Advice on chatting up guys

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 11, 2012 6:18 AM GMT
    The only guys Ive ever met have been through online sites. And generally most of the guys online are not that awesome in person. I would want to try my luck with guys I suspect are gay/bi which I see on campus or around where I gym/live etc. but I dont know how to go about initiating this, so need some pointers and advice.

    I was on the train yesterday and I started eyeing out this hot guy. He immidiately looked straight at me, and I looked away. I decided to see what would happen if I stared again, and saw that he was doing the same. When I got off of the train, this guy walked straight beside me almost touching right the way through the station until he had to find his own car. Im a shy guy so I was a little intimidated. So me (the dumb ass) said absolutely nothing. Someone kick me please.

    So how do I approach gay guys? Chat them up? Suggestions?
  • Pontifex

    Posts: 1882

    Aug 11, 2012 7:32 AM GMT
    ummm... if you are a university student and you think he is one you can ask him if he was in one of your classes(even if you know he wasn't) just to start a conversation and that way it doesn't seem like you just randomly approached him. Or ask him about where he got an item of clothing or say "Hi, did you see that weird guy on the train?" when you get off. Something along those lines. Anything to start a conversation and go from there.
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    Aug 11, 2012 12:09 PM GMT
    "And generally most of the guys online are not that awesome in person..?"

    (gasp)..icon_eek.gif
    OP..where are you meeting these online guys..??
  • rowerchgo

    Posts: 31

    Aug 11, 2012 1:37 PM GMT
    Try to make friends first... You will be surprised where self confidence can take you. Most people abide by social norms, so they wont start screaming at you the minute you say hi lol. Go test it out, introduce yourself to a random stranger and see for how long you can hold the conversation - it's fun! Haha
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    Aug 11, 2012 1:44 PM GMT
    rowerchgo saidTry to make friends first... You will be surprised where self confidence can take you. Most people abide by social norms, so they wont start screaming at you the minute you say hi lol. Go test it out, introduce yourself to a random stranger and see for how long you can hold the conversation - it's fun! Haha


    This. Think "friendship" first and only. Anything else is gravy. Just strike up a conversation about something random or ask for directions or a question about something like a concert or event. Simple and easy.
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    Aug 11, 2012 1:50 PM GMT
    Look like Channing Tatum, have money like Bill Gates and get rid of your gag reflex.
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    Aug 11, 2012 2:07 PM GMT
    biguy1on1 saidThe only guys Ive ever met have been through online sites. And generally most of the guys online are not that awesome in person. I would want to try my luck with guys I suspect are gay/bi which I see on campus or around where I gym/live etc. but I dont know how to go about initiating this, so need some pointers and advice.

    I was on the train yesterday and I started eyeing out this hot guy. He immidiately looked straight at me, and I looked away. I decided to see what would happen if I stared again, and saw that he was doing the same. When I got off of the train, this guy walked straight beside me almost touching right the way through the station until he had to find his own car. Im a shy guy so I was a little intimidated. So me (the dumb ass) said absolutely nothing. Someone kick me please.

    So how do I approach gay guys? Chat them up? Suggestions?


    Your blood must have been flowing to all the right places with your heart pounding. This is why unexpected meeting in real life is preferable to online dating. Online has lots of potential, but if you're a good judge of character then in person helps the mental databank filter through lots of junk that online ping-pong might take lots of effort and time to get to if at all.

    Just do what you did, keep looking especially if he has a receptive response (meaning he's not a homophobe ready to beat you). Just initiate if you're attracted. If he's not gay or interested he'll ignore you or you'll hear it in his tone. If he's also shy you'll feel that, so just keep up some kind of interaction without being evasive or annoying. If some other guy initiates realize that he too might be hesitant. Be as receptive and responsible as possible without giving the wrong impression. Even a smile is a response.

    It'll be lots of time invested no matter what. Practice, learn, and sharpen your skills. Enjoy that learning process.

