He is very serious!!

  • kemoze

    Posts: 390

    Aug 11, 2012 12:25 AM GMT
    Well guys, today I met a guy who came out of the blue and called me and asked me to go out on a date., I wasn't planning for anything, we met he drop me to his home and we started talking for hours then we started making out like kissing and cuddling., he had a boy friend but he said his boy friend passed away in a car accident, he is being too serious and he wants to have a serious relationship with me, even thou we met for one day.

    He is really hot everything about him is good but he is too serious he didn't even let me go till I deleted my account on grindr which I used only for 20 days

    I really need a relationship but my question is
    Shall we be very serious from the first date?
    I thought it comes by time.
    I have never been in a relationship and I really feel something unusual happening to me.
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    Aug 11, 2012 12:36 AM GMT
    He sounds like a very controlling guy if he made you delete your grindr. Don't give into his games because you are not going to be happy in the long run. He is a red flag.
  • shawn06

    Posts: 337

    Aug 11, 2012 12:36 AM GMT
    Tell him to slow it down, since his boyfriend passed away he is looking for a rebound. It can be tough being out of a relationship for those who had it taken away so abruptly.
  • Kipstrdl

    Posts: 162

    Aug 11, 2012 12:43 AM GMT
    quit your job. move into his house. do his laundry and have dinner ready for him when he gets home. best of luck!
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    Aug 11, 2012 12:50 AM GMT
    kemoze saidWell guys, today I met a guy who came out of the blue and called me and asked me to go out on a date., I wasn't planning for anything, we met he drop me to his home and we started talking for hours then we started making out like kissing and cuddling., he had a boy friend but he said his boy friend passed away in a car accident, he is being too serious and he wants to have a serious relationship with me, even thou we met for one day.

    He is really hot everything about him is good but he is too serious he didn't even let me go till I deleted my account on grindr which I used only for 20 days

    I really need a relationship but my question is
    Shall we be very serious from the first date?
    I thought it comes by time.
    I have never been in a relationship and I really feel something unusual happening to me.


    There is something scary about wanting a serious relationship with someone just after a first date.
    It means he thinks he already knows all he needs about you.
    I seriously doubt all there is about you can be seen in a few hours.
    And asking you to delete your grindr account is totally inappropriate, as you are not committed to each other.
    Whatever you do with that guy, don't let him control you. Because what you want and think matter as much as what he think and wants.
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    Aug 11, 2012 12:58 AM GMT
    yourname2000 saidHe's in love with the idea of being in love. He's not in love with you per se, he's just got an image in his mind of his "perfect lover" and you haven't done anything "wrong" yet (anything that is "against" that image in his mind".)

    My advice....
    3210.jpeg


    Listen to this man. This is the polar opposite of a guy who just doesn't care.. anything that is suddenly extreme.. is a red flag. If you don't watch out.. you'll be Stacy Peterson.

    word.

    KITTY-YOU-IN-DANGER-GIRL-1314305111.gif
  • kemoze

    Posts: 390

    Aug 11, 2012 12:59 AM GMT
    Well I think I should give him a chance of course he wouldn't be comfortable if I still have grindr. I really told him to slow down I have no experience but feels like he is trying to make me work and focus on that thing between us..
    So I don't think ignoring the whole thing is fair as long as there is a chance that things can be ok we still getting to know each other. And I swear guys that I told him that I need time and he thinks that I am not into him
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    Aug 11, 2012 1:00 AM GMT
    Listen to yourself. Are you nuts?
  • kemoze

    Posts: 390

    Aug 11, 2012 1:11 AM GMT
    I really guys appreciate your opinions and I am getting what you all mean but things are different here in Kuwait since no one thinks of sort of a relationship besides all guys here are a complete closet case but he is different from others even though I smell something posissive in him but I am not just listening to him instead I argue with him, I did not want to delete Grindr but I did this to show him that I will work on.
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    Aug 11, 2012 1:22 AM GMT
    i wouldn't be, that will probably suck all the energy from the relationship in the future
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 11, 2012 1:42 AM GMT
    Kemoze why did you even bother asking for advice if you are obviously not going to listen?
  • turtleneckjoc...

    Posts: 4685

    Aug 11, 2012 2:01 AM GMT
    Hey kemoze.....I'm in your corner here.

    Take a look at my story....

    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/2555512/

    Practically from the beginning, we knew we were right for each other. Then again, both of us have some miles on us as I'm 58 and he's 41 and like I said, we know where the "finish line" is and we want to arrive there together.

    When it's right, it's right. You'll know it.

    Let me know how it works out for you, OK?

    TNJ
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    Aug 11, 2012 2:08 AM GMT
    Way too fast OP..
    Come on !
  • mtneerman

    Posts: 476

    Aug 11, 2012 2:12 AM GMT
    Why do you "need to be in a relationship?" And your profile says being single freaks you out?? You're as desperate for a relationship as he is. You need to work on being happy on your own before you enter a relationship, but we all know that's not going to happen, so I hope you learn from this after it ends miserably.
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    Aug 11, 2012 3:11 AM GMT
    mtneerman saidWhy do you "need to be in a relationship?" And your profile says being single freaks you out?? You're as desperate for a relationship as he is. You need to work on being happy on your own before you enter a relationship, but we all know that's not going to happen, so I hope you learn from this after it ends miserably.


