Putting yourself out there...

  • junknemesis

    Posts: 682

    Aug 08, 2012 5:41 PM GMT
    When I started dating, I asked people how to find a good guy. I heard a lot of "Just put yourself out there, but remember that you're going to have to sift through a lot of coal to find a diamond." That advice was good, but it seems that hardly anyone is actually making any such effort. Getting a message from someone seems like pulling teeth from a chicken, and I noticed that few and far between are any sort of responses. I understand that proverb of "If you have nothing nice to say, then say nothing at all." Which is appreciated.

    But what if that person who is different then your normal view of an acceptable prospect is a great catch? Wouldn't you be loosing out by not at least taking the chance to get to know each other a bit?

    Feedback is much appreciated.
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    Aug 08, 2012 6:10 PM GMT
    I can't speak for everyone, but I've been doing the online dating thing for quite a while and after a while you become a bit jaded. You start to build up this list of things that you just want to avoid because it just turned out to be the same thing over-and-over, such as consistent asking of pictures or wanting coffee within the first sentence. I just don't have the time or energy to meet every person who might be okay - if someone doesn't make a good enough impression then I just consider it a sign.

    I'm sure there are heaps of people you skip for stupid reasons that would probably be quite compatible, but that's life. You get into this rhythm unfortunately. It's not easy to get out of it either.
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    Aug 08, 2012 6:16 PM GMT
    By putting yourself out there have you considered stepping away from the computer?
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    Aug 08, 2012 6:22 PM GMT
    You said it yourself, "Just put yourself out there, but remember that you're going to have to sift through a lot of coal to find a diamond."

    You are still sifting through coal.
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    Aug 08, 2012 7:13 PM GMT
    Though the online thing looks promising meeting guys in real
    life has recently been bringing home the bacon. As you might have seen on here online apps are being used by gay guys for entertainment not actual dating.
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    Aug 08, 2012 7:26 PM GMT
    As much as the online dating thing annoys me, its currently one of my few options. If you don't go to places that are frequented by gay guys, then you essentially leave it too random chance. The gay guys I encounter on a day-to-day basis are a bit too effeminate for my taste though.

    I prefer to believe that if somebody can be on it looking for an actual relationship, then there must be other people like that as well. Granted its a bit of a 'coal mine'-situation there with all the NSA requests.
  • d694485

    Posts: 222

    Aug 08, 2012 7:29 PM GMT
    Alpha13 saidThough the online thing looks promising meeting guys in real
    life has recently been bringing home the bacon. As you might have seen on here online apps are being used by gay guys for entertainment not actual dating.


    Better watch your figure cuz you're probably bringing a lot of bacon home! icon_razz.gificon_lol.gif
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    Aug 08, 2012 7:46 PM GMT
    kr4nksh4ft saidAs much as the online dating thing annoys me, its currently one of my few options. If you don't go to places that are frequented by gay guys, then you essentially leave it too random chance..


    Exactly. You hear this "Get out and meet people!" advice all the time, but it's actually just a bad cliche. TV is full of these 'Meet Cute' moments wherein you move into a new building and your perfect love interest is right across the hall, or you lock eyes with a total stranger on the street and stop dead in your tracks.

    It's all wildly implausible. Ask yourself how many dreamboats you pass on the street in any given week.
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    Aug 08, 2012 7:54 PM GMT
    Elusium said Exactly. You hear this "Get out and meet people!" advice all the time, but it's actually just a bad cliche. TV is full of these 'Meet Cute' moments wherein you move into a new building and your perfect love interest is right across the hall, or you lock eyes with a total stranger on the street and stop dead in your tracks.

    It's all wildly implausible. Ask yourself how many dreamboats you pass on the street in any given week.


    Unfortunately more of those real life moments are awkward, one-sided infatuations icon_wink.gif

    I'd love to meet guys like myself who don't come across gay at all, but that in itself is the problem. The guys like that you don't really notice, and they don't notice you. Not that I'm saying it can't happen, I think its just inherently difficult to meet guys,
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    Aug 08, 2012 8:00 PM GMT
    Elusium said
    kr4nksh4ft saidAs much as the online dating thing annoys me, its currently one of my few options. If you don't go to places that are frequented by gay guys, then you essentially leave it too random chance..


    Exactly. You hear this "Get out and meet people!" advice all the time, but it's actually just a bad cliche. .

    I agree.

