College and changing...

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    Aug 07, 2012 3:30 PM GMT
    So for the 23343924 time, I'm moving in to college 1000+ miles away. I have talked to a few guys from here in their 20s and I have been told that college will change you - for better or worse. You will learn more about yourself and others. However along with the new freedom, you will get hurt along the way. Nearly every single guy has told me that they have become jaded because of "typical shit gay people go through". Mostly all of them said they had to learn the hard way and that you have to learn to let things roll off.

    So I guess what I'm getting to is how was your experience in college with being gay or college in general. How did you change from the beginning of college to the end of it? Was it for better or for worse?

    Thanks guys.
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    Aug 07, 2012 4:05 PM GMT
    I'm not finished with college yet buuut this coming school year is my last.
    I found living in the dorms to be really annoying. I did not like it. Also when I lived on campus I was a five minute walk from a street of Frat Houses, so parting became way too much of a distraction. I prefer commuting, going to class, coming back, and getting my work done. However, I'm not the most social person either when I don't know someone, so that is also a contributing factor as to why I didn't like living on campus.

    If people become jaded, that is their own fault. We all face hardships and adversity, don't let the bad experiences ruin what an amazing person you are.
    College is full of a lot of new experiences, deal with them the best you can.
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    Aug 07, 2012 4:13 PM GMT
    Going into college I was quite reserved but now I am quite outgoing and love to goof off. Also going in I was in denial and planned to meet a girl but after 1 semester I realized I was gay. I go to school in a large city so my experience is a little different than a traditional college town, life doesn't revolve around my school so I feel I have a better understanding for what it takes when you actually graduate school and need to get a job. Either way college will be a blast and you'll make some amazing friends.
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    Aug 07, 2012 4:16 PM GMT
    sonicpower19 saidSo for the 23343924 time, I'm moving in to college 1000+ miles away. I have talked to a few guys from here in their 20s and I have been told that college will change you - for better or worse. You will learn more about yourself and others. However along with the new freedom, you will get hurt along the way. Nearly every single guy has told me that they have become jaded because of "typical shit gay people go through". Mostly all of them said they had to learn the hard way and that you have to learn to let things roll off.

    So I guess what I'm getting to is how was your experience in college with being gay or college in general. How did you change from the beginning of college to the end of it? Was it for better or for worse?

    Thanks guys.

    Which college? In Chicago according to your profile, if that's current.
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    Aug 07, 2012 4:54 PM GMT
    I was exceptionally introverted in high school, but during the first six months of university I became a lot more of a party animal. During the second year I came out, started dating and learnt a lot about myself and what I expect from the personal I want in my life. I've now switched over to being quite an extrovert when I want to be, something that I never really thought I'd be.

    I'm still in university (granted I'm more of a senior postgraduate and lecturer), but you constantly learn something new about yourself as the younger generations move in. You suddenly get chucked into an environment filled with various cultures, beliefs and opinions. The biggest thing I guess is that with the independence you get in university you learn where your faults and strengths lie - you make mistakes and shoot yourself in the foot a lot, but it only ends up changing you for the better (hopefully).

    Good luck with university though! Have a blast!

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    Aug 07, 2012 5:01 PM GMT
    sonicpower19 saidSo for the 23343924 time, I'm moving in to college 1000+ miles away. I have talked to a few guys from here in their 20s and I have been told that college will change you - for better or worse. You will learn more about yourself and others. However along with the new freedom, you will get hurt along the way. Nearly every single guy has told me that they have become jaded because of "typical shit gay people go through". Mostly all of them said they had to learn the hard way and that you have to learn to let things roll off.

    So I guess what I'm getting to is how was your experience in college with being gay or college in general. How did you change from the beginning of college to the end of it? Was it for better or for worse?

    Thanks guys.


    Sorry, this answer is totally going to deviate off topic but I just wanted to commend you on asking this question. Often people always automatically assume the only way to learn something is going through it yourself.
    I believe people have hindsight for a reason, and that is at least for the benefit of learning from other people's mistakes. Why would you want history to repeat even for someone else?

    I'm glad that you took it upon yourself to learn from other's experiences so as to make the best out of your college experience. In the sense that you will have the information to avoid particular college problems that you can learn from others, leaving you a whole of array of different experiences for you to have.

    Anyway sorry for going off track, no trolling meant or anything I was just impressed by you asking this question.
    Wish you all the best in your college experience icon_smile.gif
  • stratavos

    Posts: 1831

    Aug 07, 2012 5:02 PM GMT
    sonicpower19 saidSo for the 23343924 time, I'm moving in to college 1000+ miles away. I have talked to a few guys from here in their 20s and I have been told that college will change you - for better or worse. You will learn more about yourself and others. However along with the new freedom, you will get hurt along the way. Nearly every single guy has told me that they have become jaded because of "typical shit gay people go through". Mostly all of them said they had to learn the hard way and that you have to learn to let things roll off.

    So I guess what I'm getting to is how was your experience in college with being gay or college in general. How did you change from the beginning of college to the end of it? Was it for better or for worse?

    Thanks guys.


    well...

    If your grades matter to you (like they should) then focus on them.

    Do join some of the school clubs and go to the ones you like regularly. Good friends are there. (study groups are a good idea too)

    BE YOURSELF. AND... TRY NOT TO BE SHY.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 07, 2012 5:16 PM GMT
    Get that gallon jug of lube..get that thousand count box of condoms..
    Just sayin'. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Aug 07, 2012 5:19 PM GMT
    Of course college changes you. You're going to be independent, you won't have people telling you you HAVE to do something, you don't HAVE to go to class, you can make good/bad/indifferent decisions on your own.

    It's very freeing. I felt as though I was no longer oppressed by my mother when I left for college.