    I agree with this, you shouldn't have a relationship out of a need to just not be single. You both sound like you've got things you need to deal with and so mixing those things together will only leave you with more baggage when it ends.
    This doesn't sound like a healthy or long-lasting relationship at all.
    Not trying to be negative, just saying from an outside perspective it doesn't sound good. If he's this controlling at the first date, you realise it'll only get worse as time goes by. He hardly knows you and he's getting you to delete accounts?!?!

    Dates are the time to get to know a person so it should always be fairly relaxed and chill.
    This sounds like one of those relationships you should avoid, but at the end of the day the decision is yours. Just think about the possible consequences first, if you still want to do this then that's your prerogative.
  • TroyAthlete

    Posts: 4269

    Aug 11, 2012 3:41 AM GMT
    I think his "need for a relationship" is more something being lost in translation (the OP is Egyptian, clearly English is not his first language) than an indication of neediness.

    We need to stop telling guys to run at the first sign of imperfection. No wonder so many gay guys end up alone. I agree with the person who said to give him a chance. Just communicate. Tell him you think he's too serious, too fast and that he's going to scare you away if he doesn't slow down. See what his response is, then go from there.

    P.S. If you two are supposed to be dating exclusively, you shouldn't have any problem with deleting Grindr. But maybe that's also a conversation to have. Are you dating each other exclusively, or do you want to be free to explore other options before dating exclusively. Then after a while of that, you can talk relationship. Communicate, communicate, communicate!
  • kemoze

    Posts: 390

    Aug 11, 2012 4:53 AM GMT
    Thank you guys a lot for this feedback,.., as Troyathlete said he wants to date exclusively and I am not desperate at all, I can't deny that I want to be in a relationship and thats was obvious since I could not have sex with guys who date only for sex, as I said he is a good guy, athletic, romantic, educated, open minded, except for the relationship thing.,

    I am listening to you guys and you guys asserted certain things that I felt but instead of dumping him at the first date I would try to fix this out., and I am gonna keep you updated since we have decided to date exclusively.,

    Thanks to all of you guys
  • kemoze

    Posts: 390

    Aug 11, 2012 4:59 AM GMT
    itsabouttheblues saidKemoze why did you even bother asking for advice if you are obviously not going to listen?




    .,,,,,,,, I didn't expect this answer ( leave him )

    I am listening to every single word you have said but NO ONE IS PERFECT, you told me that this doesn't sound good for long term relationship and I think I still can give him another chance and see if I can change him in this prospect besides he has a lot of advantages and no one is perfect so let's give it a try and see if he is going to change this or not.
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    Aug 11, 2012 5:03 AM GMT
    kemoze said
    itsabouttheblues saidKemoze why did you even bother asking for advice if you are obviously not going to listen?


    I am listening to every single word you have said but NO ONE IS PERFECT, you told me that this doesn't sound good for long term relationship and I think I still can give him another chance and see if I can change him in this prospect besides he almost has a lot of advantages and no one is perfect so let's give it a try and see if I'd going to change this or not.


    It's not about being perfect.

    It's about recognizing things for what they are. And it's a good rule of thumb that you just can not change someone. You are walking into something with restrictions and evidences of behavior that i assure you will not change over night or is something you subject yourself to at all. Why would you? Unless there is a NEED. I think people are tapping into that. Your choice. I hope it works out.. but the writing is on the wall. This is something that will get worse before it gets better. Lets see how this plays out in 3 months time. too much too fast will spell disaster. Be wise.
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    Aug 11, 2012 8:03 AM GMT
    don't listen to anyone, just do what feels good. wanna try - go ahead and try, cause you say something strange is happening to you and that 'something' is all it's all about, so even if you'll get burned with him it will still worth it, trust me. icon_smile.gif
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    Aug 11, 2012 8:06 AM GMT
    Guy sounds like a bit much. You're really handsome I'm sure you can find someone who treats you right and you like. Be careful, do only what you feel comfortable with & good luck.
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    Aug 11, 2012 8:09 AM GMT
    Awww he sounds lonely. Maybe he just needs a friend.
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    Aug 11, 2012 9:21 AM GMT
    IIIIIIIIIIIII saidIs he serious like this?

    images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTSG43zYXEVy0kleC2f1g7


    Srs cat is srs
  • kemoze

    Posts: 390

    Aug 11, 2012 11:25 AM GMT
    Well guys, today he was a bit upset cuz I didn't text him when I got to work because i work on Saturdays and he doesn't, so after dropping me home yesterday he asked me to text him when I wake up and get to work but I didn't.
    He is very romantic and different so I am trying to get used to it.
    I have no idea what couples or bfs do with each other.
    It's my first relation and I liked the way we kissed
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    Aug 11, 2012 11:39 AM GMT
    Ok, you are exactly where you should be right now, interested but a little cautious. After I met my husband 21 plus years ago, I was in the same place as you are today except I was more interested in getting together than my partner. He was the one to lay some rules down because he had been in some terrible relationships before. No sex for the first month. No moving in with each other for the first six months. I look back on it now and I think that was a bit over the top harsh but I am grateful none the less.

    It was actually 6 weeks before we had sex and by then I was so horny it was very good and very romantic. It took 8 months to move into our first home together. By then we had gotten to know each other a lot better. If he really wants you, then you will be worth the wait. Also, it is ok for him to want you to be monogamous with him after the first time. Afterall, you are both making a long term commitment.

    Both of you get tested, relax and enjoy.