When a family member signs a petition to overturn gay marriage

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    Aug 02, 2012 12:14 AM GMT
    I thought I'd share this article with everyone. It's about the Maryland marriage equality law that will be voted in a public referendum this November. My friend and ex-partner, the person interviewed at the start of the article, recently found out that his mother and godparents signed the petition to get this on the ballot. While everyone is focusing on the prejudicial statements made by the CEO of a certain fast food chain, there are bigger obstacles we face in being granted equal rights. We face them among our own family and friends. While Chick Fil-A's comments were disheartening, that's nothing in comparison to the pain he's been forced to endure over the past couple of weeks.

    http://www.metroweekly.com/news/?ak=7609
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    Aug 02, 2012 12:55 AM GMT
    It's unfortunate that we can't even get our relatives to understand equality. I know I have 2 brothers that would sign a petition like that in a heart beat despite my sexuality. Neither of them has spoken to me since I came out so that tells you a lot. It's ashame because I'd love to actually talk to them and educate them but I doubt either would get off their selfish condescending horse to give a rats ass anyway.
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    Aug 02, 2012 12:56 AM GMT
    I don't know which is more disgusting, that the public should get to vote at all on our human and civil rights, or that a family member would vote against us.

    I've noted on other threads that we should be protesting in our own families.

    We ought to be boycotting str8 weddings, not chicken.

    I'm fortunate to be God blessed with a Liberal family who supports marriage for gay people and where they know not to throw their marriages in my face, neither weddings nor marriage anniversaries. They are not offended when they forget and I remind them, as I do, that we are denied our rights.

    I would respect them even more if they'd deny themselves marriage, but apparently they don't see my plight as that drastic. For that slap in my face, every time they slip and mention one of their weddings, I slap back and remind them that I don't have the same rights they allow themselves to enjoy.

    Human rights at home.
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    Aug 02, 2012 1:04 AM GMT
    I know this message seems to fall on deaf ears but people are entitled to their opinions.20 years ago gay marriage would have been laughed at.It is here now and people have a variety of opinions on this issue,Some would prefer civil unions etc.I am very opposed to abortion and I hope Roe Vs Wade is overturned.Now lets say my sister( I dont have one) had an abortion or is very pro choice.Should we never speak again?This is political correctness gone amuck.If you claim to be so liberal and open minded dont expect the whole world to accept notions that were unheard of just 20 years ago.If you want to live in a left wing utopia move to San Fran or Greenwich Village.If not just say I will fight for what I want and others can fight for what they want.That is democracy. Ryan
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    Aug 02, 2012 1:09 AM GMT
    WickedRyan saidI know this message seems to fall on deaf ears but people are entitled to their opinions.20 years ago gay marriage would have been laughed at.It is here now and people have a variety of opinions on this issue,Some would prefer civil unions etc.I am very opposed to abortion and I hope Roe Vs Wade is overturned.Now lets say my sister( I dont have one) had an abortion or is very pro choice.Should we never speak again?This is political correctness gone amuck.If you claim to be so liberal and open minded dont expect the whole world to accept notions that were unheard of just 20 years ago.If you want to live in a left wing utopia move to San Fran or Greenwich Village.If not just say I will fight for what I want and others can fight for what they want.That is democracy. Ryan


    Understandable, however it is insulting when family members don't discuss your sexuality ever and do things like convert to Catholicism with a gay brother. Then they want you to come to the baptism of their child? At least these are issues I face. My dad also always votes republican--in spite of the gay thing in the family, I don't think he finds it as big enough of a deal to not vote republican on other respects.

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    Aug 02, 2012 1:11 AM GMT
    Gay marriage is not an equality issue.

    Seek Civil Union.
  • FireDoor211

    Posts: 1030

    Aug 02, 2012 1:12 AM GMT
    I would probably set them on fire
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    Aug 02, 2012 1:13 AM GMT
    Yeah, I have relatives who won't speak to me because I'm gay. And my partner has some family who'll be nice to us on the surface, but on their car bumpers and front lawns are the names of the most homophobic Republican candidates. I know, perhaps a bit redundant, since virtually all Republican candidates these days must be homophobes in order to win their Party endorsement.

