The most funniest drunk story you have heard or seen

  • O5vx

    Posts: 3154

    Aug 11, 2012 4:17 AM GMT
    I was wondering what the craziest/ funniest drunk story you have ever heard is?

    and what is the funniest thing you have done while drunk?

    This you be an exciting thread. Note: I don't drink, but I have heard some crazy stuff happen.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Aug 11, 2012 4:22 AM GMT
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    Aug 11, 2012 5:20 AM GMT
    I'm not much of a drinker, but I have a couple stories.

    I had just broken up with my ex about 2 weeks before this happened. Last December I went to a Christmas party at my friends sister's house. It was packed, and I was about 8 or 9 beers deep, wearing a santa hat and apparently looked pretty hot that night, (later on my "straight friend" said he wanted to make out) Anyway, that isn't the funny part, well, that "straight" friend's girlfriend wanted to see my dick, and so did her friend, so I said sure, so we started to look for an empty room, and we couldn't find any, and I had to go to the bathroom, and I was waiting to get in, when another girl asked if I wanted to go to the bathroom with her icon_confused.gif I was wasted sooo I just went with it. Eventually we get in the bathroom, and she just pops a squat and pisses, then I piss. Then she asks if I want a blowjob as I'm washing my hands. Soooo I got a blowjob in the bathroom, from a girl I had just met... while I was wearing a Santa hat. It was a weird fucking night. Aaaand, the weirdest thing is, I went home later that night and just cried for like an hour.
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    Aug 11, 2012 5:22 AM GMT
    I'm half drunk right now, so the only drunk story I could currently tell is only half funny.

    Wait till I'm a full fledged alcoholic, then I can get drunk enough to actually tell a funny story. icon_razz.gif
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    Aug 11, 2012 12:37 PM GMT
    Ok i have an hour to kill..so

    So when i was about 22 a long, long, long time ago..i went out to a gay bar..
    Met the Most Amazing latino stud we will call Antonio!..grrrrr!
    ..We talked for about 3 hours..immediately when he found out i was a virgin..Shots and beers just appeared out of nowhere!!..

    ..We went back to his place..he had me out of my clothes in oh..1.5 seconds..
    ..We started rolling around ..gettn' hot and heavy..My words.."I don't want to do this"..i think i want to wait"...
    ..His words.."Youv'e waited long enough"..."I'ts time"..
    I'm laying on my back..Antonio is doing unspeakable things to me and i open my eyes to find ...A 6 1/2 foot brother standing over us quiet as a mouse...Dressed from head to toe.. in a US Army uniform! ...His boyfriend of 5+ years....!!

    ...My words.."Hey is this going to be a threesome?"..Gawd i was drunk..
    Army guy.."Hell f*ck no it aint"..

    ...They started arguing WOW !!..i decided to try to sneak past them grab my clothes..and haul ass...Army guy..."Where do you think your'e going?"..He took me by the shoulder..(he wasn't violent)..and sat me down..right in the middle of them while they went at it....

    ...He let me go after almost 2 hours..Antonio took off and left us there..
    I apologized perfusely..we shook hands..quick hug..and he started laughing at me..He looks at me..and saids.."And after all this mess..your'e still a damm virgin"...
    True story...
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    Aug 11, 2012 12:44 PM GMT
    I knew someone whose aunt walked out of an rv totally trashed while it was driving down the freeway and he was the one driving behind it who hit her as she rolled away. I felt terrible for laughing at it because she died, but in my own intoxicated state I could not help myself.
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    Aug 11, 2012 12:45 PM GMT
    SSJTrunks saidI'm not much of a drinker, but I have a couple stories.

    I had just broken up with my ex about 2 weeks before this happened. Last December I went to a Christmas party at my friends sister's house. It was packed, and I was about 8 or 9 beers deep, wearing a santa hat and apparently looked pretty hot that night, (later on my "straight friend" said he wanted to make out) Anyway, that isn't the funny part, well, that "straight" friend's girlfriend wanted to see my dick, and so did her friend, so I said sure, so we started to look for an empty room, and we couldn't find any, and I had to go to the bathroom, and I was waiting to get in, when another girl asked if I wanted to go to the bathroom with her icon_confused.gif I was wasted sooo I just went with it. Eventually we get in the bathroom, and she just pops a squat and pisses, then I piss. Then she asks if I want a blowjob as I'm washing my hands. Soooo I got a blowjob in the bathroom, from a girl I had just met... while I was wearing a Santa hat. It was a weird fucking night. Aaaand, the weirdest thing is, I went home later that night and just cried for like an hour.


    hahaha that is so funny
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    Aug 11, 2012 12:56 PM GMT
    August 20th, 2011

