New Situation for me

  • comical44

    Posts: 723

    Aug 05, 2012 3:36 AM GMT
    So Im always turning to the guys on here for advice and its so appreciative. Im not trying to annoy anyone but I need advice a lot when it comes to mentoring the 2 brothers That I mentor.

    Tonight One of the brothers called me and asked me If I could pick him up from a friends house (about 15 mins away form his house). Of course I'll pick him up and always tell him if he EVER needs me for anything just call.

    I pick him up and he is STONED. He was so embarassed. (he used to smoke a lot over the winter but has completely cut back and pretty much quit). The fact that he told me he took a hit off of a bong, symbolizes a lot because in the past he would keep that type of thing from me because he thought I would turn him in ect ect that type of thing.

    Im not uptight....IVE LIVED and BEEN A TEENAGER TOO. Lol

    So I guess I wasnt sure how I should have responded/reacted??...being as im his mentor/big brother figure. Ive NEVER been around him while he was under the influence

    The one side of me wants to lecture him lol and be the GOOD ROMODEL like I try to be.....The other side of me wanted to just play it cool, not harp on him or yell because I know he doesnt do it often at all and kind of take in the fact that he actually told me(which I appreciated)..

    I dont know....opinions on the situation? Its appreciated guys, thanks

  • comical44

    Posts: 723

    Aug 05, 2012 3:47 AM GMT
    Also when he told me he acted embarassed and thought I would be dissapointed in him. He said "please dont tell my mom"....just a new situation ive never been in lol. But it also makes me think he trusts me much more...?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 05, 2012 3:52 AM GMT
    He didn't offer to share? You need to teach him some morals.
  • comical44

    Posts: 723

    Aug 05, 2012 3:57 AM GMT
    lol come on...guys come on..i really would like some advice and your perspective on the situation?
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    Aug 05, 2012 3:59 AM GMT
    you should commend him for handling this so maturely. Calling you to get him home and not driving himself or drive with any of his stoned friends.
  • comical44

    Posts: 723

    Aug 05, 2012 4:08 AM GMT
    bhp91126 saidyou should commend him for handling this so maturely. Calling you to get him home and not driving himself or drive with any of his stoned friends.


    I was thinking that. He did have his bike with him but its still a ways from his house.

    Theirs a lot of aspects to this situation:

    Last year when he would smoke pot he would NEVER tell me or he would lie and say he didnt smoke....tonight he was very open and honest

    Its just a new situation for me as his mentor..Im not a trditonal mentor because im very close with his family and involved with them so he actually is more of a little brother and his family is kind of like a second one to me....Its just That I sill like to keep a professional attitude when it comes to things and the "mentor side" of me didnt know hwo to react?

    Im around the teen I mentor while hes under the influence, how should I feel? What do I say?

    Do I act cool because then he will think I condone it, do I lecture him but then he will not want to talk to me about things like this? Idk lol
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    Aug 05, 2012 4:08 AM GMT
    ^-^ Iceblink swoops in to save the thread.


    Iceblink saidHe didn't offer to share? You need to teach him some morals.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Aug 05, 2012 4:13 AM GMT
    You should have responded
    "Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh .... Whhhhhhaaaaat?"

    occupy_bong_hit.jpg
  • comical44

    Posts: 723

    Aug 05, 2012 4:15 AM GMT
    Lol come on guys im being honest! I need some serious advice, stop with the jokes lol
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    Aug 05, 2012 4:18 AM GMT
    ConfederateGhost said^-^ Iceblink swoops in to save the thread.


    Iceblink saidHe didn't offer to share? You need to teach him some morals.

    I'm always willing to help whenever I can.
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    Aug 05, 2012 4:27 AM GMT
    It's just a little pot... His choice.

    I'd let him know though that he did the right thing by calling for a ride.
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    Aug 05, 2012 6:26 AM GMT
    OKAY! so Ive been on both sides of this one multiple times and the best path would be the one on which u seem to be headed...Or at least its the one thats had the most impact on my life.
    First, you played it kool during the trip home, i assume?! If so, well done. Respecting the stoner by way of the code is usually reciprocated. The code: DONT BLOW MY FUCKIN HIGH!
    Second, You dont have to condone shit if you disagree. That said, you can lecture all you want cause he is sober now! Let it come from a place of love and experience instead of authority. Before you take that last sentence and run get me here. Im not telling you that the words "You need to get your shit together" arent allowed, Im just sayin that theres a way (which you will find as having been part of his life) that best voices your message to him.
    Remember that there is a time and place for everything and that random happenstances can present potential opportunities to stimulate growth, both personally and interpersonally. Go with your gut and dont push too hard. Its the whole 'you can lead a horse to water' line. in the end, i think you will find him more willing to be open and honest about the more secret areas of his life and seek your opinion as to hard decisions later on if you prove to him that you are just willing to be there for him. So, i encourage you to take him aside, out to lunch, whatever and walk through the situation in its entirety, seek his input, and acknowledge developing expectations of trust.
    Just my opinion, but if he asked you not to tell his mom, I wouldnt. He was in danger of getting home on his own and you were there to help. If you werent around, he might have still gotten high, had a potentially WAY more detrimental talk from mom AND thats after he go home and caught. Technically you can use the 'you owe me one' but i advise against playin leverage cause its not always pulled off/taken gracefully.

