Stole my heart in an hour....

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 11, 2012 12:01 AM GMT
    So, I'm not the kinda guy that believes in falling in love over the internet. I mean, Im 25, and when I was 11 --- yeah, I had an online boyfriend who lived in Ohio or wherever, but the reality is, for me to feel anything, guys need to be real.

    So I get a RJ message from this guy in Colorado, saying he wants to chat with me. No public photo, just a blurry private one. So, whatever, I give him my Skype thinking nothing of it.

    A few days after that, he comes online and adds me as his friend and his bubble pops up and we start to chat. He seems nice and all, but I'm not a big Skyper. So then he asks me to get on Cam. I oblige.

    And let me tell you, he was absolutely beautiful. Tall, blonde, with a scruffy beard. Greenish eyes. Deep, mercurial, and sexy voice.

    I was smitten. Struck. I didn't quite understand it. We hit it off and started chatting--and I noticed too that he was very in to me. Told me how perfect I was. We both acknowledged that we normally don't feel anything for guys over the internet and that it was very strange...

    A little background on me, I just came out of an LTR and am not expecting to find love or anything like that -- but this guy, he just hit me. It was like fireworks were exploding the more I talked to him.

    We both acknowledged how weird it was, but that it felt right.

    He then showed me some artwork he had made, which was a collage that looked like a stag/deer -- and the deer and deer totems are very close and personal to me, so it was just another odd coincidence.

    He said that he had saved up some money and that we should talk a few more times, but he's never been out to NYC but would love to come visit me--that he never expected he'd feel like this after a brief hour of chatting. Now, I think I was swept up in the moment of it -- but I totally agreed. There was something about this guy. Was he the one? I gave in to that romantic notation....

    So after just an hour of talking, I really felt like my world had been rocked. He was beautiful. Smart. Wonderful. Charming.... I was smitten.

    So, then I give him my number and hop in the shower. I come back after my shower and a Skype message says "did you get my text?" -- I did not, so I skyped him back with my number again and also RealJock messaged it, in case.

    He never came back on Skype. Opened my RealJock message and didn't respond. And then deleted his profile.

    No response, no nothing.

    And it absolutely has been driving me crazy. I don't quite get it? I mean he was 23, but is that some sort of joke to people? Do you get all crazy infatuated, romantic with them and then totally disappear? Do you share, what felt like, such an intimate moment with someone...and then bail?

    It just has really messed me up because I didn't expect to feel what I felt through the damn internet and I'm sure some of you are like "WTF?" about it -- but it just really bothers me. I don't fall easily. But there was something about this guy. That hour really changed me. It's so bizarre, but I never expected -- after my break up -- to feel anything so intensely again. And perhaps it was just my mind playing tricks on me---but it felt so damn real. So intense.

    But he disappeared. It just feel so mean. So heartless and cold.

    I guess I just wanted to share and perhaps could use a little perspective on it. Has this happened to anyone before? Why would someone even think that it's okay to treat people like that?

    My main point is that we are vulnerable, fragile human beings and we need to treat each other with compassion...
  • HPgeek934

    Posts: 970

    Aug 11, 2012 12:14 AM GMT
    Sometimes that happens. Sometimes we meet great guys, and then they disappear on us. It happened to me a few weeks ago....
  • camfer

    Posts: 891

    Aug 11, 2012 12:19 AM GMT
    If he were even meaner, he would have manipulated you into buying a plane ticket to Colorado, promising to pick you up at the airport, and then not show.
  • Coug24_wyo

    Posts: 147

    Aug 11, 2012 12:26 AM GMT
    I feel for you Capn_A and that is a really insensitive thing for him to do. I've found that a lot of guys out there are incapable or unwilling to admit or communicate that their not interested anymore; too scared, etc, and instead just disappear. This happens to all of us though so try not to let it get to you too hard, though I know you fell for him and it felt very real. You'll feel that again, and with someone who won't disappear like that, chalk it up to your saving yourself the hurt in the long run with someone who is scared of commitment / communicating his feelings.

