Coming Out

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 09, 2012 6:02 PM GMT
    Yes, I'm aware there are probably hundreds of threads about this topic but I just wanted to know your thoughts and opinions. I decided to come out to my parents just a couple of minutes ago, they were absolutely fine and they weren't bothered at all.

    However, the whole thing about coming out really irritates and annoys me. Why should I have to tell people that I'm into guys, most of all my parents. I don't see how being gay effects anyone, therefore why are we almost forced into doing so? Is it really that important to come out?
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    Aug 09, 2012 6:05 PM GMT
    It shouldn't be.. that is what is so fucked up about society today. I am in the military, and don't tell people about my sexuality not only because of that, but I learned that it is really none of their business.

    People are going to make judgements of you either way, so just be who you are and live your life. However, I think some people do deserve to be in the loop.. ya know? (parents, best friends, etc.)
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    Aug 09, 2012 6:06 PM GMT
    You don't HAVE to. But by doing so:

    1. You're being honest. The default assumption for obvious reasons is that someone is straight, so unless you come out everyone will assume that about you too.

    2. You're helping the cause. Your parents, friends, colleagues and acquaintances are much less likely to hold anti-gay views if they know that someone they love and respect is gay. Studies have shown.
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    Aug 09, 2012 7:09 PM GMT
    Lex212 said... Why should I have to tell people that I'm into guys, ...
    Because everyone is assumed straight by default until proven otherwise.
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    Aug 09, 2012 7:17 PM GMT
    Congrats man. It is frustrating but necessary at some point, if not for any other reason but for your sanity.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Aug 09, 2012 7:23 PM GMT
    showme saidYou don't HAVE to. But by doing so:

    1. You're being honest. The default assumption for obvious reasons is that someone is straight, so unless you come out everyone will assume that about you too.

    2. You're helping the cause. Your parents, friends, colleagues and acquaintances are much less likely to hold anti-gay views if they know that someone they love and respect is gay. Studies have shown.
    who cares if they think you are straight. that is there problem. its funny straight people do not announce they are straight. i never hear anyone christians. i never here someone just out right saying hey i am a alcoholic. its funny that gay and lesbians fell they. its different if someone ask you if you are gay but if no one ask you then why the need to tell?
    i agree with your second statement but that does not mean you should have to tell them unless they ask.
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    Aug 09, 2012 7:25 PM GMT
    tuffguyndc said who cares if they think you are straight. that is there problem. its funny straight people do not announce they are straight.


    icon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gif

    Of course they do. Every time they talk about their dates, husband/wife, boyfriend/girlfriend, who they think is attractive, etc.

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    Aug 09, 2012 7:48 PM GMT
    Just be glad that they aren't super pissed and throwing you out of the house. I think it's that everyone will think that you're straight unless otherwise stated. Also, I guess it's like giving them a heads up that you'll be bringing home a guy instead of a girl. I dunno, sometimes it annoys me too since it's like why can't I just go out and date whoever. Personally, when I do come out, it'll only be to my close family. Regardless of what they say, I'll just date whoever and if someone I know sees me with a guy that's how they'll find out.
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    Aug 09, 2012 7:51 PM GMT
    As a someone who recently came out late in life I can say yes it is important to come out - for your own mental and emotional health. Living a lie is taxing.

    That said, I don't believe everyone you run across in life needs to know your sexual proclivities. I do think it is important to tell your family and close friends; that way you don't have to come up with lame stories as to why you never have a girlfriend or if you do they are just girls who are just friends, or when are you going to find a girl and settledown, etc.

    Everyone else you tell on a need to know bases.

    While I personally do not run around proclaining my homosexuality, I have no problem telling those who need to or I feel need to know or those who I want to know.

    Being honest is liberating. The truth will set you free.
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    Aug 09, 2012 10:07 PM GMT
    IDK
    maybe the same reason I had to step in for a straight friend the other day, who comes of pretty gay.
    Keep on representing though...one day some guy, not born yet, won't have to.
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    Aug 09, 2012 10:17 PM GMT
    When I came out last year I was like this:

    tumblr_lpct11AYtW1qgq82d.gif


    Honestly we ALL know we shouldnt be required to come out, but the world's just not use to it yet.

    Trust me, the times are a changin'

    People hated jews..
    People hated blacks..
    People still hate gays, why? Because even though it's always been around, people still are not use to it. Give it time. The people that oppose us are dying off. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Aug 09, 2012 10:25 PM GMT
    I wasn't forced mate and indeed for many years I felt exactly like you, that it was nothing to do with anyone else.

    I just got to a point where I accepted myself and it felt right that other people should get that chance too.

    It's all gone superbly well but I've no regrets about leaving it so late as I know the time was not right before.

    Just do only what feels right for you and it will be the right thing to do.
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    Aug 09, 2012 10:37 PM GMT
    Thanks for all the responses.

    To a degree it is needed to tell some people out of courtesy i suppose . I'm just the kind of person who usually likes to keeps their personal life private. I agree tuffguynd with the whole, an alcoholic wouldn't openly tell people that they have a drink problem. There are so many other situations were being honest are far more important than who you are interested in. However, i guess it's just because of the whole societal presumption of heterosexuality. Maybe I just need to be a more honest person haha