    The Wedding Reception

    My oldest brother has finally tied the knot with a much older woman named Lisa and sits at the dining table along with me and the family. He has shades covering his eyes after he has shot after shot. Yelling randomly, laughing, cursing, and acting a hot mess. He then asks me to go give him some of that "blue punch" I did as i was told and when i went to ask the woman pouring the punch what was in it she coyly grinned. I drunk some of it then starting drinking some more of it. About 15 minutes later i was wasted i got up and performed a 45 minute toast to my brother on his marriage which was a shock to him and everyone there because i am usually very quiet (In real life). I then got on the dining table and began to strip for the ladies and dudes there with some raunchy R&B songs playing in the background. My brother had the look on his face like "I am gonna kill this fool" After my gyration fiasco i proceded to fall flat on my face trying to catch the brides flowers and touched an old womans pair of tits which gave me a good slap. LMAOOOOO I felt so embarrassed once i sobered up and was a complete mess that day.


    icon_razz.gificon_redface.gificon_lol.gificon_smile.gificon_biggrin.gif
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    Aug 11, 2012 1:14 PM GMT
    I have way too many. I need to write a book. Should I be proud of this? icon_neutral.gif

    There is a recent one with a couple of my friends. We went to this terrible gay bar outside of the city called LeBuzz. We were DRUNK. Basically we went back and forth to the car to take shots all night, that's how drunk we were. Well there is a stage at this bar and they won't let you backstage. But in another room, there is a black plywood wall that doesn't go all the way to the ceiling. So my friend had the great idea "let's climb it!" I climb the wall (not easy when you're drunk) and it is pitch black behind it. Now we are about 9 feet off the ground at this point sitting on top of the wall. My friend jumps down and is fine. I see a dark shadow of a bunch of objects piled together and decide to jump on it to brace my fall. As I jumped I thought "please be pillows, please be pillows". Nope. It was a pile of chairs that I jumped into. That wasn't the softest landing I have ever had. But after that we went into the drag queen dressing room and took shots with them. All in all, a good night icon_smile.gif
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    Aug 11, 2012 1:17 PM GMT
    On the last day of Army Basic Training we had an illegal party in the barracks, with alcohol and delivered pizza. The Drill Sergeants were suspiciously absent.

    A couple weeks later I was in Advanced Training, at a different part of the same installation. I was a Trainee Platoon Leader and marching my platoon while calling cadence. At a training area a soldier from another platoon approached me.

    "I think I know you!" he said." I recognize your voice from Basic."

    "I was in Alpha, we graduated 2 weeks ago."

    "Yeah, I was in Charlie, same time. On our last night you were screaming "Bali High," we heard you 3 buildings away!"

    "WHAT? I never did that!"

    "Sure sounded like you."

    So I checked with a couple of my Alpha buddies, you were also with me in Advanced. Yep, they confirmed, I got that drunk. What's more, I fell out of our 3-story barracks window, but they caught me. I hung upside down for a while before they managed to pull be back in, and that's when I was screaming Bali High (sp? it was a cheap wine). I was profoundly embarrassed to hear this, of which I had no memory. icon_redface.gif
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    Aug 11, 2012 1:38 PM GMT
    SSJTrunks saidI'm not much of a drinker, but I have a couple stories.

    I had just broken up with my ex about 2 weeks before this happened. Last December I went to a Christmas party at my friends sister's house. It was packed, and I was about 8 or 9 beers deep, wearing a santa hat and apparently looked pretty hot that night, (later on my "straight friend" said he wanted to make out) Anyway, that isn't the funny part, well, that "straight" friend's girlfriend wanted to see my dick, and so did her friend, so I said sure, so we started to look for an empty room, and we couldn't find any, and I had to go to the bathroom, and I was waiting to get in, when another girl asked if I wanted to go to the bathroom with her icon_confused.gif I was wasted sooo I just went with it. Eventually we get in the bathroom, and she just pops a squat and pisses, then I piss. Then she asks if I want a blowjob as I'm washing my hands. Soooo I got a blowjob in the bathroom, from a girl I had just met... while I was wearing a Santa hat. It was a weird fucking night. Aaaand, the weirdest thing is, I went home later that night and just cried for like an hour.


    YOU have GIRL Cooties!!
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    Aug 11, 2012 4:47 PM GMT
    One weekend a friend invited me to go out to the bars with her, her girlfriend, and 4 German guys who were interning here in the states. We had been drinking before we left and just getting to know each other on the way to the bar. We stopped at a couple, and the last one we went to, one of the German guys, Phil came up to me and we begin to have a conversation like so:

    "Christian, I know you're gay and thats fine...but I'm not gay"
    "Uh ok, thanks? I'm not hitting on you"
    "No! I know! I'm just saying that it's ok you're gay, but I'm not ok?"
    "Why are you telling me you're not gay? I know that"
    "I know, but I'm just saying that its ok you're gay...but I'm not gay!"

