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looknrnd said
Go up to him, tap him on the shoulder, apologize for interrupting, say you noticed him across the room, ask him if you could steal him away briefly and/or convince him to go out for coffee some time, and take it from there...

You wont get anywhere if you don't start walking!


And what if he gives you a ball-shriveling cold glare, turn back to his friends, and laugh maniacally?


This was a comment taken from another topic (Scenario: The gay bar. What do you do?). I'd like to take a moment to see how many of you would really be the type to "laugh manaiacally".

I would hope that you would smile at the guy, thank him, saying that you're flattered that he's interested in you, and then tell him that though he seems nice, you just aren't interested.

How do you handle it?

Since I've never been to a gay bar... YET.

Hypothetically my reaction would be:

1) If I can immediately see that I'm not attracted. Smile and say thank you and say no to the invitation without giving any excuses. Just say "I'm sorry, but I really can't" and hope I'm not hurting his feelings.

2) If he has potential. Smile, say thank you, if his invitation doesn't sound creepy and I have free time, then say yes.

3) If he's hot. Stutter, turn red, and faint. When I come to, pretend I get hit on by guys as hot as him all the time. Then say yes to everything. Try and obtain something that belongs to him and as soon as I get home, perform what we call Gayuma. Love voodoo.

4) If it was the guy who bullied me years ago or treated me rudely or whatever. Give him a ball-shriveling cold glare, turn back to my friends, and laugh maniacally!

sundown55 saidHow do you handle it?

"You must be a prostitute."

You'd really have to be a real piece of work to laugh at someone in that situation

If I'm not interested I'll smile and say thanks but maybe some other time

I like to talk to people and rarely would think of turning somebody away unless he was rude. Nothing wrong with talking to somebody. Never know what kind of friend you might make. If he's obnoxious, I'd walk away or ignore him.

I can't imagine laughing at somebody. Anybody who would do that will get his down the road. At least if there is any justice. Why hurt somebody for no reason?

Unless someone was rude to me, I'd be polite in my response as a negative.

shoot--I just threw out a Genre issue that had a 1/4 page on responding negatively to one-liners.

Nah, you never know who you might be talking to. These days so many people are lonely that you might be the one person who pushes them over the edge. You don't know what other people are going through, so just be nice.

Now, as for bad drivers, that's a different story.

Nothing wrong with a one-liner, even if it is a well-used one-liner. I've never had any problems with "Damn... I'd love to fuck you."

If someone approached me and I were interested, I'd say "Hell yeah... your place or mine?"

If I'm not interested, I would politely decline by saying "I'm very flattered, but I'm not available," or "You're very kind, but I'm going to have to pass."

Politeness does not require a specific reason, only that you be cordial and kind.

Haha I wish I had that prob, but it's a neat thought experiment for me at least.

Why would anyone be rude? That says a lot more about the hittee's insecurity than anything else. I'd talk to anyone so long as they not (a) rude or (b) presumptuous about the end result of a conversation (e.g. thinking we're flirting and I'm good to go).

Alternatively... me and my friends have a pact
We're Long term Boyfriends when we need to be

Well thanx
and I'm flattered but I don't know what my Boyfriend here would think about that

A few close friends and I have a pact. We know each other so well - and we know each others' types. So, if we see a friend in trouble (i.e. being hit on by someone we know he is not interested in) we are apt to go up to our friend, lay a hand on his shoulder and say, "Hey Babe, about ready to go?"

GQjock saidAlternatively... me and my friends have a pact
We're Long term Boyfriends when we need to be

Well thanx
and I'm flattered but I don't know what my Boyfriend here would think about that

My buddies and I turn into bf's all the time.
you can still talk to the guy while sparing his ego.

sundown55 saidlooknrnd said
Go up to him, tap him on the shoulder, apologize for interrupting, say you noticed him across the room, ask him if you could steal him away briefly and/or convince him to go out for coffee some time, and take it from there...

You wont get anywhere if you don't start walking!


And what if he gives you a ball-shriveling cold glare, turn back to his friends, and laugh maniacally?


This was a comment taken from another topic (Scenario: The gay bar. What do you do?). I'd like to take a moment to see how many of you would really be the type to "laugh manaiacally".

I would hope that you would smile at the guy, thank him, saying that you're flattered that he's interested in you, and then tell him that though he seems nice, you just aren't interested.

How do you handle it?

Well, I suppose since you are referencing me, I should respond as well.

If he responds to you like that, then he's an asshole and who the hell wants him. It's as simple as that. I would feel hurt, disrespected, and question why someone would act that way if it wasn't that there are millions of other Gay men out there to choose from. It's after you get to know someone and they treat you like shit that sucks up my emotional time. As for how I would react if I wasn't interested, I'd just say "Oh I'm sorry. I'm not looking, but thanks."

When men keep it simple and honest, things go much better!

I always try to treat others with respect....especially if they are paying me a compliment by showing interest. If you have any sort of social skill at all, you can be tactful and polite and not leave someone feeling embarrassed or hurt when you spurn their interest. To act any other way just makes you a jerk.

My boyfriend is a bartender at a gay bar. There have been numerous times when he or I will get hit on while we are together. Sometimes it has been obvious that we are together, other times it has not. If someone hits on one of us, we are polite about the compliment, but then acknowledge that we are seeing each other. If the guy is understanding, we'll continue to talk to him so as not to embarrass him. IF the is drunk and continues to make comments, we ask him to leave, politely.