    Online profiles if worded correctly help in weeding out the ones not interested in you. At least online you can get a glimpse of the person who has a decent profile before making a decision. Offline most make snap judgements based on looks. Online or offline it's just as rough meeting someone.
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    Aug 08, 2012 8:13 PM GMT
    Yeah, you just have to remind yourself that it is a numbers game. We are ~3% of the population and half of that 3% are lesbians. You reduce that remaing % by guys who aren't out, aren't obviously gay or aren't your type (or you their's) and you have a ridiculously small pool to search through spread out over multiple cities and countries. In all honesty, your odds may be greater online versus real life but online communication is so shitty and easy to misinterpret. Hang in there.

  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Aug 08, 2012 8:15 PM GMT
    You appear to be referring to a virtual reality world. Virtual reality on rarely becomes reality ... you have to be out in the real world to find someone
  • Import

    Posts: 7193

    Aug 08, 2012 8:16 PM GMT
    Start playing 2nd life. it's like a second life lived online. So much better than real life, which sounds boring in ur case.
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    Aug 08, 2012 10:27 PM GMT
    Don't know about you guys, but finding a girl was always easy for me! Now trying to find a guy that I'm both attracted to physically/personality wise and vice versa, so far seems impossible!
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    Aug 09, 2012 5:01 AM GMT
    Myol saidYeah, you just have to remind yourself that it is a numbers game. We are ~3% of the population and half of that 3% are lesbians. You reduce that remaing % by guys who aren't out, aren't obviously gay or aren't your type (or you their's) and you have a ridiculously small pool to search through spread out over multiple cities and countries. In all honesty, your odds may be greater online versus real life but online communication is so shitty and easy to misinterpret. Hang in there.



    protip: Kinsey found that about 10% of men are strictly homosexual and that at least 37% of all men have one or more gay sexual intercourse in their life.
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    Aug 09, 2012 5:14 AM GMT
    kr4nksh4ft saidI can't speak for everyone, but I've been doing the online dating thing for quite a while and after a while you become a bit jaded. You start to build up this list of things that you just want to avoid because it just turned out to be the same thing over-and-over, such as consistent asking of pictures or wanting coffee within the first sentence. I just don't have the time or energy to meet every person who might be okay - if someone doesn't make a good enough impression then I just consider it a sign.

    I'm sure there are heaps of people you skip for stupid reasons that would probably be quite compatible, but that's life. You get into this rhythm unfortunately. It's not easy to get out of it either.


    That's awfully cynical though I guess it's how it is for many. I hope I don't get that way. I've only been using RJ (1st time using an online dating site of any kind) for a few weeks now and I'm still enjoying the messages, both receiving and sending. I also try and give ppl a chance as long as they aren't too old, creepy, or unseemly. Also, considering how few people living in my area use this site and actually make a connection with me, I'm down to getting at least getting coffee if we seem to click.

    It seems from my own experiences, that the best memories are usually borne from the least likely circumstances, often undesirable situations.
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    Aug 09, 2012 5:18 AM GMT
    KSU04 saidDon't know about you guys, but finding a girl was always easy for me! Now trying to find a guy that I'm both attracted to physically/personality wise and vice versa, so far seems impossible!


    YESSS! I was just telling some friends this the other day. Back when I was exclusively straight, the females would come to me. It was relaxed and easy. Now that I'm trying this (dating dudes) out for the first time, it seems like a ton of work...but it's also been fun. I guess most new experiences are both fun and scary at the same time.
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    Aug 09, 2012 5:20 AM GMT
    Fuck putting myself out there. I'd rather put them in here.
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    Aug 09, 2012 5:21 AM GMT
    This is why I didn't meet him online. I met him IRL... and didn't like him at first. I thought he was weird.

    He grew on me and I messed around with him and had my mind freaking blown and fell head over heels.

    The lesson here? Fool around and don't judge a person on superficial criteria at first meet. You're robbing yourself if you do. Some people need a second, or in my case, a fourth chance.
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    Aug 09, 2012 5:25 AM GMT
    Daas saidThis is why I didn't meet him online. I met him IRL... and didn't like him at first. I thought he was weird.
    Be careful. I've had many guys "fall in love" with me like that.

    In fact, I recently broke up with a guy who fell head over hills in love with me.

    Just because a person seems awesome the first few times you date him doesn't mean he's the perfect guy for you. It just means he's a great guy to be around.

