"Outing" another gay man

  • TallguyNLA

    Posts: 440

    Aug 05, 2012 8:44 PM GMT
    What's your opinion of a gay man who makes the choice to "out" another gay man?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 05, 2012 9:01 PM GMT
    Depends on who he outs the guy to

    Outing to mutual friends...I think that's okay

    Outing to a current girlfriend....yes he shouldnt be living a double life

    Outing to another family member....that's douchy
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 05, 2012 9:03 PM GMT
    none of my business. Why would I even bother to do that?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 05, 2012 9:10 PM GMT
    I wouldn't do it but unless he lives in a Saudi Arabia type of place....don't feel bad for him.

    There is so many guys here in Boston who are discreet. icon_rolleyes.gif

    Gays can get married here yet they still want to be discreet.

    I've hooked up with them and then I found out they hide their gayness from roomates and/or neighbors....if i liked pussies I'd get one.

    I don't even hide my gayness in Serbia...how am I supposed to respect somebody who hides it in Boston hahah...shit.
  • TallguyNLA

    Posts: 440

    Aug 05, 2012 9:13 PM GMT
    Dj1990 saidI wouldn't do it but unless he lives in a Saudi Arabia type of place....don't feel bad for him.

    There is so many guys here in Boston who are discreet. icon_rolleyes.gif

    Gays can get married here yet they still want to be discreet.

    I've hooked up with them and then I found out they hide their gayness from roomates and/or neighbors....if i liked pussies I'd get one.

    I don't even hide my gayness in Serbia...how am I supposed to respect somebody who hides it in Boston hahah...shit.


    What does being "discreet" mean to you?
  • TallguyNLA

    Posts: 440

    Aug 05, 2012 9:15 PM GMT
    Hapuna saidDepends on who he outs the guy to

    [quote][cite]QUOTE AUTHOR GOES HERE[/cite]Outing to mutual friends...I think that's okay


    Outing to a current girlfriend....yes he shouldn't be living a double life

    Outing to another family member....that's douchy [/quote]

    All good points...BUT I have mutual friends who don't know...( Ive never told them) I dont know if I would be comfortable with them knowing.....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 05, 2012 9:21 PM GMT
    If you find your friend is gay, your co-worker, your neighbor, your acquaintance, etc. or hook up with a closeted person- never.

    If you find a politician, religious leader, head of a anti-gay organization, etc that has been working against gay rights is gay- yes.
  • TallguyNLA

    Posts: 440

    Aug 05, 2012 9:25 PM GMT
    Iceblink saidIf you find your friend is gay, your co-worker, your neighbor, your acquaintance, etc. or hook up with a closeted person- never.

    If you find a politician, religious leader, head of a anti-gay organization, etc that has been working against gay rights is gay- yes.

    LOL! I guess the second statement applies to the Catholic Church.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 05, 2012 9:27 PM GMT
    TallguyNLA said
    Iceblink saidIf you find your friend is gay, your co-worker, your neighbor, your acquaintance, etc. or hook up with a closeted person- never.

    If you find a politician, religious leader, head of a anti-gay organization, etc that has been working against gay rights is gay- yes.

    LOL! I guess the second statement applies to the Catholic Church.

    A priest that is not making a point of actively working against gay rights and is just preaching his sermons, no I would not out. A priest that is out there in the press preaching gays are evil and working with anti-gay organizations, yes I would out.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 05, 2012 9:34 PM GMT
    I've never outed a gay man in my life. Nor can I think of ordinary situations where I ever would, no set of everyday circumstances where that would be acceptable for any gay man to do.

    Exceptions, which I don't imagine I'll ever encounter, could include accidentally stumbling across some militantly homophobic public figure "in flagrante delicto". If I had unassailable evidence, not just my word against his, I'd gladly report him to the press, and certainly to law enforcement if it involved an actual crime, to stop the hypocritical harm he was doing to the gay community and to any individual victims.

    But even in the Army I never reported my own subordinates, nor investigated them, when I had evidence they were engaged in potentially gay sexual behavior. I didn't support that policy and I didn't enforce it. Because I never knew a good commander who didn't sometimes overlook the "small stuff" as opposed to being a by-the-book asshole.
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Aug 05, 2012 9:36 PM GMT
    Daas saidnone of my business. Why would I even bother to do that?




    agree icon_exclaim.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 05, 2012 9:37 PM GMT
    I wouldn't go out of my way to out someone, AND I would not want to be complicit in his lies.
    ... unless he's on Iceblink's list of hypocrites, then he should be outted.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 05, 2012 9:38 PM GMT
    TallguyNLA said
    Hapuna saidDepends on who he outs the guy to

    [quote][cite]QUOTE AUTHOR GOES HERE[/cite]Outing to mutual friends...I think that's okay


    Outing to a current girlfriend....yes he shouldn't be living a double life

    Outing to another family member....that's douchy


    All good points...BUT I have mutual friends who don't know...( Ive never told them) I dont know if I would be comfortable with them knowing.....[/quote]

    I also think it depends on the person. If they already have gay friends I think it's okay because they're obviously open to that
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 05, 2012 10:02 PM GMT
    Only acceptable in the case of a hypocritical, activist homophobe.