    (One of the funniest moments was when one of my partner's Republican relatives, who was running for office, was hosting the annual 2-day family gathering at his house that year. We both got invited by the family patriarch, but nobody informed the host/candidate. But then the candidate hadn't told anyone outside his immediate family that he had invited the press to come and do an interview that same day. Basically using his many relatives as props to reinforce his campaign image as a solid family man.

    When my partner & I came to the door he almost fainted, the shock on his face too funny. "What are you doing here?" he almost yelled. "You're not supposed to be here until tomorrow!" Fortunately the head of the family (very Italian people) came to our rescue, saying he had invited his brother, who always attended the entire event, along with me, ending the discussion.

    But now the candidate was rather comically trying to hide us, moving us from one room to another, his wife also very obviously herding us away from anywhere the press might go. We thought it hilarious, especially considering that we certainly weren't decked out in pride stuff, nor likely to be seen holding hands or kissing. We concluded that they feared we still might look or sound gay, or worse, might speak to the press and reveal that we're the kind of people with whom a Republican candidate can't be associated, sorta like convicted felons.

    Well, turned out the press never arrived. And afterwards there was a family rift over our treatment, which was obvious to everyone, though we ourselves didn't make an issue of it. Interesting, because some might not support gays, but as an Italian the candidate had made the unforgivable mistake of showing disrespect to a family elder, my partner. Incidentally, he lost the election by a landslide to a Democrat.) icon_biggrin.gif
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Aug 02, 2012 1:14 AM GMT
    Families suck sometimes ... I have an uncle and aunt that I used to think the world of, but they are staunch republican and do not approve of anything gay ... I am now indifferent to them and could care less if I see or talk to them ... they don't need me and I don't need them ... maybe you can't pick what family you are born into, but you can choose to ignore them and move away from them and not contact them and live your own life.
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    Aug 02, 2012 1:15 AM GMT
    StephenOABC saidGay marriage is not an equality issue.

    Seek Civil Union.


    Gay marriage is an equality issue.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Aug 02, 2012 1:25 AM GMT
    I would cut them out of my life.
  • O5vx

    Posts: 3154

    Aug 02, 2012 1:27 AM GMT
    Art_Deco saidYeah, I have relatives who won't speak to me because I'm gay. And my partner has some family who'll be nice to us on the surface, but on their car bumpers and front lawns are the names of the most homophobic Republican candidates. I know, perhaps a bit redundant, since virtually all Republican candidates these days must be homophobes in order to win their Party endorsement.

    (One of the funniest moments was when one of my partner's Republican relatives, who was running for office, was hosting the annual 2-day family gathering at his house that year. We both got invited by the family patriarch, but nobody informed the host/candidate. But then the candidate hadn't told anyone outside his immediate family that he had invited the press to come and do an interview that same day. Basically using his many relatives as props to reinforce his campaign image as a solid family man.

    When my partner & I came to the door he almost fainted, the shock on his face too funny. "What are you doing here?" he almost yelled. "You're not supposed to be here until tomorrow!" Fortunately the head of the family (very Italian people) came to our rescue, saying he had invited his brother, who always attended the entire event, along with me, ending the discussion.

    But now the candidate was rather comically trying to hide us, moving us from one room to another, his wife also very obviously herding us away from anywhere the press might go. We thought it hilarious, especially considering that we certainly weren't decked out in pride stuff, nor likely to be seen holding hands or kissing. We concluded that they feared we still might look or sound gay, or worse, might speak to the press and reveal that we're the kind of people with whom a Republican candidate can't be associated, sorta like convicted felons.

    Well, turned out the press never arrived. And afterwards there was a family rift over our treatment, which was obvious to everyone, though we ourselves didn't make an issue of it. Interesting, because some might not support gays, but as an Italian the candidate had made the unforgivable mistake of showing disrespect to a family elder, my partner. Incidentally, he lost the election by a landslide to a Democrat.) icon_biggrin.gif



    Ain't that just funny. If I were you, I would have meet with the reporter privately after the event.
  • DCEric

    Posts: 3713

    Aug 02, 2012 1:44 AM GMT
    Eric in Silver Spring.... hmmm... I wonder who that might be... hmmmmm..... *looks around innocently*

    ...so you are BJ's ex, redsoxfan791. Nice to (sort of) meet you.
  • dc415

    Posts: 255

    Aug 02, 2012 1:47 AM GMT
    StephenOABC saidGay marriage is not an equality issue.

