He Seems Obsessed -- What Should I Do?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 10, 2012 5:36 PM GMT
    Okay -- a mutual friend of ours suggested we get together. I chat with him on the phone twice, about 45 minutes each time. Conversations went fine.

    Next day: He sends 18 texts (yes, I know, a giant red flag). Basically background about himself, his likes and dislikes. He calls too.

    Tuesday: More calls and a couple texts. Asks: Can we talk now? I text back: I'm at work now and actually on deadline (true). . . but can we talk Thursday night? He texts back: No, we need to talk now.

    I think, OMG?!?! what a weird, goofy and controlling thing to say. This isn't a buddy. I don't even know this person.

    I don't respond. He texts again, lecturing me that "relationships aren't always convenient."

    I laugh out loud and think, Boy this relationship sure the hell isn't. By now, I'm not taking the guy too seriously -- but he seems spooky.

    He sends another text, apologizing. This time, I text back and say, 'fine, that's OK, no worries, we'll talk Thursday."

    We talk Thursday, 30 minutes, convo is OK.

    He wants to meet. I say no. Tell him (truthfully) I'm on deadline and working day and night.

    We agree to talk by phone again soon. I told him I'd call.

    (Yes, I know, I should've just ended it there, but I was trying to be polite. Also he seems a little freaky and obsessive and I thought this was the best thing to do -- let things quietly fade away. Probably my mistake.)

    Anyway, since then more text and calls. One of them said, "Goodbye."

    The next one said, "You don't make a very good friend."

    The next one apologized. The texts started up again, though today they've stopped (so far). I haven't answered any of them, based on the notion that any communication I send his way is an immediate order for a dozen more calls and texts.

    Any of you guys ever experienced this before? What did you do?



  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 10, 2012 5:41 PM GMT
    uuuhhhh.. never experienced this but sure is scary.

    fatal-attraction.jpg?w=300&h=225
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 10, 2012 5:43 PM GMT
    Yes. . . that movie also went through my mind LOL and her famous line:

    "I WILL NOT BE IGNORED, DAN!!!"
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    Aug 10, 2012 5:45 PM GMT
    LittleDudeWithMuscles saidYes. . . that movie also went through my mind LOL and her famous line:

    "I WILL NOT BE IGNORED, DAN!!!"

    lol.. ya.. totally appropriate in this situation!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 10, 2012 6:04 PM GMT
    I've definitely thought about it!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 10, 2012 6:34 PM GMT
    Stop all contact.

    He sounds like the type of person that gets way too attached...too quickly. As if a couple of convos makes you guys a couple.

    Serious... No Contact.
  • TroyAthlete

    Posts: 4269

    Aug 10, 2012 7:10 PM GMT
    This is so sad. Fact is, gay guys have been lied to for decades about how worthless they are, how unworthy of love and how downright evil they are. I mean you have people like Dan Cathy claiming gays will be America's destruction and even gay people defend his hate speech, they have so internalized society's disgust.

    So it's not any wonder that some many gays are totally desperate for love and affection and thus go overboard at the first tiny sliver of interest. So sad.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 10, 2012 7:14 PM GMT
    TroyAthlete saidThis is so sad. Fact is, gay guys have been lied to for decades about how worthless they are, how unworthy of love and how downright evil they are. I mean you have people like Dan Cathy claiming gays will be America's destruction and even gay people defend his hate speech, they have so internalized society's disgust.

    So it's not any wonder that some many gays are totally desperate for love and affection and thus go overboard at the first tiny sliver of interest. So sad.




    So true, Troy. Which is why I have such mixed feelings. I know if I continue to contact him, out of decency, it will just make things worse and he'll never stop and then there will be a huge mess.