    I think the language barrier preventing us to fully understand each other..that and alcohol. But we talked about that the whole night, with us being frustrated with each other. Anyway, the night went on and we all decided to leave. Back at my friend's apartment, the German guys had to go home because they were leaving back to Germany in the morning so we all say our goodbyes. Phil comes up to me, going to give me a handshake and says,

    "Christian, it was nice to meet you!"
    As we were shaking hands, I humped him.
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    Aug 11, 2012 5:03 PM GMT
    I threw up on a police officer when I was in college. Sorry sir.
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    Aug 11, 2012 5:46 PM GMT
    When I was in college, girl and I were taking a very drunk girlfriend home. She needed to pee, so we asked another girl who was passing out on her stoop if we could use her bathroom. She said no, but we somehow convinced her it was ok. We took our friend upstairs and she fell in the bathtub. Trying to get her out of the house, she staggers and I think, "oh shit.." and she completely vomits in the dining room. I'm staring at the pile and think I need to hustle and we needed to get out. We go downstairs and the girl is getting of her stoop. My friend starts vomiting, again, in the porch. So then stoop girl starts to puke. Then my friend slips in hers and falls down the stairs. Haha! It was so bad. We got back to the dorms and my friend had lost her ID. Sigh. It was way too much to handle!
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    Aug 11, 2012 5:47 PM GMT
    My friends and I threw a party, and invited a lot of people from school. Of course there was alcoholic drinks, and we had juice to mix it with.. We gave this girl a cup of Hawaiian Punch. When she finished drinking the punch we played a trick on her and said we "spiked" the punch. We really didn't spike her punch, it started off as a harmeless joke. Until she started acting overly dramatic, stumbling and saying how she was just "so drunk". icon_neutral.gif A few of the guys asked her to go to a room. When she went up to the room she blew all 3 of the guys off. Infront of the whole party! When she got back to school everyone was clowning her. When we asked her why did she do it she said, "I was sooo drunk. I wasn't thinking!?" We finally told her the truth after homecoming week was over. She changed schools & I haven't seen her since.


    Moral of the story: Once a slut, always a slut. icon_biggrin.gif
    2nd Moral of the story: My friends are dicks. icon_rolleyes.gif
  • BlackBeltGuy

    Posts: 2609

    Aug 11, 2012 6:18 PM GMT
    SSJTrunks saidI'm not much of a drinker, but I have a couple stories.

    I had just broken up with my ex about 2 weeks before this happened. Last December I went to a Christmas party at my friends sister's house. It was packed, and I was about 8 or 9 beers deep, wearing a santa hat and apparently looked pretty hot that night, (later on my "straight friend" said he wanted to make out) Anyway, that isn't the funny part, well, that "straight" friend's girlfriend wanted to see my dick, and so did her friend, so I said sure, so we started to look for an empty room, and we couldn't find any, and I had to go to the bathroom, and I was waiting to get in, when another girl asked if I wanted to go to the bathroom with her icon_confused.gif I was wasted sooo I just went with it. Eventually we get in the bathroom, and she just pops a squat and pisses, then I piss. Then she asks if I want a blowjob as I'm washing my hands. Soooo I got a blowjob in the bathroom, from a girl I had just met... while I was wearing a Santa hat. It was a weird fucking night. Aaaand, the weirdest thing is, I went home later that night and just cried for like an hour.


    but did you cum from it?

  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Aug 11, 2012 9:06 PM GMT
    As bad as this story makes me sound, here goes. Back in some of my crazier days I was at the bar, wasted with some friends, and I was the sober driver! Well I thought I could dance and sober up, but we got kicked out. There was a storm that night but we piled in my car anyway. I got on the freeway and the rain was so bad I thought we were going to get flooded. I got back off and turned down a residential street and all of sudden we we're floating in water. Omg I hadn't seen the construction signs that had been blown over. All of sudden water started coming up from the floor. There were 3 of us gay boys and we were such a mess when we got out of the car. We had to push the car like half a block before it totally sank. We were soaked like we were swimming in the lake, and we were all loud and freaking out. Basically one friend and I were laughing while the other one was yelling at us. Hehe. Eventually two female police came. They had to have known we were gay, and I had to suddenly try so hard to act sober! I'm thinking, can I go pee before you arrest me? Anyway they must've blamed the storm because they didn't even give me breathalyzer or a ticket. The said to get the car off the road and left. It was also around gay pride, so maybe they were being nice? Anyway, I think after we got the car out it took awhile to start, but finally it did, and I drove home. The water damage to the car never went away and it smelled like a swamp and was forever after known as the swamp car. icon_smile.gif
  • O5vx

    Posts: 3154

    Aug 11, 2012 10:45 PM GMT
    SSJTrunks saidI'm not much of a drinker, but I have a couple stories.

