Thought Question: If you tested positive, what would you do?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 09, 2012 4:13 PM GMT
    No troll/serious discussion... this came up as a discussion item at a dinner I had with friends last night:

    If you tested HIV+ ...

    ... what or WHO would you do that you wouldn't (or haven't) done yet?

    Specifically, the discussion was tracking more along the lines of behaviours and how (figurative "you") might conduct yourself sexually rather than the more obvious lifestyle changes (courses of medical treatment and etc.)

    Because this is potentially a sensitive subject for some, please feel free to private mail me here if you wish to discuss this anonymously: I'll repost your response under a pseudonym along with any reply I make.

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    Aug 09, 2012 4:18 PM GMT
    accidents happen, i will do my best enjoying life and treating myself .
  • Smakkyoface

    Posts: 198

    Aug 09, 2012 6:11 PM GMT
    AlphaTrigger saidNo troll/serious discussion... this came up as a discussion item at a dinner I had with friends last night:

    If you tested HIV+ ...

    ... what or WHO would you do that you wouldn't (or haven't) done yet?

    Specifically, the discussion was tracking more along the lines of behaviours and how (figurative "you") might conduct yourself sexually rather than the more obvious lifestyle changes (courses of medical treatment and etc.)

    Because this is potentially a sensitive subject for some, please feel free to private mail me here if you wish to discuss this anonymously: I'll repost your response under a pseudonym along with any reply I make.



    I made I promise to myself that IF I get any kind of viral STD that's stuck forever, I will become celibate. I was celibate for 19 years so I don't think it'd be difficult to do it again. Plus I'm practically celibate now lol.
  • jim_sf

    Posts: 2094

    Aug 09, 2012 6:26 PM GMT
    de-lurking briefly to thank the OP for his thoughtfulness about pseudonymity.

    /me goes back to reading quietly.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 09, 2012 6:27 PM GMT
    I would wonder what the fuck happened since I practice safe sex. icon_eek.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 09, 2012 6:29 PM GMT
    I will go to prison for murder
  • jim_sf

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    Aug 09, 2012 6:29 PM GMT
    7Famark saidI would wonder what the fuck happened since I practice safe sex. icon_eek.gif


    ...so if (say) a condom broke, and you became positive as a result of this hypothetical misfortune....
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    Aug 09, 2012 6:30 PM GMT
    jim_stl said
    7Famark saidI would wonder what the fuck happened since I practice safe sex. icon_eek.gif


    ...so if (say) a condom broke, and you became positive as a result of this hypothetical misfortune....


    I understand the hypothetical nature of this question, but I feel like I'm so hyper-aware during sex...and it's pretty hard to not notice a broken condom, but I don't know how I would handle it.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Aug 09, 2012 6:32 PM GMT
    i would beat the crap out of the person who lied to me about not having it. then i will put my will together, give all of my valuables away then commit suicide
  • alphatop

    Posts: 1955

    Aug 09, 2012 6:33 PM GMT
    I'd off myself.icon_neutral.gif
  • mizu5

    Posts: 2599

    Aug 09, 2012 6:35 PM GMT
    Smakkyoface said
    AlphaTrigger saidNo troll/serious discussion... this came up as a discussion item at a dinner I had with friends last night:

    If you tested HIV+ ...

    ... what or WHO would you do that you wouldn't (or haven't) done yet?

    Specifically, the discussion was tracking more along the lines of behaviours and how (figurative "you") might conduct yourself sexually rather than the more obvious lifestyle changes (courses of medical treatment and etc.)

    Because this is potentially a sensitive subject for some, please feel free to private mail me here if you wish to discuss this anonymously: I'll repost your response under a pseudonym along with any reply I make.



    I made I promise to myself that IF I get any kind of viral STD that's stuck forever, I will become celibate. I was celibate for 19 years so I don't think it'd be difficult to do it again. Plus I'm practically celibate now lol.
    as you are 24 this makes no sense.

    You aren't "celibate" at age 2 or 14.



    To answer the thread, I would move far away, become celibate and be a stripper, or something, make as much money as I can, and probaly live a lonely live so as not to even accidentally pass it on.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 09, 2012 6:39 PM GMT
    tuffguyndc saidi would beat the crap out of the person who lied to me about not having it. then i will put my will together, give all of my valuables away then commit suicide


    What if they weren't lying and were surprised themselves? It is most transmittable by "negative" guys who have had unsafe sex in the window periods of testing sensitivity. During these times they have high viral counts, may or may not have symptoms, yet they have undetectable antibodies, which is the first line of testing. So they could have tested negative a month ago, hypothetically, had unsafe sex up to 4 months ago and still be considered "negative" and yet are highly infectious.

    So don't demonize someone thinking they'd know and lied to you because they have no self control. Also, if a guy is positive and is hooking up with a negative person and discloses his status and the fact they will practice safe sex, 75% of the time they will be rejected. This is why they wouldn't disclose.

    Just assume everyone is positive or don't have sex.
  • comfortablynu...

