How do you get over a possible relationship?

  • Kromethius

    Posts: 156

    Aug 17, 2012 3:33 AM GMT
    Basically I have made forums posts about this before and guys thanks for your advice and input but I'm still madly attached to this one guy. essentially we got into a fight right before he was going to give me his number and visit here to hang out and I feel like I keep screwing up possible relationships when i have the best of intentions and right now im getting ready for college to be an electrical engineering but I just am so worried about if he is ok I don't have any way to contact him and he hasn't been online since and i'm losing my mind. and what is he thinking about and who was right or wrong I told him promising things that I feel will no longer be able to fulfill due to this detachment. If i had the money I would try to show him how much I care and how sorry I am even if its not my fault I just can't shake this feeling that I have since I reserved a place for him in my heart.
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    Aug 17, 2012 3:38 AM GMT
    Where's the punctuation?
    tumblr_m8v8rh2n6c1re2hy1o2_250.gif

    Anyway, you guys were never in a relationship. If he wants to detach himself from you then you should just let it be. I haven't dug into your other posts yet but have you met this guy in real life?
  • Kromethius

    Posts: 156

    Aug 17, 2012 3:49 AM GMT
    No i haven't and im sorry about the punctuation, but no we were just about to but i told him i have trust issues since he didn't have his phone so when he didn't call before he went on his trip i got worried and didn't know what to think.
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    Aug 17, 2012 3:49 AM GMT
    Alright I read your other topics and I'm going to assume they're all about the same guy.
    I think you're attached to this idea of the guy and are hung up on the fiction of what "could be."
    It is not a relationship. Not even close. You've only known him strictly online and for a little over a month.
    You're obviously getting played if he's limiting your communications to him and if he keeps on flaking out on you.
    Time to let go of the fantasy, I think. There are other real physical guys out there.
  • Kromethius

    Posts: 156

    Aug 17, 2012 3:53 AM GMT
    I know i need a slap of reality, but I can't I heard his mom sometimes when he would borrow her phone for a bit and this feeling of adoration for what he has been through from having an abusive ex his mom had breast cancer and his father left him, I feel something deeper than sympathy I truly want to soothe every negative feeling he has and take care of him. Also, I have never been in love or in a relationship, he is the only one that gave me these feelings.
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    Aug 17, 2012 3:56 AM GMT
    This wasn't an actually relationship yet and you have not meet him in real life yet. I think your might be romanticizing what "could have been". You could have meet him and he could have been a total douche. Try not to see it as too big of a loss. You didnt really know the full package yet anyway. Anyone that has meet people off line know that alot of time, the people you image your meeting are often not what you get
  • Kromethius

    Posts: 156

    Aug 17, 2012 4:00 AM GMT
    I guess you are right in that sense. Im just so worried about being single all the time because I go to Texas A&M and last year I experienced racism and guys told me online they don't want anything serious from me just sex because I'm black so i did resort to camming for my insecurities. It's just when he came into my life partially, I was able to put camming aside but now that its all over I feel like I'm going to be lonely again this year.
  • Kriss

    Posts: 690

    Aug 17, 2012 4:03 AM GMT
    I am going to be blunt because I hear a decent amount of what if? From people I know, if he is making it harder for you to contact him then whats the point. You are still young get that clear first. Seems like you got into an argument no idea what but once again your young it happens regardless you are not in a relationship and this guy obviously knows it. It would be better if you just drop it and simply move on. Its kind of cruel for me to say but its true, cut contact and simply LET IT GO. The problem with alot of young people (myself included) is that we like no correction we LOVE to fantasize about potential things, but reality is a cruel thing what you need to do is focus on this transition into college and getting school going. If he is not trying to connect or talk to you in any manner then the problem is on your end. He decided to stop contact and withhold himself if it was meant to happen maybe he'll pop up again until then enjoy college.
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    Aug 17, 2012 4:05 AM GMT
    MIS37 saidI guess you are right in that sense. Im just so worried about being single all the time because I go to Texas A&M and last year I experienced racism and guys told me online they don't want anything serious from me just sex because I'm black so i did resort to camming for my insecurities. It's just when he came into my life partially, I was able to put camming aside but now that its all over I feel like I'm going to be lonely again this year.


