To assimilate or not to assimilate

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 15, 2008 2:13 AM GMT
    I have heard people who speak for the gay rights cause say that, unlike what many anti-gay groups would have us believe, same-sex attraction, and just being gay in general is not that different from the heterosexual experience. And I also hear gay people say they want to be treated just like everyone else.

    However, when California started allowing same-sex marriages several people on these boards expressed their discontent with the gay community adopting what they felt were impractical and outdated customs. I also read an article in the NYTimes a few months ago talking about heterosexual couples starting to move into gay communities, and how these communities felt their identity was being threated by these new visitors.

    So my question is, how much do you really want to assimilate into the general population? Do you wish to continue seeing gay communities in the future or would you prefer sexual preference to be such a non-issue that no one bothers forming these communities?
  • joeindallas

    Posts: 484

    Aug 15, 2008 2:31 AM GMT
    Dowal 90% of the Gay Community have assimilated into society. To those who can remember the 80's, the gay community was going thur a clone phase. Same tight jeans, same fannel shirt, sleeveless for the summer. The Ned Flanders short mulllet and the Mustache. I fyou did not look liek that forget it. Thank god those days are over, to a degree
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    Aug 15, 2008 5:52 AM GMT
    Resistance is futile!
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19133

    Aug 15, 2008 6:16 AM GMT
    I don't have an opinion on this...which speaks volumes
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    Aug 15, 2008 6:38 AM GMT
    In the UK we don't call them marriages but civil partnerships which I think is a big improvement on the antiquated marriage idea with all it's implications of chatels and obeying your partner.
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    Aug 15, 2008 7:14 AM GMT
    Long story short: Yes gay becoming a non issue sounds reasonable, and yes I wish to continue seeing gay communities. And yes I do think both are possible.

    Long story long: Speaking on the first issue, its not just a matter of you as an individual wanting marriage or not. Nor is about your belief as to how outdated marriage is. Its about the option to do so and the freedom to do so. Or if not yours, then you children, or your niece or nephew's options and rights. The world exists beyond you.

    And for the second issue and main question, so long as gays exist, these communities will as well. I doubt sexual preference being a "non-issue" would make these communities disappear, nor do I think straight couples moving into a gay neighborhood would cause the destruction of gay communities. For some groups its just not possible to completely blend in. For obvious reasons we would still need many of our own services and businesses. So what will happen if gay becomes an non-issue is the communities will exist, but they will have a very different attitude and vibe which I would welcome with open arms.
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    Aug 15, 2008 12:45 PM GMT


    And how long ago was it that straight communities had a problem with 'them gays' moving in? Hah!

    Being from the bad ol' days, we find it wonderful to be able to buy a house where we choose, rather than where it's deemed acceptable. Now THAT's freedom.

    But then, we've never found that being gay is indicative of a culture, though you hear 'gay culture' bandied about everywhere. Gay people are too diverse. There's been a push by the media to slot us into a cultural demographic which is impossible, but comfortable for 'them straights'. heheh
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    Aug 15, 2008 12:49 PM GMT
    Maybe we should let people, gay and straight, live their lives the way they see fit, and stop criticizing them for wanting to get married, or conversely not wanting to get married. Wanting to have kids or not wanting to have kids. Wanting to live around a lot of gay people, or wanting to live in a smalltown.

    I have found that gay men can be just as prone as their straight peers in engaging in behavioral facism. Very frustrating at times.
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    Aug 15, 2008 12:53 PM GMT
    Being Italian has finally become acceptable and a non-issue on most places, but there are still Little Italies in every major city in the US. So I don't think acceptance necessarily equals assimilation...cause believe me...Italians have not been assimilated:

    gotti1_1024x768_jpg.jpg
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    Aug 15, 2008 5:46 PM GMT

    Not To Assimilate!

    Not to assimilate. As gay men, I think the majority of us want to be gay. I know that recently there has been an upsurge of an anti gay gay sub culture, which is despise. However, I know it is a means to adapt or atleast to fit in. Assimilate, no, I think every gay man, gay , g0y, what have you, knows he'll never be straight.

    I don't want to be, but I do want the right to be as gay as I want to be. I already have the perogative, but the social recognition, no. I don't need social acceptance at this point. Ok, maybe a little, ofcourse, if we didn't live here...

    When I first came out, I had grand illusions or should I say, lofty ideals. I wanted my sisters and me to rise above clamoring for social acceptance or assimilation. In my head, I envisioned great things that are exclusively ours, no need for outsiders. I still want this.
    FutureCityII.jpg
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 15, 2008 5:58 PM GMT
    Assimilate. That doesn't necessarily mean we turn into clones. Of course we'll always be different since sexual attraction is a pretty big gap.

    We'll still have drag queens, gay bars, gayisms and all that. Same as Filipino Nationals in America for instance, they still have their customs, but they're undoubtedly Americans.
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    Aug 15, 2008 6:07 PM GMT

    I was so gonna use Asian Americans as an example. Here is a people that really master enjoying their Asian heritage and being American.

    Pay attention g0ys, they don't call themselves Amasians and they do fine.
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    Aug 15, 2008 6:25 PM GMT
    tommysguns2000 saidBeing Italian has finally become acceptable and a non-issue on most places, but there are still Little Italies in every major city in the US. So I don't think acceptance necessarily equals assimilation...cause believe me...Italians have not been assimilated:


    Except for the cross, those guys look more like the Turks I see here in Germany.
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    Aug 15, 2008 6:27 PM GMT

    Those guys look cool. I wish I could look that cool.
  • cowboyathlete

    Posts: 1346

    Aug 15, 2008 8:55 PM GMT
    lilmaninsc saidResistance is futile!
    LOL I thought along the same lines!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 15, 2008 8:58 PM GMT
    It's 2008. Being gay is so banal. ::yawns::
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    Aug 15, 2008 9:05 PM GMT
    redheadguy saidIn the UK we don't call them marriages but civil partnerships which I think is a big improvement on the antiquated marriage idea with all it's implications of chatels and obeying your partner.


    That's only true for gay couples; it's still called marriage for heterosexuals. And even though the rights are the same, let's not forget

    a) New Labour had to be dragged kicking and screaming by the EU into passing gay rights legislation (it took an ECHR decision to allow gays in the military)

    and

    b) calling the same institution and rights and privileges two different things for two 'different' groups of people is a form of discrimination. 'Separate but equal' is never equal; this is especially true in the US where the legal differences between civil partnerships and marriage have been found to leave gay couples with almost 1000 fewer rights and privileges (though I understand this is not the case in the UK).

    and

    c) a marriage or a civil partnership is what you make of it. You're only restricted by the 'chatels' of it if you choose to be. But marriage, unlike civil partnership, is considered a rite of passage in society. (Read Jonathan Rausch's excellent book Gay Marriage.)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 15, 2008 9:11 PM GMT
    For someone of my generation, discrimination and violence were real. So, I like living around lots of other gay and lesbian people because it helps me feel safer. Lakeview, where I live, used to have many more gay men in it that is the case today. I don't like this trend, mostly because I don't like change.
    Looking at the big picture, however, I hope that newer generations of gays and lesbians won't be treated any differently, nor will they think of themselves any differently, than straights. It will mean the end of the gay community I am comfortable with, but it will mean a better life for everyone.