    Make good choices please icon_smile.gif GO to class, study hard, meet good people who will be lifelong friends. It's choices in college that affect you forever. icon_smile.gif
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    Aug 07, 2012 5:46 PM GMT
    Just finished undergrad this spring, and I don't feel I'm jaded at all. In fact, I think I've grown as a person. If you come from a small town and you're going to a large school, you might have some culture shock since they're usually made up of people from all walks of life. Since you'll be so far away from home, make some good friends because it will be hard not being able to see your family often.

    I was never a partier, but I've seen it enough to know that it can badly eff up your grades. Don't let the freedom of not having your parents around get to your head. Study hard and get to know your professors, because they will come in handy if you ever need references and most of them are pretty interesting people. Before you sign up for a class, look up the professors reputation because it can make a difference between liking the class and learning from it or having your life become living hell.

    Don't worry about being gay in college because a majority of the people don't care or are very accepting. Unless you're a school with a heavy religious affiliation, most universities are pretty liberal.
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    Aug 07, 2012 7:17 PM GMT
    sonicpower19 saidSo for the 23343924 time, I'm moving in to college 1000+ miles away. I have talked to a few guys from here in their 20s and I have been told that college will change you - for better or worse. You will learn more about yourself and others. However along with the new freedom, you will get hurt along the way. Nearly every single guy has told me that they have become jaded because of "typical shit gay people go through". Mostly all of them said they had to learn the hard way and that you have to learn to let things roll off.

    So I guess what I'm getting to is how was your experience in college with being gay or college in general. How did you change from the beginning of college to the end of it? Was it for better or for worse?

    Thanks guys.


    College has changed me a lot.
    1) I am so much more independent. This is coming from a guy who didn't know how to cook, do laundry or basically live on his own before college. Now, I prefer and embrace this independent lifestyle.
    2) I love myself much more. Before college started: I was a complete closet case who was in denial of his sexuality. Now I have made tremendous progress with accepting who I am.
    3) I have met lots of international students (note, I am international as well) and I am so much more informed about the world and many other cultures. I am now yearning to learn more languages and me immersed in other cultures.

    It's a truly enriching experience and it has so much more to do with many things other than your sexuality.

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    Aug 07, 2012 7:19 PM GMT
    I just became more myself
  • Lincsbear

    Posts: 2605

    Aug 07, 2012 9:02 PM GMT
    A very good question....

    I went to college at nineteen(1979-'82) from a rural, conservative area where there were no openly gay men or scene. I was near totally closeted.
    My college was in Leicester, a large but not too distant city. Here I was open about myself, joined the gay society in the Sudents` Union, other groups, and took part in varoius activities, social and political.
    I basically grew up, learned to be independent, and face life by myself. I made some good, lifelong friends who completely accepted me.
    I also experienced love for the first time, and how powerful and transforming it is. I don`t think the guy felt so strongly for me as I did for him, and our love was short as he returned to Jordan after graduating. I felt the sweetness and pain of it but am grateful I knew him and love then.
    Three years later I was a much better guy, more confident, open, educated, trusting and forgiving.

    My advice would be go there without fear, be yourself, study and play hard, and take all the opportunities that come your way. Whatever price you pay, you have so much more to gain.

    Best wishes.
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    Aug 07, 2012 10:06 PM GMT
    Thanks guys for the responses so far.

    What I learned from some of the gay guys I have talked to on this in their 20s is that when someone is finally independent and able to embrace their sexuality it takes a bit for them to adjust to the gay community (if they choose to be a part of it). Nearly all the guys have said that a lot of people like to go after the "younger" ones because they are naive and that a lot of older guys (mid 20s and so one) look down upon gays in their 18s, 19s, 20s. Since they are naive, they are used and etc. What is your response about this?
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    Aug 07, 2012 11:10 PM GMT
    sonicpower19 saidThanks guys for the responses so far.

    What I learned from some of the gay guys I have talked to on this in their 20s is that when someone is finally independent and able to embrace their sexuality it takes a bit for them to adjust to the gay community (if they choose to be a part of it). Nearly all the guys have said that a lot of people like to go after the "younger" ones because they are naive and that a lot of older guys (mid 20s and so one) look down upon gays in their 18s, 19s, 20s. Since they are naive, they are used and etc. What is your response about this?
    many guys will be interested in you, just because you are fresh meat and not be interested in you any longer once they had you in bed. Some will even go so far to meet you a few times before having sex and you will never hear from them again afterwards. If you are not hook up minded join gay groups and do activities with them to make friends. Good luck.
  • ccboi

    Posts: 1

    Aug 07, 2012 11:32 PM GMT
    really, just have fun! not too much fun where you fail out of your classes, but find a balance. i can remember a night when i went out, went home with a guy, then went to an early morning class in the same clothes (...but i still made it to class). i thought college was a bitch to go through and couldn't wait to get a "real job," but now that i have that, I'd give anything to re-live my college years (not that late-20s is that bad anyways!).

    you will change. you'll become more mature. but to get there, you need to make those "naive 18-21 year old" mistakes. so again, have fun. don't over analyze it.

    as far as dating, i actually met the love of my life in college when i was 18. but, we did split for a year or so to see other people since I kind of needed to get that out of my system. i hate to say sleep around... but if you feel like it, do it (be safe!). have fun! before you know it, you'll have a "husband," career and a mortgage
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    Aug 07, 2012 11:54 PM GMT
    I don't know if it's the actual "college experience" that changes you. I think it's the fact of being 18/19ish when you enter and leaving at 22+ that changes you. Those are the years that we break off a piece of independence, start to see the way the world is, and see the way other people are. I think whatever you're doing, whether it's being in an educational setting or the workforce, from 18 onward is going to change you.