    Similar thing happened to me just a few days ago as well. I was talking with a guy on and off for the past few days online and he seemed really into me, even was ok that I had lost a lot of weight in the past, so I started to get excited that he was different than how so many gay guys are. I never give shirtless photos because I'm still burdened with ugly excess skin around my abdomen and need surgery most likely, but since this guy seemed genuinely into me and had assured me he wouldn't judge I sent him one......Never heard from him again, and he disappeared. It's extremely frustrated and disheartening having that happen so I empathize with you OP.
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    Aug 11, 2012 12:49 AM GMT
    I just want to commend you on your command of the English language. Kudos.

    Might it be possible he was spooked by the sudden connection you two had and shied away?
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    Aug 11, 2012 12:54 AM GMT
    May be you should change your phone number, just in case.
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    Aug 11, 2012 12:56 AM GMT
    catch saidI just want to commend you on your command of the English language. Kudos.

    Might it be possible he was spooked by the sudden connection you two had and shied away?


    Thanks Catch -- I am a creative writer, so I guess it comes out in my blogging!

    I think that might have been the case. Like he didn't know what to do with his feelings so why not just turn them off? It was so weird...I've never felt so intense about someone. Or at least not in a loooong time.
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    Aug 11, 2012 1:02 AM GMT
    What the OP poster doesn't get it that it was all about the other guy wanting to cam. Eye candy, etc. Once the newness wore off, your "friend" was on to new meat.

    I never do that e-crap with folks. You need a first, and last name, a face, a smile, and a handshake, or I'm done with you.
  • HPgeek934

    Posts: 970

    Aug 11, 2012 1:03 AM GMT
    chuckystud saidWhat the OP poster doesn't get it that it was all about the other guy wanting to cam. Eye candy, etc. Once the newness wore off, your "friend" was on to new meat.


    this.

    this is why I hate the internet, it's too easy for guys to get bored and just move on
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    Aug 11, 2012 1:06 AM GMT
    this guy seems like a sheep in wolves clothing.

    really manipulative and conniving people are very charming and know all the right things to do/say to get what they want.

    it sucks that it happened to you, but look at it as a good thing that you didn't get very highly invested in the relationship. just imagine how worse you would feel if you did meet up with him and pursue a relationship, then saw him for who he truly is.

    good luck!
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    Aug 11, 2012 1:11 AM GMT


    Be careful who you give your number out too.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 11, 2012 1:11 AM GMT
    Wooww.. makes me rethink not answering to no pic/no stat profiles.

    That was good story. icon_smile.gif
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    Aug 11, 2012 1:12 AM GMT
    That is such a weird story! Did he erase his Skyle account as well?

    It is possible that he got spooked and ran off but it is only an hour of chatting, so how intense can it be? It's not like you guys told each other "I love you" and "I want to spend my life with you", right? Or did you? icon_eek.gif

    Okay I'm going to assume that you guys didn't converse about such things.

    So that leaves us with several possibilities. One is that he's a sick psycho who does this fucked up thing for fun. Two is that he doesn't want to keep the promise about coming to NYC. Three is that he has a BF and he wants you to be a romantic sexual thang outside of his relationship. After all it's not cheating if it's not in the same zip code, right? jk. And when his BF found out he got canned. Mmm hmmm

    Move on, for now NEwayz
  • FreshstartDE

    Posts: 21

    Aug 11, 2012 1:15 AM GMT
    Whatever his reason for disappearing, Don't take it personal.
    I recently became single for the first time in almost 15 years and I had totally forgotten how things like this happen.
    I bet the guy really did like you and was probably totally sincere in all that he said to you. Once his reality set in however, he felt the need to bolt. Maybe he's just experimenting but not ready to come out.. Maybe he has wife or partner and was just looking for a temporary escape. Maybe he liked you so much he just got scared.
    Whatever the reason, I'm sure it had little to nothing to do with you or anything you said or did. A lot of gay men change there tune very quickly. Sometimes the penis does the thinking and once the brain takes over , look out.
    You have too much going for you to worry about this guy... best of luck.
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    Aug 11, 2012 1:17 AM GMT
    Ooops nevermind, I didn't read all of it. Wow that is shitty. I've gotten similar, where me and someone else would hit it off.. and he would just be perfect to me.. and then all of a sudden he doesn't respond back. It's like wtf? But eventually all it takes is just a day or two for it to pass.
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    Aug 11, 2012 1:19 AM GMT
    That's awful, but not unexpected. You have to accept that, while disappointing, it ultimately operates in your favor. With your talents and approach to life, I'm sure you'll find a more fitting person to direct your affection towards.

