Why Are So Many Wonderful Gay Men Single?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 09, 2012 12:02 AM GMT
    I am constantly meeting so many gay guys who seem really nice..but they are having serious trouble locking down a relationship..!

    ..It's almost as if gay followed by single is the typical discription of every gay guy i run into..!!
    ..I read thread after thread about guys who have lapsed into serious self esteem issues because they find it impossible to find Mr. Right.!

    ..Face it guys something is not right..!

    In Your Opinion What Do You Think These Reasons Are?

    Very eagar to hear your responses..!
    Anocxu
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    Aug 09, 2012 12:38 AM GMT
    Because there is little advantage to being partnered once the sex gets old.
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Aug 09, 2012 12:41 AM GMT
    Because there's only one of me. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Aug 09, 2012 12:43 AM GMT
    It's because there is more to merging two lives together than two nice guys meeting each other. We all have complex personalities, in one way or another. Two people need to have the right chemistry, have enough common interests to enjoy spending time together, and fulfill each others physical and emotional needs. If it were as simple as two guys being attracted to each other, we'd all be paired up by now. Guys who are only interested in sex have it much easier (usually).
  • 1988sexybuddy

    Posts: 5

    Aug 09, 2012 12:44 AM GMT
    they can be igornat sometime, jerkoffs
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    Aug 09, 2012 12:44 AM GMT
    we're damaged goods? icon_confused.gif
  • 1988sexybuddy

    Posts: 5

    Aug 09, 2012 12:45 AM GMT
    1988sexybuddy saidthey can be igornat sometime, jerkoffs
    and im mean jerkoff!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • Smakkyoface

    Posts: 198

    Aug 09, 2012 12:49 AM GMT
    WhyWhySee said
    1988sexybuddy said
    1988sexybuddy saidthey can be igornat sometime, jerkoffs
    and im mean jerkoff!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I'm sorry, but did you also mean ignorant?


    Dude learn your vocab.
    igornat: noun: to nat be an igor.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Aug 09, 2012 12:50 AM GMT
    'cause they aren't that great
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 09, 2012 12:50 AM GMT
    Anocxu saidI am constantly meeting so gay guys who seem really nice..but they are having serious trouble locking down a relationship..!

    ..It's almost as if gay followed by single is the typical discription of every gay guy i run into..!!
    ..I read thread after thread about guys who have lapsed into serious self esteem issues because they find it impossible to find Mr. Right.!

    ..Face it guys something is not right..!

    In Your Opinion What Do You Think These Reasons Are?

    Very eagar to hear your responses..!
    Anocxu


    Where are you meeting guys? The milieu may be determining that you're meeting mostly single guys.
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    Aug 09, 2012 12:53 AM GMT
    1/ Some guys work too much have no time to date
    2/ Bi/DL/Closet dudes who don't want to come out
    3/ Some Guys who think they're god gifts
    4/ Some Guys who think they're not good enough
    5/ Some Guys who are just too bitter and jaded, they give up on love
    6/ Some guys are damaged goods
    7/ Guys who hit on guys who are out of their league and vice versa
    8/ did I mentioned DL/Fuck buddies only types of guys?
    9/ Or sugga-daddies/babies types of relationships?
    10/ Racist judgmental dudes who won't give others a chance?
    11/ Some guys want the perfect bf, job, work, money, social status....etc
    12/ Most just don't want to put in the time or effort ! icon_confused.gif

    Did I leave anyone out ? icon_cool.gif

    icon_lol.gif
  • TroyAthlete

    Posts: 4269

    Aug 09, 2012 12:55 AM GMT
    DudeInNOVA saidIt's because there is more to merging two lives together than two nice guys meeting each other. We all have complex personalities, in one way or another. Two people need to have the right chemistry, have enough common interests to enjoy spending time together, and fulfill each others physical and emotional needs. If it were as simple as two guys being attracted to each other, we'd all be paired up by now. Guys who are only interested in sex have it much easier (usually).


    This.

