"Changing your preference"

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    Aug 08, 2012 6:58 PM GMT
    i only have 2 or 3 gay friends in real life and they're not exactly jocks. Two are a couple and the other is a friend of theirs who's been after my ass. Problem is (and without launching into a huge discussion of why), he's nowhere NEAR being attractive to me and completely opposite the types of guys i'm usually attracted to. But every time this issue comes up they keep telling me my preference is too specific and that i need to broaden my interests. I'm hardly limiting myself to only fitness-model guys or something but i don't understand why they can't just accept the fact that i am attracted to some guys and not to others! *end ramble*
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    Aug 08, 2012 7:26 PM GMT
    It shouldn't matter if you find your friends attractive. Actually it should make thing's easier when you're not attracted to your friends.

    Just tell the guy that you only see him as a friend and nothing more.
    But it might take you dating someone else for him to finally get the message.
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    Aug 08, 2012 8:06 PM GMT
    You are attracted to the type you're attracted to. It's nobody's business but yours. I don't thnik anyone should "settle" for less than what they really want just to be with someone or please other people. You will only be happy when you please yourself first. .
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    Aug 08, 2012 8:34 PM GMT
    I think you know what's best for you. Nobody should settle. I do think it's a good idea to be open to finding someone attractive that might not fit your usual " type " however you can't make yourself attracted to someone you're not. Ive gone out with guys of different sizes, & colors, etc... But I notice if I'm not attracted to someone of another race, all to often I'm accused of being racist which is ridiculous since I'm basing it on the individual not there group as a whole. Regardless unless you were attracted to one of your friends earlier, it's unlikely you're going to suddenly find them attractive now. Good luckicon_smile.gif
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    Aug 08, 2012 11:18 PM GMT
    IIIIIIIIIIIII saidAs I got a little older I realized how limiting it was for me when it came to me being into a specific type. Having a type that only deals with physical attributes eventually lead me to realize how incompatible I was with these guys (on a personality level).

    Maybe your buddies are only trying to expand your thinking to help you connect more with some people. You might meet someone who is amazing. I don't think it's about "settling." It's more about not closing yourself off to other possibilities.

    ^ ^ ^ ^
    This!
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    Aug 08, 2012 11:34 PM GMT
    RoadsterRacer87 saidi only have 2 or 3 gay friends in real life and they're not exactly jocks. Two are a couple and the other is a friend of theirs who's been after my ass. Problem is (and without launching into a huge discussion of why), he's nowhere NEAR being attractive to me and completely opposite the types of guys i'm usually attracted to. But every time this issue comes up they keep telling me my preference is too specific and that i need to broaden my interests. I'm hardly limiting myself to only fitness-model guys or something but i don't understand why they can't just accept the fact that i am attracted to some guys and not to others! *end ramble*


    Find new friends.
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    Aug 08, 2012 11:47 PM GMT
    I didn't know you could change your type. I thought that that was kind of hard wired into you. Altho it may change on its own during your lifetime.
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    Aug 09, 2012 4:30 AM GMT
    IIIIIIIIIIIII saidAs I got a little older I realized how limiting it was for me when it came to me being into a specific type. Having a type that only deals with physical attributes eventually lead me to realize how incompatible I was with these guys (on a personality level).

    Maybe your buddies are only trying to expand your thinking to help you connect more with some people. You might meet someone who is amazing. I don't think it's about "settling." It's more about not closing yourself off to other possibilities.



    your point is 100% correct. Unfortunately i am fairly flexible in my "type". If i was only accepting applications from gorgeous, tall, muscular model-types then i'd probably have issues. but i'm really only turned off physically by out-of-shape (read "fat") guys and skinny guys. Personality-wise, well that's too much to explain, but suffice it to say it feels like they're trying to get me to give EVERY guy a chance, whether i'm physically attracted to him or not.
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    Aug 09, 2012 5:10 AM GMT
    You have your type, and no one can (or should) try to change that. However, if you turn down guys whom you are genuinely attracted to simply because they aren't your usual "type", then some people might take issue with that.

    Women do it all the time. I've seen women fall head over heels for guys with whom they are totally compatible...only to break it off completely over some bullshit checklist item: he's not at least 6' tall, etc.
  • stratavos

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    Aug 09, 2012 5:12 AM GMT
    sounds like your friends are having some selective hearing problems, or that you need to be more selective of your choice of words with them '~'
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    Aug 09, 2012 5:13 AM GMT
    Caslon20000 saidI didn't know you could change your type. I thought that that was kind of hard wired into you. Altho it may change on its own during your lifetime.


    It most certainly does. I always pictured myself with a tall, lean, blond, smart, sensitive, educated professional. If someone had told me five years ago I'd fall in love with a short, muscle-bound, tattoed Italian, who's vaguely arrogant, has the filthiest mouth in Atlanta and barely finished high school, I wouldve laughed in their face. But we were set up by a mutual friend and after giving each other a chance, we grew closer and closer. Here we are five years later, in love, inseperable and best friends. Oh, and banging multiple times daily. icon_lol.gif

    Sometimes what we look for doesnt come wrapped in the package we're expecting. I'm now a fan of giving new people and new types a chance; you never know where it might lead.
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    Aug 09, 2012 5:13 AM GMT
    This issue comes up mostly with my (ignorant) straight friends.
    Somehow they believe that because I'm gay, I find EVERY man attractive, and that they can pair me with any gay dude they know without question. like, wtfbbq!
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    Aug 09, 2012 5:24 AM GMT
    Bromoflexual saidYou have your type, and no one can (or should) try to change that. However, if you turn down guys whom you are genuinely attracted to simply because they aren't your usual "type", then some people might take issue with that.

    Women do it all the time. I've seen women fall head over heels for guys with whom they are totally compatible...only to break it off completely over some bullshit checklist item: he's not at least 6' tall, etc.




    Lol, yeah. That'd be dumb. But I usually won't even be attracted to them if I dont at least see it in their eyes.
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    Aug 09, 2012 11:59 AM GMT
    I'm curious about how accurate the word "preference" is when used by us sometimes. I bet sometimes we really mean, "I think I need X from a person so I'm only looking to try guys who have X." Or "I think X will make me happy so at I'm only considering guys who have X."

    The zombie "must follow my preference" march has lead me down some dead end paths and to some real assholes. For me, understanding that I am chosing to cut someone off because of something I am chasing is important for my perspective. It's like, "I have way more options than I'm allowing" versus "There's nobody out there for me".

    In this case, it sounds like you and this guy isn't where you need him to be, at least right now, which is perfectly fine. It's ok that your friends are challenging you a little, I think. That's what good friends do sometimes, just as long as they are respectful.
  • dtheman4u

    Posts: 5

    Aug 09, 2012 12:29 PM GMT
    Well, for me a lot depends on if I can fall for someone on a personal level. There are many guys that are my "type" that I could not fall for because id end up wanting to drop a weight on their foot. On the other hand, there are guys that arent my type that I can become attracted to on a deeper level. Some physical attraction is always a part of that, but it isnt only physical attraction.

    It sounds to me as though you know the guy and that you are not physically attracted to him, or attracted on a deeper level. I'd be open to that changing, but there is nothing wrong with saying that you just want to be friends.