Gay Forums - Dating & Relationships - Guys more 'screwed up' in LA than everywhere else??

Guys more 'screwed up' in LA than everywhere else??

Posts: 76

Aug 14, 2012 8:32 AM GMT

Every time I finally think that I couldn't meet a dude who's more of a jerk, I do--and yet, somehow, there ARE decent, kind-hearted guys out there somewhere who have found other decent, kind-hearted guys to spend quality time with...so I'm curious--are guys here in LA just particularly screwed up, or do all of you (wherever you live) run into the same problem when meeting new guys?

I don't know if there are enough adjectives to describe many of the guys I encounter, but I'd start with: selfish, self-centered, inconsiderate, heartless, hypocritical, and dishonest...just to name a few. Am I just particularly unlucky, or is this the norm? I realize that my opportunities to meet guys are somewhat limited because I'm not 'out' to most, but still--if I randomly meet a decent guy that I'm attracted to, I pursue him in a friendly way until I know the interest isn't mutual.

I will add, though, that this mainly seems to be an issue with guys under 40. The few decent guys I HAVE met through the years were all 40+. Perhaps age factors in as well?

Anyway, I appreciate anyone's thoughts or experiences...it would sure make me feel a whole lot better to know one way or the other...lol!

Posted by a hidden member.
Log in to view his profile

Aug 14, 2012 11:14 AM GMT

Why would anyone, anywhere, want to start a relationship with a closeted guy? It's emotionally dangerous because you'd be very distant; and it's physically dangerous because one "wrong" move in public could cause you to go off the deep end for fear of being outed.

Posted by a hidden member.
Log in to view his profile

Aug 14, 2012 11:34 AM GMT

images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTQcmCfuTGL43z8FWK-Trl

this.

calibro

Posts: 8888

Aug 14, 2012 12:49 PM GMT

actually, la guys are pretty sane comparatively.

Posted by a hidden member.
Log in to view his profile

Aug 14, 2012 1:17 PM GMT

I'm not buying that...
Or Most of what you said...
Why is it that i can get on a plane ..end up anywhere and meet the nicest people..??
..IT'S YOU..!!
Different types of people send different signals...You just have to know what to look for!...
..Let me tell you what i look for or avoid..
I avoid..
1) People that constantly talk about themselves..
2) People that make fun of other people..or gossips!
3) People that are constantly asking for things..
4) People that are always looking for something negative in another person..
5) People that don't laugh or smile..

Im drawn to..
1) People that treat other people kindly..
2) People that look right in your eyes when they talk to you..
3) People that are self sufficient..
4) People that are truly grateful..
5) People that are engaging, expressive, creative and passionately happy!

Posted by a hidden member.
Log in to view his profile

Aug 14, 2012 1:26 PM GMT

Guys in LA are the same as guys everywhere else. Mainly because thats where they are from. Everywhere else. You rarely meet someone born and raised here.

As for dating you? Well my issue would be you are a bi jock. I wouldnt date you because you would never be 100% in to it. You would always be looking for pussy, wouldnt want to look gay in public with another dude, etc. You would never be 100% emotionally available. I dont think its the guys in LA as much as guys are not vibing on what I think is your own confusion. Its a lot of baggage and drama. Friends? for sure. Dating. Probably not. Which might explain why there is an attraction with guys but they are not willing to invest in a relationship with you. Because you look like a good looking guy. Thats my guess.

Posted by a hidden member.
Log in to view his profile

Aug 14, 2012 1:48 PM GMT

MuchMoreThanMuscle said
Dallasfan824 saidGuys in LA are the same as guys everywhere else. Mainly because thats where they are from. Everywhere else. You rarely meet someone born and raised here.

I agree with you and I know of people that lived in Chicago that moved to LA. I basically see people change and not for the better. I know you're from there and I always read your post. I hope not to offend you but I can't deny my experience.

Im not from here in the sense I was born here. I have lived here for 14 years. But I disagree with you about LA. I travel for work and trust me, you find the same thing in EVERY city. Actually the worst I ever found it was in Minneapolis and NYC. Hell, even look at RJ. There are a fair share of arrogant assholes here as well and they live everywhere. As I am prone to say, people are people gay or straight. Can I go in to Weho and find some stuck up 23 year old? Sure. But I can also do that in Austin, Seattle or San Francisco. LA is big so you are going to encounter more of them. Its also a mecca for people who act, sing, etc and they carry with them some level of over confidence. But trust me, there are lots of nice guys out there. You just dont find them at Rage.

Posted by a hidden member.
Log in to view his profile

Aug 14, 2012 2:01 PM GMT

I wonder if that area may have more " flakes" due to the large influx of the kind of personality that " Moves to LA" IE the wannabe actor, singer etc. I suspect those kind of people( the kind that move there to be " famous") have more personality flaws and that area draws them in.

