Promiscuity. Lack of self respect? Yes or No?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 11, 2012 8:30 PM GMT
    Okay, I'm promiscuous like a lot of people, I am young, I am single, and I always use protection. However some of the time I sleep around because I sometimes have low self esteem and I enjoy the attention of it.

    Sometimes I slept around because I am bored and there is nothing else to do.

    Sometimes I sleep around because again I like the power and liberating feeling of being so free and uninhibited.

    And occasionally I slept around because I was just horny.

    However I decided a while back that this behaviour was self destructive and I needed to respect myself, and closed down my grindr and.other forms of cruising, and am trying to live a more healthy lifestyle. Example now when I went clubbing I would try to do something other than try to pull someone, like actually enjoy myself non sexually.

    Tonight I'm on grindr and I'm tempted to hook up, but I am worried that this is a slip, it's been about two months, I've been good, and I just want a one night stand, I don't plan to fall back into bad habits, sometimes I think the whole sluttiness being disrespectful is a load of shit and sex isn't anything important, other times I think that I should only be having sex with someone Im dating and only after getting to know them, and that casual sex is unhealthy, should I close down my grindr for good? Or is a little casual fun ok?
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    Aug 11, 2012 8:38 PM GMT
    Darren22 saidOkay, I'm promiscuous like a lot of people, I am young, I am single, and I always use protection. However some of the time I sleep around because I sometimes have low self esteem and I enjoy the attention of it.

    Sometimes I slept around because I am bored and there is nothing else to do.

    Sometimes I sleep around because again I like the power and liberating feeling of being so free and uninhibited.

    And occasionally I slept around because I was just horny.

    However I decided a while back that this behaviour was self destructive and I needed to respect myself, and closed down my grindr and.other forms of cruising, and am trying to live a more healthy lifestyle. Example now when I went clubbing I would try to do something other than try to pull someone, like actually enjoy myself non sexually.

    Tonight I'm on grindr and I'm tempted to hook up, but I am worried that this is a slip, it's been about two months, I've been good, and I just want a one night stand, I don't plan to fall back into bad habits, sometimes I think the whole sluttiness being disrespectful is a load of shit and sex isn't anything important, other times I think that I should only be having sex with someone Im dating and only after getting to know them, and that casual sex is unhealthy, should I close down my grindr for good? Or is a little casual fun ok?


    the two imprtant parts of the post imo.

    is it truly self destructive? is it impacting your life in a negative way? or is it seen as self destructive,therefore you attatch false meaning to your actions/perceptions of...?
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    Aug 11, 2012 8:42 PM GMT
    If you were sleeping around because you absolutely love sex, as long as you wear a condom then it is perfectly fine and acceptable.

    However...doing it for the attention because you have low self esteem, or because you are bored....probably not the best idea because it points to some sort of underlying emotional issue. Physically, (again) as long as you use condoms it isn't physically damaging, though.
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    Aug 11, 2012 9:00 PM GMT
    I dont know, I'm a virgin gay dude in a small NC town so I was kinda floored to know so many guys had so much sex
  • Coug24_wyo

    Posts: 147

    Aug 11, 2012 9:22 PM GMT
    jaround90 said I dont know, I'm a virgin gay dude in a small NC town so I was kinda floored to know so many guys had so much sex


    Yah dude same here haha, but small town WY.
  • FRE0

    Posts: 4865

    Aug 11, 2012 10:01 PM GMT
    IIIIIIIIIIIII saidWell look at it this way, if you have sex every two months that is only six times a year. If you're single and need to connect with someone I think this is perfectly acceptable and healthy. Humans need body contact.

    If you are ultimately looking for someone to date perhaps invest time looking for a mate (since you spend less time on Grindr.com).


    Many guys want no body contact except for what is necessary to get off. Quite honestly, I'd rather sleep cuddling with a guy and have no sex than have quick sex with practically no body contact.
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    Aug 11, 2012 10:05 PM GMT
    I believe it is a matter of perspective.

    There are the self respecting hoes who'll decide who they'll fuck when they want to fuck, and won't just fuck any beggar of the street.

