Struggling with first relationship, need advice please!

  • Kromethius

    Posts: 156

    Aug 12, 2012 10:23 PM GMT
    To start off I met this guy online who found me through camming and since I have known him for 5 weeks he said he wanted to commit to me the first time we chatted however he hasn't had a phone so I have had major trust issues with him. However through the duration of our time I have been honest about what I have done such as going out with a friend I met and how I would cam with other guys when he did not follow through with out schedule that we had planned out, I would always tell him the truth and confess always. Basically we would organize a time to talk on phone while he was getting a new phone but he hasn't done a great job notifying me. But he assumes I'm a camslut and that Im already hooking up with guys and thats not even the case. Now he got really pissed and hasn't communicated with me for about a week and his friend messaged me from his account and said he is hurt and his friend hopes we can be together so idk if his friend is talking with him so we can talk or idk if he is over me but I know you guys think he is manipulative and jealous I just really care for him I just didn't want to get played again by someone over the internet again like in the past especially to not be abused by someone like him because I feel he has the wrong idea of me. If you guys could share your input I would gladly appreciate it thanks!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 12, 2012 10:35 PM GMT
    i think maybe, being a total huge camslut is what has made him think that you are a "total camslut"
  • Kromethius

    Posts: 156

    Aug 13, 2012 1:04 AM GMT
    I know that was my mistake and I should have learned that from the beginning but I quit doing all that because I realize how I don't need to do that whenever I feel lonely or to feel noticed, its just when he didn't even keep up with our schedule I felt that camming was another way to meet people.
  • barriehomeboy

    Posts: 2475

    Aug 13, 2012 1:12 AM GMT
    I think you need to distract yourself from worrying about hiim and let him make the move. Move on until he proves that he's worth worrying about. There are a lot of fucked up gay guys, and even more-fucked up bi guys, online.
  • Kromethius

    Posts: 156

    Aug 13, 2012 1:14 AM GMT
    I will admit to you that I made mistakes when i cammed because i thought it was going to help me find someone but in the end i was hurting myself but thats no reason to beat someone down for feeling insecure about themselves. I learned over the summer who i am and I don't need to cam for anyone for that matter and I know I have a good heart all I'm saying is I wish i learned this sooner and had more support to know I didn't need to cam in the first place because not just me but anyone doesn't deserve to feel like they have to do that to feel special.
  • Kromethius

    Posts: 156

    Aug 13, 2012 1:15 AM GMT
    barriehomeboy saidI think you need to distract yourself from worrying about hiim and let him make the move. Move on until he proves that he's worth worrying about. There are a lot of fucked up gay guys, and even more-fucked up bi guys, online.


    The problem is i have this unconditional feeling towards him I worry about how he is doing and what he is thinking about and he was going to visit next week so we could finally meet but when he didn't call like he said he was i assumed he moved on or he was playing me so I tried to meet others because i didn't know what was happening and I was honest with him and confessed the first encounter we had because its stressful.
  • barriehomeboy

    Posts: 2475

    Aug 13, 2012 1:20 AM GMT
    I cried my eyes out for a week over a guy I met online back when he dumped me. I can't even remember his name now or the website we chatted on. So you had cam sex? So what? Who hasn't?
  • Kromethius

    Posts: 156

    Aug 13, 2012 1:40 AM GMT
    I'm very sorry to hear that man but not ttrying to be racist but you have a handsome countenance and your probably not in a highly conservative place where they only want white or latinos in a relationship, this guy was giving me the chance to be with him so i would have to feel so lonely in college for being black and not in a relationship because I know I have alot of heart and time and communication to give and I hate how camming from my past caught up to my ways because I would sacrifice anything for the person I love and idk if he will come back.
  • waccamatt

    Posts: 1918

    Aug 13, 2012 1:45 AM GMT
    This is not a relationship so maybe that's why you're struggling with it?
  • Kipstrdl

    Posts: 162

    Aug 13, 2012 1:49 AM GMT
    wow. you need to go to a gay bar
  • camfer

    Posts: 892

    Aug 13, 2012 2:00 AM GMT
    Knowing someone online is not a relationship.

    Knowing someone 5 weeks is not a relationship.

    Maybe you should focus on dating a man or men in the real world, face to face, where you guys go out and do things together.

    You seem to be conflicted with the camming, so maybe set that aside for a while.
  • Kromethius

    Posts: 156

    Aug 13, 2012 2:03 AM GMT
    camfer saidKnowing someone online is not a relationship.

    Knowing someone 5 weeks is not a relationship.

    Maybe you should focus on dating a man or men in the real world, face to face, where you guys go out and do things together.

    You seem to be conflicted with the camming, so maybe set that aside for a while.


    I do try to but last year at A&M I experienced alot of racism guys just wanted sex from me and not anything meaningful so I resorted to camming because it was very lonely and I don't go to bars for drinks nor do I do drugs or party. I'm focusing to be an electrical engineer to make this certain invention but I want someone in my life to share my experiences with them and vice versa to be able to support and provide for them every waking day.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 13, 2012 2:09 AM GMT
    Dude, stop apologizing so much! Geez! it was unbearable watching that video on your profile "dedicating" to your "Cezar" whom you haven't even met. And he's NOT a catch if he puts you though that. You deserve so much better than that. and stop being so intense about this guy.
  • camfer

    Posts: 892

    Aug 13, 2012 2:12 AM GMT
    I'm so glad you can focus on your studies and forget about men for a while.
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    Aug 13, 2012 2:15 AM GMT


    runons.jpg
  • Kromethius

    Posts: 156

    Aug 13, 2012 2:16 AM GMT
    camfer saidI'm so glad you can focus on your studies and forget about men for a while.