Posted by a hidden member.
Log in to view his profile

Aug 14, 2012 2:16 PM GMT

MuchMoreThanMuscle said
Dallasfan824 said As I am prone to say, people are people gay or straight. Can I go in to Weho and find some stuck up 23 year old? Sure. But I can also do that in Austin, Seattle or San Francisco. LA is big so you are going to encounter more of them.

I wasn't insinuating that people in LA were stuck up. My problem was how guys in LA changed their minds and were very noncommittal. I've had men ask me to do things that required taking time from off from work and either visit them or spend some extra time with them (while I was already there). Then they change their mind either halfway through the experience or before it all comes together. It is so inconsiderate to do that to another person.

Granted, I didn't know these guys very well but I have done this type of thing with men in other parts of the country and never had the type of problems I did with the flakiness I experienced in LA. I was also younger (in my early twenties) so I'm not this naive anymore.

And you're spot on about NYC gay boys. They're the biggest bullshit con artists I've ever experienced. Never have I ever been in an area where so many men will bullshit you to your face, look you in the eye and when you catch them in their shit, they keep throwing more lies to you without flinching. And the men in Minneapolis are quite spineless - from my experience.

I find that to be more of an issue of age than anything else. My straight friends in the 20s do that all that time. Or they call me at 9 on saturday night and get all butt hurt when I tell them I have plans. I think its generational and not local based.

Posted by a hidden member.
Log in to view his profile

Aug 14, 2012 2:21 PM GMT

There are jerks and good people everywhere. Geography has nothing to do with it. Your profile says it all. if you are 'super discrete' that means you are only partially available. If you are only partially available, how can you expect others to be serious about you???

Until you get your mind straight, as far as who you are and what you want, it's all just a game.

To quote Lauryn Hill: "How you gonna win if you ain't right within?"

Posted by a hidden member.
Log in to view his profile

Aug 14, 2012 2:46 PM GMT

we just don't like you.

you sound ugly.

Posted by a hidden member.
Log in to view his profile

Aug 14, 2012 2:49 PM GMT

They seem pretty screwed up in NYC as well ;)

ohioguy12

Posts: 2024

Aug 14, 2012 2:49 PM GMT

Maybe it has to do with that long check list of guys you want to meet

Posted by a hidden member.
Log in to view his profile

Aug 14, 2012 2:54 PM GMT

paulflexes saidWhy would anyone, anywhere, want to start a relationship with a closeted guy? It's emotionally dangerous because you'd be very distant; and it's physically dangerous because one "wrong" move in public could cause you to go off the deep end for fear of being outed.

I love closeted guys. They gays haven't turned their brains into jellow yet. It's refreshing.

RealSportsJoc...

Posts: 76

Aug 14, 2012 6:08 PM GMT

paulflexes saidWhy would anyone, anywhere, want to start a relationship with a closeted guy? It's emotionally dangerous because you'd be very distant; and it's physically dangerous because one "wrong" move in public could cause you to go off the deep end for fear of being outed.

Being "closeted" has never prevented me from starting a "relationship" with another dude. So while I may choose not to parade my sexuality around to friends and family, I have never shied away from becoming intimate with another guy, going with a guy, or meet another guy's friends. Yes--I still date chicks, BUT I've never dated a guy and a girl at the same time, and I've never left a guy for a girl or vice-versa. Maybe guys don't believe me when I tell them that...but I don't think that a guy becomes a total asshole just because of that. Obviously a guy's an asshole or he's not.

RealSportsJoc...

Posts: 76

Aug 14, 2012 6:09 PM GMT

eightball saidwe just don't like you.

you sound ugly.

Thanks, very insightful and mature.

Posted by a hidden member.
Log in to view his profile

Aug 14, 2012 7:36 PM GMT

Anocxu saidI'm not buying that...
Or Most of what you said...
Why is it that i can get on a plane ..end up anywhere and meet the nicest people..??
..IT'S YOU..!!
Different types of people send different signals...You just have to know what to look for!...
..Let me tell you what i look for or avoid..
I avoid..
1) People that constantly talk about themselves..
2) People that make fun of other people..or gossips!
3) People that are constantly asking for things..
4) People that are always looking for something negative in another person..
5) People that don't laugh or smile..

Im drawn to..
1) People that treat other people kindly..
2) People that look right in your eyes when they talk to you..
3) People that are self sufficient..
4) People that are truly grateful..
5) People that are engaging, expressive, creative and passionately happy!

'Nuff said

RealSportsJoc...

Posts: 76

Aug 14, 2012 7:39 PM GMT

Anocxu saidI'm not buying that...
Or Most of what you said...
Why is it that i can get on a plane ..end up anywhere and meet the nicest people..??
..IT'S YOU..!!
Different types of people send different signals...You just have to know what to look for!...
..Let me tell you what i look for or avoid..
I avoid..
1) People that constantly talk about themselves..
2) People that make fun of other people..or gossips!
3) People that are constantly asking for things..
4) People that are always looking for something negative in another person..
5) People that don't laugh or smile..