Then there is the other side the "BAT SLUT" who wil accept the compliment, ask you to but him a drink always TOP Shelf stuff , maybe two.

sundown55 said; "Go up to him, tap him on the shoulder, apologize for interrupting, say you noticed him across the room, ask him if you could steal him away briefly and/or convince him to go out for coffee some time, and take it from there..."

Coffee? With me, just say "lets go back to my place and I'll give ya some dick".

First, Looknmd, thanks for responding. I'm so glad you did, since I referenced you (should have mailed you, I guess).

I'm SO happy to read that you are all gentlemen. I should have expected that of the RJ crowd.

CHI-BARRY, LOL - yeah, right! What a kick in the pants. Hmmmm... more guys have been hitting on me lately...

If hes not my type I just smile and say thanks but Im not interested. Thats it, you dont have to think so much and if the guy is not a jerk (ie grabbing my ass etc) then whats the big deal. Im glad he worked up the nerve to say something and good for him for being assertive.

Too many gay guys become passive wall flowers so the gay bar becomes that typical jr high dance with all the boys on the wall staring each other down and whispering into each others' ears like chicks.

Now if he's hot I just smile and try to get him to know Im interested by saying stuff like I think youre also cute etc. No big deal there either. But this scenario is less frequent as most hott guys are passsive wall flowers whispering into other guys' ears like chicks.

Wow I wish someone would use a line like that on me because it sounds really sweet. I would say yes because there's no harm in having coffee!

In my single days if someone seemed interested in having coffee with me, I would accept and meet up with him. I felt he might be interesting as a friend at the very least. It did not always work out. Some guys turned out to be jerks or we did not have anything in common. If I was not interested in him sexually (and I rarely was) I would not give him the wrong impression but try and be polite in my refusal.

I would not laugh maniacally, that is just cruel.

I've stopped going to gay bars where I live for this exact reason.

Pick up lines were only really an invitation to fuck. If I'm going to exchange goods for services then I'd like to think that my services are worth more than a beer.

Meh, strange thing is that I've only had this problem within the town which I'm currently residing. Outside of it I smile and am polite with my answer whether it's yay or nay.

What about the creepy guy that sits two chairs away and decides to stare at your for an hour. What the hell are you supposed to do with that? Is there a polite way to handle that? I appreciate an assertive guy and will usually at least engage in a polite conversation briefly before I excuse myself. But this creepy thing guys....eeeks, I hope none of you do that.

I never passed up the opportunity to make a new friend.
How much easier it was when they were attracted to me!
Most often, the friendships didn't last when they found out I wasn't going to put out for them.

YngHungSFSD saidWhat about the creepy guy that sits two chairs away and decides to stare at your for an hour. What the hell are you supposed to do with that? Is there a polite way to handle that? I appreciate an assertive guy and will usually at least engage in a polite conversation briefly before I excuse myself. But this creepy thing guys....eeeks, I hope none of you do that.

make a sudden movement and yell BOO!

My advice is to always always be polite and welcome the overture by the other guy even if you are not interested. People have feelings. It may have taken a lot of nerve for the guy to come up to you.

I found that if you are respectful and good natured with a guy who you are NOT interested in, he will pick up on your respect and admire you for it....and go away faster when you drop clear hints that you are not interested.

As for the creepy guy who stares at you for an hour from a few seats away....not sure what to do. You gotta figure staring is not a crime, and you are in a public place with people under the influence of booze. Often I get up and change my seat far away from him. Other times I'm squirmimg in my seat out of uncomfortableness. Sometimes a friend will notice what's going on and intercede on my behalf or I may ask the bartender or bar back for help in shooing him away. It's a crap shoot.

When that creep starts popping up in front of your face outside the bar.let's say in your neighborhood store...or he is suddenly on the same bus.....that's another story...stalking....it's a cause for concern.

You know, after thinking about this a bit, I'm reminded of my policy for blind dates (hetero, unfortunately) in college. I always went on one and made sure the girl had a good time and treated her with respect and kindness, because I figured that I would always make a friend, if nothing else, and if there was chemistry, then I was the recipient of a blessing in disguise. We never know who is going to really turn us on - sometimes its the guy in the ugliest wrapping.

If you ever get to see the video "Johnny Lingo", it might shed some light on the subject.

Everyone can use friends, and the more sincere and compassionate and caring and validating you are, the more beautiful people become. They will respect you and love you with a real, pure affection, because you cared about them. Just have to watch for the stalkers, as has been mentioned earlier.

99.9% of the time I have done the right thing and responded honestly that I was flattered and would engage him in a kindly, but clearly platonic, conversation.

But once I f***ed up big time and laughed in a guy's face. I am on friendly terms with a local bartender/dj. He is cute, but not my type and we had flirted casually from time to time. One night, I'm sitting at the bar, with other friends of the bartender and the bar owner. And the bartender says "...we've been flirting for a while now, so when are we going hook up" ? Without thinking I burst out laughing, seriously thinking he was just kidding/flirting more. He wasn't. There was silence immediately at the bar. The owner and the bartender's friends all looked at me in disgust. I felt like such an asshole.