Just started reading Velvet Rage…

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 11, 2012 5:14 AM GMT
    just the first 2 chapters so far. I'm a little shocked by how accurately it describes my life.

    These past couple of weeks have been tough. I'm telling myself there's no such thing as too late, and I think this book will be helpful.

    Here's an article about the book…

    http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/2011/feb/20/gay-men-depression-the-velvet-rageGay men are four times more likely to suffer from depression than straight men. The reason? According to therapist Alan Downs, it's a toxic cocktail of anger and rejection, which he calls "velvet rage". Here, he discusses his controversial self-help manual – plus, starting right, we hear five very personal "coming out" stories


  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 11, 2012 5:17 AM GMT
    I think it's a must read.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 11, 2012 10:30 AM GMT
    I really enjoyed the book and yeah I agree it's very eye opening.

    My only problem with it though is that his whole theory seems to be based on the idea of 'toxic shame' that gay men develop from an early age. It's a convenient way to explain the problems that gay men face in a predominantly heterosexual society but I think the explanation is stretched a tad too thin.

    The most valuable chapter for me was the last one, giving practical advice about how to tackle the issues that effect gay men adversely. It certainly helped me to understand why I was so judgmental about other people and so quick to see the worst in them/ be overly defensive.
  • starboard5

    Posts: 969

    Aug 11, 2012 12:46 PM GMT
    It's worth reading, but I found it more of a pop psychology book. It paints with a broad brush.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 11, 2012 1:40 PM GMT
    Got it for my birthday a few years back, really good book. The author knows what he's talking about.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 11, 2012 2:08 PM GMT
    starboard5 saidIt's worth reading, but I found it more of a pop psychology book. It paints with a broad brush.


    ditto
    a very broad brush, that also give men excuses for bad behavior and life choices.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 11, 2012 4:16 PM GMT
    I'm not usually one to read a book such as this, but I loved it. While I know that not every instance in the book coincides with my life, it did give me quite the change of view while I'm out with my friends. Just watching how people interact after reading it is quite interesting.
  • DanOmatic

    Posts: 1155

    Aug 11, 2012 5:29 PM GMT
    I agree that his hypotheses are painted pretty broadly and don't apply to every gay man. However, I think that they are effective in that he identifies what is often at the root of a lot of the issues that affect gay men and how they relate to the world, and to each other.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 11, 2012 6:30 PM GMT
    whateveryo saidI really enjoyed the book and yeah I agree it's very eye opening.

    My only problem with it though is that his whole theory seems to be based on the idea of 'toxic shame' that gay men develop from an early age. It's a convenient way to explain the problems that gay men face in a predominantly heterosexual society but I think the explanation is stretched a tad too thin.

    The most valuable chapter for me was the last one, giving practical advice about how to tackle the issues that effect gay men adversely. It certainly helped me to understand why I was so judgmental about other people and so quick to see the worst in them/ be overly defensive.




    I think the book sucks because his thesis is rooted in bigotry which is that a human being is a victim of his upbringing and can't be expected to behave in any other than a programmed manner. Case studies dont support that.

    I feel blessed to be able to love guys. From puberty on I did not give a fuck what southern red neck ministers thought about me. The syndrome he describes is simple prolonged immaturity...not having the balls to think for oneself and believe in oneself.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 11, 2012 7:37 PM GMT
    Alpha13 said
    whateveryo saidI really enjoyed the book and yeah I agree it's very eye opening.

    My only problem with it though is that his whole theory seems to be based on the idea of 'toxic shame' that gay men develop from an early age. It's a convenient way to explain the problems that gay men face in a predominantly heterosexual society but I think the explanation is stretched a tad too thin.

    The most valuable chapter for me was the last one, giving practical advice about how to tackle the issues that effect gay men adversely. It certainly helped me to understand why I was so judgmental about other people and so quick to see the worst in them/ be overly defensive.




    I think the book sucks because his thesis is rooted in bigotry which is that a human being is a victim of his upbringing and can't be expected to behave in any other than a programmed manner. Case studies dont support that.

    I feel blessed to be able to love guys. From puberty on I did not give a fuck what southern red neck ministers thought about me. The syndrome he describes is simple prolonged immaturity...not having the balls to think for oneself and believe in oneself.


    I think that it's just a book for gay men who have problems. It's not the end all be all of every gay mans experience. But it explains logically why some gay men grow up all on the offensive...and do destructive hateful things.. or even adopt traits that start off healthy and become non healthy.. it explains Erik Rhodes well... If you do not feel it applies to you.. it applies to someone you know. Case Studies DO show that your environment heavily dictates who you are and your life.. heavily... from where you are raised to your poverty level..


    I think the key is in that a lot of gay men with these issues don't know how to identify them. So for them.. this is a great book to help them on road to understanding what needs to be fixed.

    I don't find it broad at all.