    Seek Civil Union.


    oh, so separate but equal is good enough for you?
  • DCEric

    Posts: 3713

    Aug 02, 2012 1:52 AM GMT
    StephenOABC saidGay marriage is not an equality issue.

    Seek Civil Union.


    ..and how is a CU going to fix my partner's immigration problem, when the federal government won't recognize it. Marriage at least (in some form) is recognize and an achievable goal.
  • Suetonius

    Posts: 1842

    Aug 02, 2012 2:17 AM GMT
    Something's missing in this thread - Where's the JackBlair post to tell the OP that Maryland doesn't need gay rights, and that his partner should be glad to have politically active parents?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 02, 2012 2:27 AM GMT
    StephenOABC saidGay marriage is not an equality issue.

    Seek Civil Union.


    Excuse me???

    When did we decide that "separate but equal" is either fair or equal? This is nothing but an equality issue. Civil unions give you jack shit and tells the world that you accept second class status.
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    Aug 02, 2012 2:47 AM GMT
    O5vx said
    Art_Deco saidWell, turned out the press never arrived.

    Ain't that just funny. If I were you, I would have meet with the reporter privately after the event.

    I repeat for your benefit, the press never arrived. Which was indeed funny, because it embarrassed the guy after he had embarrassed my partner & me over it. It was supposed to be some local papers and TV channels, but I wasn't going to go seek them out on a Saturday evening.

    We were content that he had been made to look foolish, and that some of the more senior members of the clan chewed him out royally for treating us badly. There was an ugly scene in the kitchen with actual shouting, at which point I slipped out to the back yard, one of those awkward "I don't belong here" moments when you're not actually part of the family. As the saying goes, sometimes "discretion is the better part of valor."
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    Aug 02, 2012 3:00 AM GMT
    StephenOABC saidGay marriage is not an equality issue.

    Seek Civil Union.


    Take whatever action you want, but gay marriage IS an equality issue. Sad that my heterosexual brother and sister are WAY more progressive than a gay man like you. Even they can see what it would mean for me--and them.
  • Lincsbear

    Posts: 2605

    Aug 02, 2012 3:36 AM GMT
    I would be deeply hurt(at the least) if one or more of my family members would sign a petition/vote in a referendum that would remove my equal rights, including the possibility of marriage. Equal rights are not something to be bargained about and traded off, etc.I think it would damage any relationship I had with them. Any debate with them would be very fraught with possible problems as there`s no fight like a family one!

    It`s hard for me to imagine such a thing as, fortunately, my family and friends have all been supportive and understanding of my sexuality.

    On a more political/cultural level, the idea that a democratic referendum might be the method by which the majority removes the equal rights of a minority is highly paradoxical and troubling....

    It`s not something that happens much in the UK as tradition makes the government/parliament the ultimate decision maker on law rather than the people. Your constitution is more overtly and consistently democratic than ours. With the UK, Parliament is sovereign, not the people. The issue has to have major constitutional consequences and severely divide the parties` opinions; and there are few examples of them. One was the case of the 1975 referendum on EEC membership, or the forthcoming 2014 Scottish Independence referendum.
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    Aug 02, 2012 12:38 PM GMT
    I agree that exposing people in our every day lives to different ways of thinking on this topic is critical.

    I have spent a long time exposing my family and friends to different perspectives without cramming anything down their throats. I have been able to win over a large number of people as a result of that.

    However, I disagree that everyone is focusing on the current fast food debate to the point of being myopic to other issues. We are absolutely able to focus on more than one project or activity at a time.

    I would argue that the pain your friend is suffering is a direct result of people like the CEO spreading his brand of God's love. The message they are propagating emboldens some and confuses others to behave in ways that are not normally within their character.

    I am very sorry for your friend. No one should have to find out that his own family does not support his civil rights. I hope he is able to either rectify this or get beyond it.

    I know that one day we will win this fight, but we will likely always face a struggle.