I'm at a loss.

  • Markoni

    Posts: 17

    Aug 05, 2012 8:06 PM GMT
    Hey there,

    emotional distress here. I don't know what to think. Let me explain, maybe then you can help or at least voice your opinions.

    I got to know a guy on the Internet who lives not far away. This guy would fit into my life more or less perfectly. He's my age, he's smart, he's funny, we have common interests, we both have good jobs so no jealousy, etc. etc. And he seems to be interested.

    I've not had many relationships. Why? Well 1) I may not be your average cute guy who gets everyone he wants. 2) That may however also be due to my not going out much where you'd have to go to get to know new (gay) people. Well, discussing that is another story.

    Whatever, the problem now is: I don't feel what I'd expect to feel when I'm actually in LOVE. I believe I know what it feels like to be in love (or have I merely felt infatuation til now??). Anyway I don't think I'm in any of those states right now.

    Now you may say: those initial strong feelings may fade over time anyway. But then I'd reply: is it normal that those feelings have never been there? Is this guy maybe just TOO similar? Or am I too superficial because he may not have "the looks"? ( Neither do I, probably, even if my friends say otherwise, but hey, they're my friends so they have to do that ;-) )

    I don't want to be dishonest with him. I don't want to raise false expectations either.

    I'm at a loss. When I get to know people that I feel I could fall in love with then they usually are not gay. Like one of the guys from work. He is nice, he's really cool, not an ass, he also looks nice (at least to me), but is not gay. If that guy would ask me to marry him I'd say yes right away =D
    Now I get to know somebody like this really good gay guy from the Net and I feel not much really. What the hell. Are those the ways of love?

    What do you think? Is this normal? Is it worth pursuing? Should I be discussing this with him?

    Bye. :-(

    Mark

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 05, 2012 8:36 PM GMT
    nah just leave it, it'll never work. I shattered three hearts thinking, 'give it time, love might grow'. It didn't. Not for me anyway. Cuz it wasn't there in the first place. Took about three weeks each time to realise ('give it time') and by then there's no way of letting 'em down gently.. not once they're hooked and lookin at ya all doey eyed - talkin about making plans and all...sheesh. Waste of time mate.
  • Markoni

    Posts: 17

    Aug 06, 2012 6:24 PM GMT
    Himthere saidnah just leave it, it'll never work


    Yeah thought so already.

    Let's wait another 10 years for something (not) to happen... icon_confused.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 08, 2012 2:13 AM GMT
    What the hell are u talking about? Confused here*
  • Smakkyoface

    Posts: 198

    Aug 08, 2012 2:25 AM GMT
    Have you met in person ever? Or talked on the phone? Feel the chemistry in the real world before you over analyze your feelings.
  • Markoni

    Posts: 17

    Aug 09, 2012 7:02 PM GMT
    globe_trotter saidWhat the hell are u talking about? Confused here*


    Please forgive my short outburst of despair.

    Smakkyoface saidHave you met in person ever? Or talked on the phone? Feel the chemistry in the real world before you over analyze your feelings.


    In person: sure. Though not nearly anyone.
    Phone: nah, prefer in person.

    In the end they're either gay and I'm not into them at all. Or they're not gay at all (and probably married) in which case I even hope that was fake. (how sick is that?)

    Oh and don't tell me to go out ;-) Meeting someone that you will really like in a bar is not the kind of stuff I believe in. Well I believe in fate settling this matter when the time is right. But time starts getting short icon_biggrin.gif
  • HapaDude

    Posts: 35

    Aug 10, 2012 2:31 AM GMT
    I think what he was asking was in relation to the guy you talk to on the web. Have you met HIM in person yet? Or talked on the phone with him?

    But yes it is possible for you to not have any romantic feelings for this guy...it's called friendship. Same age, common interests, nice guy....those are qualities you would look for in a friend as well, am I right? icon_smile.gif

    Just keep associating with people like that, and perhaps one will come along that you will want to get involved with (romantically speaking). In terms of how you find that guy, I will suggest "going out" as it doesn't necessarily require going to a bar.

    You said you have interests, so perhaps looking for groups centered around those interests would really help. If it's sports, check out some leagues within the community etc.
  • Markoni

    Posts: 17

    Aug 10, 2012 3:55 PM GMT
    HapaDude saidI think what he was asking was in relation to the guy you talk to on the web. Have you met HIM in person yet? Or talked on the phone with him?


    Yeah sure I met that guy. How would I otherwise know I have no feelings?

    HapaDude saidBut yes it is possible for you to not have any romantic feelings for this guy...it's called friendship. Just keep associating with people like that,


    Well I probably won't be associating people that like me more than I do them.

    HapaDude said
    You said you have interests, so perhaps looking for groups centered around those interests would really help. If it's sports, check out some leagues within the community etc.


    Joining some real-life gay community doesn't strike me as very interesting. If anything like this was around at all.
    I probably wouldn't feel well around all these people since I'm not the extroverted gay kind of guy.

    Or maybe those are again excuses for not having to "go out". icon_biggrin.gif