    P.S.- Never fuck with a guy's mind, and ignore those that fuck with yours'. Remember what Karma's about.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 11, 2012 2:16 PM GMT
    I'm a little on the shy side as well. I think our biggest enemy is we don't want to take the chance of having a conflict. But how many potentials have we lost.....aaahhh. So, now what i do is comment. Nice car you got there, nice watch (even though who uses one now except for decoration), nice hair who does your cut. You're interested in the guy so show interest back. Once the conversation starts.... then you can ask if they are from here or whatever.

    i've been wearing vibrams lately.... they feel so good. Everyone is commenting on them... i like your shoes, how do you like them...blah blah blah. Of course i tell them not to buy them because they are so addictive and you want to wear them all the time....aaahhhh. But talk about a conversation starter. We all have to practice the art of complimenting. Smile and go for it....you'll do ok.
  • Lincsbear

    Posts: 2605

    Aug 11, 2012 2:28 PM GMT
    Good advice on making friends rather than contacts. Try joining a club with shared interests. You`ll find yourself talking with plenty of guys then!
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    Aug 11, 2012 2:51 PM GMT
    start small, make a plan: "I'm going to say hi to one person today," make that person someone your not attracted to.
    do it for a week, then on the second week add two people
    till one day you find yourself actually non-shy anymore.
    Personally I still have to work on making eye contact, really opening up a new sensation to me; doing it without motive.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Aug 11, 2012 2:54 PM GMT
    try the gym
    ask for a spot (make sure it is weight you will actually need help with)
    ask him to spot you a couple of times than ask if he would be willing to workout with you from time to time.
    if you have a gay and lesbian group on campus find out about it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 11, 2012 2:55 PM GMT
    I have the same exact problem when it come to guys I'm interested in. I cannot work up enough courage to say anything to them. It's something I have always struggled with and it's kind of frustrating because I would really like to talk to them and get to know more about them. The other problem is that most guys are very cautious/paranoid/suspicious now a days and would probably think I was weird if I were to approach them and just start talking to them. I've been told that I have a very friendly appearance and that should make it easier for me to approach guys but I still struggle with it. I wish I had more advice to give you but I just want to let you know that I can relate to you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 11, 2012 3:43 PM GMT
    Shyness is just something we have to force ourselves to get over. I was one of the shyest guys on the planet when I was a kid. I came from a very popular family - and I guess I felt intimidated somehow. I finally came out of it (shyness) and forced myself to take a breath, smile, go forward and just say hello and shake hands with anybody and everybody. After awhile, it became easier up to the point where now it is second nature to me.

    Just get out and do it. If you see somebody you want to talk to - just take a breath, smile and go right up to them! Your confidence will be very attractive to people you meet. Get out there!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 11, 2012 4:06 PM GMT
    lolol this social ineptitude is astounding. are you an anti-social introvert, because approaching and interacting with people are social skills we learn as children.

    rather than learning how to approach "gay guys," you should focus on improving your social skills and learn how to approach people in general. we're all the same regardless of our sexual orientation.

    you could probably benefit from this book.

    zdZ1W.jpg

    good luck, you're gonna need it!
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    Aug 15, 2012 4:02 AM GMT
    rowerchgo saidTry to make friends first... You will be surprised where self confidence can take you. Most people abide by social norms, so they wont start screaming at you the minute you say hi lol. Go test it out, introduce yourself to a random stranger and see for how long you can hold the conversation - it's fun! Haha


    Haha, Im so gonna try that out. Lol Thanks
  • Montague

    Posts: 5205

    Aug 15, 2012 4:06 AM GMT
    LIEV saidLook like Channing Tatum, have money like Bill Gates and get rid of your gag reflex.


    I think it's cute when a guy gags..makes you feel enormous! icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 15, 2012 4:10 AM GMT
    eightball saidlolol this social ineptitude is astounding. are you an anti-social introvert, because approaching and interacting with people are social skills we learn as children.

    rather than learning how to approach "gay guys," you should focus on improving your social skills and learn how to approach people in general. we're all the same regardless of our sexual orientation.

    you could probably benefit from this book.

    zdZ1W.jpg

    good luck, you're gonna need it!


    Cool, thanks. Ill have a look for this. Im not that awkward in public and hide my shyness quite well. It's only when that hot guy is aroind that Im at loss for words. But other than that, Im a friendly guy and great random peeps here and there, like striking up a conversation in a shopping mall or something.