Self Esteem Ruining My life.

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    Aug 08, 2012 4:11 AM GMT
    I just feel like im so ugly and just horrible(personality wise) and have the mindset no one would ever be happy with me. I just cant shake it. I push people away.I say goodbye before they do. I feel like I dont deserve happiness.

    What do I do, im sick of crying, I just cant help feeling like im worthless. I dont know how to overcome it. I tell myself a compliment. I just...see everything that is wrong. Thats all I ever see.icon_sad.gif
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    Aug 08, 2012 4:12 AM GMT
    I've said it before and I'll say it again: Get the fuck out of AL.

    It's better to be homeless in a happy place than pampered in hell.
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    Aug 08, 2012 4:18 AM GMT
    Getting out of Alabama..wont change how I feel about myself.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Aug 08, 2012 4:21 AM GMT
    Try a yoga class

    Edit:

    Life is a series of successes and failures ... the closer to the end you get the fewer the failures

    Learn from your past
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    Aug 08, 2012 4:24 AM GMT
    JamieJfromtheA saidGetting out of Alabama..wont change how I feel about myself.


    A change in location can make a huge difference icon_smile.gif
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    Aug 08, 2012 5:09 AM GMT
    OMG you think happiness goes to those who deserve it? That sounds like a lovely planet to be on. Isn't it in the constitution that everyone has the right to pursue happiness? Go for it!

    Personally, I believe that people are who they are at the present moment forward. If you become someone who doesn't push people away, the past is totally unimportant. As bad as you think you are, you could change that and be (internally) whatever you define as awesome. I sooo don't care if someone used to be an asshole, just that they learned better.

    No one here is going to cure your self-esteem issues or depression. I can maybe suggest writing these problems down. Write what you want to be, what is in the way for each aspect, possible ways to get there for each obstacle.

    Doing it can sort out your mind. It's like putting down 2 armfulls of dishes on the counter so that you can free up your hands to wash them one at a time. Putting your thoughts on paper lets your brain concentrate on what's missing.
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    Aug 08, 2012 6:16 AM GMT
    JamieJfromtheA saidGetting out of Alabama..wont change how I feel about myself.
    Yes it will.
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    Aug 08, 2012 6:37 AM GMT
    You have some soul searching to do, man. You must first tell yourself that it's ok to feel this way.... and know that it''s true. To extents, i think we all hate ourselves especially when we don't turn out how we would "want" or expect or it is expected for us to be. Resolve that. Then quickly move to excepting that everything wrong with you is imagined... I just gave you a jump... and that you control what you think about yourself because....


    Human instinct is that we mostly view ourselves based on how others view us. The people who raised us. We pick up on our environments...and those environments can be changed... so you must change them in tandem with changing how you feel about yourself... or as you do the psychological work to help yourself out of needless self hatred..which is always needless.. it's like cancer.. it will kill the host. Its super important you must believe in all of this and want change.. and forgive yourself.. have enough "pity" on yourself... use the word pity because at this level it will resonate. Then quickly change it to love. You must be able to look yourself in the mirror. You have SO much power to change who are, man.. you are unhappy with who are... you hate yourself. Say that... but you can love yourself because you want to. You want to because you are verbalizing that you want to, in recognizing that you dislike strongly things that are in your life.. that are things you want to change.. and you change.

    If you push.. and do the little work to change, babe, you can make yourself like yourself enough to push yourself further. It will build on itself. a shack can become a house..and a house a mansion. But focus on small things.


    (and i can totally be specific if you need me to be and want me to be)
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Aug 08, 2012 11:45 AM GMT
    JamieJfromtheA saidGetting out of Alabama..wont change how I feel about myself.


    I think you would be surprised my friend. When I moved from TN to NV and was surrounded by a different group of people, it did wonders.icon_wink.gif
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    Aug 08, 2012 12:11 PM GMT
    I don't know you so I can't tell you exactly what to do that will help resolve your issues. I would definitely seek some professional help as it sounds like these are long standing issues in your life, and you may need someone to help you work through them.

    Your profile seems to indicate that your family and friends in Alabama are a source of great pain for you. It is not a far fetched notion that a move to another city might help you see things differently as others have suggested.

