Your first post on this site and this is what you write?!? If sympathy is what you wanted, I'm afraid I can't oblige you. A young soldier loses a leg in Afghanistan, I cry: An old queen starts whining for absolutely nothing, I kick her in the pants.
YOU ARE ALIVE AND HEALTHY. YOU HAVE A JOB. YOU HAVE HEALTH SENSE. YOU HAVE COMMON SENSE.
Really, what is the gripe? No one wants a 5o year old gay? Well, I just rode one hard and put him away wet not too long ago so I have no idea what you are talking about.
Many men love older gays, but they are attracted to the confidence an older man has. If you are thinking everyone wants perfection , get over that. Plenty of men would except you warts and all, but that acceptance starts with you.
And from what I see: a poorly executed main photo, a pitiful whiny post riddled with grammatical error and a terrible self defeatist attitude, you clearly haven't grasped what the first step to dealing with being gay is.
...that step is: accept that the world is an ugly judgemental place and that you are a glamorous pretty princess and every man wants you.
LOL, you can tweak that if you need to, but really, I just want you to feel that you aren't so bad and as far as the past, you can't change it. You can change the future, but sitting around whining won't change it. And worrying about your family...what's the point in that? When you crawl into bed at night, you are crawling into it alone for the most part and you've gotta deal with yourself. That's the real first step to dealing with being gay: dealing with your gay self - thankyou.