    And distrust the idea of there being some spontaneous connection - any real relationship requires work and investment. It's great when there's some spark, but consistency and patience are worth far more.
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    Aug 11, 2012 1:19 AM GMT
    Shell saidOoops nevermind, I didn't read all of it. Wow that is shitty. I've gotten similar, where me and someone else would hit it off.. and he would just be perfect to me.. and then all of a sudden he doesn't respond back. It's like wtf? But eventually all it takes is just a day or two for it to pass.


    Review on Gay lesson 101:

    Gays are flakey.

    I'm sure you already know that though. icon_neutral.gif
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    Aug 11, 2012 1:20 AM GMT
    has happened to me ...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 11, 2012 1:29 AM GMT
    Lesson One: "Never trust beautiful ppl!?!?" Because they know they are beautiful and know can get away with most things?

    By that I don't mean, trust the ugly ones only. LOL

    Just don't trust ppl generally too easily
    .
    icon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 11, 2012 1:35 AM GMT
    Guys post their Grindr "entertaining" conversations on here all the time. You got played just like a video game. Did he even seem gay to you?
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    Aug 11, 2012 1:40 AM GMT
    Alpha13 saidGuys post their Grindr "entertaining" conversations on here all the time. You got played just like a video game. Did he even seem gay to you?


    You mean straight guys logging on grindr as a gay guy and playing with the feelings of fellow gay guys?!?!

    Sick
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    Aug 11, 2012 1:43 AM GMT
    Capn_A saidSo, I'm not the kinda guy that believes in falling in love over the internet. I mean, Im 25, and when I was 11 --- yeah, I had an online boyfriend who lived in Ohio or wherever, but the reality is, for me to feel anything, guys need to be real.

    So I get a RJ message from this guy in Colorado, saying he wants to chat with me. No public photo, just a blurry private one. So, whatever, I give him my Skype thinking nothing of it.



    repeat after me... some gay men are flakey a@&**holes
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    Aug 11, 2012 1:57 AM GMT
    Thanks for all the colorful and interesting responses. I know that relationships require work and investment, as one poster pointed out, I have been in two LTRs. 2 years each and I'm only 25. But, I know a spark when I see one. I guess, just after not being single for so long and being single again, I forgot about how some guys are. So I guess it's an eye-opener for me. But, I don't think he was a straight guy pretending to be gay -- and if he was -- that's sick and twisted on a whole nother level. I guess it just means, be careful who you talk to out there. And don't wear your heart on your sleeve so easily, or you'll get burned. Oh, I guess that is sage advice. But I'm a hopeless romantic, always have been and always with me -- and I haven't let NYC jade me, so I'm not going to let this guy do that either.
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    Aug 11, 2012 2:07 AM GMT
    Was that me who gave the sage advice?? icon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gif

    After all, I am a saggitarius. icon_wink.gificon_wink.gificon_wink.gificon_wink.gif
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    Aug 11, 2012 2:24 AM GMT
    Capn.. Sorry to hear that man..!
    You definately have to know a lot more about a guy before you can call him "The one"..

    ..It's really sad because there are so many guys that use the internet to validate their sexuality..or test the waters..and a bunch of other strange reasons..!

    ..Well brush yourself off..pick yourself up..and move on...
    ..Next guy that that want's to get to your heart..has to work a little harder..! (and much longer than an hour)
    Happy Friday Capn..!! Hugz