Coming out

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 08, 2012 3:53 PM GMT
    How exactly do you come out to people ?

    This school year, I really want things to change. I'm getting into one of the business schools I wanted in Grenoble ( France), and I want to feel completely free of any shame, guilt... because it's a new chapter in my life.

    The problem is I tried to come out , two years ago , when I had just got into , let's just say the "college system" in France , but I just couldn't do it. The first time I sat with some of my classmates, they started saying homophobic shit , not terrible stuff but just stupid jokes etc... so I held it back, and I absolutely hated it. The only people I told were the close friends I made during these years.

    This year, i want to feel completely uninhibited. But how do you do it technically. You can't say it when you introduce yourself ( so people just assume you're straight) and when you make a friend and you find out they're homophobic, it's also hard to say it. So ... how exactly do you come out ?
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Aug 08, 2012 4:03 PM GMT
    Tell the people who are joking around that you're gay. Stand up for yourself. What do have to lose if their friendship doesn't make you happy anyway?
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    Aug 08, 2012 4:14 PM GMT
    Try and read the situation - even if someone makes a homophobic joke it doesn't necessarily mean they will be anti-gay. Hell, all of my friends make gay jokes, ranging from subtle to quite bad, but they all accepted me for who I was. Granted, I think not being a stereotype helped there.

    I'm not sure how it works in France, but if you feel comfortable and safe with being open about it, just let it slip out. News spreads fast with stuff like that, so just telling one or two people might make life easier for you (unless you want to keep it on a need-to-know basis). You don't need to make a situation revolve around it, but you can find some conversations where it'll be in context or appropriate to say something concerning it.
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    Aug 08, 2012 4:17 PM GMT
    kr4nksh4ft saidTry and read the situation - even if someone makes a homophobic joke it doesn't necessarily mean they will be anti-gay. Hell, all of my friends make gay jokes, ranging from subtle to quite bad, but they all accepted me for who I was. Granted, I think not being a stereotype helped there.

    I'm not sure how it works in France, but if you feel comfortable and safe with being open about it, just let it slip out. News spreads fast with stuff like that, so just telling one or two people might make life easier for you (unless you want to keep it on a need-to-know basis). You don't need to make a situation revolve around it, but you can find some conversations where it'll be in context or appropriate to say something concerning it.

    This.

    It's also how I came out. Told one person who told another who told another and before you know, everyone knows and because you aren't making a big deal out of it, nobody is either.icon_wink.gif
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    Aug 08, 2012 4:19 PM GMT
    New school? Simple. Don't start off in the closet and you won't have to come out of one. It is easier to be yourself than to be someone else and then to become yourself.
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    Aug 08, 2012 4:56 PM GMT
    You'll probably get different answers here. For me, what worked was coming out to one person at a time versus making a big production. It will be much easier to tell females than males athough you might be surprised at how supportive both can be. Usually if you tell a couple people, it will get out naturally anyway and some may already suspect it.

    I think it's important for you to determine what being gay means to you and how much of your identity is tied to your orientation. You will probably evolve on this over time. The earlier you decide, the more control you will have and it will help you figure out what to say and when/how to say it. Good luck.
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    Aug 09, 2012 2:20 AM GMT
    I hear you but it just , I've never come out to anyone in a casual way. The way I did it with my friends, was I would make them sit and I would explain and it would be followed by a deep conversation etc... and I was always really nervous when doing it , my heart pounding really fast and stuff.

    So I don't know if I'll be able to handle myself and appear natural while saying it to somebody I just met. Just hearing people talking about homosexuality would sometimes make me nervous and uncomfortable. I'm not saying it's the right way to feel, I probably still have a long way to go in terms of self-acceptance, but that's the way it is right now.
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    Aug 09, 2012 2:39 AM GMT
    I thought I was out in university. I took engineering, so majority of my classmates were male. It was a coincidence that I had hot girls accompany me to events; parties, bars, etc. It got to the point that I was seen as a guy who has a different girl a month! I remember one time a couple of my eng buddies started saying they saw my "girl" around campus. It was after exams and I had pulled an all nighter so it didn't register until I went home.

    When I finally clued in, I went on facebook and indicated I was interested in men. I was hoping people would see it so when I went back next term, people would know.

    Well apparently it was big news to people still at school. I found out afterwards that people had gathered in the engineering lab that same day and were talking about me being gay on fb and that it was a joke. They got the one girl to post on my wall on fb making a joke of how I was "interested in men" and that she knew a few. I responded with, "Cool! Hook me up!".