    Oh, and if u get stuck somewhere in there, tell him not to beat off with shaving cream....it doesnt work out well....and DEFINITELY not mentholated!!!!icon_eek.gif
  • comical44

    Posts: 723

    Aug 05, 2012 4:51 PM GMT
    @ Neo Gambit-Thank you, your response really helped me out and my outlook on the situation.

    I think I will have a conversation with him about it this week. I just worry about it as well, I dont want him to get into drugsand what not.
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    Aug 05, 2012 5:06 PM GMT
    If he's a minor, I believe that a situation like that could land you in jail. Check your big brother office for liability issues.
  • comical44

    Posts: 723

    Aug 05, 2012 5:37 PM GMT
    smudgetool saidIf he's a minor, I believe that a situation like that could land you in jail. Check your big brother office for liability issues.


    Hes 16 and im not with a non-profit agency...I mentor him through his parents and someone who worked with his family helped arrange it
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    Aug 05, 2012 5:45 PM GMT
    I think just a gentle reminder is best. Not a lecture. And tell him you understand that he is young and he's gonna do a bit of these things.
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    Aug 05, 2012 5:50 PM GMT
    Tell him you're dissapointed and such making him feel guilty about it, but don't tell your parents. If you catch him again doing it then feel free to do so
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    Aug 05, 2012 7:44 PM GMT
    I've been a mentor with Big Brothers and I also came to find out my Little was using marijuana, so I very much relate to your dilemma.

    When I found out he was smoking pot I told him, "I'm not going to judge you, but I don't want you to think that I approve. If you ever need me, I'm there for you, but I won't tell you that I think your smoking pot is OK, so don't expect that from me. I hope this is a temporary thing and you lose interest in doing this. If not, you are creating a future of trouble with family and friends, as well as trouble with the law. You really need to think about this and decide if it's worth it."
  • comical44

    Posts: 723

    Aug 05, 2012 11:12 PM GMT
    Global_Citizen saidI've been a mentor with Big Brothers and I also came to find out my Little was using marijuana, so I very much relate to your dilemma.

    When I found out he was smoking pot I told him, "I'm not going to judge you, but I don't want you to think that I approve. If you ever need me, I'm there for you, but I won't tell you that I think your smoking pot is OK, so don't expect that from me. I hope this is a temporary thing and you lose interest in doing this. If not, you are creating a future of trouble with family and friends, as well as trouble with the law. You really need to think about this and decide if it's worth it."



    You put it great, ive said similiar things...hes not dumb but more so in that time in his life where he feels pressured and influenced...even if he doesnt want to smoke when hes around certain people he will. He really doesnt smoke pot too much anymore compared to over the winter and prior.

    Its funny too because the whole car ride home he kept saying..."I hate this feeling"..."I dont like the way I feel right now" and I just replied "dont smoke then if you dont like the way it makes you feel".

    I just worry about him anhd his brother. I never thought I would worry this much about them its crazy
  • araphael

    Posts: 1148

    Aug 07, 2012 9:20 AM GMT
    comical44 saidSo Im always turning to the guys on here for advice and its so appreciative. Im not trying to annoy anyone but I need advice a lot when it comes to mentoring the 2 brothers That I mentor.

    Tonight One of the brothers called me and asked me If I could pick him up from a friends house (about 15 mins away form his house). Of course I'll pick him up and always tell him if he EVER needs me for anything just call.

    I pick him up and he is STONED. He was so embarassed. (he used to smoke a lot over the winter but has completely cut back and pretty much quit). The fact that he told me he took a hit off of a bong, symbolizes a lot because in the past he would keep that type of thing from me because he thought I would turn him in ect ect that type of thing.

    Im not uptight....IVE LIVED and BEEN A TEENAGER TOO. Lol

    So I guess I wasnt sure how I should have responded/reacted??...being as im his mentor/big brother figure. Ive NEVER been around him while he was under the influence

    The one side of me wants to lecture him lol and be the GOOD ROMODEL like I try to be.....The other side of me wanted to just play it cool, not harp on him or yell because I know he doesnt do it often at all and kind of take in the fact that he actually told me(which I appreciated)..

    I dont know....opinions on the situation? Its appreciated guys, thanks



    Lol. I have brothers, both younger and older. He is your brother dude. Don't judge him. He called you for a reason, he must trust you and like you. Let your parents do the judging stuff. You just pick him up and say don't do that again but if you do, my brother who I love, I will be here to pick you up again.
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    Aug 07, 2012 9:22 AM GMT
    comical44 said...
    Im not uptight....IVE LIVED and BEEN A TEENAGER TOO. Lol
    ...
    And CAPS LOCK is supposed to drive home that point, how?
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    Aug 08, 2012 2:40 AM GMT
    Ya....now it just seems like he needs new friends...if he is being pressured into shit that he doesnt want to do by other people he has regular contact with, its not lookin like a good situation.
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    Aug 08, 2012 4:04 AM GMT
    He might not have been opening up about the bong. It might have been "fuck it's so obvious I can't pretend I didn't".
    It's "role model", not "romodel" by the way. One of those "never saw it written" moments.icon_smile.gif