Bad Boys or Nice Guys?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 16, 2012 7:45 AM GMT
    Which do you prefer?

    I ask because my dating history..and one of the reasons why i am at time apprehensive to date again... is that i either wind up with an extreme version of the other.

    I have the best chemistry with the "bad boy".. the outlaw.. who is can be rude and disrespectful to some.. sometimes a bitch.. but he's funny and great to me.. but i wind up looking tame next to him and disliking his behavior and leaving.

    OR the guys who really like me are "nice guys" who make me look a "bad boy" because i can be outspoken.. opinion and pretty blunt at times but they are attracted to my "badboyness" and they are complete doormatts and want to be treated horribly..which i can not do well enough for them so then it done.

    Can there be balance where being nice doesn't mean being a victim and being "edgy and assertive" doesn't mean being a bully and obnoxious?


    Anyone can relate to this particular relationship dichotomy of good cop /bad cop?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 16, 2012 2:03 PM GMT
    For real that is a very good question!
    I'm going to watch this particular thread just out of curiosity.
    Depends somewhat on the person's likes, some guys have a particular thing for obnoxious jock type of guys and so that's what turns them on.

    For something to last however, I think the real deal are the nice guys because they will make living for the rest of your life doable whereas I don't really see the bad boy really being that much worth it. You don't want to have to 'tolerate' someone so much for the rest of your life.

    For me I have a natural turn off when someone is disrespectful or conceited so the guys that I've really liked have always been the nice guys hands down. For me a great personality makes the physical attraction even stronger!

    To be honest it's much better to have a mix. Someone that isn't too serious or so overly considerate that it becomes patronising but not an asshole either! I think they totally exist though icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 16, 2012 2:03 PM GMT
    Are there really people out there who are only on one extreme concerning good/bad? I always find those comparisons to be extremely subjective but that's just my opinion.

    A lot of people see me as a nice guy in the sense that i'm pretty loyal, open minded, calm, patient so i'm seen as a very mellow guy

    At the same time some people will find me off putting because i'm too calm and analytical(makes it hard to emotionally connect with people) I have a very serious nature and some people can find my calm demeanor to be arrogant and condescending

    So i'm not sure where I stand on the nice guy/ bad guy scale


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 16, 2012 2:31 PM GMT
    If you want bad things to happen to you ..Date a bad boy..
    My friends make fun of me all the time for being a bad boy magnet!..
    I'll take a nice guy any day..!! (or any night..mmmh!)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 16, 2012 2:39 PM GMT
    Does a good boy with an occasional mean streak count? icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 16, 2012 2:43 PM GMT
    Bad boys for one off fucks.

    Good guys for LTR's/dating.

    Easy icon_biggrin.gif
  • Kriss

    Posts: 690

    Aug 16, 2012 5:47 PM GMT
    Why cant have a comfortable mix bad boy in the sheets good boy in the streets jk I'm far to inexperienced in such matters lol icon_redface.gif
  • DanOmatic

    Posts: 1155

    Aug 16, 2012 5:50 PM GMT
    Some bad boys actually have good hearts, and they're the ones that are the easiest to fall for and hardest to part ways with. Unfortunately, they often tend to be irresponsible or are prone to f*cking everything up without it being intentional.

    But then there are the really bad boys, and I've never really quite understood the appeal. To me, the really bad boys are tortured souls who know how to manipulate others to get whatever they want. Unlike the bad boys with good hearts, they are very intentional about everything they do, and they manage to suck alot of people into their vortex.

    I think there's a tendency to associate the word "nice" with the word "boring". That doesn't have to be the case. Give me a good-hearted, honest guy with a good head on his shoulders and a spirit for adventure over a bad boy any day.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 16, 2012 6:01 PM GMT
    The Badder the BETTER.

    on the outside.

    on the inside - nice Guys ONLY
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 16, 2012 6:03 PM GMT
    Cash saidThe Badder the BETTER.

    on the outside.

    on the inside - nice Guys ONLY
    How does this work, if opposites attract? Am I supposed to be Nice outside, and Bad on the inside?? icon_confused.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 16, 2012 6:06 PM GMT
    I'm nice so it has to be the opposite for me, the badder the more exciting.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 16, 2012 6:07 PM GMT
    JR_RJ said
    Cash saidThe Badder the BETTER.

    on the outside.

    on the inside - nice Guys ONLY
    How does this work, if opposites attract? Am I supposed to be Nice outside, and Bad on the inside?? icon_confused.gif


    LOL

    I tend to notice outlaw biker types.

    My Ex has more than 40 tattoos and several piecings.

    He is one of the kindest, gentlest, most decent Men I have ever known.

    icon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 16, 2012 6:08 PM GMT
    Cash said
    JR_RJ said
    Cash saidThe Badder the BETTER.

    on the outside.

    on the inside - nice Guys ONLY
    How does this work, if opposites attract? Am I supposed to be Nice outside, and Bad on the inside?? icon_confused.gif


    LOL

    I tend to notice outlaw biker types.

