Yeah, I don't think this is working out...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 07, 2012 1:13 AM GMT
    So I'm 25 and still have not been in any sort of relationship or done anything with a guy. I've been wanting to date for a good while now but I can't seem to find anyone whose willing to go out on a date with me or Yousomeone that I'd even be interested in. For years, I've been telling myself all the good stuff that everyone tells you:

    "The right person will come along when the time is right."
    "Take care of yourself and the rest will follow later."
    "You're a good guy and a great person."
    "Enjoy being single."

    Well, all that stuff is great, but it only hides the fact that nothing has changed since I first came to accept the fact that I was gay and decided that it would be nice to be in a relationship for a change.

    I've tried going out to different settings and meeting guys and have even met some great guys on here. But it's always either A.) They are great but don't live anywhere near me and the chances of us meeting in person are slim to none; B.) They are not great and are in fact someone that I know deep down that I should not get myself involved with; or C. They seem cool but of way out of my league and they won't look my way or give me a second thought.

    I've got no one in my life among friends or family that I can go to for any support for one reason or another. The only two friends that know that I'm gay and have been supportive are ones that now live far from me and they're moving on with their lives (getting married, finding great jobs and whatnot).

    It's hard trying to stay positive when I feel like I'm now more frustrated and depressed than ever. I'm just tired of pretending to be the happy and optimistic one in front of my friends and family just for everyone's convenience.

    And I think that my time on RJ has gotten not gotten me very far either, so I think it may be time for me to leave this site soon.

    Not sure what I expect to get out of posting this other than an opportunity to bitch and complain to a network of strangers. So I guess you can post whatever response you want, or don't respond at all.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 07, 2012 2:32 AM GMT
    explorer1986 said
    I've tried going out to different settings and meeting guys and have even met some great guys on here. But it's always either A.) They are great but don't live anywhere near me and the chances of us meeting in person are slim to none; B.) They are not great and are in fact someone that I know deep down that I should not get myself involved with; or C. They seem cool but of way out of my league and they won't look my way or give me a second thought.


    Keep up your cordial relationships with your A's. Their connections may help you find someone, or help others find you.

    Don't expect "great"ness from your B's; use "good enough"ness and work from there. When we have what we perceive to be limited pools, as a byproduct of desperation often we compound things by expecting people to make every checkmark on our list to establish who is worth pursuing. You don't need to "lower" your standards, just "broaden" them. Use your dialogue with your A's for suggestions to help you refine your boundaries.

    Let the C's know precisely what you find "cool" about them. If they're not interested in chatting further, they'll let you know, and you both can move on. But don't just assume you're out of whatever they think their "league" is. Confirm it through conversation, and be gracious if it doesn't work out.
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    Aug 07, 2012 2:41 AM GMT
    explorer1986 saidSo I'm 25 and still have not been in any sort of relationship or done anything with a guy


    .....you're not missing much.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Aug 07, 2012 2:43 AM GMT
    maybe you should lover your expectations. i do not what you are looking for but maybe lowering your expectations might help. also, get on match.com, chemistry.com and even give craigslist a chance. try joining social groups where you can meet people. those are great ways to meet guys
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    Aug 07, 2012 3:00 AM GMT
    Don't delete your profile, and come back when you're good and ready... I've had this phase before.
  • coolarmydude

    Posts: 9190

    Aug 07, 2012 3:29 AM GMT
    tuffguyndc saidmaybe you should lover your expectations. i do not what you are looking for but maybe lowering your expectations might help. also, get on match.com, chemistry.com and even give craigslist a chance. try joining social groups where you can meet people. those are great ways to meet guys


    This makes sense, and I don't think tuffguyndc means that lowering expectations has to mean lowering standards, such as bad behaviors in others. Consider that relationships are to be built, not found.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 07, 2012 3:35 AM GMT
    Truth be told, I don't know anything about any of this crap. I don't know how to even go about meeting people in such a way that it could even have a remote possibility of becoming something more. There's so much I feel like i should have experienced during my teens or even in college but didn't, partly because I was a genuinely afraid to.

    Now I'm kicking myself for all the little opportunities I didn't take. I'm also suffering from stuff that has accumulated over several years that I have always kept suppressed because it was the only way I knew how to deal with it. Maybe I've got too many personal issues that it might be best for me not to be dating/in a relationship.
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    Aug 07, 2012 3:52 AM GMT
    Ahh yeah..you are not ready for a relationship..Your thought process is so "Me" Based..a clear indication that you need to spend a lot more time figuring out you..before you dive into the intricacies of a relationship..

    ..i still think a hot date every now and then is good for you too..consider it practice.... Good luck..and i hope it all works out for you !
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    Aug 07, 2012 3:57 AM GMT
    Anocxu saidAhh yeah..you are not ready for a relationship..Your thought process is so "Me" Based..a clear indication that you need to spend a lot more time figuring out you..before you dive into the intricacies of a relationship..

    ..i still think a hot date every now and then is good for you too..consider it practice.... Good luck..and i hope it all works out for you !


    You are actually right. I've spent so much of my life ignore what I really wanted/needed that I'm now suffering for it. The problem is that I have no idea where to go from here.
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    Aug 07, 2012 4:29 AM GMT
    Sorry to hear that man..
    OP..these things take time..There is no quick fix for this...
    1) Do you like yourself???
    2) Are you impatient..??
    3) Ever thought about moving??
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 07, 2012 4:29 AM GMT
    Sometimes ya gotta kiss a lotta frogs to find your prince.

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    Aug 07, 2012 12:44 PM GMT
    Anocxu saidSorry to hear that man..
    OP..these things take time..There is no quick fix for this...
    1) Do you like yourself???
    2) Are you impatient..??
    3) Ever thought about moving??


    3) I've been wanting to move for some time but I simply don't have the means to right now. Plus, I have no idea where I would go at this point.

    2) Most of my friends are either in serious relationships or they've gotten married (I've been to quite a few weddings lately). So yeah, I guess within the last year or so I have become impatient.

    1) This is a question I don't think I really ever think about much. To be honest, I'm not so sure and I'm sure you're thinking that this is probably the main problem.