A special case: Please comment

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 05, 2012 12:51 AM GMT
    I am 28 and I live in a small college town. It's not a long time that I am out and I have not had any boyfriends or many dates.

    I met an 18 year old boy (on Grindr) in this town and we exchanged numbers and after texting for a few days we met and I found him different than typical 18 year old boys, he has a job and he is mature and independent from his family.

    After a couple of dates we went forward and last night we were making out for almost 2 hours. (We haven't had sex yet.)

    I like him a lot, he is very handsome, cute and smart.

    But,

    he lives in a small one bedroom house and he has a roommate. He said he has been living with him for three months and he has recently figured out that he is gay. And that he sleeps on the couch.

    Today I went through his facebook history and saw that he has several posts about that guy expressing love and it seems that they were going to marry each other a year ago. This has made me very confused. I called him and asked him if his roommate is his ex and he denied that (I didn't mention the FB posts). I don't know if I should immediately break up with him or give him time to trust me and let me know what's going on. I am very sensitive to lying and I can't easily hide the fact that I know he has lied to me, in fact now I am doubtful about the other things that he has told me.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 05, 2012 2:08 AM GMT
    Can you please let me know what you would do in this situation? icon_confused.gif
  • coolarmydude

    Posts: 9190

    Aug 05, 2012 2:17 AM GMT
    You can't trust him. He has already lied to you and you know that. Don't let feeling alone cause you to get you into a situation that will leave you feeling more alone. It's not worth it.

    In the meantime, be patient. I'm 38 years old and have never been in a relationship, mostly due to the risks associated with DADT. Now that I retired this week and soon landing a job, I will focus on relationships.

    Make friends (with others) first. Those make the best relationships if it goes there and it could expose you to more potential friends.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 05, 2012 2:17 AM GMT
    Well fuck you for going through his Facebook history. You were not supposed to do that so stop trying to be the victim here.

    You obviously should tell him what you did and see what happens. Maybe things will improve or not.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 05, 2012 2:19 AM GMT
    as an 18yo
    don't break it up dude
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 05, 2012 2:19 AM GMT
    Grinder is a hookup site. He wanted to get laid, and you might have fallen for it. Keep him at a distance.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 05, 2012 2:22 AM GMT
    He's still a kid (though very mature for his age), and probably still trying to figure things out (relationships, etc.). I'd give him the benefit of the doubt, and wait till there's more trust between you both (as you've written).
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 05, 2012 2:32 AM GMT
    RUN!
  • Kipstrdl

    Posts: 162

    Aug 05, 2012 2:35 AM GMT
    THREESOME!!!

    J/K...I don't like threesomes. find them awkward.
    Just out of curiosity, what does his roommate look like? How old?

    You might want to first make sure that you are both on the same page as far as what you are looking for. It seems that you are ready to have a relationship with this guy. Ask him if he feels the same way.

    At your age and situation it is tempting to fall for the first guy you are attracted to and who also is attracted to you. There are plenty of fish in the sea, but it can be kind of tough when you are isolated in a small town. The internet is a good way to find other guys around you, but you can't replace human interaction. I would suggest maybe taking a weekend trip to the closest big city where there is a big gay community. check out the gay bars on a friday or saturday night. You don't have to get sucked into the whole "gay scene" but at least you'll see what's out there.

    EDIT: just re-read the original post. Dude, you're 28. figure it out
  • BlackBeltGuy

    Posts: 2609

    Aug 05, 2012 2:42 AM GMT
    sirdreamalot saidWell fuck you for going through his Facebook history. You were not supposed to do that so stop trying to be the victim here.

    You obviously should tell him what you did and see what happens. Maybe things will improve or not.


    and I'd like to add... THIS^^^^^^ then RUN
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 05, 2012 3:47 AM GMT
    I texted him and mentioned the FB history of engagement. He just said that we have known each other for just a few days and he doesn't know what to say.

    Well.. I just remembered that he had made a full story about his ex and a different story about his roommate. I can't understand liars' mind.

