Marriage yes or no and why

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 13, 2008 5:56 PM GMT
    Now that same-sex marriage is recognized and preformed in MA & CA, would you marry your partner/bf and why?
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    Aug 13, 2008 6:10 PM GMT
    I associate marriage with a prison with no escape, a living hell. We have been able to marry in Canada for awhile and as yet I have not felt the slightest urge, despite thinking of my partner as the only one for life.
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    Aug 13, 2008 6:12 PM GMT
    No.
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    Aug 13, 2008 9:35 PM GMT
    We've thought about getting married in California at the end of the year... if we still can. If we can't by then, there's always Toronto or Windsor just across the border.
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    Aug 13, 2008 9:39 PM GMT
    SurrealLife saidI associate marriage with a prison with no escape, a living hell. .



    I'm with you there... there is no good reason why a couple can't be a couple for the rest of their lives without a government issued slip of paper, I know WAY too many unhappily married straight people that feel trapped
  • stee99

    Posts: 317

    Aug 13, 2008 9:40 PM GMT
    no i wont be getting married, we've had civil unions here since 2004. i dont see the need for a statement like that, everyone who knows us knows we're together and we both know we're committed to each other and thats enough for us..
    that said we're covered by existing common law marital laws here for pretty much everything that matters so marrige would be a double up from the legal angle.
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    Aug 13, 2008 9:45 PM GMT
    I would like to get married despite all of the reasons not to get married. My boyfriend's sister is getting married and the planning is getting crazy. Every time he tells me another story I think, "Hmmmm....maybe a wedding isn't such a great idea." However, if the relationship is going to last, I would like to get married. I want to for legal reasons and for the recognition that yes, this is a real relationship in the eyes of the state. Right now, I can't imagine ever feeling trapped and I hope that I never do. Even when we aren't getting along we get along better than I ever have with anyone else.
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    Aug 14, 2008 12:52 AM GMT


    More Canadians here...

    yes we can marry but no plans for it.
    Common-law married in the eyes of the feds already (for taxes, pensions 'n' stuff).


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    Aug 14, 2008 12:57 AM GMT
    I live in a country where homosexual acts are still punishable by law, let alone civil partnerships or marriage.

    I would get married, if allowed, more to give access to each other in serious illness/death, as well as matters of estate.
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    Aug 14, 2008 1:09 AM GMT
    I would love to get married to my partner. But until it is legal in our state / federally, I'm afraid that it would feel a little bit too "pretend" and I can't really get excited about that. Not to be a dick, but our relationship is more solid than that of most of our straight, married friends. The thought of having a big, fake wedding (or traveling to a state to enter into a marriage that isn't valid back home) after having attended so many "real" weddings for straight folks... I dunno, it's just kind of an insult. And I wouldn't want our friends and family to feel like we were pressuring them into buying us silverware and blenders without good reason.

    That said, we burn through blenders at a fairly good pace (all those shakes...), so maybe it isn't such a bad idea after all... icon_smile.gif
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    Aug 14, 2008 1:46 AM GMT
    yesicon_razz.gif
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    Aug 14, 2008 1:49 AM GMT
    Yep. Not with the first guy of course, and not until i'm pretty damn sure of who I'm getting myself tied up to. icon_lol.gif
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    Aug 14, 2008 3:19 AM GMT
    Haha! GOD NO! I equate marriage to being a caged bird. Comfortable, boring and restrictive.

    I have worked hard to get to where I am in life. Only to have some flippant gay man take my life and worth away? No thanks. Yes, most of are non-commital until someone better looking comes along.

    However, as Dolly Parton said,"we may as well have the opprtunity to screw up marriage like the straight people!".
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    Aug 14, 2008 3:26 AM GMT
    Yes...Why not. I have imagined myself getting married for a while now. I guess it was seeing all my siblings get married. I would love to have a ceremoney with family and friends around witnessing a union between my boyfriend and myself....then we would get to paaaaarty.
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    Aug 14, 2008 3:38 AM GMT
    As some of you know, this is important to me. I don't have any plans to get married, but I want the freedom to be able to should the right person come along. I have full-blown AIDS, and I'd like the protection that ONLY marriage (not "civil unions" a misnomer if ever there was one) allows a couple: the right to have my partner with me if I'm taken to the hospital, without some uppity nurse or doctor barring him at the door. The right to adopt children if I want, and the right to easily will my "estate" (not that I have an estate) to my spouse without some probate court swooping in and taking over.

    I understand how many of you aren't interested in marriage; you're still young and enjoying your party lifestyle, clubs, gyms, and numerous boyfriends. Hell, I do too! But I got news for ya: some day, the party will be over, and in the harsh light of older age, you just might wish you had supported the idea of Gay Marriage that seems, right now, so foreign to you. Because if we don't win this fight once and for all, we could find ourselves very alone and unprotected when the time comes that we need legally-recognized, FULL marriages the most.
    You don't want to get married? Fine, there's certainly nothing wrong with that. But please don't let your disinterest or apathy make it harder for those of us who do wish to plan for a better future for ALL people, Gay or not.
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    Aug 14, 2008 3:42 AM GMT
    Everytime someone asks me about whether or not I am going to get married I can't help but think of a Marx brothers movie.

