Responses to hits on you at the bar

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 14, 2008 9:12 PM GMT
    looknrnd said
    Go up to him, tap him on the shoulder, apologize for interrupting, say you noticed him across the room, ask him if you could steal him away briefly and/or convince him to go out for coffee some time, and take it from there...

    You wont get anywhere if you don't start walking!


    And what if he gives you a ball-shriveling cold glare, turn back to his friends, and laugh maniacally?


    This was a comment taken from another topic (Scenario: The gay bar. What do you do?). I'd like to take a moment to see how many of you would really be the type to "laugh manaiacally".

    I would hope that you would smile at the guy, thank him, saying that you're flattered that he's interested in you, and then tell him that though he seems nice, you just aren't interested.

    How do you handle it?
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    Aug 14, 2008 9:37 PM GMT
    Since I've never been to a gay bar... YET.

    Hypothetically my reaction would be:

    1) If I can immediately see that I'm not attracted. Smile and say thank you and say no to the invitation without giving any excuses. Just say "I'm sorry, but I really can't" and hope I'm not hurting his feelings. icon_redface.gif

    2) If he has potential. Smile, say thank you, if his invitation doesn't sound creepy and I have free time, then say yes. icon_razz.gif

    3) If he's hot. Stutter, turn red, and faint. When I come to, pretend I get hit on by guys as hot as him all the time. Then say yes to everything. Try and obtain something that belongs to him and as soon as I get home, perform what we call Gayuma. Love voodoo. icon_twisted.gif

    4) If it was the guy who bullied me years ago or treated me rudely or whatever. Give him a ball-shriveling cold glare, turn back to my friends, and laugh maniacally! icon_twisted.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 14, 2008 9:43 PM GMT
    sundown55 saidHow do you handle it?

    "You must be a prostitute."
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Aug 14, 2008 10:04 PM GMT
    You'd really have to be a real piece of work to laugh at someone in that situation

    If I'm not interested I'll smile and say thanks but maybe some other time icon_wink.gif
  • B71115

    Posts: 482

    Aug 15, 2008 12:45 AM GMT
    I like to talk to people and rarely would think of turning somebody away unless he was rude. Nothing wrong with talking to somebody. Never know what kind of friend you might make. If he's obnoxious, I'd walk away or ignore him.

    I can't imagine laughing at somebody. Anybody who would do that will get his down the road. At least if there is any justice. Why hurt somebody for no reason?icon_neutral.gif
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Aug 15, 2008 12:55 AM GMT
    Unless someone was rude to me, I'd be polite in my response as a negative.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 15, 2008 1:22 AM GMT
    shoot--I just threw out a Genre issue that had a 1/4 page on responding negatively to one-liners.
  • B71115

    Posts: 482

    Aug 15, 2008 1:24 AM GMT
    Nah, you never know who you might be talking to. These days so many people are lonely that you might be the one person who pushes them over the edge. You don't know what other people are going through, so just be nice.

    Now, as for bad drivers, that's a different story. icon_twisted.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 15, 2008 1:34 AM GMT
    Nothing wrong with a one-liner, even if it is a well-used one-liner. I've never had any problems with "Damn... I'd love to fuck you."

    If someone approached me and I were interested, I'd say "Hell yeah... your place or mine?"

    If I'm not interested, I would politely decline by saying "I'm very flattered, but I'm not available," or "You're very kind, but I'm going to have to pass."

    Politeness does not require a specific reason, only that you be cordial and kind.



  • UFJocknerd

    Posts: 392

    Aug 15, 2008 1:45 AM GMT
    Haha I wish I had that prob, but it's a neat thought experiment for me at least.

    Why would anyone be rude? That says a lot more about the hittee's insecurity than anything else. I'd talk to anyone so long as they not (a) rude or (b) presumptuous about the end result of a conversation (e.g. thinking we're flirting and I'm good to go).
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Aug 15, 2008 3:01 AM GMT
    Alternatively... me and my friends have a pact
    We're Long term Boyfriends when we need to be

    Well thanx icon_wink.gif
    and I'm flattered but I don't know what my Boyfriend here would think about that
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 15, 2008 7:26 AM GMT
    A few close friends and I have a pact. We know each other so well - and we know each others' types. So, if we see a friend in trouble (i.e. being hit on by someone we know he is not interested in) we are apt to go up to our friend, lay a hand on his shoulder and say, "Hey Babe, about ready to go?"
  • MuslDrew

    Posts: 463

    Aug 15, 2008 11:16 AM GMT
    GQjock saidAlternatively... me and my friends have a pact
    We're Long term Boyfriends when we need to be

    Well thanx icon_wink.gif
    and I'm flattered but I don't know what my Boyfriend here would think about that

    My buddies and I turn into bf's all the time.
    you can still talk to the guy while sparing his ego.
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    Aug 15, 2008 2:21 PM GMT
    sundown55 saidlooknrnd said
    Go up to him, tap him on the shoulder, apologize for interrupting, say you noticed him across the room, ask him if you could steal him away briefly and/or convince him to go out for coffee some time, and take it from there...

