently have come to terms with my own sexuality but one thing I can't really understand is what is the need to define and label such things? When I was younger I would fool around with any gender without guilt or remorse because I liked the individual. Not only till I got older and throughout middle to high school did I strictly go for the heterosexual lifestyle. Once in college though I again started to become attracted to the same sex. Sometimes I think its not a matter of what gender the person your attracted to is, initially probably, but after a deeper connection is made between two individuals one way to strengthen that connection is by a physical relationship which expresses emotions that words cannot satisfy.

    I do not understand the hate or disgust some people have for people just living out their lives. How does it truly affect you if someone loves some one of the same sex? if someone chooses to worship a specific religion (or none), or wear the clothes they want or even listen to the music they like. I don't understand why as humans we need to label things and try to organize life when the very existence of life is due to chaos and randomness. Some things I think should just be and need not to be defined. This for me anyway has caused a internal struggle for myself which I have become to realize is a waste of my time and energy that society has convinced me I should worry about.

    Sometimes I think if those who strongly hate other people for strictly the reason of being different not because of the actual content of their character sat down and had a emotionless discussion about where these emotions stem from. They would realize it just doesn't make any sense to put forth that much negative energy which is just causing them to experience needless misery and therefore stripping them of happiness.


    A-fucking men. Nicely put.
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    Jul 31, 2012 10:45 PM GMT
    Religion.
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    Jul 31, 2012 10:54 PM GMT
    AMoonHawk said...
    Women's manipulative powers over men have no effect on you

    OMG this! I even laugh at my mom every time she tries to pull the manipulative crying thing when I know she's not really sad. icon_lol.gif
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    Jul 31, 2012 11:06 PM GMT
    it comes down to this PERIOD people are affraid of what they dont understand!!!
  • waccamatt

    Posts: 1918

    Jul 31, 2012 11:16 PM GMT
    Some people think being honest about being gay or bisexual is "making a big deal out of it", but on the other hand, straight people parade their heterosexuality in frond of us, ad nauseum. Holding hands, kissing in public, having pictures of their spouses on their desks at work. If WE do the same things, "we're making a big deal out of being gay". Life is a two way street.
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    Jul 31, 2012 11:16 PM GMT
    It does not have to be a big deal at all. We're not to blame for all the homophobic bigots who make it a deal for no apparent reason.