    In battle for long term companionship, the odds are not in your favor if you're gay. Most of the population is eliminated by sexual orientation alone; men who date men openly are but a sliver of the population. There's there's the matter of simple chemistry which eliminates most of that sliver. Then once there's mutual attraction, THEN the person has to be suitable in terms of long-term compatibility, commitment, imperfections, personality, dysfunction, interests, goals, emotional needs, peeves, physical needs.

    That's why it's very beautiful when gay guys find this. But the scary and bitter reality is that based on probability, there's a high chance many perfectly eligible and willing gay men will never lock down a relationship.
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    Aug 09, 2012 12:57 AM GMT
    intensity69 said
    Anocxu saidI am constantly meeting so gay guys who seem really nice..but they are having serious trouble locking down a relationship..!

    ..It's almost as if gay followed by single is the typical discription of every gay guy i run into..!!
    ..I read thread after thread about guys who have lapsed into serious self esteem issues because they find it impossible to find Mr. Right.!

    ..Face it guys something is not right..!

    In Your Opinion What Do You Think These Reasons Are?

    Very eagar to hear your responses..!
    Anocxu


    Where are you meeting guys? The milieu may be determining that you're meeting mostly single guys.


    i live in Fort lauderdale..and i travel to Miami quite often..and i've met some really nice guys here on RJ..!
    btw ..most of my local 'close' (older) gay friends are partnered..
  • musclefun8

    Posts: 39

    Aug 09, 2012 12:58 AM GMT
    Relationships are a lot of work. They require compmise, compassion, foregiveness, monogamy, and many other traits to bond together 2 imperfect men. Many gays say they want a relationship, but honestly don't want to put forth the effort required to make it last.
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    Aug 09, 2012 12:58 AM GMT
    Because of the advice that everyone gives in here to just break up at the slightest sign of any kind of complications. Guys would rather start over and buy something new than try to repair it. That, and we don't have babies to force us to stay together.
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    Aug 09, 2012 1:05 AM GMT
    SkittleGangsta saidBecause of the advice that everyone gives in here to just break up at the slightest sign of any kind of complications. Guys would rather start over and buy something new than try to repair it. That, and we don't have babies to force us to stay together.

    I hear you on that one..!
    I'm a thick and thin kind of guy..so believe me when i say i know what you mean..!

    musclefun8 saidRelationships are a lot of work. They require compmise, compassion, foregiveness, monogamy, and many other traits to bond together 2 imperfect men. Many gays say they want a relationship, but honestly don't want to put forth the effort required to make it last.

    ..
    Very true.!
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    Aug 09, 2012 1:07 AM GMT
    Anocxu said
    intensity69 said
    Anocxu saidI am constantly meeting so gay guys who seem really nice..but they are having serious trouble locking down a relationship..!

    ..It's almost as if gay followed by single is the typical discription of every gay guy i run into..!!
    ..I read thread after thread about guys who have lapsed into serious self esteem issues because they find it impossible to find Mr. Right.!

    ..Face it guys something is not right..!

    In Your Opinion What Do You Think These Reasons Are?

    Very eagar to hear your responses..!
    Anocxu


    Where are you meeting guys? The milieu may be determining that you're meeting mostly single guys.


    i live in Fort lauderdale..and i travel to Miami quite often..and i've met some really nice guys here on RJ..!
    btw ..most of my local 'close' (older) gay friends are partnered..


    Sorry, I meant the *type* of places just as much as the geographic locations. If it's that you meet a lot of singles while out at a bar/club/pub that might be skewing your perception.

    Also, a lot of successfully-partnered people mix-and-mingle less, or with a more tightly-defined group of friends. Thus they are less visible.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 09, 2012 1:09 AM GMT
    You can do all the right things and still not get the desired result. I suspect that there's many the man who's run from kindness, intelligence, and general good-naturedness because they're considered weak in the age of the power-hungry, mercenary, cutthroat Alpha Gay. Even beauty itself can sometimes be a debit if it's too unconventional.