    You wont get anywhere if you don't start walking!


    And what if he gives you a ball-shriveling cold glare, turn back to his friends, and laugh maniacally?


    This was a comment taken from another topic (Scenario: The gay bar. What do you do?). I'd like to take a moment to see how many of you would really be the type to "laugh manaiacally".

    I would hope that you would smile at the guy, thank him, saying that you're flattered that he's interested in you, and then tell him that though he seems nice, you just aren't interested.

    How do you handle it?


    Well, I suppose since you are referencing me, I should respond as well.

    If he responds to you like that, then he's an asshole and who the hell wants him. It's as simple as that. I would feel hurt, disrespected, and question why someone would act that way if it wasn't that there are millions of other Gay men out there to choose from. It's after you get to know someone and they treat you like shit that sucks up my emotional time. As for how I would react if I wasn't interested, I'd just say "Oh I'm sorry. I'm not looking, but thanks."

    When men keep it simple and honest, things go much better!
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19119

    Aug 15, 2008 2:35 PM GMT
    I always try to treat others with respect....especially if they are paying me a compliment by showing interest. If you have any sort of social skill at all, you can be tactful and polite and not leave someone feeling embarrassed or hurt when you spurn their interest. To act any other way just makes you a jerk.
  • mtnjock

    Posts: 104

    Aug 15, 2008 2:57 PM GMT
    My boyfriend is a bartender at a gay bar. There have been numerous times when he or I will get hit on while we are together. Sometimes it has been obvious that we are together, other times it has not. If someone hits on one of us, we are polite about the compliment, but then acknowledge that we are seeing each other. If the guy is understanding, we'll continue to talk to him so as not to embarrass him. IF the is drunk and continues to make comments, we ask him to leave, politely.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 15, 2008 4:27 PM GMT
    Then there is the other side the "BAT SLUT" who wil accept the compliment, ask you to but him a drink always TOP Shelf stuff , maybe two.
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    Aug 16, 2008 12:59 AM GMT
    sundown55 said; "Go up to him, tap him on the shoulder, apologize for interrupting, say you noticed him across the room, ask him if you could steal him away briefly and/or convince him to go out for coffee some time, and take it from there..."

    Coffee? With me, just say "lets go back to my place and I'll give ya some dick".

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    Aug 17, 2008 8:42 PM GMT
    First, Looknmd, thanks for responding. I'm so glad you did, since I referenced you (should have mailed you, I guess).

    I'm SO happy to read that you are all gentlemen. I should have expected that of the RJ crowd.

    CHI-BARRY, LOL - yeah, right! What a kick in the pants. Hmmmm... more guys have been hitting on me lately...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 17, 2008 9:10 PM GMT
    If hes not my type I just smile and say thanks but Im not interested. Thats it, you dont have to think so much and if the guy is not a jerk (ie grabbing my ass etc) then whats the big deal. Im glad he worked up the nerve to say something and good for him for being assertive.

    Too many gay guys become passive wall flowers so the gay bar becomes that typical jr high dance with all the boys on the wall staring each other down and whispering into each others' ears like chicks.icon_rolleyes.gif

    Now if he's hot I just smile and try to get him to know Im interested by saying stuff like I think youre also cute etc. No big deal there either. But this scenario is less frequent as most hott guys are passsive wall flowers whispering into other guys' ears like chicks.icon_evil.gif
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    Aug 17, 2008 9:44 PM GMT
    Wow I wish someone would use a line like that on me because it sounds really sweet. I would say yes because there's no harm in having coffee!
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    Aug 17, 2008 11:48 PM GMT
    In my single days if someone seemed interested in having coffee with me, I would accept and meet up with him. I felt he might be interesting as a friend at the very least. It did not always work out. Some guys turned out to be jerks or we did not have anything in common. If I was not interested in him sexually (and I rarely was) I would not give him the wrong impression but try and be polite in my refusal.

    I would not laugh maniacally, that is just cruel.
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    Aug 18, 2008 12:05 AM GMT
    I've stopped going to gay bars where I live for this exact reason.

    Pick up lines were only really an invitation to fuck. If I'm going to exchange goods for services then I'd like to think that my services are worth more than a beer.

    Meh, strange thing is that I've only had this problem within the town which I'm currently residing. Outside of it I smile and am polite with my answer whether it's yay or nay.
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    Aug 18, 2008 12:17 AM GMT
    What about the creepy guy that sits two chairs away and decides to stare at your for an hour. What the hell are you supposed to do with that? Is there a polite way to handle that? I appreciate an assertive guy and will usually at least engage in a polite conversation briefly before I excuse myself. But this creepy thing guys....eeeks, I hope none of you do that.
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    Aug 18, 2008 12:40 AM GMT


    I never passed up the opportunity to make a new friend.
    How much easier it was when they were attracted to me!
    Most often, the friendships didn't last when they found out I wasn't going to put out for them.