    Then, there are the dirrty sluts who'll split their legs open cause Britney is playing on the radio.

    You either own your sexuality; or your sexuality will own you... and with all the risks in sex, I'd rather be in charge of my sexuality like say... Madonna; vs a submissive bitch like Britney who does and sings as she's told. Who lost their fucking mind before they lost their career?
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    Aug 11, 2012 10:48 PM GMT
    There's nothing wrong with it if you want to have sex at that point and you don't put yourself or others at risk. This behavior is actually pretty common among gay men these days with all the ways we have to hookup thanks to the Internet and apps. I'm not just saying from my experience but from friends also.

    If you start to find sex boring and unstimulating and/or painful, you are probably doing it too much and with the wrong people for the wrong reasons. Been there icon_razz.gif
  • waccamatt

    Posts: 1918

    Aug 11, 2012 11:10 PM GMT
    Sex is fun - be careful and enjoy yourself! It's the Puritan roots of the U.S. that makes people feel guilty about having sex.
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    Aug 11, 2012 11:12 PM GMT
    There are reasons why things that are controversial are controversial. Promiscuity is one of those, and it really depends on why you do it and if it violates your personal morals or not. If you are lonely and depressed, then maybe. If you're just horny and need to nut off and porn doesn't suffice, then there's nothing wrong with that.
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    Aug 11, 2012 11:22 PM GMT
    If you don't have sex or being too picky, then you're called a prude/tease. If you do have sex like *normal amount or f*** too many dudes, then you're called a slut. It's a lose-lose situation! Can it be like you can hook up with anyone whenever you want and don't get labeled for it?

    I think having sex with someone you like is cool, I meant it's so hard to think of clever things to say sometimes if you're trying to see if you like the guy! If the sex is hot and he knows what he's doing, I'll be coming back for more and who know we may both end up in a ltr ! icon_wink.gificon_cool.gif

    I have both Grindr and Manhunt but I don't take it too seriously ! icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Aug 11, 2012 11:26 PM GMT
    Just do what you want, as long as you don't regret it later.

    Just make sure you are safe and stay away from drugs
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    Aug 11, 2012 11:27 PM GMT
    People are crazy...

    If you are going out and getting penetrated because you have low self-esteem...that IS an issue. That person is more likely to slip-up when they are having sex if they are doing it to feel wanted.
  • demasi

    Posts: 76

    Aug 11, 2012 11:32 PM GMT
    For me, a man who will have sex with someone at the click of a finger, isn't sexy. I see them like dirty and insecure and unsure of themselves. They'll never be boyfriend material for me. There's is just something far more attractive about a man with character who understands that sometimes there's beauty in only remaining 'desiresble' to others. Who wants to stay with someone that everyone's had? Nothing special there
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    Aug 11, 2012 11:40 PM GMT
    If you sleep with people you want to sleep with and aren't doing harm to yourself or someone else, then it's fine and you should go for it as much as you want. Don't buy into the American Puritanical view on sex. We all have differing motives depending on the situation/day, and sleeping around does not indicate emotional/character issues. If, however, you lower your standards to sleep with people because you compulsively need sex, that's clearly not great and may have some issues.



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    Aug 11, 2012 11:42 PM GMT
    matt saidFor me, a man who will have sex with someone at the click of a finger, isn't sexy. I see them like dirty and insecure and unsure of themselves. They'll never be boyfriend material for me. There's is just something far more attractive about a man with character who understands that sometimes there's beauty in only remaining 'desiresble' to others. Who wants to stay with someone that everyone's had? Nothing special there


    Wow, gender stereotyping much? You are putting the same standard on other gay men as straight men have chauvinistically done on women. And I didn't even study gender study in college. icon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gif

    TO THE OP: If you ask a bunch of horny RJ, of course they will say, sex is okay, blah blah blah. They are not having much sex themselves, not that they don't want to. icon_wink.gificon_wink.gificon_wink.gificon_wink.gif

    I would say, do what you feel is necessary to make yourself feel better. If you think, refraining from sex at times will help your self-esteem, do it.