    I feel horrible. Don't know if I should blame his age or the small town or just assume that I have been unlucky. FML

    Facebook makes life harder for liars.. and bitter for others..
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 05, 2012 3:51 AM GMT
    I can't believe you went through his FB history? Like who does that
  • FireDoor211

    Posts: 1030

    Aug 05, 2012 3:55 AM GMT
    Ding dong ditch his ass! Living with the ex stil? Not classy!
  • LJay

    Posts: 11612

    Aug 05, 2012 3:57 AM GMT
    I am not a Facebook person, but I take it that this history is available openly if you take the trouble to look it up?

    At any rate, now that you have discussed the information with him, I would be inclined to sit down with him--this is not an email or text-appropriate situation--and explain that you like him, but that it is up to him to prove his trustworthiness in his next encounter, because this one is over.

    You don't need someone ten years younger lying and leading you on and he does not need to get away with it.

    Sad. Too bad. But bye-bye.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 05, 2012 4:18 AM GMT
    Liars lie, it's what they do. Lucky for you he is 18 and still stupid enough to leave things easy to find, a few more years and he will have learned to cover his tracks and his lies will be much harder for potential lovers to uncover.
  • mybud

    Posts: 11819

    Aug 05, 2012 4:57 AM GMT
    Dude...he's living with that guy....move on...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 05, 2012 5:20 AM GMT
    sirdreamalot saidWell fuck you for going through his Facebook history. You were not supposed to do that so stop trying to be the victim here.

    You obviously should tell him what you did and see what happens. Maybe things will improve or not.


    *someone* doesn't know how facebook works, do they?
  • coolarmydude

    Posts: 9190

    Aug 05, 2012 12:55 PM GMT
    FACEBOOK IS NOT A DIARY!

    GET REAL, PEOPLE!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 05, 2012 1:02 PM GMT
    The guy he's living with is his team mate for the Olympics!!
    They are preparing for the 2020 "Tonsil Hockey" tournament..you could ask to join the team!!..icon_razz.gif
    (seroiusly..get out of that mess)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 05, 2012 2:01 PM GMT
    Hapuna saidI can't believe you went through his FB history? Like who does that


    I didn't log in his FB or anything man, I simply read his FB posts. In fact I didn't even need to look for older stories on his wall. He had closed his wall, so older activities were up in his page with the comments below them.

    Why I read them? Why not? I wasn't looking for a hook up, and he bitched about people (including his roommate) looking for just sex on Grindr and other sites on our first date.

    YES, THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO USE GRINDR FOR JUST MEETING PEOPLE AND DATING!

    You wanna use it as a hook-up tool, it's your choice. But that's not what this application has been made for. In-fact choices are Chat, Dates, Friends, Networking and Relationship.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Aug 05, 2012 2:10 PM GMT
    I think that you need to remember his is an 18 year old kid, you're a 28 year old man. I understand you consider him "different than most 18 year olds", but to lose that fact isn't in your best interest. He is young, starting to explore life and is going to make mistakes (we all have).

    My suggestion is that you don't turn this into some serious relationship for several years (if he is still a part of your life). Don't get all "dramatized" on facts like this one. He's 18. If you want to continue seeing him, do so, but with the understanding that you may be at a disadvantage based on some of his actions or activities. Of course, I think you need to find someone closer to your own life experience, but if you really want to pursue this, do it with your eyes open.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 05, 2012 2:15 PM GMT
    It would be my (harshly educated) guess the guy is shopping around for something better and lying to you.
    You really want to know: Talk to the "Roommate".
    But you won't because he's hot and you don't really care. So be rebound boy and tap that ass before someone else does.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 05, 2012 2:20 PM GMT
    coolarmydude saidFACEBOOK IS NOT A DIARY!

    GET REAL, PEOPLE!


    ...and people post on FB in order to be read. If they don't want the world to read about them, they make their profiles restricted to confirmed friends only.

    lol, it's like saying, 'How dare you go back and read X's older Realjock posts!"

    icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 05, 2012 2:23 PM GMT
    Yup, he's a lying sonofabitch. Run away, NOW.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 05, 2012 3:26 PM GMT
    Red flag alert.

    DTMFA!!