Advises to have a kid

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    Aug 12, 2008 3:39 AM GMT
    in the near future i'm planning to have my own kid, maybe in 3 years when I be done school and I be able to support a family. But I don't know how I'm gonna do it, I don't wAnt to adopt a kid, so I was wondering what would you suggest I should do, a friend told me that I could pay a woman for that. But I rather to adopt a kid than putting a price to the life of my own son. I know I have time to think and I still don't find the right guy, .Just some advises out of your own experience and thoughts.

    Thanks in advance
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    Aug 12, 2008 4:35 AM GMT
    Adopt or live your next life as an orphan. Stop being genitically greedy and help a kid that doesnt have anyone sane to raise him/her
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    Aug 12, 2008 11:22 AM GMT
    Your too young and clearly unprepared to consider this. All of the reasons you give are about you and not the child. These are the worst reasons to have a child.
    A child would and needs to become the center of your life.
    You have to consider ALL the aspects of having and raising a child. The cost, the time, the sacrifice. If you want to raise a child and are fully prepared to give up everything else to do so and consider that there are extraordinary challenges ahead. Many of these challenges can be debilitating, emotionally, and financially. If you accept that and you want to provide a better life for your child than yourself, then you may be ready to start thinking about a child.

    Are you willing to give up at least 15 years of your life (everything you find fun now: clothing, clubbing, dating, shopping, trends, entertainment, cars, etc.) for your child, then you may be ready to start thinking about a child.

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    Aug 12, 2008 11:26 AM GMT
    What bgcat57 said,

    Having a child is going to BE your life until the kid is in college. It's not just the "child care", it's being involved in his or her schooling, activities, medical issues, upbringing, religious schooling (if any). Your life will be arranged around this until he or she is an adult.

    You think you'll be ready this soon? I had my first child at 26 and that was young. There was a lot of "twenty-something" behavior that I had to give up to do it. I don't regret it even a little, but I was ready.
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    Aug 12, 2008 11:48 AM GMT
    Charlitos there is a group in Toronto that is geared towards gay couples that have/want kids. I know of one couple that has three kids from two different mothers, plus another that was unplanned.

    They have had their issues with one of the mothers who turned out to be very clinging and neurotic. She tried to go back on the 50-50 agreement for child-rearing that they thought they had. As a result they have spent a lot of money on lawyers. The other mother has been the opposite issue. She does not seem to want to spend as much time with the kids and it has turned into a 70-30 instead of 50-50. All told they are raising four kids together and seem to be quite happy. They do not have much of a life though outside of their kids. We only get to see them once a year now because their weekends always seem booked.

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    Aug 12, 2008 11:56 AM GMT
    I dont think you are close to being ready to have a child. For me I cant wait to have a child. I want to be a father. I would be a great father. But at this moment, I am not 100% ready. I want to be able to provide for my child(ren) and give him/her whatever they need. Right now, I cant do that. Whether the child is adopted or through surrogate, the child will be loved and cared for.
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    Aug 12, 2008 12:35 PM GMT
    These Millennials and their parental fantasies. icon_confused.gif
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    Aug 12, 2008 4:12 PM GMT
    MULATTOMACHO saidAdopt or live your next life as an orphan. Stop being genitically greedy and help a kid that doesnt have anyone sane to raise him/her


    although it is legal here in belgium to adopt as a gay man/married gay couple, the process is so complex, so expensive, so long and the outcome never guaranteed (the originating country has to agree to adopt to a gay man/couple) it is a lot easier to find an egg-donor.

    I'm all about adopting, but it seems the rules to adopt as opposed to the rules to become a father "the natural" way (there are none) are a bit out of touch. I'm sure there a lot of parents who should've never been parents in the first place.

    ps: when i'm 35 and in a 5+ years steady relationship i will consider children.. anyone interested ? ;)
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    Aug 12, 2008 4:21 PM GMT
    Before considering raising a child, please do some serious number crunching, and soul searching.

    Also, talk to single parents. They can tell you everything you have to know about raising a child on your own.

    It's like a full time job.