    Everyone has their hang-ups its part of life dude. You cant let stuff like that get you down. Im not sure how things are in the Texas A&M area but you should go out and try to meet people face to face instead of online. At least that way you know who your talking to first hand
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    Aug 17, 2012 4:07 AM GMT
    Krisle1 saidI am going to be blunt because I hear a decent amount of what if? From people I know, if he is making it harder for you to contact him then whats the point. You are still young get that clear first. Seems like you got into an argument no idea what but once again your young it happens regardless you are not in a relationship and this guy obviously knows it. It would be better if you just drop it and simply move on. Its kind of cruel for me to say but its true, cut contact and simply LET IT GO. The problem with alot of young people (myself included) is that we like no correction we LOVE to fantasize about potential things, but reality is a cruel thing what you need to do is focus on this transition into college and getting school going. If he is not trying to connect or talk to you in any manner then the problem is on your end. He decided to stop contact and withhold himself if it was meant to happen maybe he'll pop up again until then enjoy college.


    +1
  • Kromethius

    Posts: 156

    Aug 17, 2012 4:10 AM GMT
    there's literally no where else to meet guys though. At gyms people just want to work out obviously, at bars everyone just wants to hook up and plus everyone already slept with eachother.
  • Kriss

    Posts: 690

    Aug 17, 2012 4:11 AM GMT
    oh don't worry about being single. No one is EVER ready for a relationship as they think they are. Once again generalizing that statement. You will find that being young puts you at a disadvantage with most people, because your just at the point in your life where nobody is going to be trying to take you on as relationship material. You know what you want but your going to have to be alot more confident. I cant really say much in terms of handling racism except hold your head up and keep going, stay focused and ignore the people that don't have any effect on your life. (Unless they try to harm you or your loved ones then you KICK THEIR ASS.)

    But yes indeed your young! Enjoy life, you can't be hung up too much on these things let it happen naturally. Don't try to force it you'll just find yourself in bad spots and with guys looking for a quickie.
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    Aug 17, 2012 4:12 AM GMT
    sorry to tell you that, but I think you fell in love with your imagination of him

    it's not a real relationship. when you're older you'll understand
  • Kromethius

    Posts: 156

    Aug 17, 2012 4:17 AM GMT
    you guys are awesome but you keep saying that I'm too young this too young that. In our conversations I have been the mature one I've asked him serious questions as in if he is ready for one since he had all those issues with his family, how do you know I'm the one, you don't know a thing about me so what if im not what you expect? I asked him all these questions as if it were an interrogation and yet he soared passed them with flying colors which is why i felt eager and confident about him.
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    Aug 17, 2012 4:17 AM GMT
    First,,, you actually needed to have had a relationship to get over.... icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Aug 17, 2012 4:24 AM GMT
    MIS37 saidyou guys are awesome but you keep saying that I'm too young this too young that. In our conversations I have been the mature one I've asked him serious questions as in if he is ready for one since he had all those issues with his family, how do you know I'm the one, you don't know a thing about me so what if im not what you expect? I asked him all these questions as if it were an interrogation and yet he soared passed them with flying colors which is why i felt eager and confident about him.

    Oy

    Why do some young guys always think that they're "mature"?

    No matter how mature you think you are, having read stories and conjured up fantasies, it will never beat having had the experience of it. Your reactions of "not letting go" and keep having your OCDish obsession are the perfect indicators that you're not as mature as you claim it to be, yet.
  • Kromethius

    Posts: 156

    Aug 17, 2012 4:26 AM GMT
    its just I didn't know what i was getting myself into on this site, I guess you can say I feel a tad insecure because I don't feel handsome enough to find anyone as good as him. Since everyone usually goes for looks first online I feel like no one will know the type of person i am.
  • Kriss