    On the other hand, it makes me feel bad, the way I'm ignoring him.
  • HapaDude

    Posts: 35

    Aug 10, 2012 8:44 PM GMT
    LittleDudeWithMuscles said
    TroyAthlete saidThis is so sad. Fact is, gay guys have been lied to for decades about how worthless they are, how unworthy of love and how downright evil they are. I mean you have people like Dan Cathy claiming gays will be America's destruction and even gay people defend his hate speech, they have so internalized society's disgust.

    So it's not any wonder that some many gays are totally desperate for love and affection and thus go overboard at the first tiny sliver of interest. So sad.




    So true, Troy. Which is why I have such mixed feelings. I know if I continue to contact him, out of decency, it will just make things worse and he'll never stop and then there will be a huge mess.

    On the other hand, it makes me feel bad, the way I'm ignoring him.



    Well you pointed out that you made a mistake by continuing to contact the guy, so thus you dug yourself into a hole. And when you're in a hole, you either climb your way out of it, or you dig yourself deeper

    So you pretty much already pointed out your only two options; (1) digging deeper and ending up in a huge mess where a creepy, desperate guy is constantly trying to contact you...or (2) climbing out and feeling bad. icon_smile.gif

    Your choice man!



  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 10, 2012 8:55 PM GMT
    It's simple to just let him go. end.

    What most likely is happening in scenarios like this is that guy already has his own backstory of men disappointing him or his style of getting to know someone is little more intense and faster paced. Which you do not have the time for. Then when you dismiss him, it only ratchets up his fear of about to be dumped..so he makes the grave mistake of contacting you more and seeming more obsessed. Which scares you more.

    He tries to dump you first to soften the blow or make it seem to at least himself like he's not at fault. He's partially to blame. But moreso.. you guys are compatible.

    He can't play ball with you. Not a match. So you simply put your racket down and leave the court.

    Never continue contact with someone you don't gel with. There's no point. Some guys will be like "I don't want to seem rude by just dropping him." But the truth is you have no interest anymore and the rude thing would be stringing him along. If you guys can be distant friends... thats good.. but it usually is better to do that later after any heat from mutual attraction has cooled down.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 10, 2012 9:56 PM GMT
    Yes, I agree . . . the more contact, the worse it gets.
  • kemoze

    Posts: 390

    Aug 11, 2012 7:30 AM GMT
    It happened with me with a guy I met two weeks back, he was crazy texting every second and if I send him one message then I have to receive 100 message from him, very obsessive and he was calling everyday to see me even though I would say no then he calls back and says I am waiting for you down in front of your building I want to see you for ten minutes and then he would stay for hours.,, those people are CRAZY so don't ever reply back.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 11, 2012 8:19 AM GMT
    Met a guy a while back....chronic texter..
    I texted him one day saying.."Why on Gods earth do you feel the need to text me 5 times every hour?"..
    His responses
    "I am terrible at reading and sending signals"
    "i have a reputation for being stand-offish"...
    "You make me happy, giddy and nervous all at the same time"
    "I am really sorry"

    Turned out his ex was an attention whore..he developed these habits in order to please his ex..!

    we are friends till this very day..5..close to 6 yrs..
    sometimes it's not always what it seems boys..
    Sometimes it pays to be straight up..!

    If a guy is texting you too much..come out and say..."You are texting me too much"...
  • sbwlguy

    Posts: 566

    Aug 11, 2012 10:37 AM GMT
    Gio_G saidStop all contact.

    He sounds like the type of person that gets way too attached...too quickly. As if a couple of convos makes you guys a couple.

    Serious... No Contact.


    No. Just no. This is very bad advice and outright cruel which will leave the guy with even more baggage.

    You need to man up, be honest and diplomatic and say that it isn't working for you, you don't feel a vibe, whatever the honest reason is. You need to give him closure and something to deal with.

    If he thereafter obsessively texts you, then you can ignore that because from your end you have broken it off and said what you wanted to.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 12, 2012 11:08 PM GMT
    Yes, probably better to be upfront. I was just trying to figure it out and spare his feelings.

    It's been about 3 days, no contact. I think it's over.