    When they finally realized I was serious and my fb account was not hacked, I was informed that the engineering lab was buzzing with my coming out and everyone was shocked. They made it out to be something bigger than it was. No one treated me differently, everyone was supportive and were very accepting. One time someone came in and was inviting everyone to a party at his house and he mentioned there would be hot chicks there. He then turned to me and was like, "Oh and hot guys... and I think one of them is on the fence so there's your chance!"

    The only thing that really changed was that whenever I brought a hot girl to any event, the guys were all over her...

    There you have it, let FB do the work for you icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 09, 2012 2:54 AM GMT
    Saad22 saidHow exactly do you come out to people ?
    Through 20+ years of experience, I've found that the best way to come out is to tell them you're gay.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 09, 2012 2:56 AM GMT
    simple_collision saidI thought I was out in university. I took engineering, so majority of my classmates were male. It was a coincidence that I had hot girls accompany me to events; parties, bars, etc. It got to the point that I was seen as a guy who has a different girl a month! I remember one time a couple of my eng buddies started saying they saw my "girl" around campus. It was after exams and I had pulled an all nighter so it didn't register until I went home.

    When I finally clued in, I went on facebook and indicated I was interested in men. I was hoping people would see it so when I went back next term, people would know.

    Well apparently it was big news to people still at school. I found out afterwards that people had gathered in the engineering lab that same day and were talking about me being gay on fb and that it was a joke. They got the one girl to post on my wall on fb making a joke of how I was "interested in men" and that she knew a few. I responded with, "Cool! Hook me up!".

    When they finally realized I was serious and my fb account was not hacked, I was informed that the engineering lab was buzzing with my coming out and everyone was shocked. They made it out to be something bigger than it was. No one treated me differently, everyone was supportive and were very accepting. One time someone came in and was inviting everyone to a party at his house and he mentioned there would be hot chicks there. He then turned to me and was like, "Oh and hot guys... and I think one of them is on the fence so there's your chance!"

    The only thing that really changed was that whenever I brought a hot girl to any event, the guys were all over her...

    There you have it, let FB do the work for you icon_biggrin.gif


    Thanks for sharing , cool story ! Unfortunately, Facebook is not an option for me. I have my mom as a friend and she would freak if I posted anything gay related. When she found out I was gay , she took me to the shrink to have me "straightened" and she made me promise to make efforts to change. Plus I don't want my old friends from Morocco to know cause it's a tight network. I can easily imagine my cousins knowing about it, then telling my parents ...
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    Aug 09, 2012 2:59 AM GMT
    OP Said "Thanks for sharing , cool story ! Unfortunately, Facebook is not an option for me. I have my mom as a friend and she would freak if I posted anything gay related. When she found out I was gay , she took me to the shrink to have me "straightened" and she made me promise to make efforts to change. Plus I don't want my old friends from Morocco to know cause it's a tight network. I can easily imagine my cousins knowing about it, then telling my parents"

    ..Maybe your'e just not ready..?
  • waccamatt

    Posts: 1918

    Aug 09, 2012 3:03 AM GMT
    Use correct pronouns - my boyfriend and I went to see a movie last night. I think such and such (Brad Pitt, Channing Tatum, etc.) is so cute. Treat being gay like the awesome part of life that it is.
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    Aug 09, 2012 3:11 AM GMT
    Wow OP that really blows that you kinda need to wrap up who you are from so many people. I'm too loud to live like that, haha. Maybe make a second fb account, one for your family and friends you don't want to share your personal life with, and one for people who you want to be open with.

    I get a thrill in seeing people's reaction when they realize I'm gay icon_smile.gif
    Especially at work, when someone who doesn't know I'm gay joins in on the convo. I always make it known. Someone will ask, "Oh how is Dan doing?" and I will reply, "He's great..." etc. They usually ask who Dan is, and I respond with, "he's my boyfriend". I wish I had a video camera to record people's faces when they find out!
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Aug 09, 2012 3:13 AM GMT
    "I'm gay"

    Edit:
    Or this works too

    gay_pride_pink_triangle_tshirt-r8d4af157
  • Jonno11

    Posts: 181

    Aug 09, 2012 3:17 AM GMT
    Ive found merely mentioning it in conversation, as though you were discussing something as benign as the weather, tends to get the point across subtly and also doesnt make a big deal of it. Essentially ur saying "im gay" with as much shock as youd say "its sunny". you bring an obviousness to the conversation and make it clear that its not a big deal.