    I had just broken up with my ex about 2 weeks before this happened. Last December I went to a Christmas party at my friends sister's house. It was packed, and I was about 8 or 9 beers deep, wearing a santa hat and apparently looked pretty hot that night, (later on my "straight friend" said he wanted to make out) Anyway, that isn't the funny part, well, that "straight" friend's girlfriend wanted to see my dick, and so did her friend, so I said sure, so we started to look for an empty room, and we couldn't find any, and I had to go to the bathroom, and I was waiting to get in, when another girl asked if I wanted to go to the bathroom with her icon_confused.gif I was wasted sooo I just went with it. Eventually we get in the bathroom, and she just pops a squat and pisses, then I piss. Then she asks if I want a blowjob as I'm washing my hands. Soooo I got a blowjob in the bathroom, from a girl I had just met... while I was wearing a Santa hat. It was a weird fucking night. Aaaand, the weirdest thing is, I went home later that night and just cried for like an hour.


    This is really classy, lol
  • O5vx

    Posts: 3154

    Aug 11, 2012 10:47 PM GMT
    Edward24 saidAugust 20th, 2011

    The Wedding Reception

    My oldest brother has finally tied the knot with a much older woman named Lisa and sits at the dining table along with me and the family. He has shades covering his eyes after he has shot after shot. Yelling randomly, laughing, cursing, and acting a hot mess. He then asks me to go give him some of that "blue punch" I did as i was told and when i went to ask the woman pouring the punch what was in it she coyly grinned. I drunk some of it then starting drinking some more of it. About 15 minutes later i was wasted i got up and performed a 45 minute toast to my brother on his marriage which was a shock to him and everyone there because i am usually very quiet (In real life). I then got on the dining table and began to strip for the ladies and dudes there with some raunchy R&B songs playing in the background. My brother had the look on his face like "I am gonna kill this fool" After my gyration fiasco i proceded to fall flat on my face trying to catch the brides flowers and touched an old womans pair of tits which gave me a good slap. LMAOOOOO I felt so embarrassed once i sobered up and was a complete mess that day.


    icon_razz.gificon_redface.gificon_lol.gificon_smile.gificon_biggrin.gif


    This one is one of the best I have ever heard. You trash your brother's party, Lamo
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    Aug 11, 2012 10:58 PM GMT
    MOBILE, ALABAMA

    (the four of us involved laugh every time)

    So, about a month ago, I'm driving back 3 drunks from the club in Mobile back to the base in FL. At about 4 AM, a bus is next to us and apparently falls asleep and veers into our lane and hits us from the rear drivers side. We spin around and hit the median with the poles, and i guess he wakes up and swerves but hits us again and we spin again and drift off into the woods towards the trees, but stop in a ditch.

    Then, it took about 15 more hours just to get a way back to base which was only about two hours up the road. I was spear heading everything and had to deal with shitty cops, who tried to give me a DUI, one of my friends attitude, and the supervisors at my base giving us the run around and not even sending someone out to get us. We ended up getting a rental, it was that stupid.

    Worst night/day fucking ever!!

    Oh and the car wasn't mine and was totaled completely from all four sides. I couldn't even get out of my door. And also, the friend with the attitude (also the only one with a charged phone) didn't even realize what happened and thought we were already at the front gate to the base when the cop was standing over her asking for her I.D.
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    Aug 11, 2012 11:19 PM GMT
    SkittleGangsta saidI knew someone whose aunt walked out of an rv totally trashed while it was driving down the freeway and he was the one driving behind it who hit her as she rolled away. I felt terrible for laughing at it because she died, but in my own intoxicated state I could not help myself.


    icon_lol.gif Cold. Ice cold.

    lol
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    Aug 11, 2012 11:30 PM GMT
    Hmm I think one my own would be leaving a house party with a couple of old friends (when were about 20/21), and then getting into a play fight with one of them, in the middle of an empty street, which naturally got a bit rough and somewhat escalated, hard punches were thrown from both sides.

    Then, I almost swung him into the road in front of an oncoming car (wasn't aware of the car until the last second). I ended up pinning him on the floor, he kicked me in the head, and so I grabbed his legs, mid-kick, and hoisted him so he was upside down and in a submission.

    He was about three inches taller than me, and about thirty percent heavier. It looked funny. We were both laughing.

    Another of our mutual friends took a picture of this moment at the somewhat strange bequest of the hoisted guy, mid hoist, clearly ready to disclose this to Facebook soon after, for the lulz.

    When I looked back at the picture on the guy's computer when sober a few days afterwards, I couldn't help but laugh (might not be funny to anybody else, but I guess you had to be there, oh, and very drunk).

    The other guy demanded the pic be deleted, and as far as I know, it was.

    Oh well. =]