So damn complicated. Need suggestions.


  • Aug 02, 2012 10:31 AM GMT
    What's up fellow gays etc... I know the title isn't amazingly descriptive about my problem but what the hell. This is my first post so be patient if I break rules or whatnot. I'll try to keep it brief.


    I am 22 and a student in some city in europe. I met a guy while I was in another city (5 hours from here) and we were together for some time (2 months). Everything went merrily every after until I left for 6 weeks and then returned to Dresden (his city). I told him I wanted a relationship with him and he said he didn't because of the distance etc.. you know the drill. He didn't want any sex anymore, I asked why and it was too complicated for him to explain he just said he had sex with some sex friend, which sort of wounded my ego to be honest (amazing how difficult it is to write that). And then said that he did wanted sex with me but didn't know what was wrong (whatever). He kept saying "Ich habe dich lieb" which is not exactly I love you but it is quite close. So I accepted it (the fact that he didn't want anything or at least said so). He said he wanted a cuddle friend which to me is BS. There is something else. In any case I thought I was thinking too much and losing my time with him. What bothered me the most is that his actions are not coherent with what he says. AT ALL.

    So i decided what the hell, just get over it and move on right? Even if he keeps talking to me as if we were together, which bothers me a little bit. I am back in my city and tried meeting new people but I feel horrible when I do. I seriously feel I am cheating on him you know. I know it's stupid but I am just stating the facts. He is visiting me soon and I want to tell him personally to stop playing this game because it is not healthy for me. But I want to keep contact with him and at least be friends. That's all I want. What do you all think?

    I tried to make this as brief and simple as possible. I thank you all for your suggestions and experiences. Has someone been in this situation already?
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    Aug 02, 2012 12:35 PM GMT
    If you can't separate your emotions from sex, you need to forget about this guy. He's only looking for sex, nothing more, and based on what you've said, he'll trample all over your feelings without a second thought. I know it's easy to say and often difficult to follow thru on, but you need to simply forget about this guy and move on. Nothing good will come out of this relationship. Sorry if that's a bit harsh, but it's honest. Good luck.
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    Aug 02, 2012 12:49 PM GMT
    I feel for you. I reckon he is just not into you as much as you are into him.

    Plus the distance thing only works if it is temporary and you both want it to work, even then it might not.

    You are letting go and that is hard if you are a loving feeling guy. It takes time. Now is the time to love you.

    Be gentle and do things you like and in time it gets easier as you move on and get into other things.

    Don't force it with other guys thinking this will make it go away. It just adds a layer on what you are going through.

    Give it up, move on, love you. In time you will get another.

    Finally, I reckon you value loyalty and you want a man to be yours and not stray. It is good to know what you value. Know your values, know yourself. You are working it out.

    In fact you sound like a really nice guy!
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    Aug 02, 2012 3:19 PM GMT
    It happened to me with one guy, where he said he isn't ready for exclusive dating yet and we are open to see other people. But when I did so it made me feel guilty. Best thing to do is clear it up with him and then do what is in your best interest.
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    Aug 02, 2012 3:42 PM GMT
    Briefandsimple said What bothered me the most is that his actions are not coherent with what he says. AT ALL.

    Great that you realize this. Talk is cheap. Actions speak louder than words.

    Seems he doesn't feel the same way about you as you do for him. Let him go else you will only end up hurting yourself over something that was never there.
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    Aug 02, 2012 4:05 PM GMT
    This sounds to me like a pretty typical thing for someone who is relatively new to dating and guys. It happens a lot and you will learn to get used to it and let it go. Yeah, it hurts now, but that's the process of maturing and growing up. There really is nothing you can do about it, you can't force someone to like you.
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    Aug 02, 2012 4:24 PM GMT
    I don't think this is all that complicated. You say his actions don't match his words which is a sign of dishonesty. If he was really into you he'd do everything he could to make that happen, but it doesn't sound like he is. I'd let him go if I were you and move on. If you can be friends great but I wouldn't wait around for him to change his mind. I know it sucks, I've been there and I'm sure we all have.
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    Aug 02, 2012 5:56 PM GMT
    Haha you sound like someof my French friends. I sweat to u that they talk exactly like the way u do. I can perfectly picture one of my good friends saying with the gestures and all. lol

  • Aug 02, 2012 8:50 PM GMT
    Thanks a lot friendos for all the advice and suggestions. My gut feeling always said that that is the right way to proceed. I only needed some other opinions to confirm that that is the thing to do. Anyway I tried calling today to "end" it. But no answer so fuck it. If he gets online or if he returns the call good. But I won't get all needy and insist for an answer.

    Thanks again fellow gentlemen.

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    Aug 04, 2012 1:03 PM GMT
    You two want different things..
    Move on..
    This guy is stock-piling..
    You are an option..not a priority...
    This guy is banging "friends"..while you are hoping for a relationship?
    You seriously can't be hung up on this.."Assbag"..

    If you are up for more heartbreak..
    Keep this guy around!
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    Aug 04, 2012 1:09 PM GMT
    Anocxu saidYou two want different things..
    Move on..
    This guy is stock-piling..
    You are an option..not a priority...
    This guy is banging "friends"..while you are hoping for a relationship?
    You seriously can't be hung up on this.."Assbag"..

    If you are up for more heartbreak..
    Keep this guy around!


    Agreed, he's just stringing you along til he finds something 'better' and when he's done he'll go back to you.

    I wouldn't pursue anything more than friendship if that considering he treats you like this now, being in a relationship with him doesn't sound like it'll solve any problems.