    I will focus on school but i feel burnt out since Ive made great grades and did numerous of ap classes in school and have never had a relationship so I'm wanting to have someone I can be there for and just keep them as a gift from god.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 13, 2012 2:25 AM GMT
    MIS37 said... his friend messaged me from his account and said he is hurt and his friend hopes we can be together


    I don't know how to break it to you, but this "friend" person doesn't exist. It's the guy you are pining for, pretending to be his own friend.

    Been there, was done to me.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 13, 2012 2:35 AM GMT
    Let us know how his visit went when he comes next weekend. If he comes.
  • Kromethius

    Posts: 156

    Aug 13, 2012 2:37 AM GMT
    themachine said
    MIS37 said... his friend messaged me from his account and said he is hurt and his friend hopes we can be together


    I don't know how to break it to you, but this "friend" person doesn't exist. It's the guy you are pining for, pretending to be his own friend.

    Been there, was done to me.


    So what does this mean? is he playing me or is he just too hurt to come back and talk about everything?

  • Aug 13, 2012 3:09 AM GMT
    I think your friend is a psycho, as per your description of him. Give yourself some time alone
  • Kipstrdl

    Posts: 162

    Aug 13, 2012 3:17 AM GMT
    dude, you have a cute face and sexy body, and you are going to a great university, so obviously have a future if you stay on track, but the naive, pathetic, insecure thing is a BONER KILL.

    You are only 19 and obviously just discovering yourself as a gay man, but this website is not a replacement for human interaction. It's one thing if you are trapped in some small town in the middle of the country where there are no openly gay people around, but you go to A&M, which I'm sure has some kind of LGBT group you can join, not to mention the fact that you have major metropolitan cities around you. It's good that you are focused on your studies, but if you do not develop your personality outside of your studies, you WILL burn out. You have to be happy being your own boyfriend before you can expect anyone else to appreciate you. Join some clubs. Meet some people.

    Forget about this guy you are pining after. If you love someone, set them free. If they come back to you, they're yours. If not, they never were.

    ZaTjc.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 13, 2012 3:27 AM GMT
    OP..Way too messy way too early..???
    I mean you are literally moving backwards in a relationship that has barely began!!...
    You two have to wipe the slate clean and start over!
    Meet face to face..and talk to each other ..!!
    ..Tell each other what you need in order to make this work..and then ..
    Start dating!!
    ..The issues you described above are the equavalent to sand..
    You cannot build a solid anything on sand..!!

    ...Clean it up...clean the slate..put all the issues out there and start fresh..
    There is no other way to save this mess of a "relationship"..
    ...Make it work!..
  • Kromethius

    Posts: 156

    Aug 13, 2012 3:30 AM GMT
    Anocxu saidOP..Way too messy way too early..???
    I mean you are literally moving backwards in a relationship that has barely began!!...
    You two have to wipe the slate clean and start over!
    Meet face to face..and talk to each other ..!!
    ..Tell each other what you need in order to make this work..and then ..
    Start dating!!
    ..The issues you described above are the equavalent to sand..
    You cannot build a solid anyting on sand..!!

    ...Clean it up...clean the slate..put all the issues out there and start fresh..
    There is no other way to save this mess of a "relationship"..
    ...Make it work!..


    I have no way of contacting him he didn't give me his number the day he got it because of that last arguement we had so it has been like 10 days since I've talked with him
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Aug 13, 2012 3:32 AM GMT
    Anocxu saidOP..Way too messy way too early..???
    I mean you are literally moving backwards in a relationship that has barely began!!...
    You two have to wipe the slate clean and start over!
    Meet face to face..and talk to each other ..!!
    ..Tell each other what you need in order to make this work..and then ..
    Start dating!!
    ..The issues you described above are the equavalent to sand..
    You cannot build a solid anyting on sand..!!

    ...Clean it up...clean the slate..put all the issues out there and start fresh..
    There is no other way to save this mess of a "relationship"..
    ...Make it work!..

    Best advice. Live and learn. This was not dating or a relationship AND if there r this many problems it would have never worked. Date people u actually meet.
    Be safe and don't be sorry.
  • Kromethius

    Posts: 156

    Aug 13, 2012 3:44 AM GMT
    MikemikeMike said
    Anocxu saidOP..Way too messy way too early..???
    I mean you are literally moving backwards in a relationship that has barely began!!...
    You two have to wipe the slate clean and start over!
    Meet face to face..and talk to each other ..!!
    ..Tell each other what you need in order to make this work..and then ..
    Start dating!!
    ..The issues you described above are the equavalent to sand..
    You cannot build a solid anyting on sand..!!

    ...Clean it up...clean the slate..put all the issues out there and start fresh..
    There is no other way to save this mess of a "relationship"..
    ...Make it work!..

    Best advice. Live and learn. This was not dating or a relationship AND if there r this many problems it would have never worked. Date people u actually meet.
    Be safe and don't be sorry.


    And your right the only problem is the community im in just wants sex and nothing more genuine and this guy wanted to do so much yet everything just made him feel like I was going to play him out which was not even the case.