    Carmen Miranda: "Are you ever going to marry me?"
    Groucho: "Of course I'm gonna marry you darling, we've been engaged 13 years."
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    Aug 14, 2008 3:44 AM GMT
    MunchingZombie saidEverytime someone asks me about whether or not I am going to get married I can't help but think of a Marx brothers movie.

    Carmen Miranda: "Are you ever going to marry me?"
    Groucho: "Of course I'm gonna marry you darling, we've been engaged 13 years."


    Dat's da most ridiculous thing I ever hoid!

    (Say the secret word and win a hunnerd dollas!)
  • VinBaltimore

    Posts: 239

    Aug 14, 2008 3:48 AM GMT
    We've said that when it becomes legal here in Maryland that we'll do it. Why? Well, love...blah, blah, blah...life long commitment..blah, blah, blah... Registering to try to recoup the thousands and thousands I've spent on wedding gifts for all my straight friend. Crate and Barrel here I come! icon_lol.gif
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    Aug 14, 2008 4:12 AM GMT
    No! Reason is I don't believe in "forever" so I will take it and him day by day and live in it's moment.
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    Aug 14, 2008 4:14 AM GMT
    Hmm...
    I'd definitely commit myself to the right guy.
    I don't know if it would be a "marriage" ceremony, though.

    I'm certainly glad same-sex "marriage" has been legalized, but I'd rather the state stay out of my relationship.
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    Aug 14, 2008 4:39 AM GMT
    Yes - and we did.

    I don't give a damn for the actual term 'marriage' as it relates to government. The only marriage I care about is a religious vow.

    But...

    I want every single legal right for my partner that straight couples are afforded (and thats a hell of a lot!).

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    Aug 14, 2008 4:41 AM GMT

    Hey muchmorethanmuscle,

    They sound like a pile of straight couples we know.....
  • jarhead5536

    Posts: 1348

    Aug 14, 2008 4:50 AM GMT
    Yes yes yes a thousand times yes. Call me assimilationist, but I want more than anything to be just like everyone else I know: to settle down and get married and be ordinary, nothing special, nothing particularly noteworthy, certainly nothing to be shocked about. Don't get me wrong, I love being gay and wouldn't change it if I could, I just hate being singled out as the "other" in my little town...
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    Aug 14, 2008 6:14 AM GMT
    jarhead5536 saidYes yes yes a thousand times yes. Call me assimilationist, but I want more than anything to be just like everyone else I know: to settle down and get married and be ordinary, nothing special, nothing particularly noteworthy, certainly nothing to be shocked about. Don't get me wrong, I love being gay and wouldn't change it if I could, I just hate being singled out as the "other" in my little town...


    Welcome back jarhead, btw. icon_wink.gif
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    Aug 14, 2008 7:26 AM GMT
    I feel sorry for those of you who feel like marriage is some sort of a curse or a cage. Clearly there are issues of restrictions on your independence that you need to address. Don't mean to sound like an ass, but I'd recommend doing it now before you're old and dying alone.

    Marriage isn't about taking over someone else's life or about absorbing someone else's assets, or any of that other nonsense you guys are bitching about. Its two individuals who, through not only love but rationality, decide to spend their lives walking through this beautiful experience together. It shouldn't be a codependent nor a parasitic situation, but rather an interdependent bond between two people who value the companionship of one another over all other things. We are not meant to be alone, whether we're procreating straights or simply your average gay male.

    Its about being an absolute truth to one another, respecting each other and the relationship you share more than anything else. Its loving that other person for who he is and being happy just to share your lives together. We're meant to bond and grow into something greater than ourselves, but not to lose oneself in the process. Its a very romantic thing to abandon to each other, but it shouldn't be based on expectation.... rather, a symbiotic companionship where neither truly needs but both cover each other's wants and nurture each other's secret weaknesses.

    Take my boy James for example ("Stigmata"). He's one of the strongest willed, most independent men I've ever met. Its that independent strength which attracts me to him, warms my heart, and keeps me sane during this impossible year apart. I know that even as we grow together, he will never lose that which makes him "James," and he will never expect me to change, either. I'm sure we will alter things along the way in our own lives to make things better for each other, hell, we already have! But its not out of individual need, but because we care for one another and how the other feels.

    Even despite all we have him common, we're as opposite as night and day. I'm an open book, he's more guarded than I can describe. I don't WANT to, but I could live without him. The past six months apart have proven that. We already both know we can absolutely without a doubt depend on the other, but we are not dependent on each other.

    Why am I oozing about my boy? Simple. Its not the institution that's at fault, its your poor choices in partners and pathetic prioritizing that cause so many marriages to fail. Don't blame marriage, figure your own shit out and then realize there are things far more important than what you think are your own independent "needs." There are very few true needs in life... many people never even get off the ground of Maslow's Hierarchy and they live very happy lives.

    And you can damn well bet I will be given the same marriage-granted rights as the straights. I don't want to be special, but I certainly won't accept less.