    Don't mistake awesomeness for boyfriend material. They are mutually exclusive. icon_wink.gif
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    Aug 09, 2012 5:28 AM GMT
    paulflexes said
    Daas saidThis is why I didn't meet him online. I met him IRL... and didn't like him at first. I thought he was weird.
    Be careful. I've had many guys "fall in love" with me like that.

    In fact, I recently broke up with a guy who fell head over hills in love with me.

    Just because a person seems awesome the first few times you date him doesn't mean he's the perfect guy for you. It just means he's a great guy to be around.

    Don't mistake awesomeness for boyfriend material. They are mutually exclusive. icon_wink.gif


    He wound up being husband material. We've been together two years. He kept quoting movie lines the first night I met him and I thought he had Asperger's syndrome. The second time I met him I thought he was drunk because he kept staring off into space and there were awkward silences. The third time (our first real date) I realized he was very intelligent and caring, and also very very nervous around me, thus explaining the first two times. Fourth date was our first sex and it was, frankly, the best sex ever afforded to me in my entire life.
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    Aug 09, 2012 5:28 AM GMT
    Daas saidThis is why I didn't meet him online. I met him IRL... and didn't like him at first. I thought he was weird.

    He grew on me and I messed around with him and had my mind freaking blown and fell head over heels.

    The lesson here? Fool around and don't judge a person on superficial criteria at first meet. You're robbing yourself if you do. Some people need a second, or in my case, a fourth chance.


    I think this is definitely true! I'm think I'm learning this lesson as well...
    Problem with sites like these is that ppl judge you instantly by a photo (or cam), which means if you aren't photogenic (like me) or aren't skilled with editing software, or don't fulfill XYZ requirements, then you're shit outta luck.

    I'd much rather put myself out there IRL...in a few months I'll be moving out on my own, so then I can start living my life out in the open. Can't wait. Watch out Portland. icon_smile.gif
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    Aug 09, 2012 5:29 AM GMT
    People like what people like. There's no changing that. When you find someone who you feel is worth the risk you either go for it or you don't.
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    Aug 09, 2012 5:32 AM GMT
    active_athlete said
    Daas saidThis is why I didn't meet him online. I met him IRL... and didn't like him at first. I thought he was weird.

    He grew on me and I messed around with him and had my mind freaking blown and fell head over heels.

    The lesson here? Fool around and don't judge a person on superficial criteria at first meet. You're robbing yourself if you do. Some people need a second, or in my case, a fourth chance.


    I think this is definitely true! I'm think I'm learning this lesson as well...
    Problem with sites like these is that ppl judge you instantly by a photo (or cam), which means if you aren't photogenic (like me) or aren't skilled with editing software, or don't fulfill XYZ requirements, then you're shit outta luck.

    I'd much rather put myself out there IRL...in a few months I'll be moving out on my own, so then I can start living my life out in the open. Can't wait. Watch out Portland. icon_smile.gif


    Oh there was definitely something there. Dunno what it was, his smell? His smile? His eyes? Dunno, can't define it, but I sensed it. That's why I kept going back for ONE MORE DISASTER DATE. I'm glad I did.
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    Aug 09, 2012 5:37 AM GMT
    Daas said
    active_athlete said
    Daas saidThis is why I didn't meet him online. I met him IRL... and didn't like him at first. I thought he was weird.

    He grew on me and I messed around with him and had my mind freaking blown and fell head over heels.

    The lesson here? Fool around and don't judge a person on superficial criteria at first meet. You're robbing yourself if you do. Some people need a second, or in my case, a fourth chance.


    I think this is definitely true! I'm think I'm learning this lesson as well...
    Problem with sites like these is that ppl judge you instantly by a photo (or cam), which means if you aren't photogenic (like me) or aren't skilled with editing software, or don't fulfill XYZ requirements, then you're shit outta luck.

    I'd much rather put myself out there IRL...in a few months I'll be moving out on my own, so then I can start living my life out in the open. Can't wait. Watch out Portland. icon_smile.gif


    Oh there was definitely something there. Dunno what it was, his smell? His smile? His eyes? Dunno, can't define it, but I sensed it. That's why I kept going back for ONE MORE DISASTER DATE. I'm glad I did.


    I know what you mean! You can't get that through the internet. When you are attracted to someone, everything — his smell, that sly look in his eye, his smirk, the way he talks, the way he moves — everything is sexy...that stuff just can't be quantified in a profile. (haha then if it goes bad all the same things that once turned u on suddenly disgust you ;-p)