    Honestly, I'd be happy just having a perpendicular line to intersect with. I don't need a ring, don't need a vacation home, don't need the right address. Even that seems to much to ask for when everything has to be "chill, laid-back, and easy-going." Nothing is ventured. It's just too much drama.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 09, 2012 1:10 AM GMT
    I'll find out when I become wonderful! icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 09, 2012 1:12 AM GMT
    Elusium saidYou can do all the right things and still not get the desired result.


    Many people would call you pessimist for that. I call it Reality 101.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 09, 2012 1:12 AM GMT
    they probably feel like mice being dangled over a pirahnah tank.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 09, 2012 1:15 AM GMT
    We're happy and picky.

    Some things are simple.
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    Aug 09, 2012 1:16 AM GMT
    I think these two pretty much nailed it.

    TroyAthlete said
    DudeInNOVA saidIt's because there is more to merging two lives together than two nice guys meeting each other. We all have complex personalities, in one way or another. Two people need to have the right chemistry, have enough common interests to enjoy spending time together, and fulfill each others physical and emotional needs. If it were as simple as two guys being attracted to each other, we'd all be paired up by now. Guys who are only interested in sex have it much easier (usually).


    This.

    In battle for long term companionship, the odds are not in your favor if you're gay. Most of the population is eliminated by sexual orientation alone; men who date men openly are but a sliver of the population. There's there's the matter of simple chemistry which eliminates most of that sliver. Then once there's mutual attraction, THEN the person has to be suitable in terms of long-term compatibility, commitment, imperfections, personality, dysfunction, interests, goals, emotional needs, peeves, physical needs.

    That's why it's very beautiful when gay guys find this. But the scary and bitter reality is that based on probability, there's a high chance many perfectly eligible and willing gay men will never lock down a relationship.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 09, 2012 1:17 AM GMT
    intensity69 said
    Anocxu said
    intensity69 said
    Anocxu saidI am constantly meeting so gay guys who seem really nice..but they are having serious trouble locking down a relationship..!

    ..It's almost as if gay followed by single is the typical discription of every gay guy i run into..!!
    ..I read thread after thread about guys who have lapsed into serious self esteem issues because they find it impossible to find Mr. Right.!

    ..Face it guys something is not right..!

    In Your Opinion What Do You Think These Reasons Are?

    Very eagar to hear your responses..!
    Anocxu


    Where are you meeting guys? The milieu may be determining that you're meeting mostly single guys.


    i live in Fort lauderdale..and i travel to Miami quite often..and i've met some really nice guys here on RJ..!
    btw ..most of my local 'close' (older) gay friends are partnered..


    Sorry, I meant the *type* of places just as much as the geographic locations. If it's that you meet a lot of singles while out at a bar/club/pub that might be skewing your perception.

    Also, a lot of successfully-partnered people mix-and-mingle less, or with a more tightly-defined group of friends. Thus they are less visible.


    Ok i see..I am a sucker for more private gatherings..
    I have two great friends one is the creative director for a popular cruise line..whenever he has a gathering you can bet your last dollar that everyone there is a well rounded ,awesome and accomplished person..
    Ok...So now i see the valid point your'e making !
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    Aug 09, 2012 1:21 AM GMT
    musclefun8 saidRelationships are a lot of work. They require compmise, compassion, foregiveness, monogamy, and many other traits to bond together 2 imperfect men. Many gays say they want a relationship, but honestly don't want to put forth the effort required to make it last.

    I think this is close but I think it has more to do with knowing how to love rather than wanting.

    You're looking at a group of guys who have often been unloved, put down, excluded, made fun of and totally NOT loved by those who should have. I think the long term affects are a group of guys who don't know how to be personal and how to work a relationship. They take work, compromise and a lot of communications. You learn much of this by what you experience in your life.

    It seems many guys previously married enter into relationships pretty soon after coming out and many seem to remain successful. Experience plays a big part I believe. My 2ยข only. :-)