Im drawn to..
1) People that treat other people kindly..
2) People that look right in your eyes when they talk to you..
3) People that are self sufficient..
4) People that are truly grateful..
5) People that are engaging, expressive, creative and passionately happy!

I know what to look for, bro (lol)--what I'm trying to say is that I never find that here in LA and I'm not in a position to be able to move to another State!

Posted by a hidden member.
Log in to view his profile

Aug 14, 2012 7:47 PM GMT

i agree. i've met more people here with personality disorders than i could shake a stick at. still, i'd rather be here than in a backwoods hick state. and i still take risks and meet people and would rather do than and get hurt than be alone. there's no point in living if you can't feel alive, right?

ok ok, so that's from a james bond movie but it's so true.

Posted by a hidden member.
Log in to view his profile

Aug 14, 2012 7:48 PM GMT

It's not them it's you.

Posted by a hidden member.
Log in to view his profile

Aug 14, 2012 7:51 PM GMT

[quote][cite]Velociraptor said[/cite]i agree. i've met more people here with personality disorders than i could shake a stick at.

It's caused by all those earth quakes.

jackthejock

Posts: 395

Aug 14, 2012 10:58 PM GMT

well LA is the entertainment capitol so it does draw in certain types of people more than other places. People who want to be actors, writers, designers...ect tend to be a bit more egotistical than your average person. So with a lot more of messed up artist types, and a lot more people who have had bad experiences with them can lead it to seeming like all the guys in LA are crazy. But it is still a huge city with tons of gay men who are normal and sane and want relationships. I mean would you rather be in a city with 100,000 gay guys and maybe 20,000 are acceptable or live in a city with 1,000 gay guys where maybe 500 are acceptable?

Posted by a hidden member.
Log in to view his profile

Aug 14, 2012 11:09 PM GMT

Anocxu saidI'm not buying that...
Or Most of what you said...
Why is it that i can get on a plane ..end up anywhere and meet the nicest people..??
..IT'S YOU..!!
Different types of people send different signals...You just have to know what to look for!...
..Let me tell you what i look for or avoid..
I avoid..
1) People that constantly talk about themselves..
2) People that make fun of other people..or gossips!
3) People that are constantly asking for things..
4) People that are always looking for something negative in another person..
5) People that don't laugh or smile..

Im drawn to..
1) People that treat other people kindly..
2) People that look right in your eyes when they talk to you..
3) People that are self sufficient..
4) People that are truly grateful..
5) People that are engaging, expressive, creative and passionately happy!

f

amen to that.

Posted by a hidden member.
Log in to view his profile

Aug 14, 2012 11:09 PM GMT

RealSportsJock said
paulflexes saidWhy would anyone, anywhere, want to start a relationship with a closeted guy? It's emotionally dangerous because you'd be very distant; and it's physically dangerous because one "wrong" move in public could cause you to go off the deep end for fear of being outed.

Being "closeted" has never prevented me from starting a "relationship" with another dude. So while I may choose not to parade my sexuality around to friends and family, I have never shied away from becoming intimate with another guy, going with a guy, or meet another guy's friends. Yes--I still date chicks, BUT I've never dated a guy and a girl at the same time, and I've never left a guy for a girl or vice-versa. Maybe guys don't believe me when I tell them that...but I don't think that a guy becomes a total asshole just because of that. Obviously a guy's an asshole or he's not.

But your "relationships" dont work. A stable, nice, normal guy is not going to subject himself to your rules. It comes across as if its like a woman dating a married man. And yes, the bi thing also comes in to play. Whether you have never left a guy for a girl, etc, what is says is that you will never be 100% happy in whatever you are dating.

I think it would be a huge amount of work to be in a relationship with you. And in the end, it would be unsatisfying. I think you really need to sort yourself out before you invite someone to share your life or the limited part of your life you are willing to share. Its sounds as if you are better off just hooking up or finding a FWB situation with a married guy and keep the emotional part out of it.

Posted by a hidden member.
Log in to view his profile

Aug 14, 2012 11:16 PM GMT

Having lived on the east coast, spent considerable time in the midwest, and now living on the west coast, I can tell you that "jerks" are everywhere...but so are awesome people. Perhaps you are just attracted to the wrong kind of guy for you? And not trying to be judgemental here (because I'm sure you have your reasons), but that fact that you're not out can send bad signals to people. For instance, "why is he not out? Is he ashamed? Is he still struggling with his sexuality? If he can't accept himself how can I expect him to accept me?" It goes on and on. It is not my place to psychoanalyze but these are some things to consider. The issue might be with all of those other guys, but it might also be you.

Forums > Dating & Relationships Forum Rules

Guys more 'screwed up' in LA than everywhere else??