    Posts: 230

    Aug 09, 2012 6:40 PM GMT
    Killing yourself seems drastic. HIV is still chronic, but it has become a manageable disease for many people. Unless you're living in sub-Saharan Africa, it's not an immediate death sentence anymore. Shouldn't just give up on life right away. You only get one.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Aug 09, 2012 6:43 PM GMT
    bluey2223 said
    tuffguyndc saidi would beat the crap out of the person who lied to me about not having it. then i will put my will together, give all of my valuables away then commit suicide


    What if they weren't lying and were surprised themselves? It is most transmittable by "negative" guys who have had unsafe sex in the window periods of testing sensitivity. During these times they have high viral counts, may or may not have symptoms, yet they have undetectable antibodies, which is the first line of testing. So they could have tested negative a month ago, hypothetically, had unsafe sex up to 4 months ago and still be considered "negative" and yet are highly infectious.

    So don't demonize someone thinking they'd know and lied to you because they have no self control. Also, if a guy is positive and is hooking up with a negative person and discloses his status and the fact they will practice safe sex, 75% of the time they will be rejected. This is why they wouldn't disclose.

    Just assume everyone is positive or don't have sex.
    i always go in every situation thinking that. however, i was thinking more along the line of someone i am in a monogamous relationship with. i would never go raw someone i was dating. unless i am not in a monogamous relationship of over 1 or 2 years depending comfort level. i would never do it so again i would be the crap or kill the person who gave it to me
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 09, 2012 6:44 PM GMT
    So...not to hi-jack this thread or anything, but quick question...

    Is topping someone with a condom something you guys would consider worth testing over? I'm a bit paranoid...
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    Aug 09, 2012 6:45 PM GMT
    I would probably be pretty withdrawn from sex for a while - I don't think it would last forever, but for a while, getting used to it. As to how long, I don't know. If my partner were + too, probably not as long. I would probably be exeedingly careful afterwards, and I would probably only be with other + guys. I know, undetectability and all. But I'd still be safe.

    I'd also be at the doctor's getting meds immediately. Everyone I know how has waited has regretted it.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Aug 09, 2012 6:45 PM GMT
    comfortablynumb saidKilling yourself seems drastic. HIV is still chronic, but it has become a manageable disease for many people. Unless you're living in sub-Saharan Africa, it's not an immediate death sentence anymore. Shouldn't just give up on life right away. You only get one.
    dude, it might as well be a death sentence. i mean let's be real most of us are not trying to date anyone with HIV. eventhough, its treatable no one wants to take the risk of catching it. well most of us do not. i have said the same thing about catching herpes as well.
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    Aug 09, 2012 6:46 PM GMT
    7Famark saidSo...not to hi-jack this thread or anything, but quick question...

    Is topping someone with a condom something you guys would consider worth testing over? I'm a bit paranoid...


    Not a special test. I'd continue to get tested regularly. I know you know the answer to this, you're well-educated in HIV issues.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 09, 2012 6:46 PM GMT
    tuffguyndc saiddude, it might as well be a death sentence.


    That is just a ridiculous statement in this day and age.
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    Aug 09, 2012 6:46 PM GMT
    showme said
    7Famark saidSo...not to hi-jack this thread or anything, but quick question...

    Is topping someone with a condom something you guys would consider worth testing over? I'm a bit paranoid...


    Not a special test. I'd continue to get tested regularly. I know you know the answer to this, you're well-educated in HIV issues.


    But...it should be fine, right? That is safe(r) sex and i don't think the condom ripped.
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    Aug 09, 2012 6:49 PM GMT
    7Famark said
    showme said
    7Famark saidSo...not to hi-jack this thread or anything, but quick question...

    Is topping someone with a condom something you guys would consider worth testing over? I'm a bit paranoid...


    Not a special test. I'd continue to get tested regularly. I know you know the answer to this, you're well-educated in HIV issues.


    But...it should be fine, right? That is safe(r) sex and i don't think the condom ripped.


    Yes, very very low risk if you were the top.
  • mr_bijae

    Posts: 229

    Aug 09, 2012 6:57 PM GMT
    daviddoublebay said
    My point is... NO ONE should go through life without love. I believe that celibacy (that basically means no love relationship) would not only cheat YOU... but also the one who falls in love with you.
    .....

    Love does that.


    Very wise words my friend. Thank you for sharing this. I too had a similar circumstance where I met some one who didn't believe in love after diagnosis. We had a great two year relationship with great sexual energy. We both loved one another and continue to remain in contact to this day. I worried, like others, about contracting but being what a poz partner makes you hyper vigilant. Like your statement suggests I restored love in my ex. And I walked away without contracting.

    To discard one's own life, or shun another is the most selfish of behaviors.
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    Aug 09, 2012 7:04 PM GMT
    I'd say "eh, it happens" and live life accordingly. Go to the doctor and see what medications I'd need to start taking and be on my merry way. We are all going to die anyway, might as well make the best of it regardless of your situation as anything could kill you. You can choke to death on food but you still eat, don't you? As for sexual practices, I'd make sure to inform whoever I was with about my status.
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    Aug 09, 2012 7:05 PM GMT
    First I would cry a little.
    Then eat an eclair.
    Then I would get on antiretrovirals ASAP.
    Sexwise, I don't think I'd change that much. I mean, I'd tell guys about being poz, because I don't wanna transmit it to anyone by accident and then get charged with sexual assault, but I'd still do safe sex every time. I woudn't do BB with another poz guy.
    If it happened that a guy didn't tell be about being poz and he gave it to me, I wouldn't go for legal action. But if I knew about then c'est la vie.
    It's hard to say until you are actually in that situation.
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    Aug 09, 2012 7:09 PM GMT
    Well, since I actually did test positive I have had to grow up fast and learn to take better care of myself