    If your hornyness is through the sex, it's your decision but always use protection. Who cares about what others think? especially a bunch of double-standard, gay guys who will judge you no matter what, think?
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    Aug 11, 2012 11:43 PM GMT
    matt saidFor me, a man who will have sex with someone at the click of a finger, isn't sexy. I see them like dirty and insecure and unsure of themselves. They'll never be boyfriend material for me. There's is just something far more attractive about a man with character who understands that sometimes there's beauty in only remaining 'desiresble' to others. Who wants to stay with someone that everyone's had? Nothing special there


    Thats why nice guys finish last, nobody wants someone who will be nice to anyone, humans need standardswhen it comes to giving respect.

    Honestly, who doesnt sleep around for attention sometimes? But most of the time, I enjoy sleeping around, it makes me feel sexy and free, its like a drug, but is it something to be proud of that so many guys have been between my legs?

    ************Do I respect myself by doing something that is extremely intimate with someone I hardly know?***************

    BIG emphasis of the last statement guy btw.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 11, 2012 11:43 PM GMT
    Is this a troll? Did I miss something?

    Now I remember why it's a waste of time to give thoughtful responses to people.
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    Aug 11, 2012 11:45 PM GMT
    yourname2000 said
    Darren22 saidHonestly, who doesnt sleep around for attention sometimes?

    Are you fuckin' serious? icon_rolleyes.gif


    oh please! it's not something I'm proud of, but we are all attention seekers, humans like attention.
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    Aug 11, 2012 11:45 PM GMT
    yourname2000 said
    Darren22 saidHonestly, who doesnt sleep around for attention sometimes?

    Are you fuckin' serious? icon_rolleyes.gif


    Lol, last time I checked this isn't something people with decent self-esteem do. I'm not a dirty hooker and don't need to have someone penetrate my anus to get attention.
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    Aug 11, 2012 11:45 PM GMT
    In a sense promiscuous guys are a godsend -- especially when they are really hot.

    Their lack of pickiness allows guys from the lower strata to know what it feels like being with someone from an upper league. This "shock" experience can be very enlightening and motivate them to move up the ladder.
  • demasi

    Posts: 76

    Aug 11, 2012 11:47 PM GMT
    bachian saidIn a sense promiscuous guys are a godsend -- especially when they are really hot.

    Their lack of pickiness allows guys from the lower strata to know what it feels like being with someone from an upper league. This "shock" experience can be very enlightening and motivate them to move up the ladder.


    lmao, love it.
  • demasi

    Posts: 76

    Aug 11, 2012 11:49 PM GMT
    globe_trotter said
    matt saidFor me, a man who will have sex with someone at the click of a finger, isn't sexy. I see them like dirty and insecure and unsure of themselves. They'll never be boyfriend material for me. There's is just something far more attractive about a man with character who understands that sometimes there's beauty in only remaining 'desiresble' to others. Who wants to stay with someone that everyone's had? Nothing special there


    Wow, gender stereotyping much? You are putting the same standard on other gay men as straight men have chauvinistically done on women. And I didn't even study gender study in college. icon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gif


    LOL, how is this *gender* stereotyping.
    In short, I'm saying the type of person who sleeps around for attention is not relationship material, there's big red flags there.
    Also, who wants to date a town bicycle? I'd rather keep my own respect and date a man with integrity.
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    Aug 11, 2012 11:49 PM GMT
    7Famark said
    yourname2000 said
    Darren22 saidHonestly, who doesnt sleep around for attention sometimes?

    Are you fuckin' serious? icon_rolleyes.gif


    Lol, last time I checked this isn't something people with decent self-esteem do. I'm not a dirty hooker and don't need to have someone penetrate my anus to get attention.


    I was a bit of a fail with that statement, I mean who doesn't do things to get attention. However you have to admit if you give a guy a lot of attention, they will be easier, or they'll think you're a creep.
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    Aug 11, 2012 11:51 PM GMT
    I just don't think that makes sense...

    Being a drunk hot mess at a party to get attention I can wrap my mind around....but getting fucked just to get fucked to get attention? That makes no sense.