    The one thing I can tell you is that if you don't make an effort to make changes in your life, your perspective on life will also not change. You need to break your regular routine in order to expose new opportunities in your life.

    If change really scares you, you might try small steps first. Try taking a different route home from work, or going to some event that you would not normally go to, or joining a club of some sort, or volunteering with some organization, or taking a class. Make a conscious effort to try something different every week.

    Ultimately, the only way things change in your life is if you make positive changes in your life. There is something about the structure of your life that is not allowing you to break free of the thought cycle you are in.

    I hope you are able to find the happiness you deserve.

    Good luck!
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    Aug 08, 2012 12:40 PM GMT
    Well Jamie..You have some great advice posted above...
    Skinny, Jack and Crey gave you awesome pointers..

    Focus on 'the internal' ..First..then only can 'the external' make any sense...

    What is your support system like?..Do you have Close friends or family that you can talk to thesethings about..??

    Besides the awesome advise you got in this thread..a nice warm shoulder to cry on and a set of loving arm to hold you would definately trigger a new perspective...!!
    (btw ive been following your threads..you seem to be a straight shooter..no frills and very level headed ).. icon_biggrin.gif
    GIANT HUG!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 08, 2012 1:11 PM GMT

    Hey Jamie *hugs*

    It may appear trite, but there are some interesting sayings in this topic, which I enjoyed very much.

    Here, something to go along with the great advice you've been given here so far:

    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/2581634/


    your friend,

    -Doug
  • TheAlchemixt

    Posts: 2294

    Aug 08, 2012 1:22 PM GMT
    Read books on self esteem. I know that might sound lame but it actually helps!
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    Aug 09, 2012 1:05 AM GMT
    Thanks guys.

    I am going to try harder, I just...when I think of the immediate people who were in my life, they were the ones who tore me down every day for years,

    my mindset is like "If my own family hates me then who else won't" it stops me from doing things or talking to people I really want to.

    It's been going on so long, that I didnt even realize the damage until later on.

    I am going to work on myself though.
  • TroyAthlete

    Posts: 4269

    Aug 09, 2012 1:14 AM GMT
    Do you have health insurance Jaime? Can you see a therapist?

    Getting out of Alabama could help, actually. Big life changes like those can lead to changes in behavior, which can change thoughts, which can change emotions/feelings.

    You need to alter one of those things to start seeing change in the others and you would be surprised what a move to more friendly territory might accomplish. It's not a cure-all, but it could help. Atlanta has a vibrant gay community, incidentally.
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    Aug 09, 2012 1:30 AM GMT
    SkinnyBitch saidOMG you think happiness goes to those who deserve it? That sounds like a lovely planet to be on. Isn't it in the constitution that everyone has the right to pursue happiness? Go for it!

    Personally, I believe that people are who they are at the present moment forward. If you become someone who doesn't push people away, the past is totally unimportant. As bad as you think you are, you could change that and be (internally) whatever you define as awesome. I sooo don't care if someone used to be an asshole, just that they learned better.

    No one here is going to cure your self-esteem issues or depression. I can maybe suggest writing these problems down. Write what you want to be, what is in the way for each aspect, possible ways to get there for each obstacle.

    Doing it can sort out your mind. It's like putting down 2 armfulls of dishes on the counter so that you can free up your hands to wash them one at a time. Putting your thoughts on paper lets your brain concentrate on what's missing.


    +1 This is good advice.
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    Aug 09, 2012 1:33 AM GMT
    JamieJfromtheA saidI just feel like im so ugly and just horrible(personality wise) and have the mindset no one would ever be happy with me. I just cant shake it. I push people away.I say goodbye before they do. I feel like I dont deserve happiness.

    What do I do, im sick of crying, I just cant help feeling like im worthless. I dont know how to overcome it. I tell myself a compliment. I just...see everything that is wrong. Thats all I ever see.icon_sad.gif


    Everyone deserves happiness. Try doing something for yourself. Take a vacation, get engrossed in a new hobby, etc. If you can find something you love, you can start to build off of it to help reconstruct your self-esteem.

