Conflicting actions

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 15, 2007 5:17 AM GMT
    Was reading a post on here about a bf cheating. He said his bf had begged him to move in and then cheated on him 2 months later I think. Why do you think some guys express the undying devotion, love and commitment to someone but still want to do their thing on the side? I Dont get it...
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    Aug 15, 2007 6:35 AM GMT
    Immaturity? Dishonesty? Grass is greener? Because they can? Because most men are dogs?

    There are those who want to be monogomous and there are those who 'forget' to tell their partner! Who knows why some guys behave in the way they do.

    I try to be honest in my relationships with men. That's why I'm single at the moment, because I don't want to be with anyone and don't want a boyfriend.
  • zakariahzol

    Posts: 2241

    Aug 15, 2007 4:41 PM GMT
    By ex boyfriend do that to me (after 2 years not 2 month. ..)
    . Most guys just need some variety in their sex live. However if you make promises , it your responsiblity to keep it. If you need to have open relationship discuss it. If you are plain bored to each other , discuss it.

    Anyway, I use to cheat on my first live in lover when I'm younger. So now, it my turn to got cheated my my younger lover. Red is right, immaturity.
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    Aug 15, 2007 8:40 PM GMT
    On balance here, there are guys who see you the way they want you to be regardless of how much, or how bluntly you tell them who you are, what you want, and what you need. They see only what they want to see.

    There is a difference between 'core being' and 'potential change'. If you can't see that, your already doomed.

    It's that "I love everything about you. You're perfect. Now, here's what I want you to change about yourself."

    It's funny because it's true!
  • ajlclimber

    Posts: 337

    Aug 15, 2007 10:52 PM GMT
    ahh.. but to counter that.. there are the guys that say that they are true to the ones they love and never cheat.. but then they are shacked up with their ex. To a degree.. you have to decide what is more important to you.. trust or monogamy.


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 16, 2007 12:54 AM GMT
    redonred: I think sometimes guy express undying loyalty BECAUSE they are trying to suppress (or are ashamed of) their own impulses toward infidelity. They think they can suppress or deny it by expressing their devotion to you more strongly... only to discover that, in fact, that doesn't stamp out the impulses that they are having.
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    Aug 16, 2007 3:25 AM GMT
    Well, based on recent brain studies into the nature of lying, there are some people who are hard-wired to lie. They simply have to. It's how they communicate. (Bush for instance.)

    Now, just because a guy cheats doesn't mean he's a hard-coded liar. But this may be the case with some guys.

    I take what people say or promise with a grain of salt. I judge people more by their facial expressions, body language, actions taken, behaviors displayed. So I don't put alot of stock in anyones 'promises' or 'professions of love'. I don't require word of affirmation - you can skip the 'I love you'. I'm more likely to sense love from the fact that you keep coming back to our home. You smile at me and listen. You say goodbye when you leave and hello when you come home. You treat me fairly and you coordinate handling of money.

    The International Association of Relationships' manual on Acceptable Communication and Behavioral Protocols has not yet been ratified at the international assembly. Training throughout the universe on what really is the exact way to behave following specific comments, or what comments to make preceding certain behaviors will begin in every village and home throughout the world starting in Late '09 after the IAR ICBP conference in NYC Aug 15th 2009. The most anticipated section of the manual is, of course, the penalties and recourse section.

    What I'm pointing out is that handling relationships properly is an art and almost no-body goes to school to learn such useful subjects as
    *How to know what you need from a relationship? *How to screen potential partners?
    *Using your network to evaluate potential partners.
    *Know thyself - figuring out how your genetics will control your happiness regarding partner selection.
    *Money - how to make or break your relationships.
    *Marketing yourself - so you can catch, then keep the one you desire.

    When you are learning about yourself and relationships through living - its full of lousy manuevers. And most people aren't good at self-learning. They really do need instruction. I wish they'd attempt to teach this stuff in highschool and college.
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    Aug 16, 2007 4:14 AM GMT
    OHhiker: "based on recent brain studies into the nature of lying, there are some people who are hard-wired to lie".

    References, please! I'm very curious about this.
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    Aug 17, 2007 3:22 AM GMT
    Sorry, I recently read articles about the subject - the study was done in Oct 2005.


    <"http://www.usc.edu/uscnews/stories/11655.html">

    <"http://www.news-medical.net/?id=13840">

  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Aug 17, 2007 4:47 AM GMT
    articles and books are way overboard on this ....
    there's an unwritten rule with some men
    I'll say anything to get what I want and dam the rest...
    this isn't a gay thing
    str8 men do it too
    but it's somewhat more condoned in the gay world
    if you want a monogamous relationship be upfront with your partner...don't leave it unsaid
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    Aug 18, 2007 9:40 AM GMT
    Women are unfaithful too. I don't think the human race would have got very far if they hadn't been. It's what has kept the genetic mix strong.

    That's not to condone it but there is a reason for most human behaviour.
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    Aug 18, 2007 12:17 PM GMT
    I think it is actually quite simple...

    It is called the attitude of wanting to "have your cake and eat it too", even if it has to be done with empty promises and deception.