    Otherwise discretion takes priority aka "is the better part of valor**". For instance, I've an ongoing dilemma with a platonic friend who, though I don't approve of some of his activity, is grandfathered-in as a good friend because we've been friends since our single digit ages.

    Because I know he cheats his relationship (otherwise he really does have many truly wonderful qualities), I do not allow myself to become friendly with his wife who I can't in good conscience befriend without being honest and outing him, damaging both their relationship and my old friendship. So he's always welcome to visit and stay with me and I will always be his friend but also I always make excuses for not visiting and staying with him so that I am not put directly into conflict.

    A good lesson in life not often enough utilized by a number of rather potty mouthed RJers, learn to bite your tongue.

    **http://www.enotes.com/shakespeare-quotes/better-part-valor-discretion
    "Falstaff: To die is to be a counterfeit, for he is but the counterfeit of
    a man who hath not the life of a man; but to counterfeit dying,
    when a man thereby liveth, is to be no counterfeit, but the true
    and perfect image of life indeed. The better part of valor is
    discretion, in the which better part I have sav'd my life.

    Henry The Fourth, Part 1 Act 5, scene 4, 115–121

    Almost invariably quoted today as "Discretion is the better part of valor," Falstaff's phrase elegantly redeems a cowardly act. The bragging, bulbous knight has just risen from his feigned death; he had played the corpse in order to escape real death at the hands of a Scotsman hostile to Henry IV. Claiming that abstractions like "honor" and "valor" will get you nothing once you're dead, Falstaff excuses his counterfeiting as the kind of "discretion" that keeps a man from foolishly running into swords in order to cultivate a reputation for heroism. If counterfeiting keeps you alive, well then, it's not counterfeiting, but an authentic "image of life." Falstaff confuses "image" with "reality," but we forgive him; as far as he's concerned, "valor" is an image too, and you've got to stay alive in order to find more opportunities to cultivate that image.
    "
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Aug 05, 2012 10:11 PM GMT
    Bitch oughta be slapped and ought mind her own business
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Aug 05, 2012 10:14 PM GMT
    Iceblink saidIf you find your friend is gay, your co-worker, your neighbor, your acquaintance, etc. or hook up with a closeted person- never.

    If you find a politician, religious leader, head of a anti-gay organization, etc that has been working against gay rights is gay- yes.


    I Totally agree
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 05, 2012 10:16 PM GMT
    I don't think anyone should ever do it. As much as you may think you know about the person or situation, there could be important things you don't know. It's nobodies business but theirs.

    The only exception I'll make is if it's some political anti-gay bigot. They would deserve it
  • TallguyNLA

    Posts: 440

    Aug 05, 2012 10:46 PM GMT
    PittBull_21 saidI don't think anyone should ever do it. As much as you may think you know about the person or situation, there could be important things you don't know. It's nobodies business but theirs.

    [quote][cite]QUOTE AUTHOR GOES HERE[/cite]The only exception I'll make is if it's some political anti-gay bigot. They would deserve it
    [/quote]
    Damn good point, man!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 05, 2012 11:10 PM GMT
    Outing someone is such a douchebag move - if they're not out, they're not out for a reason. Respect other people's personal lives, and don't be a fucking drama queen.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 05, 2012 11:11 PM GMT
    None of my business
  • MixedJock91

    Posts: 297

    Aug 06, 2012 1:42 AM GMT
    whoever "agrees" with "outting" someone is a HUGE DUMBASS...kill yourself
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 06, 2012 1:45 AM GMT
    I think it's wrong to share a secret of someone else when it has no pertinence to you and could hurt the other person emotionally. It's their choice. Let them live with it until they're ready.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 06, 2012 1:46 AM GMT
    I agree with others. It is non of my business unless they are a leader or other public figure preaching anti-gay stances or trying to make, endorse or somehow support anti-gay laws.

    When someone decides to come out it is their business and theirs alone. When and if they are ever ready is their choice. I do not walk in their shoes.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 06, 2012 1:46 AM GMT
    Unless the person is an anti gay militant, outing another gay guy is a proof of immaturity and self-righteousness
  • Litmop

    Posts: 78

    Aug 06, 2012 1:47 AM GMT
    Daas saidnone of my business. Why would I even bother to do that?


    What he said...it's not cool