    Also, finding a good therapist is a great idea as well. It sounds like you need someone with whom to talk. Opening yourself up and trusting someone will go a long way toward helping you conquer your demons.
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    Aug 09, 2012 1:50 AM GMT
    Tricky little demons:

    When we don't have self-esteem or any self-worth the only place we can live in our daily life is our ego. Self-pity and arrogant self-criticism are characteristics of our ego; the negative ego is the one people don't really think about.

    How do we smash the ego?
    -For me it happened when I was in enough pain. Pain is our greatest teacher. When we sit through it long enough we will ultimately discover the fear behind the pain - what scares us. The only remedy to fear is faith.

    -For me understanding the difference between ego and self-worth was essential. Understanding that my hope was a function of the self-will of which is a function of the ego. I hoped for many, many things: death, not to die, a boyfriend, a new prada bag, a better job . . . thinking that each and every one of them would make me feel okay. That's where my faith tells me I'm okay.

    -Today, I am on a mission for a true 'hopeless'. If faith is the embodiment of all of which is hoped for, and if faith is an action then there is no need for hope. Those who live on hope die starving.

    Rid yourself of self-will, and you will feel better.

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    Aug 09, 2012 2:06 AM GMT
    You might want to pay more attn to the good things in yo life instead of paying attn to the things yo dont like

    serenityprayer.jpg
  • Import

    Posts: 7190

    Aug 09, 2012 2:13 AM GMT
    dude, u need to just relax.
    First and foremost, your life is not falling apart, everything is not hopeless, you're not a horrible person, you aren't dying on the inside.

    just sit back.......breathe......and relax.
    Look at ur self from an outsider's perspective. What do u see?
    Why are u feeling like this? Do u push people away because u dont want anyone to really know you? Are u afraid people will not like u anyway, so why bother connecting with anyone?

    Are u afraid that if people find out you're gay they will hate u?

    damn dude, I wish I could talk to u in person and figure out what the fuck... UGGHG
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    Aug 09, 2012 2:24 AM GMT
    I would suggest if you can to see a professional who can start helping you work through what is making you unhappy. Believe me, I can identify with you, I felt the same way about myself. In my case I had self esteem issues that started in grade school when I was overweight. Even though I have stayed in shape since my late teens those kinds of self esteem issues don't go away easily.
    Last year I started seeing a professional on a monthly basis and it has helped tremendously! I am no longer depressed and am concentrating on my goals.
    I am even planning a possible geographical move next year to the west coast to start another chapter of my life.
    Hang in there and maybe seek out someone to talk to and think about what is really going to make you happy and then go for it!

    Good luck!
  • waccamatt

    Posts: 1918

    Aug 09, 2012 2:24 AM GMT
    JamieJfromtheA saidGetting out of Alabama..wont change how I feel about myself.


    Oh yes it will.
  • O5vx

    Posts: 3154

    Aug 09, 2012 2:31 AM GMT
    Sometime, all that is needed is a change of environment; sometime, it takes a lot of will power to get past those memories that has damage one emotionally. Essentially, what it boils down to is do you want to make that change from past to present or do you want to remain in the past? We have to all move on. Moving on is different for everyone, but in someway we all have to gain the strength to see the good in us again. Believe in yourself.
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    Aug 09, 2012 2:35 AM GMT
    #1 Get out of Alabama. I know you probably consider this to be running from your problems, but that's not the reason. The reasoning behind leaving is to surround yourself with progressive thinking people. No matter how strong you might be, we are all affected and influenced by those around us. You've said many times how ignorant the people there are. To take an extreme example to make a point....imagined if someone were locked in a cage their whole life. Do you think they would be able to change their mood without breaking free? Stop making excuses and get the hell out!

    #2 Get a therapist. If money is an issue, call any therapist out of the phone book and ask them to refer you to a free or "sliding scale" therapist. They're required to keep this information on hand. And believe it or not, you can actually get a very good therapist this way.

    #3 Remember you're a good person and you deserve better than this. You're one of the sweetest guys on here and you should not allow yourself to keep feeling this way. Think of that innocent little boy you used to be. He still lives inside you and it's your job to make sure he's happy. It's called "self parenting" and it's a crucial part to feeling better.
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    Aug 09, 2012 3:21 AM GMT
    Ok, I am going to be genuine here.

    HAPPINESS COMES FROM WITHIN. ONLY YOU CAN MAKE YOURSELF HAPPY