    Posts: 690

    Aug 17, 2012 4:28 AM GMT
    MIS37 saidyou guys are awesome but you keep saying that I'm too young this too young that. In our conversations I have been the mature one I've asked him serious questions as in if he is ready for one since he had all those issues with his family, how do you know I'm the one, you don't know a thing about me so what if im not what you expect? I asked him all these questions as if it were an interrogation and yet he soared passed them with flying colors which is why i felt eager and confident about him.


    when I say young I am merely talking about your actual age not the state of mentality or maturity. For all I know it sounds like your an old soul simply waiting for your other half to join you in this life. What I mean is you have awhile, (so do I) before your life will be at a point where you will legitametely be able to feel, and say oh god I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO FIND ANYONE. To many people are hooked on this idea of being with someone. (I was for awhile until I took a step back and realized at this point in my life that cannot be happening.) It's like a fantasy that has affected far FAR FAR to many people our age with an idea that "Oh this person is the one they are so handsome, charming etc. They get me they understand me." well 90% of the time the other person is thinking "Oh boy this is gonna be one good fuck." Your just gonna have to take it slow, live and learn. Like I said you know what you want but sometimes we can't always get what we want right away. Its really strange but think of it like when you were a kid and realized that you couldn't get the things you wanted right away. You had to work for it this is alot like that. Focus on yourself, and take some advice. ANYONE, or at least any person with a head on their shoulders and a functioning brain can pass an interrogational session of questions. They might not get it all exactly right but they will pass why!? because this is the INTERNET EVERYTHING IS TO ANDROGYNOUS for us to actually get a REAL FEELING for a person. Unless your talking face to face and reading their body language and seeing facial expression your not gonna get a good idea of what they are actually thinking. so you have to always be aware of that.
  • Kromethius

    Posts: 156

    Aug 17, 2012 4:30 AM GMT
    I guess thats part of my insecurity, I feel like im not attractive enough to find someone else. I mean look at every guy on this site...everyone goes for looks first then delves deeper to their personality but i feel like I have no other chance to find anyone since I found him online by camming.
  • Kriss

    Posts: 690

    Aug 17, 2012 4:32 AM GMT
    MIS37 saidits just I didn't know what i was getting myself into on this site, I guess you can say I feel a tad insecure because I don't feel handsome enough to find anyone as good as him. Since everyone usually goes for looks first online I feel like no one will know the type of person i am.


    Biggest advice right here. I don't know why you feel that way or your actual reasoning behind this but sit down. Figure out exactly WHO you are, WHAT you want in life and WHERE you are in life right now. QUESTION yourself. KNOW yourself BEFORE trying to open up and jump into ANYTHING with ANYONE. Work on your confidence and its is NOT AS EASY as it sounds HELL NO. It really isnt but DO the things you love, and work your way up man. People will go for looks online its common dont worry about it, just relax and take it slow. When you know yourself and are completely comfortable then people that are attracted towards you because of your personality will gravitate towards that.
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    Aug 17, 2012 4:32 AM GMT
    MIS37 saidits just I didn't know what i was getting myself into on this site, I guess you can say I feel a tad insecure because I don't feel handsome enough to find anyone as good as him. Since everyone usually goes for looks first online I feel like no one will know the type of person i am.

    You're very good looking

    srly
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Aug 17, 2012 4:33 AM GMT
    It amazes me how many people think that there is just ONE person available to them.

    If it was meant to be, it would have worked out.
    And, it would have worked out with little or no effort.

    Your real "Mr. Right" will have a hell of a time finding you, as long as you spend day after day, obsessed over a regret and a wish that will never be.
  • Kromethius

    Posts: 156

    Aug 17, 2012 4:36 AM GMT
    but bars clubs and lgbt groups don't work ive tried i just don't feel handsome enough to compare to the guys on here and when i do find someone it just feels like i screw it up.
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Aug 17, 2012 10:30 AM GMT
    you turn off your computer
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Aug 17, 2012 11:00 AM GMT
    MIS37 saidbut bars clubs and lgbt groups don't work ive tried i just don't feel handsome enough to compare to the guys on here and when i do find someone it just feels like i screw it up.


    Stop sabotaging yourself....it works wonders. icon_wink.gif