    My Ex has more than 40 tattoos and several piecings.

    He is one of the kindest, gentlest, most decent Men I have ever known.

    icon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gif
    So, you must be really BAD on this inside icon_twisted.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 16, 2012 6:09 PM GMT
    I tend to be drawn to the "bad boys". Probably because I'm pretty shy and quiet in real life and I like outgoing guys. I'm not really into guys that are assholes. Bad boys in the sense they're not afraid to stand up for themselves and say what they think. Thats about as bad as I like lol.
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Aug 16, 2012 6:15 PM GMT
    Give me a nice guy anytime, as long as he's not too dependent. Yeah, I'll give him a place to stay, a vehicle to drive, steady employment...but that's where I draw the line. icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 16, 2012 6:16 PM GMT
    A lot of guys want a bad boy to be bad everywhere else except towards them. Me thinks such selective split personality does not exist, unless someone is a sociopath with a hidden agenda.

    Bad boys are a tun off for me. I'll take a nice guy anytime.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 16, 2012 6:21 PM GMT
    What does it say about me being equally drawn to both kinds of guys?
    icon_confused.gificon_biggrin.gificon_twisted.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 16, 2012 6:24 PM GMT
    Honestly I like a mix of both.

    A hardass who can be sweet.
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Aug 16, 2012 6:41 PM GMT
    daviddoublebay said
    I LIKE the big, strong military guys who tote guns, grenades and those disposable bazookas. icon_biggrin.gif HOT.


    Yeah, like my roommate...icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 16, 2012 6:48 PM GMT
    Nice guy always.
    SO I CAN BE A TYRANT AND LORD OVER HIM icon_twisted.gif MWAHAHAH
    Nice, guy, because I can't deal with bad boys. Their lifestyles are often incompatible with mine.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 16, 2012 7:29 PM GMT
    In my experience here were the traits of the nice guy vs bad boy:

    Nice guy:
    -Very attentive and agreeable.
    -Most likely non confrontational. (Sometimes can be confrontational but always holds off)
    -He is more adaptable to compromise.
    -He is super idealistic.. so in a relationship when there are problems he'll honestly try to work through them.. sometimes by avoidance unfortunately.
    -Sees the best in people and things.
    -VERY conversation orientated.


    Bad boy:
    -Confrontational. Will most likely not dodge a fight or issue.
    -Independent.
    -Assertive.
    -and usually in language he's pretty blunt about what he wants or likes or dislikes in a way that just can't be argued with later on.
    -Super realistic.. so when there is a problem in the relationship he'll most likely utilize previous experiences and arrive at a decision.
    -Very NON-Conversation orientated.. because what you see is what you get.



    For both i left out whether they were good or bad guys persay... both can hearts but they communicate them in different ways and the effects of such can be different depending on who they are dealing with.

    Personally the Nice guys idealism and agreeableness will clash with my more dominant traits and then i end up running the relationship and being alpha which i hate and then the bad boy being realistic and asserive and confrontational will pit me against him in a battle for power and we clash for that too. It is so NICE when i meet a guy who is in the middle- they exist- but for some reason it's easier to find guys who are closer to being all on one side or the other.. especially when you get with them.. sometimes relationships have this penchant for polarizing..with each guy taking on a role.


    I knew one couple that had been together for 40 years.. and One partner was the Fun party guy who brought guys home... good guy.. wonderful guy.. but impulsive and reckless and centered on pleasure. His "fun" always brought home messes to the "Nice guy".. who cleaned them up.. took care of the bad boy and apologized to others for his hell raising and drinking and bad behavior. The bad boy even spray painted a church in Castro when the Catholics came to town in opposition to their support of prop 8. The Bad boy got himself stabbed once. The nice guy did nice things and nursed the bad boy.

    Eventually the bad boy died sadly.. the nice guy.. i don't know what he's doing now..
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 16, 2012 7:34 PM GMT
    Noble guys get me hot and bothered.
  • TennisJock10

    Posts: 208

    Aug 16, 2012 10:10 PM GMT
    Somehow I have always ended up with the bad boy and it's not like I shoot for that, but somehow I always "score."

    Nice guys are great and nice and great for you, but I just can't make myself be attracted to them. So many nice guys have wanted to date me and I just can't do it because I don't want to waste their time or lead them on...maybe after lots of therapy I can sort this out lol.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 16, 2012 10:16 PM GMT
    I'm attracted to bad boys and I just can't help it.
    Nice guys are ideal though.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 16, 2012 10:17 PM GMT
    I like a combo of both.

    The nice guy with a naughty side.
    The bad boy who can be nice at times.